OT: the Tao of Married life

[chalk1]

Wow, been divorced for over 15 years and remember all this stuff written through these pages. I've got to say I really enough my life once I learned to be single again and revert back to what a man is really about. The freedom to do what I want when I want is priceless, however the cost to gain the freedom was financially crippling. At least in CT. So if your happy give her what ever she wants because she will get it either way. As they say it's cheaper to keep her. Things I miss is regular sex, things I don't miss is the price to get it.

 

[The Funster]

Two words for a successful marriage are "wood chipper"

 

[intlzncster]

Besides being illogical, my wife is left handed, I'm right handed. Our brains do not function similarly. Trying to get her opinion on installing some wainscoting I was doing I had to walk away from the conversation multiple times. I speak math and she speaks scientific theory. (Slams head against wall)

That one is on you though. Asking her opinion on 'how to install' anything is madness.

 

[UconnFanNVa]

Even before married life, women drove me nuts. I took a summer study session abroad as part of my MBA program and spent 3 weeks touring Europe with 13 classmates - 10 women, 3 men. About half of the women were married and 1 of the men in the group was while I had a serious GF, who is my wife now, and was a good boy. So after our classes and stuff ends, the entire group ends up at a bar in Rembrandtplein in Amsterdam. I've been to Amsterdam and other places in Europe well before the serious GF walked into my life so I know how this places work. All of the girls end-up tipsy and dancing on stage. Long before twerking became a thing, dancing close to any guy in Europe was an open invite for the guy to grab anything he could. Well, the girls, who were not used to Europe quickly found out. Every few minutes, one of the girls could grab me or the other married guy (we had found a pool table) and asked us to help get rid of some dirty pervert. After about an hour of this, I was so freaking annoyed that I left the bar, went next door to Smokey Joe's and had a very nice local smoke. Thirty minutes later, I walk back to the bar and literally, 5 seconds in, one of the married girls is asking me yet again to tell some guy to take a hike. I grab a bunch of them, both the married ones and the single ones, and laid down the law. "Listen, we are in Europe, not the States. In Europe, if you bump & grind with a guy here, he's going to take it as an open invite to grab as much of your rack and tail as he can. If you don't want him to have his hands all over your, don't dance." I then walked away, happily buzzed and went back to playing pool and yelling at the TV (the EuroCup was going on at that time, Amsterdam was a bit wild for it). The girls barely talked to me outside of classwork for a good week, just in time for them to get mad at me again in Paris.

This is because they enjoyed being groped! They just wanted to appear to be disgusted! You took away their excuse and thus took away their gropes... you killed their fun. Bad guy! lol

 

[UconnFanNVa]

I still vividly remember the one argument ive won in my 11 year relationship with my wife. I'm sure it was by technicality but damn it, I won one. I swear I did.

Besides being illogical, my wife is left handed, I'm right handed. Our brains do not function similarly. Trying to get her opinion on installing some wainscoting I was doing I had to walk away from the conversation multiple times. I speak math and she speaks scientific theory. (Slams head against wall)

I'm ambidextrous, pretty much nobody thinks like me! So i'm all the way screwed. We had to clean a bed room the other day, and there was alot of crap to be sorted through. I said, look if we are going to do this together, we are going to do it my way, its called a fast clean. Can you listen to me? She reluctantly said yes. step one move all of the stuff out of the room. Step 2, move everything to where it need to be moved to. step 3 clean the room. step 4, put everything back in its place and get rid of trash. She did it and we knocked it out in under an hour. She couldnt admit that it was the best cleaning job we had ever done together but i think she knows.

I've let her do her thing before while i do my thing in the same room. I moved 2 dressers and then started dusting while spent 20 minutes sorting needles. If i say nothing she will sort needles for an hour, and then she'll look up and see that the room and clean and she'll huff like she is exhausted from all the hard work and say something like I'm glad we got that room cleaned, I'm tired now (and my head will be ready to explode from anger but i have to smile and say me too). Instead i politely said, we can sort through needles later, there is alot more that needs to be done first. She FLIPPED out on me and was mad at me for about a week after that for suggesting that she wasn't doing anything.

