Ranking the Star Wars Movies

[nelsonmuntz]

I have to say that I've never felt so superior to fan boys before in my entire life. I'm the kinda guy that thinks it's silly to judge what other entertainment other people enjoy. What do I care if you like classical or rap music? I just don't.

But when it comes to these Magic Muppet Fan Boys? Yeah, I am superior. You need to be screwed up in some way---there are lots of different screwy ways to get there---to still be flacking for Star Wars online. I mean, grow up you . You're not gonna sleep with Ray. I know she seems only just sorta cute, in a way that makes you think you have a chance, but that's no reason to fork over 10 bucks to see her use fairy magic on the big screen. Grow up. Stick to your Princess-Laia Joba-the-Hut , and find a new franchise that is actually watchable.

You are making fun of people who post about Star Wars movies by posting in page 6 of a thread about Star Wars movies.

 

[August_West]

Wouldn't you go straight to GoT 7x06 if you were looking for incest porm?

Im NOT looking for it. grosses me out. But go to one of the big 3 sites and see what vids come up. Insane.

 

[Deadrody]

Natalie Portman > Carrie Fisher > Daisy Ridley

Had to go back and find the context for this. In general ? yeah. But I think you're saying they screwed it up anyhow, which they absolutely did. Portman is probably hotter than 1977 Carrie Fisher, but not by much, but on screen ? Not even close. There's a reason the prequels were terrible, and their complete whiff on Natalie Portman is one of many.

 

[Scalito]

You are making fun of people who post about Star Wars movies by posting in page 6 of a thread about Star Wars movies.

And I will be here on subsequent pages to mock fan boys like you some more. Mocking magic muppet fan boys is fun.

 

[SubbaBub]

Thats another layer altogether.

Natalie Portman > Carrie Fisher > Daisy Ridley by a factor of a million. Disney cant even get the sexual pandering right in this one.

I mean look how ground breaking the original was. George Lucas pretty much invented Brother/(step)Sister pr0n, which by the search algorithm reports Im seeing is pretty much the most searched stuff on the 'tronz for some sick reason and sweeping the nation 45 years later (but that's a different thread I guess) .

But try to go to any of the sites now for a quick rub. I cant even do it. You have to wade thorugh pages of "I boinked my step mom" and "threatens to tell on step-sister unless she....." videos. Immediately lose my motivation and then have to go searching through back issues of old TV guides for Cagney and Lacey promo pics to get back on track.

what is this countries facination with faux incest?

Amedala was a kid toucher.

 

[SubbaBub]

V: The Empire Strikes Back
IV: A New Hope
Solo​

VI: The Return of the Jedi

Rogue One
VIII: The Last Jedi
VII: The Force Awakens
I: The Phantom Menace
III: Revenge of the Sith
II: Attack of the Clones

This is the correct order. ROJ has Ewoks or it would be third. Solo and Rogue One are better than any of the prequels (natch) or the new sequels because TFA is a remake of A New Hope. Not as bad the remakes of Rollerball, Conan the Barbarian or Dirty Dancing but bad. TLJ was at least an original story though it was packed with unnecessary nostalgia for the old cast. Harrison Ford made the right call in bowing out after TFA. Instead of Leia floating in space and the OJ chase of space battles they could have had more Luke but the main weakness is Kylo trying hard not to become the next Jar Jar/Anakin and failing. You don't build a film franchise around an emo Darth Vader wannabe. Deadpool didn't feature Negasonic Teenage Warhead as anything but comic relief. They are the same character.

As for the prequels, yeah they're bad but I'll take a miscast 8 year old (he should have been a teenager into petty crime like Solo) and the Trade Federation (worst antagonists in movie history) over the unbelievable romance between Anakin and Padme (also Hayden Christensen).

Solo and Rouge One get high marks for original stories. Solo >>> Rogue one based on the fact that I can't remember the names of many of the RO characters.​

I stand by this though after rewatching Rogue One, the gap to the last jedi is not a s large as I thought initially.

 

[DarthGrumpy]

An this is why any director would have to be out of his/her mind to direct a Star Wars movie...

 

[nwhoopfan]

I think having a different director for every movie is not a good thing for this franchise. Lack of continuity, clearly have differing visions. The set up from Ep. 7 about Rey's lineage was completely dropped in Ep. 8. Eh, we don't care who her parents were, they were nobodies. That was jarring. Now granted a director doesn't have complete control over where the story goes, I'm sure the studio and Kathleen Kennedy are very heavily involved. But I think it's clear to say that Rian Johnson and J.J. Abrams have different ideas about the Star Wars universe.

