OT: the Tao of Married life

[Rico444]

thats genius

Just keep in mind, you're still probably going to get yelled at; you'll just have a little more fun while it happens.

 

[August_West]

Just keep in mind, you're still probably going to get yelled at; you'll just have a little more fun while it happens.

oh, but Im all about trolling the wife. Indeed, might as well make the entire point while eating crap.

 

[UconnAlum04]

If we "need" to celebrate the women-centric 2/14 holiday (V-day), then we also need to celebrate the man-centric 3/14 holiday. It's only fair!

If you don't know about that holiday, shame on you! Google it

 

[Rico444]

oh, but Im all about trolling the wife. Indeed, might as well make the entire point while eating crap.

Just make sure you report back here to fill us in on the details.

 

[8893]

@August_West , one time I was getting sulky because no one paid appropriate attention to my birthday, a long, late, expensive solo lunch at Union League did the trick for me.

 

[CL82]

I was thinking along those lines. But in a more specific manner. There is a new effects pedal I want to buy for my guitar rig. I usually get killed when I spend money on that stuff now unless I run it by her first (and in fairness Ive bought A TON of stuff over the years, too much, so shes not generally wrong to keep me in check), so instead of Verbally throwing it in her face, Im thinking I order the pedal and when it gets delivered and I get the resulting heap of yelling that I say "well its my bday present".

Im trying poke holes in that plan for a vulnerability check, so far it seems pretty sturdy to me.

Wrap it, have the clerk write a card to you from your wife (handwriting) and then stumble onto it. Open it and say "Aw honey, I thought that you had forgotten!" Your the best. It luck is with you, you may get the pedal and guilty sex out of it.

EDIT:

Most of these places have gift wrapping and will enclose a small card with a message if you ask. You should have it wrapped, and have the card say "Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband! Love, Sweetums (or whatever you call her)." Then make a big deal out of it when it shows up on your doorstep. "Oh honey, you shouldn't have! And it's exactly what I wanted!"

Lol, just saw this...great minds...

 

[intlzncster]

just an update.

Still waiting for card and gift. Its now 12 days past bday. Whats the statute of limitations here. Should I give up?

As loopy as your wife apparently is, I say no big deal. What's a silly, materialistic birthday present compared to a daily communion with the Universe on an metaphiscal and spiritual level?

 

[August_West]

As loopy as your wife apparently is, I say no big deal. What's a silly, materialistic birthday present compared to a daily communion with the Universe on an metaphiscal and spiritual level?

Its only silly and materialistic if Im the recipient. She on the other hand has a taste for jewelry especially if involves crystals, spirals, or sacred geometry.,

 

[Deadrody]

Bah, I never worry about that particular Hallmark holiday. I can't count the number of times I've spent father's day coaching, or camping or doing something else that my kids want to do. Being a Dad is one of the great privileges of my life. No one needs to thank me for it. I've been happy to do it. I mean that sincerely.

To be fair, you have to look at it from the horrific perspective of how it would be received if you somehow forgot Mother's Day. Essentially, the apocalypse

i just saw this. Last year i had a similar situation. I think i got my wife like diamond earrings for mothers day? My daughter was only 13 or 14 months at the time. Fathers day rolls around. i get a bunch of texts saying happy fathers day yet nothing from her. Then on the news she hears them say, happy fathers day and she goes, oh, happy father's day. I let that slide... Throughout the day she apologized over and over about not getting me anything for fathers day. Later on she found an excuse to leave the house and got me a card and took some flip flops she had bought me for an upcoming vacation and stuck them in a gift bag (one we already had in the house) and put some tissue on top of it. Happy fathers day!!! I'm still pissed off. I couldnt even express how pissed i was because it wouldnt come out right. I'm debating on not getting her anything this year, or just doing something really small... Could blow up in my face though.

Could ?

 

[UconnFanNVa]

Honestly, I'll down play mothers day and she wont say anything probably. She isnt big on holidays and show appreciation. But she likes it when I do it for her... But if I didnt do it, i dont think she would say or really mind. So maybe we'll go eat lunch or something together and i'll get her a card from me and my daughter and that will be it. Then when fathers day rolls around i'll probably just get a card and something that my daughter made at daycare and that'll be happy fathers day.

 

[DarthGrumpy]

And they'll probably be blue for quiet some time too LOL

Balls? What are those? I think I have seen my twice since I got married 14 years ago.