 

[8893]

Sorting needles?

Learn something new every day.

 

[August_West]

Sorting needles?

Learn something new every day.

terrible connotation there

 

[8893]

terrible connotation there

I know what you're thinking, but I really have no idea what the OP was talking about. Sewing needles? People have that many of them that they need to be sorted? For more than an hour?!?

 

[Fishy]

In reading through all of these posts and trying to make sense of all of your complaints and issues, I'm pretty sure the problem is that you are all horribly flawed people.

You really should be thrown out of your houses and into the street.

The needle-sorting guy scares me.

 

[UconnFanNVa]

In reading through all of these posts and trying to make sense of all of your complaints and issues, I'm pretty sure the problem is that you are all horribly flawed people.

You really should be thrown out of your houses and into the street.

My wife wouldn't allow it

 

[Fishy]

My wife wouldn't allow it

She can't - who would sort the needles?

 

[August_West]

anybody troll their wives?
Its fun. Can I let you in on a game? Have we talked about this here yet? I cant remember.

Try this the next time you are exchanging mundane texts with your wife:

take just any phrase randomly you are typing and put it in caps. The resulting melts are endless and hilarious.

post your results here.

 

[uchusky32]

Two words for a successful marriage are "wood chipper"

Just keep this law firm on speed dial "Smith & Wesson"

 

[CL82]

So my main issue with the Mrs. is private time (or me time) away from the house/her. Not that I don't like her company its just that I have always been independent and rogue at times.

Here's an illustration.

Ok sometimes I like to get in my car and go nowhere, just drive and end up where the road takes me, by myself and with my tunes. Probably about once a month. Been doing it since I learned how to drive. A couple of hours of me time (e.g. driving range, drive the open road, read book by the water, cigar, play golf, watch sports at lounge, etc...).

Me: Put on coat, grab car keys "I'm heading out, see you in a couple"
She: "Where you going?"
Me: "Nowhere really"
She: "What do you mean nowhere?"
Me: "I don't know, anywhere, somewhere"
She: "You can't tell me?"
Me: "No because I really don't know"
She: "WELL THEN CAN I COME WITH YOU???"

For decades we keep having this conversation, I say no (meaning 'hell no') a lot and come home to an argument or cold shoulder without fail. She knows this is what I do and yet she keeps asking to come.

Ok let's reverse this:

She: "I'm heading out, see you in a couple"
Me: "Okay see you later, have fun"
She: "I won't be too long"
Me: "Take your time" (trying hard to not make this sound like an order, which it is)

She comes home to a happy and rested husband without fail.

You know she thinks you are having an affair, right?

What is worse, she discusses it with her friends, and they are all quite sure you are. You probably get dirty looks from them time to time. Oh and maybe a friendly one. Keep an eye out for the last one.

Just sayin.

 

[Deepster]

You know us divorced guys read/hear stuff like this and giggle like crazy, right?

And don't believe the "cheaper to keep her" nonsense. I fully recovered financially in 2-3 years and have since more than "recovered" tenfold. Remember....the cost for divorce, lawyers, child support/alimony is far, far less than their stupid monthly expenditures.

p.s. - If you have any specific divorce questions, make sure you get them to me this week. I'm in Aruba all of next week. Tee hee hee.

 

[8893]

anybody troll their wives?
Its fun. Can I let you in on a game? Have we talked about this here yet? I cant remember.

Try this the next time you are exchanging mundane texts with your wife:

take just any phrase randomly you are typing and put it in caps. The resulting melts are endless and hilarious.

post your results here.

Asking her "So, what did you do today?" usually does the trick for me.

 

[mauconnfan]

How about openly texting in front of your wife and basically getting the "Who are you texting?" question every freakin time? I'm texting in front of you honey I promise it's not my mistress for crying out loud!

