OT: the Tao of Married life | Page 3 | The Boneyard

OT: the Tao of Married life

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anybody troll their wives?
Its fun. Can I let you in on a game? Have we talked about this here yet? I cant remember.

Try this the next time you are exchanging mundane texts with your wife:

take just any phrase randomly you are typing and put it in caps. The resulting melts are endless and hilarious.

post your results here.
 
Kitaman said:
So my main issue with the Mrs. is private time (or me time) away from the house/her. Not that I don't like her company its just that I have always been independent and rogue at times.

Here's an illustration.

Ok sometimes I like to get in my car and go nowhere, just drive and end up where the road takes me, by myself and with my tunes. Probably about once a month. Been doing it since I learned how to drive. A couple of hours of me time (e.g. driving range, drive the open road, read book by the water, cigar, play golf, watch sports at lounge, etc...).

Me: Put on coat, grab car keys "I'm heading out, see you in a couple"
She: "Where you going?"
Me: "Nowhere really"
She: "What do you mean nowhere?"
Me: "I don't know, anywhere, somewhere"
She: "You can't tell me?"
Me: "No because I really don't know"
She: "WELL THEN CAN I COME WITH YOU???"

For decades we keep having this conversation, I say no (meaning 'hell no') a lot and come home to an argument or cold shoulder without fail. She knows this is what I do and yet she keeps asking to come.

Ok let's reverse this:

She: "I'm heading out, see you in a couple"
Me: "Okay see you later, have fun"
She: "I won't be too long"
Me: "Take your time" (trying hard to not make this sound like an order, which it is)

She comes home to a happy and rested husband without fail.
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You know she thinks you are having an affair, right?

What is worse, she discusses it with her friends, and they are all quite sure you are. You probably get dirty looks from them time to time. Oh and maybe a friendly one. Keep an eye out for the last one.

Just sayin.
 
You know us divorced guys read/hear stuff like this and giggle like crazy, right?

And don't believe the "cheaper to keep her" nonsense. I fully recovered financially in 2-3 years and have since more than "recovered" tenfold. Remember....the cost for divorce, lawyers, child support/alimony is far, far less than their stupid monthly expenditures.

p.s. - If you have any specific divorce questions, make sure you get them to me this week. I'm in Aruba all of next week. Tee hee hee.
 
August_West said:
anybody troll their wives?
Its fun. Can I let you in on a game? Have we talked about this here yet? I cant remember.

Try this the next time you are exchanging mundane texts with your wife:

take just any phrase randomly you are typing and put it in caps. The resulting melts are endless and hilarious.

post your results here.
Expand ...
Asking her "So, what did you do today?" usually does the trick for me.
 
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How about openly texting in front of your wife and basically getting the "Who are you texting?" question every freakin time? I'm texting in front of you honey I promise it's not my mistress for crying out loud!:eek:
 
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Deepster should of had your divorce attorney. I lost everything I had built for 20 years and had to sell a good business so I could get a house after my home was handed to her. All came down at 50 so little time to recover, at a younger age I agree you can bounce back. I am not starving and I have the most precious thing my freedom. Also two great kids that are grown and have good jobs. Life is good and I smile a lot more.
 
My buddy had a hot thing on the side back a long time ago and it was going hot and heavy for a while. Then he got the ultimatum from her, never caught, and decided to talk to his buddy the lawyer about the situation. Needless to say for financial reasons he dropped the hottie and is still "happily" married and with technology now stays on the good side of his marriage for sure.;)
 
mauconnfan said:
My buddy had a hot thing on the side back a long time ago and it was going hot and heavy for a while. Then he got the ultimatum from her, never caught, and decided to talk to his buddy the lawyer about the situation. Needless to say for financial reasons he dropped the hottie and is still "happily" married and with technology now stays on the good side of his marriage for sure.;)
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Your "buddy," eh?
 
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UconnFanNVa said:
This is because they enjoyed being groped! They just wanted to appear to be disgusted! You took away their excuse and thus took away their gropes... you killed their fun. Bad guy! lol
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No kidding. They were 1) women, 2) alphas (MBA programs attract that sort of people, myself included) and 3) 7 of the 10 was the stereotypical American tourist and one other was from Asia getting her MBA on Daddy's credit card. By the time we got to Paris, I wanted to kill most of them. We a free Sunday in Paris and we talked about going out as a group. I gave a few suggestions along with 1 of the other guys and 1 of the non so clueless women. It went to a committee. After a hour, I stood-up and told them that I had been to Paris many times, knew how to get around and offered to take anyone with me. Thus, I went by myself. The next day at breakfast we're all suited-up for the MBA stuff and the other two guys look like they want to punch someone and most of the girls have the knives out. I ask what's wrong. Apparently, an hour after I left, they finally 'agreed' to take the subway and go visit the area around Notre Dame and the Left Bank. Well, they couldn't find the subway, got lost and wound-up walking in a circle through the red light district (they did find Moulin Rouge, LOL). They then asked me what I did. I noted I found the subway, went up to Sacre-Cour and the Dali Museum in the morning and then took another subway, went up the Eiffel Tower, had lunch (ham & cheese baguette) lounging at Champ de Mars before making my way to Musee d'Orsay. I then had dinner on the left bank and went to a typical Parisian dive pub in the Latin Quarter (to watch a EuroCup quarterfinal) before heading back to the hotel. If looks could kill. Out of curiosity (definitely not self-preservation), I asked about the 'subway' thing. The queen alpha apparently decided the way to find the 'subway' was to look for signs saying 'subway.' Our hotel was a block from Grand Boulevards, which is like 6th Ave in NYC or Boyslton St in Boston, a subways station every 5 or so blocks. So, I had to ask if they saw stairwells along the main road with the word 'Metro' written above. She answered was yes; but, she insisted that was not the subway. I kept my mouth shut; but, several of her classmates were ready to waterboard her on the spot.

