Ranking the Star Wars Movies

nelsonmuntz

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1) Empire Strikes Back - obviously #1. I was still a kid when this movie came out, and it blew me away. It had all the cool science fiction stuff of Star Wars, but went beyond traditional good vs. evil which was prevalent in Sci Fi and fantasy up to that point. I remember thinking that Lando was so cool but clearly a scumbag, so why was Han friends with him? The meeting with Vader in the cloud city was awesome. This stuff didn't happen often in popcorn flicks, and I loved it then and love it now. One of the best sequels in history.

2) Star Wars: A New Hope - A movie that is so original in its presentation and just well done that it hides some significant flaws, like the fact that if you carve off all the special effects and cool new worlds, it is basically a garden variety Good vs. Evil story that is not particularly creative. Lucas pulled Harrison Ford out of his butt, and while Alec Guinness ended up being ridiculously expensive (almost $100 million, many of which were 1970's dollars), he was probably worth every penny. I don't think this movie works without him. The other two leads, Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill, were OK.

3) Force Awakens - Pretty good movie that doesn't want to make any mistakes. Well casted, and good next generation, albeit with some plot holes. I thought it was funny and exciting and a good twist on the story, but not particularly original. It was a well done hand off to the next generation cast.

4) Rogue One - A whole movie about a minor plot hole is a little weird, but this was just a solid, fun movie. I liked the characters, the movie was well acted, and the plot was interesting. The only complaint I have is that it was 20 minutes too long. There wasn't enough interesting stuff for a 2+ hour movie.

5) Revenge of the Sith (III) - If it wasn't for Hayden Christiansen and Natalie Portman being so terrible, this would be a pretty good movie, and probably be #3 on this list. Christiansen was so bad it effectively ended his career. Portman had some earlier masterpieces, but this movie was so bad it still put her in the penalty box to some extent. Or maybe she just makes terrible movie choices. The rest of the cast was good, and the backstory of one of the greatest movie villains in history is so interesting that it is hard to screw up.

6) Attack of the Clones (II) - forgettable movie that suffered from the overuse of CGI. There is no emotional connection to a battle of CGI stormtroopers and droids. The plot was dodgy, and i still don't understand what General Grevious' deal is. Yoda and Duku were decent characters, but you put those things together with Christiansen's and Portman's terrible acting, and there is not much to work with.

7) Return of the Jedi -started well and finished well, but I can't get past the scalitoing Ewoks.

8) Phantom Menace - putting aside how slow and boring this movie is, who thought JarJar Binks was a good idea?

Didn't see:

Last Jedi - reviews are all over the place. Comes out on Netflix this month.
Solo - I am getting a little excited about this movie. I may see it in the theaters.
The Last Jedi is #3 on the list. I liked it alot.
 
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The Last Jedi is #3 on the list. I liked it alot.
Sleep on it some more. Then watch it again. You'll find that it is worse even than Phantom Menace. Not only is it horrendous, like Phantom, it irrevocably botches Skywalker and then fails to leave the audience with a single compelling storyline to anticipate. The only good thing one can say about the Last Jedi is this---it ensured that Disney can do no more harm to the original characters' stories.
 

nelsonmuntz

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Sleep on it some more. Then watch it again. You'll find that it is worse even than Phantom Menace. Not only is it horrendous, like Phantom, it irrevocably botches Skywalker and then fails to leave the audience with a single compelling storyline to anticipate. The only good thing one can say about the Last Jedi is this---it ensured that Disney can do no more harm to the original characters' stories.
The Last Jedi is Star Wars for adults. The characters have difficult decisions to make with imperfect information, and there are consequences for being wrong. The originals and Rogue One have good vs. evil, and you can pretty much tell who is who within about 30 seconds of screen time. This is why Han and Lando are interesting, because they are the only characters with any depth. The prequels try to mix it up a bit but they have other issues such as being boring and poorly directed.