 

[CL82]

Asking her "So, what did you do today?" usually does the trick for me.

Big mistake. She might actually tell you.

 

[chalk1]

Deepster should of had your divorce attorney. I lost everything I had built for 20 years and had to sell a good business so I could get a house after my home was handed to her. All came down at 50 so little time to recover, at a younger age I agree you can bounce back. I am not starving and I have the most precious thing my freedom. Also two great kids that are grown and have good jobs. Life is good and I smile a lot more.

 

[mauconnfan]

My buddy had a hot thing on the side back a long time ago and it was going hot and heavy for a while. Then he got the ultimatum from her, never caught, and decided to talk to his buddy the lawyer about the situation. Needless to say for financial reasons he dropped the hottie and is still "happily" married and with technology now stays on the good side of his marriage for sure.

 

[8893]

My buddy had a hot thing on the side back a long time ago and it was going hot and heavy for a while. Then he got the ultimatum from her, never caught, and decided to talk to his buddy the lawyer about the situation. Needless to say for financial reasons he dropped the hottie and is still "happily" married and with technology now stays on the good side of his marriage for sure.

Your "buddy," eh?

 

[mauconnfan]

Your "buddy," eh?

Yes absolutely I have no reason but to be honest with my cyber friends, c'mon 8893.

 

[August_West]

and with technology now stays on the good side of his marriage for sure.

you mean like one of those battery suction thingies?

 

[mauconnfan]

you mean like one of those battery suction thingies?

That and iPhones

 

[DarthGrumpy]

This is because they enjoyed being groped! They just wanted to appear to be disgusted! You took away their excuse and thus took away their gropes... you killed their fun. Bad guy! lol

No kidding. They were 1) women, 2) alphas (MBA programs attract that sort of people, myself included) and 3) 7 of the 10 was the stereotypical American tourist and one other was from Asia getting her MBA on Daddy's credit card. By the time we got to Paris, I wanted to kill most of them. We a free Sunday in Paris and we talked about going out as a group. I gave a few suggestions along with 1 of the other guys and 1 of the non so clueless women. It went to a committee. After a hour, I stood-up and told them that I had been to Paris many times, knew how to get around and offered to take anyone with me. Thus, I went by myself. The next day at breakfast we're all suited-up for the MBA stuff and the other two guys look like they want to punch someone and most of the girls have the knives out. I ask what's wrong. Apparently, an hour after I left, they finally 'agreed' to take the subway and go visit the area around Notre Dame and the Left Bank. Well, they couldn't find the subway, got lost and wound-up walking in a circle through the red light district (they did find Moulin Rouge, LOL). They then asked me what I did. I noted I found the subway, went up to Sacre-Cour and the Dali Museum in the morning and then took another subway, went up the Eiffel Tower, had lunch (ham & cheese baguette) lounging at Champ de Mars before making my way to Musee d'Orsay. I then had dinner on the left bank and went to a typical Parisian dive pub in the Latin Quarter (to watch a EuroCup quarterfinal) before heading back to the hotel. If looks could kill. Out of curiosity (definitely not self-preservation), I asked about the 'subway' thing. The queen alpha apparently decided the way to find the 'subway' was to look for signs saying 'subway.' Our hotel was a block from Grand Boulevards, which is like 6th Ave in NYC or Boyslton St in Boston, a subways station every 5 or so blocks. So, I had to ask if they saw stairwells along the main road with the word 'Metro' written above. She answered was yes; but, she insisted that was not the subway. I kept my mouth shut; but, several of her classmates were ready to waterboard her on the spot.

PS - On a proud note, later that week, I made it to the Printemps nearby and splurged a bit on the GF by buying a very nice, simple yet elegant black dress that fit using my elementary level French skills and with some help from a very nice young sales lady. My then wife wore it on our honeymoon, which included Paris, and can still fit in it today.