 

[DarthGrumpy]

I think having a different director for every movie is not a good thing for this franchise. Lack of continuity, clearly have differing visions. The set up from Ep. 7 about Rey's lineage was completely dropped in Ep. 8. Eh, we don't care who her parents were, they were nobodies. That was jarring. Now granted a director doesn't have complete control over where the story goes, I'm sure the studio and Kathleen Kennedy are very heavily involved. But I think it's clear to say that Rian Johnson and J.J. Abrams have different ideas about the Star Wars universe.

That and how Luke was treated. I had no issue with him dying in the new trilogy (though logistically it would have been easier to edit the script for him to die in IX instead of XIII due to Carrie Fisher's death); but, how he died was the kicker. Many of us grew-up with him as our first, real hero. Afterall, Luke...

• Had his Mom die at childbirth
• Was separated from his twin sister (who lived in luxury as a Princess) for 18 years while he lived as a poor farmer on a crime-ridden, desert world
• His adoptive parents were slaughtered
• He killed a couple million Imperials by blowing-up the Death Star
• The most evil being in the galaxy partially electrocuted him
• And his Dad was a Hero who turned, slaughtered younglings, strangled his Mom, exterminated the Jedi, killed a sizable portion of the Imperial Navy's leadership, cut his mentor in half, turned his childhood friend into atoms, ordered his best friend tortured & turned into a wall ornament, cut-off his hand, found-out he kissed his own sister & then let his boss electrocute him, only to turn back & die in his arms

So, Disney & Co. tells me that his winy little nephew goes dark and kills a few Jedi and THAT sends Luke off to be a hermit. Sure....

Oh, and by the way, if Thrawn can exist in the new continuum, where the frack is Mara Jade?

 

[traitor71]

I think having a different director for every movie is not a good thing for this franchise. Lack of continuity, clearly have differing visions. The set up from Ep. 7 about Rey's lineage was completely dropped in Ep. 8. Eh, we don't care who her parents were, they were nobodies. That was jarring. Now granted a director doesn't have complete control over where the story goes, I'm sure the studio and Kathleen Kennedy are very heavily involved. But I think it's clear to say that Rian Johnson and J.J. Abrams have different ideas about the Star Wars universe.

It ended up as a terrible decision. The Force Awakens was a good enough return to the Star Wars universe. It set up some interesting plot lines and created a real buzz about where things were headed. Then this Johnson idiot came in and completely destroyed it all in one fell swoop. The idea of a trilogy is to tell an overriding story over the course of the three films and this guy stopped the story in its tracks. Then he felt the need to double down on his idiocy by eviscerating the fan base at every opportunity. If it was just a bad movie, which it was, you could write that off and move on. But he completely destroyed the momentum of the Star Wars revival with his idiotic decisions. Just terrible all the way around.

 

[ZooCougar]

It ended up as a terrible decision. The Force Awakens was a good enough return to the Star Wars universe. It set up some interesting plot lines and created a real buzz about where things were headed. Then this Johnson idiot came in and completely destroyed it all in one fell swoop. The idea of a trilogy is to tell an overriding story over the course of the three films and this guy stopped the story in its tracks. Then he felt the need to double down on his idiocy by eviscerating the fan base at every opportunity. If it was just a bad movie, which it was, you could write that off and move on. But he completely destroyed the momentum of the Star Wars revival with his idiotic decisions. Just terrible all the way around.

Agree 100%. That movie sucked balls.

 

[ZooCougar]

The only thing worse than Rian Johnson and the s that insist that the new Star Wars movies are actually good.

George Lucas reveals his plan for Star Wars 7 through 9—and it was awful

 

[nwhoopfan]

The only thing worse than Rian Johnson and the s that insist that the new Star Wars movies are actually good.

George Lucas reveals his plan for Star Wars 7 through 9—and it was awful

Wow, just wow. However much people hate the Disney/Star Wars films, I won't ever get past how much Lucas ran the franchise into the ground w/ his prequel trilogy. It makes one wonder how he ever managed to make the original trilogy, but he simply couldn't be trusted with his own creation anymore.

I can't even pick which aspect was worst. Young Anakin was terrible, Jar Jar was terrible, the Anakin-Padme romance was terrible (maybe the worst dialogue ever captured on film--"Hold me like you did at the lake on Naboo" still just kills me), the Anakin to Darth Vader transformation was bungled horribly (seriously that was a like a Frankenstein spoof, right? "Noooooooooooooooooo!"), General Grievous had emphysema or something, what? So much of that series was just dumb, dumb, dumb.

 

[DarthGrumpy]

The only thing worse than Rian Johnson and the s that insist that the new Star Wars movies are actually good.

George Lucas reveals his plan for Star Wars 7 through 9—and it was awful

There are just some links one should not click...