The Last Jedi is radically different from the rest of the Star Wars movies. It is like comparing Game of Thrones to Lord of the Rings. Some people like good vs. evil, and birth is destiny stories, but I like it more complex. The Last Jedi has issues. The trip to the casino was a stretch, and burned about 20 minutes of run time to make a couple of simple points that could have been done with flashbacks. While I have been waiting a long time for Laura Dern to kill herself in a movie, if a kamikaze mission into the star destroyers was one of her options, why didn't she start with that instead of end with that? I am sure I will find some plot issues with the Kilo Ren, Luke and Rey teleport thing if I think about it long enough.

Luke being a scalitohole who turns out to be wrong about almost everything was cool. If you think about it, he pissed the end of his life away on that island. Nice work. Po being wrong about his mutiny was interesting. Benecio Del Toro makes just about any movie better. I might put the Last Jedi at #2 after I rewatch it.
 
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The Last Jedi is Star Wars for adults. The characters have difficult decisions to make with imperfect information, and there are consequences for being wrong. The originals and Rogue One have good vs. evil, and you can pretty much tell who is who within about 30 seconds of screen time. This is why Han and Lando are interesting, because they are the only characters with any depth. The prequels try to mix it up a bit but they have other issues such as being boring and poorly directed.

The Last Jedi is radically different from the rest of the Star Wars movies. It is like comparing Game of Thrones to Lord of the Rings. Some people like good vs. evil, and birth is destiny stories, but I like it more complex. The Last Jedi has issues. The trip to the casino was a stretch, and burned about 20 minutes of run time to make a couple of simple points that could have been done with flashbacks. While I have been waiting a long time for Laura Dern to kill herself in a movie, if a kamikaze mission into the star destroyers was one of her options, why didn't she start with that instead of end with that? I am sure I will find some plot issues with the Kilo Ren, Luke and Rey teleport thing if I think about it long enough.

Luke being a scalitohole who turns out to be wrong about almost everything was cool. If you think about it, he pissed the end of his life away on that island. Nice work. Po being wrong about his mutiny was interesting. Benecio Del Toro makes just about any movie better. I might put the Last Jedi at #2 after I rewatch it.
Blah, blah, blah.

I said much the same thing to my wife on the way home from the theater. Really, I did. In the immediate aftermath, having wanted to love it, I sang the I-am-glad-for-the-complexity-and-mold-breaking tune.

Then I rewatched it on video and I realized how God awful the movie was on its own terms, and how much it screwed up characters past (Skywalker is simply not the same person) and current (character development moved backwards for Ray, Finn, and Po). Mostly, I just realized it was stupider than Spaceballs.
 
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Blah, blah, blah.

I said much the same thing to my wife on the way home from the theater. Really, I did. In the immediate aftermath, having wanted to love it, I sang the I-am-glad-for-the-complexity-and-mold-breaking tune.

Then I rewatched it on video and I realized how God awful the movie was on its own terms, and how much it screwed up characters past (Skywalker is simply not the same person) and current (character development moved backwards for Ray, Finn, and Po). Mostly, I just realized it was stupider than Spaceballs.
Haven’t and won’t seen it since I don’t really care about Star Wars. But I do know:

Luke isn’t even recognizable as a Jedi from a philosophical standpoint. Is it ever explained why the guy with the greatest resolve in the galaxy, with the optimism to see the good in Darth Vader, is now a angsty pessimistic hermit who doesn’t care that his sister, friends, and the fate of the galaxy and the Force are in grave peril?

They apparently re-imagined light speed, and space gravity, and the Force (actual conversations? Teleporting matter? Jedi can do tangible things as ghosts?)

The love side story between Finn and some Asian chick is completely far fetched

Leia gets some new ridiculous powers to a) survive a massive explosion and b) fly through space unprotected

The two big build-ups from VII (which I did see with my parents), Rey meeting Luke and Snoke, were completely ruined respectively by a throw-away joke and the villain dying with no real explanation as to his background or motive. A shadowy villain, a phantom menace if you will, created and shown from the shadows, is revealed and killed in the same scene. They’re also up (or effed) the Finn-Brienne (I only know her from GoT and don’t remember her name in SW) dynamic as the driving force for Finn’s character development; is it now supposed to be this Asian chick?
 
