AP - Storrs, CT.
Meh McMediocreson will be named new Defensive Coordinator at the University of Connecticut. He will reportedly make $30,000/yr. His sterling resume includes leading ITT Tech to a 2011 top 500 defense in the prestigious tech trade company football conference, creating one takeaway during his 5 year stint as DC, and running a northeast friendly 2-1-3-2-3 prevent defense.
"I'm excited to get this opportunity," McMediocreson said. "The days of UConn giving up touchdowns on the first play from scrimmage are over. My prevent defense will ensure it will take at least 2 plays. And if I have to sneak a few cones or tackling dummies on the field, I will do it."
In an unrelated item, UConn also announced the hiring of a new Tiddly Winks coach who will make a reported $5M/yr and construction on a new on-campus quidditch facility will begin immediately. Estimated cost of the quidditch facility is around $1B.
"It's important for the UConn brand to continue to fund all non-football sports at absurd levels," AD David Benedict said. "The less money we devote to football, the more often UConn Nation can enjoy iconic moments in our program like our coaching staff collapsing to the field in exhaustion and complete bewilderment after barely beating our FCS rivals."
AAC Tiddly Winks chairperson was unavailable for comment.