 

[Hoophound]

All you guys telling August to buy himself a gift and pretend she sent it are nuts. If he does it, she'll blame him for humiliating her. She'll say, "You created and executed this whole plan to mock and embarrass me when you are supposed to love me? Wow, that is messed up. What you've done is just mean and twisted. I just forgot your birthday and.......I didn't really forget it but the night I was going to surprise you with your favorite dinner and sex on the kitchen counter you ditched me for a last minute gig and came home at 4 am. Still, I didn't say that you messed up my whole plan because I didn't want you to feel bad, but I also had the decency not to mock you like some psycho. Sleep on the couch."

Very quickly you will realize the entire thing was your fault and you'll wonder how you could have ever thought otherwise.

 

[huskyharry]

All you guys telling August to buy himself a gift and pretend she sent it are nuts. If he does it, she'll blame him for humiliating her. She'll say, "You created and executed this whole plan to mock and embarrass me when you are supposed to love me? Wow, that is messed up. What you've done is just mean and twisted. I just forgot your birthday and..I didn't really forget it but the night I was going to surprise you with your favorite dinner and sex on the kitchen counter you ditched me for a last minute gig and came home at 4 am. Still, I didn't say that you messed up my whole plan because I didn't want you to feel bad, but I also had the decency not to mock you like some psycho. Sleep on the couch."

Very quickly you will realize the entire thing was your fault and you'll wonder how you could have ever thought otherwise.

Too true...there is no winning in that situation.

I really don't mind if my bday or Father's Day is missed. Meeting the wife's expectation for giving her presents that show that I "really care" has been a major pain in the butt!

 

[Deepster]

Most of these places have gift wrapping and will enclose a small card with a message if you ask. You should have it wrapped, and have the card say "Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband! Love, Sweetums (or whatever you call her)." Then make a big deal out of it when it shows up on your doorstep. "Oh honey, you shouldn't have! And it's exactly what I wanted!"

When I was married, I would buy an expensive bottle of scotch at Christmas and have it wrapped at the package store and make the clerk write my name on the tag and no other name. Then I'd put it under the tree. She bought a million gifts so it always got blended in the shuffle. It was my little treat to tolerate her family at the holidays and she was convinced her uncle bought it for me every year.

 

[Kitaman]

Too true...there is no winning in that situation.

Meeting the wife's expectation for giving her presents that show that I "really care" has been a major pain in the butt!

So true, diamond ain't big enough, car needs another detail, hell upgrading kitchen counters and other rooms count as gifts now, my wife has more jewerly than a pawn shop because of holidays. There is no perfect gift and if you find that one it doesn't last forever. We used to be the perfect and only gift. But somewhere down the line wives started to make us feel we are not perfect (like we were that first year or two).

I'm sure we husbands would be fine just walking naked through that door with a bow on our head and literally say "Happy (Holiday)", clothes optional. And even then it wouldn't be big enough.

 

[Husky25]

So true, diamond ain't big enough, car needs another detail, hell upgrading kitchen counters and other rooms count as gifts now, my wife has more jewerly than a pawn shop because of holidays. There is no perfect gift and if you find that one it doesn't last forever. We used to be the perfect and only gift. But somewhere down the line wives started to make us feel we are not perfect (like we were that first year or two).

I'm sure we husbands would be fine just walking naked through that door with a bow on our head and literally say "Happy (Holiday)", clothes optional. And even then it wouldn't be big enough.

Sounds like a personal problem.

 

[ctchamps]

As I stated above, I hurt my back the night before my wife's birthday. So on Tuesday I had to cancel reservations we made to take her to afternoon tea at the Biltmore Inn. Thursday I felt decent enough and suggested we try to see if we could make it for tea that day. She felt more like a lunch so off we went. Had a terrific time. I recommend anyone in the area give it a go.

Anyways, I knew it was futile to believe the "debt" was settled. So we have reservations for an afternoon tea in a few weeks.

Interestingly the back went out when I tried to surprise her by putting together a piece of furniture she wanted. She loved the surprise but I couldn't pass it off as a birthday gift. The furniture was necessary for both of us supposedly. So she got the furniture, the lunch and the upcoming tea. My only satisfaction was that we went to the luncheon on the day of my first girlfriends birthday. Which I jokingly mentioned to her during the luncheon.