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Haven’t and won’t seen it since I don’t really care about Star Wars. But I do know:

Luke isn’t even recognizable as a Jedi from a philosophical standpoint. Is it ever explained why the guy with the greatest resolve in the galaxy, with the optimism to see the good in Darth Vader, is now a angsty pessimistic hermit who doesn’t care that his sister, friends, and the fate of the galaxy and the Force are in grave peril?

They apparently re-imagined light speed, and space gravity, and the Force (actual conversations? Teleporting matter? Jedi can do tangible things as ghosts?)

The love side story between Finn and some Asian chick is completely far fetched

Leia gets some new ridiculous powers to a) survive a massive explosion and b) fly through space unprotected

The two big build-ups from VII (which I did see with my parents), Rey meeting Luke and Snoke, were completely ruined respectively by a throw-away joke and the villain dying with no real explanation as to his background or motive. A shadowy villain, a phantom menace if you will, created and shown from the shadows, is revealed and killed in the same scene. They’re also up (or effed) the Finn-Brienne (I only know her from GoT and don’t remember her name in SW) dynamic as the driving force for Finn’s character development; is it now supposed to be this Asian chick?
I still like it even with it's flaws. The third most original star wars film imo
 

nelsonmuntz

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Haven’t and won’t seen it since I don’t really care about Star Wars. But I do know:

Luke isn’t even recognizable as a Jedi from a philosophical standpoint. Is it ever explained why the guy with the greatest resolve in the galaxy, with the optimism to see the good in Darth Vader, is now a angsty pessimistic hermit who doesn’t care that his sister, friends, and the fate of the galaxy and the Force are in grave peril?

They apparently re-imagined light speed, and space gravity, and the Force (actual conversations? Teleporting matter? Jedi can do tangible things as ghosts?)

The love side story between Finn and some Asian chick is completely far fetched

Leia gets some new ridiculous powers to a) survive a massive explosion and b) fly through space unprotected

The two big build-ups from VII (which I did see with my parents), Rey meeting Luke and Snoke, were completely ruined respectively by a throw-away joke and the villain dying with no real explanation as to his background or motive. A shadowy villain, a phantom menace if you will, created and shown from the shadows, is revealed and killed in the same scene. They’re also up (or effed) the Finn-Brienne (I only know her from GoT and don’t remember her name in SW) dynamic as the driving force for Finn’s character development; is it now supposed to be this Asian chick?
Are you arguing about how Star Wars' magic should work?
 
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Are you arguing about how Star Wars' magic should work?
I would think most writers and fans care about consistency. Or at least explain this radical change in the magic. Maybe they are shying away from explaining things after they tried to explain mediclorians or however you spell it in phantom menace
 

ZooCougar

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I would think most writers and fans care about consistency. Or at least explain this radical change in the magic. Maybe they are shying away from explaining things after they tried to explain mediclorians or however you spell it in phantom menace
Pretty much. It’s like they made the force open source. Some people say it has been “democratized” but that is an idiotic statement.

Either way, the force seems less cool now that almost anyone can use it.

Attempted to watch The Last Jedi on Netflix the other day. 13 year old says that this movie gets dumber every time he sees it.
 

nelsonmuntz

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Pretty much. It’s like they made the force open source. Some people say it has been “democratized” but that is an idiotic statement.

Either way, the force seems less cool now that almost anyone can use it.

Attempted to watch The Last Jedi on Netflix the other day. 13 year old says that this movie gets dumber every time he sees it.
This is Star Wars. There are plot holes. The first Star Wars has Vader's son running around on Vader's home planet using Vader's original last name, and no one knows he is related to Vader. A bunch of hippies blow the Death Star up because of a fatal flaw that is so stupid that 40 years later the new owners of the franchise spend $200 million to try to make it seem semi-reasonable. In Return of the Jedi, most of the crew goes to Endor with no realistic plan for shutting off the shield for Death Star 2.0, and need an army of puppets to enable them to pull it off. The Emperor and Vader "trick" Luke into coming to the Death Star because they want him to join their side, and then change their mind as soon as he gets there and try to kill him. Like I said, there are plot holes.

