OT: the Tao of Married life

[August_West]

Straying from a food thread.

This just happened to me this afternoon running around doing errands.

My wife yells at me ( rightly so, it's dangerous) when I occasionally check text messages while driving. I'm pretty good about not doing it but I'm on call 24/7 for my job and sometimes need a glance .

Anyway, today my wife starts sending me all kinds of messages, which I don't answer (because I'm driving ) and then sent 5 follow ups berating me for not answering her. The rub there is she KNEW I was driving.
When I finally called her and explained my eureka moment of her female hypocrisy, she somehow stayed convinced that this case was different.

What things does your spouse do that make want you to check yourself into the puzzle factory?

 

[August_West]

By the way isn't it hard to text with paws?

Siri, Bro

 

[UconnFanNVa]

Ha! Sounds like the sound track of my life. Which sounds a lot like the curb theme song.

 

[uchusky32]

Siri, Bro

Ok West, they hit me with language.

So for all of you who missed it what I said was, when dealing with your wife, when you're wrong you're wrong. When you're right play it off like you're wrong or your wife will remember all the stuff you did the last 20 years.

 

[BigErnMcCracken]

 

[8893]

I'll bet anything you heard some variation of:

"Oh please. You know you would have answered immediately if it was one of your [music/sports/beer/food/"internet"] buddies."

And I'll double-down that she's got a less than 50% timely response rate for your texts, because she: "didn't get your text until later for some reason;" "must not have had reception;" or "must have had my phone off and didn't know it."

 

[TheRogers]

"....it's the champagne of victory!"

Lol...

 

[uchusky32]

Mac, what lecture did you get when you got thrown out that game?

 

[BigErnMcCracken]

Mac, what lecture did you get when you got thrown out that game?

Fortunately she was not in attendance so I had some leeway in the retelling.

 

[intlzncster]

Fortunately she was not in attendance so I had some leeway in the retelling.

I take it she's never actually seen the (glorious) video.

 

[DCHuskyFan]

The wife double standard. I say something, and I get criticized. She says the same thing, and I don't criticize her because I could care less she said it. However, I point out the double standard. Never ends well.

 

[Robertelamin]

Pictures?

 

[BigErnMcCracken]

I take it she's never actually seen the (glorious) video.

That would, unfortunately, be an incorrect assumption.

 

[Chin Diesel]

I was going to hardware store to get a couple of new sprinkler heads (Spoiler alert: total cost for sprinkler parts was $30. I'll take that every year).

I'm heading home when Mrs. Diesel calls. I answer on Bluetooth.

Here's the conversation.

Mrs- Are you still at hardware store?
Me- No. I'm about two minutes from being home.

20 seconds of silence.

Mrs- Fine.

I get home and am informed I was a dick on phone.

 

[uchusky32]

That would, unfortunately, be an incorrect assumption.

I would have went to my stand by, "it wasn't me", then I would have went to the back up, "how. . . What. . . When. . . Who. . .?"

 

[boog204]

The wife double standard. I say something, and I get criticized. She says the same thing, and I don't criticize her because I could care less she said it. However, I point out the double standard. Never ends well.

This, this, this, and this... I've only been married a few years so I'm still learning. But the double standard thing drives me absolutely insane. My problem is I only bring it up not when she does it but when she criticizes me for doing it. As you state, this does not end well.

 

[Rico444]

I'd love to jump in with some funny quip about my wife, but I'll be honest: she puts up with more s#!t from me than I do with her, and it's not close. She's pretty low-maintenence, and I can be kind of hard to deal with when UConn or the Mets have a rough night.

 

[BluffCityHsky]

A wise man (who I thought was insane when he told me this) told me before I got married that the best way to keep the peace was to always get the last words in....he then said they're "Yes Dear".....problem is my wife knows I'm patronizing her when I pull that so I lose anyways, I'll never learn to just comply.

 

[storrsroars]

What is it with female brain circuitry that they remember every detail about everything?

 

[WhereistheDove?]

What is it with female brain circuitry that they remember every detail about everything?

Not everything.... Definitely not everything. Convenient details. Those details tend to get super fuzzy when it doesn't support them.

 

[ScottBonz]

This, this, this, and this... I've only been married a few years so I'm still learning. But the double standard thing drives me absolutely insane. My problem is I only bring it up not when she does it but when she criticizes me for doing it. As you state, this does not end well.

+100

 

[YearoftheHusky]

Ironically, she tells me to choose my battles.

And then she gets mad at me when that was the battle I chose to choose.

That's annoying.

 

[WhereistheDove?]

I'd love to jump in with some funny quip about my wife, but I'll be honest: she puts up with more s#!t from me than I do with her, and it's not close. She's pretty low-maintenence, and I can be kind of hard to deal with when UConn or the Mets have a rough night.

For this you shall get no likes due to our collective jealousy and spite.

 

[Fishy]

I get very little grief from my wife - far less than I deserve, any way. I must be incredibly annoying to deal with and she rarely complains.

The only exceptions would be....

1) She'll routinely expect me to be at places where I'd need a rocket ship to even have a chance. If I'm an hour away, she'll ask if I can be home in 45 minutes. Even if you have a very solid reason for saying no, like not owning a helicopter, I feel like you still get perceived demerit for having said no.

2) This has happened before but it just happened now and it involves you people. Nights after UConn games I tend to get a lot of texts and no matter which one of my friends sent it, the Boneyard gets blamed...zls just texted me about the hockey game and my wife half-woke up on the couch and said, "Oh, would you please tell that stupid website to go to bed."

 

[TheRogers]

I get very little grief from my wife - far less than I deserve, any way. I must be incredibly annoying to deal with and she rarely complains.

The only exceptions would be....

1) She'll routinely expect me to be at places where I'd need a rocket ship to even have a chance. If I'm an hour away, she'll ask if I can be home in 45 minutes. Even if you have a very solid reason for saying no, like not owning a helicopter, I feel like you still get perceived demerit for having said no.

2) This has happened before but it just happened now and it involves you people. Nights after UConn games I tend to get a lot of texts and no matter which one of my friends sent it, the Boneyard gets blamed...zls just texted me about the hockey game and my wife half-woke up on the couch and said, "Oh, would you please tell that stupid website to go to bed."

That's just great. Mrs. Fishy will go on her own throat punching rampage....