 

[Scalito]

A good reminder how much Star Wars sucks:

 

[Penfield]

A good reminder how much Star Wars sucks:

Really? I thought this video made the prequels and sequels look way better than they are

 

[Scalito]

Really? I thought this video made the prequels and sequels look way better than they are

It isn't hard to make those movies look way better than they are. Reminded me at the same time how many bites at the apple consumers have given Star Wars to get something right, and they haven't. Not since the originals.

 

[Fishy]

Any list that isn't restricted to ranking the originals and only the originals is a joke. Who cares where you rank mediocrity? People's continued willingness to pretend any of the new crap is anything but crap is merely a testament to the goodwill created by the first three.

If you pay Disney to see any more of these lemons in the theater, you deserve to tell yourself they were decent. Because you are a chump who just got robbed. And it's not fun feeling like a chump. Better to run to the BY and find others willing to pretend you aren't below average.

I marvel at your willingness to pretend the old crap is anything more special than the new crap.

They're comic book popcorn movies without the comic book - the first one, the last one and all the ones in the middle. They're all fine for what they are.

I saw Solo on a cruise ship last year. It was fine.

They served rum right in the theater. I think all Star Wars movies should come with rum....helps smooth out the plot and the acting. And the writing. And directing. And the Star Wars fans you're forced to share the theater with.

 

[ZooCougar]

Episode 4-6 are a benchmark that may not be beaten until movies become more entertaining than TV again. And even then it may not happen.

I can’t think of a better trilogy. Everyone wants to beat it but nobody ever has.

There is simply no debate.

 

[nelsonmuntz]

Episode 4-6 are a benchmark that may not be beaten until movies become more entertaining than TV again. And even then it may not happen.

I can’t think of a better trilogy. Everyone wants to beat it but nobody ever has.

There is simply no debate.

A lot of the love of 4-6 is nostalgia. Kids don't feel the same way about those movies that our generation does. Those movies come out just as technology was making big screen science fiction movies viable. Those movies were such a quantum leap from what came before in terms of special effects that they blew people's minds in the late 70's and early 80's, which covered up fairly generic plots and mediocre acting for the most part, along with a lot of silly dialogue.

 

[Scalito]

I marvel at your willingness to pretend the old crap is anything more special than the new crap.

They're comic book popcorn movies without the comic book - the first one, the last one and all the ones in the middle. They're all fine for what they are.

I saw Solo on a cruise ship last year. It was fine.

They served rum right in the theater. I think all Star Wars movies should come with rum....helps smooth out the plot and the acting. And the writing. And directing. And the Star Wars fans you're forced to share the theater with.

Empire Strikes Back is one of the best movies of all time. Best theater of all time. It belongs in the discussion with Aeschylus's Oedipus, Sophocles' Antigone, and Homer's Illiad. It's why, even after crappy prequels and crappy sequels, fanboys continue to spend on the new dreck.

 

[tzznandrew]

Sophocles' Oedipus

I do love Empire. It is a genuinely good movie. The original one is good, too, but it's more or less just a remake/mashup of 1930s serials and 1940s/1950s war movies.

There's something beyond that in Empire.

 

[Scalito]

I do love Empire. It is a genuinely good movie. The original one is good, too, but it's more or less just a remake/mashup of 1930s serials and 1940s/1950s war movies.

There's something beyond that in Empire.

Every time I watch Empire Strikes Back, I watch it with renewed hope that Luke will join Darth Vader and rule the galaxy as father and son. His decision instead to walk away from responsibility is tragic. Greek tragedy on the big screen.

 

[tzznandrew]

Every time I watch Empire Strikes Back, I watch it with renewed hope that Luke will join Darth Vader and rule the galaxy as father and son. His decision instead to walk away from responsibility is tragic. Greek tragedy on the big screen.

That would have made for a worse individual movie (Empire is perfect as it is), but a better trilogy. Return of the Jedi had only one place to go and everyone knew it. And they did it poorly. A RotJ where Luke and Vader start on the same side is a much more compelling premise.

 

[ZooCougar]

A lot of the love of 4-6 is nostalgia. Kids don't feel the same way about those movies that our generation does. Those movies come out just as technology was making big screen science fiction movies viable. Those movies were such a quantum leap from what came before in terms of special effects that they blew people's minds in the late 70's and early 80's, which covered up fairly generic plots and mediocre acting for the most part, along with a lot of silly dialogue.

That simply has not been my experience with our 13 year old and his friends. Back when we were watching Star Wars all the time, they always wanted to see The Empire Strikes Back.

Here’s the thing. The story of the original theory is great. Without that you have nothing. Which is basically what 1-3 and 7 and 8 have been.

Episode 7 had it’s charms but it was like watching a Friends reunion with an all too familiar plot.