And you are mad about the magic? I barely tolerate magic in stories, and I think it is a little silly to debate how the magic should work.
 

ZooCougar

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This is Star Wars. There are plot holes. The first Star Wars has Vader's son running around on Vader's home planet using Vader's original last name, and no one knows he is related to Vader. A bunch of hippies blow the Death Star up because of a fatal flaw that is so stupid that 40 years later the new owners of the franchise spend $200 million to try to make it seem semi-reasonable. In Return of the Jedi, most of the crew goes to Endor with no realistic plan for shutting off the shield for Death Star 2.0, and need an army of puppets to enable them to pull it off. The Emperor and Vader "trick" Luke into coming to the Death Star because they want him to join their side, and then change their mind as soon as he gets there and try to kill him. Like I said, there are plot holes.

And you are mad about the magic? I barely tolerate magic in stories, and I think it is a little silly to debate how the magic should work.
I don’t consider it to be “magic”. And it is now becoming increasingly inconsistent and unappealing.

There are so many other things to be critical about the new batch of movies. I feel like the cast of Girls is going to get their own X Wing squadron, or that stupid Rose character is going to start shaming another character on twitter halfway through a battle.

You’re a proven ding dong in every possible way. I didn’t bother reading the rest.
 
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Oscar: People are too harsh on the port. They think it's a plot problem, like "why didn't they plug the hole?"
Taylor: I know. Unfairly derided. What material could withstand the heat expended from that mammoth sphere.
Oscar: Plus it was fortified with gun turrets and...
Taylor: And a fleet of TIE Fighters, yes.
 
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Sleep on it some more. Then watch it again. You'll find that it is worse even than Phantom Menace. Not only is it horrendous, like Phantom, it irrevocably botches Skywalker and then fails to leave the audience with a single compelling storyline to anticipate. The only good thing one can say about the Last Jedi is this---it ensured that Disney can do no more harm to the original characters' stories.
May the force be with you. When struck down, I only become more powerful.

It was a fun day. CYA.
 
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1) IV A New Hope - It started all of this

2) V Empire Strikes Back

3) Rouge One - Tense story, good guys actually die, and, of course, Darth Vader being Darth Vader

4) VII Force Awakens - It was a good ride

5) III Revenge of the Sith - The opening space battle was the best Star Wars space battle and, of course, Darth Vader v. Obi Won

6) VI Return of the Jedi

7) VII Last Jedi - Rian Johnson make be the only living being who has more issues with the Skywalker family than the Star Wars Universe itself, I am not as mad as others about Luke dying, I just think it did now shot enough respect for a character that people have been attached to for 40+ years, it may also have been easier to sacrifice Leia instead of the gymnastics that are going to have to be done in Eposide IX due to Carrie Fisher's unfortunate passing

8) Solo - Tried doing too much

9) II Attack of the Clones

10) I Phantom Menace

TBD) IX
 
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nelsonmuntz

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1) Empire Strikes Back - obviously #1. I was still a kid when this movie came out, and it blew me away. It had all the cool science fiction stuff of Star Wars, but went beyond traditional good vs. evil which was prevalent in Sci Fi and fantasy up to that point. I remember thinking that Lando was so cool but clearly a scumbag, so why was Han friends with him? The meeting with Vader in the cloud city was awesome. This stuff didn't happen often in popcorn flicks, and I loved it then and love it now. One of the best sequels in history.

2) Star Wars: A New Hope - A movie that is so original in its presentation and just well done that it hides some significant flaws, like the fact that if you carve off all the special effects and cool new worlds, it is basically a garden variety Good vs. Evil story that is not particularly creative. Lucas pulled Harrison Ford out of his butt, and while Alec Guinness ended up being ridiculously expensive (almost $100 million, many of which were 1970's dollars), he was probably worth every penny. I don't think this movie works without him. The other two leads, Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill, were OK.

