The league is intent to argue that Deflategate, our collective descent into sports-chatter hell, was borne from principled respect for the rules and isn’t about the ruination of a proven winner. But if you’re going to take that view, then you have to explain why a similar stink wasn’t raised, for instance, when both the Minnesota Vikings and Carolina Panthers were found to be
heating their balls on the sidelines during a chilly game they played against each other last November. While almost everyone enjoys warm balls, this sort of equipment manipulation is against NFL rules, which raises the question: Why do the Vikings and Panthers have such a deep-seated disregard for fair play? Are they nihilists? They’re probably nihilists.
It’s also hard to figure—as far as integrity is concerned—why a multi-million-dollar investigation didn’t spring from the godhead of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell after the San Diego Chargers were caught
applying a sticky, grip-enhancing substance to towels in 2012. Can you imagine befouling a league-approved towel in this manner? It’s almost as if the Chargers don’t even believe in society! When officials noticed the infraction, the San Diego staff tried to conceal their sticky towels, and for this the NFL fined the team $20,000, because Goodell wanted to get a real close look at the Chargers’ sticky towels.
Aside from the fine for hiding their shame, though, there wasn’t any punishment for the Chargers, nor for the Vikings and Panthers. (ESPN’s superb Patriots beat reporter, Mike Reiss, raised this
in a Sunday column.) Unlike the Patriots, those teams’ infractions were not construed to threaten the fabric of our nation’s value system. Roger’s crew just told the rule-bending knuckleheads to cut it out already, you scamps! “What a bunch of dirty tricksters!” the nation agreed. Yet when the Patriots got caught deflating their balls, that was one masturbation metaphor too many. “Cheating is cheating!” the partisans cried, knowing that this particular tautology granted them sports-debate superpowers. (Try it yourself!)
What’s the difference between the Vikings/Panthers/Chargers and the Patriots? The Patriots have won a Super Bowl, and also, their name has three syllables. Now, it could be that the NFL has it out for teams with three syllables—they’re so much harder to pronounce. But I think this is more about the Super Bowls: four of them, won by New England, all recently. It isn’t a principled stand about the sanctity of the rules, nor is it even about the Patriots specifically. It’s about any single team winning a lot, which is a continued irritation for the majority of fans—not to mention the majority of the league’s owners.