PS - On a proud note, later that week, I made it to the Printemps nearby and splurged a bit on the GF by buying a very nice, simple yet elegant black dress that fit using my elementary level French skills and with some help from a very nice young sales lady. My then wife wore it on our honeymoon, which included Paris, and can still fit in it today.
 
mauconnfan said:
How about openly texting in front of your wife and basically getting the "Who are you texting?" question every freakin time? I'm texting in front of you honey I promise it's not my mistress for crying out loud!:eek:
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That's when you answer with, "my mistress".
 
intlzncster said:
That's when you answer with, "my mistress".
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Well I can't. But I'm still not the guy who checked with a lawyer despite what 8893 thinks he figured out.

But I do say "here check it out" once in a while.
 
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chalk1 said:
Deepster should of had your divorce attorney. I lost everything I had built for 20 years and had to sell a good business so I could get a house after my home was handed to her. All came down at 50 so little time to recover, at a younger age I agree you can bounce back. I am not starving and I have the most precious thing my freedom. Also two great kids that are grown and have good jobs. Life is good and I smile a lot more.
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Congrats on clawing your way out of the lions cage.
 
Husky25 said:
These have been around a while, but they seem more than apt for this thread...

1. Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
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I have had a beard for about 45 of the 51 years we've been married. About once every month or two, my wife will tell me it needs trimming. She will also tell me that she has never liked my beard, and she wishes I would shave it off, "...after all, you didn't have it when we met, or I never would have dated you, and you're supposed to dress and groom yourself to please me, not yourself."

To which I invariably reply, "When we met, and when we got married, your hair was down to the middle of your back. I would never have asked you out if you had your hair cut that short." Of course the part about never asking her out is a lie, but I'm just trying to make a point.

She then follows up with, "Long hair is too much trouble to take care of, I don't have time to deal with that."

And I tell her that shaving every day is too much hassle, and I don't have time to deal with that, and anyway, she's supposed to groom herself to make me happy, and blah, blah, blah, because by this time, she has left the room angry.
 
My wife decided to take over the big TV Sunday morning just as the kids and I were about to watch Syracuse's loss highlights a few hundred times.

I said "What are you doing?"

She said "I need the TV for 1.5 hours to do my workout."

I said "what workout?" because it was news to me.

She said "21 Day Fix."

I said, "It won't work. Those gimmicks never do."

She called me an .

I said "See, it's not fixing anything already. It's actually making things worse."

She said "I do it for you, you know."

I said "I'd rather you tone up your arms and legs a little by doing laundry once and while."

It's in the basement. She never does it. And pretended like she did before we got married.

She still won't talk to me but we got the TV. The kids felt it was worth it too. Start'em young, raise'em right.
 
UconnFanNVa said:
It goes to teach a valuable lesson though. Truly pick your battles, because to prove your point you are going to have to suffer severely before/IF she see's the point you are trying to make. In most cases, take the hit, suffer in silence, internalize your pain! Drink alcohol, smoke cigars, listen to Charlie Parker or Stan Getz something when you can and let the irrational stuff fade away! If you dont have a drink or smoking habit i strongly suggest developing one.
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Exactly, hence the drive to nowhere, somewhere or anywhere ("but here"), it works. You may lose a lot of battles but hell its nice actually winning wars by not being there to fight.
 
Fishy said:
You really should be thrown out of your houses and into the street.
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Hell, no problem with that here. I happily throw myself out and jump into my car, with my tunes heading to . . . . . . . .
 
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mauconnfan said:
How about openly texting in front of your wife and basically getting the "Who are you texting?" question every freakin time? I'm texting in front of you honey I promise it's not my mistress for crying out loud!:eek:
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Mine is sneaky/slick, texting in front of her gets an immediate kiss and a hug. Its like ringing a freakin bell. I rather be asked like you than to get a fake insincere hug and peck (I mean peek).
 
mauconnfan said:
How about openly texting in front of your wife and basically getting the "Who are you texting?" question every freakin time? I'm texting in front of you honey I promise it's not my mistress for crying out loud!:eek:
Expand ...
Could be your avatar...!
 
If something is downstairs that my wife wants upstairs, she doesn't ask me to bring it upstairs, she puts it on the stairs. Like some damn test, if the test were also a tripping hazard.

We have a "junk drawer" in the kitchen. I cleaned it out a year ago, and now it's filled to the brim with again. God forbid I point out that I haven't put anything new in that drawer in the last year.
 
Stephen Hawking once said "Women. They are a complete mystery to me." This from the guy that wrote a book on "Time". So if he can't figure them out, what the hell kind of prayer do us average schmos have?
 
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