3) Force Awakens - Pretty good movie that doesn't want to make any mistakes. Well casted, and good next generation, albeit with some plot holes. I thought it was funny and exciting and a good twist on the story, but not particularly original. It was a well done hand off to the next generation cast.

4) Rogue One - A whole movie about a minor plot hole is a little weird, but this was just a solid, fun movie. I liked the characters, the movie was well acted, and the plot was interesting. The only complaint I have is that it was 20 minutes too long. There wasn't enough interesting stuff for a 2+ hour movie.

5) Revenge of the Sith (III) - If it wasn't for Hayden Christiansen and Natalie Portman being so terrible, this would be a pretty good movie, and probably be #3 on this list. Christiansen was so bad it effectively ended his career. Portman had some earlier masterpieces, but this movie was so bad it still put her in the penalty box to some extent. Or maybe she just makes terrible movie choices. The rest of the cast was good, and the backstory of one of the greatest movie villains in history is so interesting that it is hard to screw up.

6) Attack of the Clones (II) - forgettable movie that suffered from the overuse of CGI. There is no emotional connection to a battle of CGI stormtroopers and droids. The plot was dodgy, and i still don't understand what General Grevious' deal is. Yoda and Duku were decent characters, but you put those things together with Christiansen's and Portman's terrible acting, and there is not much to work with.

7) Return of the Jedi -started well and finished well, but I can't get past the scalitoing Ewoks.

8) Phantom Menace - putting aside how slow and boring this movie is, who thought JarJar Binks was a good idea?

Didn't see:

Last Jedi - reviews are all over the place. Comes out on Netflix this month.
Solo - I am getting a little excited about this movie. I may see it in the theaters.
Finally saw Solo. Really liked it.

New ranking:

1) V: Empire Strikes Back
2) VIII: Last Jedi
3) IV: New Hope
4) SOLO - GO SCALITO YOURSELF FAN BOYS!!!!
5) VII: Force Awakens
6) Rogue One
7) III: Revenge of the Sith
8) II: Attack of the Clones
9) VI: Return of the Jedi
10) I: Phantom Menace
 

tzznandrew

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Finally saw Solo. Really liked it.

New ranking:

1) V: Empire Strikes Back
2) VIII: Last Jedi
3) IV: New Hope
4) SOLO - GO SCALITO YOURSELF FAN BOYS!!!!
5) VII: Force Awakens
6) Rogue One
7) III: Revenge of the Sith
8) II: Attack of the Clones
9) VI: Return of the Jedi
10) I: Phantom Menace
If they cut out all of Corelia, it would have been a much better film.

It had charming moments, but the first 30 minutes sucked and there was too much winking at the audience.

You have Last Jedi too high and RotJ too low.
 

August_West

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Finally saw Solo. Really liked it.

New ranking:

1) V: Empire Strikes Back
2) VIII: Last Jedi
3) IV: New Hope
4) SOLO - GO SCALITO YOURSELF FAN BOYS!!!!
5) VII: Force Awakens
6) Rogue One
7) III: Revenge of the Sith
8) II: Attack of the Clones
9) VI: Return of the Jedi
10) I: Phantom Menace
How high r u right now?
 
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How high r u right now?
Any list that isn't restricted to ranking the originals and only the originals is a joke. Who cares where you rank mediocrity? People's continued willingness to pretend any of the new crap is anything but crap is merely a testament to the goodwill created by the first three.

If you pay Disney to see any more of these lemons in the theater, you deserve to tell yourself they were decent. Because you are a chump who just got robbed. And it's not fun feeling like a chump. Better to run to the BY and find others willing to pretend you aren't below average.
 

August_West

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Any list that isn't restricted to ranking the originals and only the originals is a joke. Who cares where you rank mediocrity? People's continued willingness to pretend any of the new crap is anything but crap is merely a testament to the goodwill created by the first three.