I'm applying to the school of remedial neanderthalism.

 

[David 76]

I come here for solace. My normally patient, caring wife came down with Grave's Disease 4-5 months ago. Graves is a form of hyper-thyroid which also is also an auto-immune disease. She is exhausted and often in pain and awaiting a thyroidectomy. Very sad

Other symptoms of this are irritability, occasional thyroid rages, and an absolute certainty that anything that has ever gone wrong is entirely my fault. Her memory has become crystal clear and any mistake I ever made, she has remembered and relives in cyclic fashion. All those mistakes (and I have a lot) are viewed as totally intentional and proof of my utter worthlessness as a human being.

Other than that, things are fine.

 

[August_West]

OK. Let me illustrate here. I received this via facebook messenger 4 minutes ago from my wife. Innocuous in and of itself but for the record it is the 17,198th time in our marriage she has predicted the apocalypse.

 

[August_West]

I come here for solace. My normally patient, caring wife came down with Grave's Disease 4-5 months ago. Graves is a form of hyper-thyroid which also is also an auto-immune disease. She is exhausted and often in pain and awaiting a thyroidectomy. Very sad

Other symptoms of this are irritability, occasional thyroid rages, and an absolute certainty that anything that has ever gone wrong is entirely my fault. Her memory has become crystal clear and any mistake I ever made, she has remembered and relives in cyclic fashion. All those mistakes (and I have a lot) are viewed as totally intentional and proof of my utter worthlessness as a human being.

Other than that, things are fine.

Yikes. Hang in there. Your wife deserves some leeway.

 

[intlzncster]

OK. Let me illustrate here. I received this via facebook messenger 4 minutes ago from my wife. Innocuous in and of itself but for the record it is the 17,198th time in our marriage she has predicted the apocalypse.

Remember to show this to her when it doesn't happen. I really wished I knew some legit Rapture people so I could've rubbed their face in the bust.

 

[jleves]

All you guys telling August to buy himself a gift and pretend she sent it are nuts. If he does it, she'll blame him for humiliating her. She'll say, "You created and executed this whole plan to mock and embarrass me when you are supposed to love me? Wow, that is messed up. What you've done is just mean and twisted. I just forgot your birthday and..I didn't really forget it but the night I was going to surprise you with your favorite dinner and sex on the kitchen counter you ditched me for a last minute gig and came home at 4 am. Still, I didn't say that you messed up my whole plan because I didn't want you to feel bad, but I also had the decency not to mock you like some psycho. Sleep on the couch."

Very quickly you will realize the entire thing was your fault and you'll wonder how you could have ever thought otherwise.

Shutup! I wanna see what happens.

 

[CTMike]

Tonight, heading out to Stew Leonard's to grab some grub for the Spring Game tomorrow... Mrs. CTMike, who has been battling a stomach bug last couple days asks : "Can you get me some food?"

Food. Just food.

My hesitation clearly did me in, and I was obviously being insensitive when I said anything but "of course honey". When really, knowing that her stomach was off and not just any food would be appropriate- I just want a little more specificity in the request.

 

[Bliss]

I guess that I'm just lucky. Been married for 55 years to a woman I've known nearly all of my life. We grew up in the same small-town neighborhood and went to school together but never dated until after high school when she expressed an interest in cruisin' in my '52 Ford Victoria after we closed the pool where we both worked as lifeguards. (And she still looks great!) She even bought beer for me when the state law said she could do so at 18 but I had to be 21. She liked cars, cruisin', and beer - wow, the gold standard. She's sweet, never pushy, completely loyal, a great mother, and my best friend......and she still enjoys cruisin' old two-lane highways, although we no longer drink. My sympathy goes out to those who didn't find one like her.

Oh sure, she'll express an opinion when she doesn't like something; like, "Are you going to wear that shirt?" Okay, she thinks I should wear another shirt and I can live with that. She's a notorious giver-awayer of stuff to charities and I've learned to just surrender something to the donation, whether or not I'm finished using/wearing it. She prefers that I not keep "stuff" like tires, wheels, my old Schwinn bicycle, etc. even though I continue to do so. Very small prices to pay in return for the wife that I have. Everyone should be so fortunate.

 

[uconndogs]

only 29 years for us. I found a gem alos and god only knows what she saw in me, but I am very happy she gave me a chance.