If you pay Disney to see any more of these lemons in the theater, you deserve to tell yourself they were decent. Because you are a chump who just got robbed. And it's not fun feeling like a chump. Better to run to the BY and find others willing to pretend you aren't below average.
Lol he has last Jedi and solo in top 4. Phantom menace better .
 

nelsonmuntz

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Any list that isn't restricted to ranking the originals and only the originals is a joke. Who cares where you rank mediocrity? People's continued willingness to pretend any of the new crap is anything but crap is merely a testament to the goodwill created by the first three.

If you pay Disney to see any more of these lemons in the theater, you deserve to tell yourself they were decent. Because you are a chump who just got robbed. And it's not fun feeling like a chump. Better to run to the BY and find others willing to pretend you aren't below average.
Can't you read? I said GO SCALITO YOURSELF FAN BOYS!!!!

Only a fan boy would argue that a movie with massive plot holes and little fat muppets as key characters is better than Solo or The Last Jedi.
 
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Can't you read? I said GO SCALITO YOURSELF FAN BOYS!!!!

Only a fan boy would argue that a movie with massive plot holes and little fat muppets as key characters is better than Solo or The Last Jedi.
Fan boy? You think I am the fan boy? Last time I checked, you're the one ranking magic muppet movies and I am the one mocking you. Enjoy the next Star Wars. I hope you bend over for Disney and buy a theater ticket to catch the next greatest installment in "How Dumb Are The Fan Boys: This Dumb"!
 

August_West

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Fan boy? You think I am the fan boy? Last time I checked, you're the one ranking magic muppet movies and I am the one mocking you. Enjoy the next Star Wars. I hope you bend over for Disney and buy a theater ticket to catch the next greatest installment in "How Dumb Are The Fan Boys: This Dumb"!
Just wait until the 3rd one is done and out. Then we can judge this whole disjointed idiotic hot mess against the prequel trilogy as a whole.

It aint going to be pretty. This disney run makes me long for idiot actors like Hayden Christensen and terrible characters like Jar Jar. Such a superior trilogy in every way to this mishegoss
 
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Just wait until the 3rd one is done and out. Then we can judge this whole disjointed idiotic hot mess against the prequel trilogy as a whole.

It aint going to be pretty. This disney run makes me long for idiot actors like Hayden Christensen and terrible characters like Jar Jar. Such a superior trilogy in every way to this mishegoss
I have to say that I've never felt so superior to fan boys before in my entire life. I'm the kinda guy that thinks it's silly to judge what other entertainment other people enjoy. What do I care if you like classical or rap music? I just don't.

But when it comes to these Magic Muppet Fan Boys? Yeah, I am superior. You need to be screwed up in some way---there are lots of different screwy ways to get there---to still be flacking for Star Wars online. I mean, grow up you incels. You're not gonna sleep with Ray. I know she seems only just sorta cute, in a way that makes you think you have a chance, but that's no reason to fork over 10 bucks to see her use fairy magic on the big screen. Grow up. Stick to your Princess-Laia Joba-the-Hut porn, and find a new franchise that is actually watchable.
 

August_West

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You're not gonna sleep with Ray. I know she seems only just sorta cute, in a way that makes you think you have a chance, but that's no reason to fork over 10 bucks to see her use fairy magic on the big screen. Grow up. Stick to your Princess-Laia Joba-the-Hut porn, and find a new franchise that is actually watchable.
Thats another layer altogether.

Natalie Portman > Carrie Fisher > Daisy Ridley by a factor of a million. Disney cant even get the sexual pandering right in this one.

I mean look how ground breaking the original was. George Lucas pretty much invented Brother/(step)Sister pr0n, which by the search algorithm reports Im seeing is pretty much the most searched stuff on the 'tronz for some sick reason and sweeping the nation 45 years later (but that's a different thread I guess) .

But try to go to any of the sites now for a quick rub. I cant even do it. You have to wade thorugh pages of "I boinked my step mom" and "threatens to tell on step-sister unless she....." videos. Immediately lose my motivation and then have to go searching through back issues of old TV guides for Cagney and Lacey promo pics to get back on track.

what is this countries facination with faux incest?
 

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