OT: how to not blow my life savings on my wedding

[SubbaBub]

Oh and happily married for 15 years.

Our biggest budget concern was the per head cost of the reception, what it came with and the room itself. Open bar was a must have, or your friends will hate you. Ours came with a good hors d'uerves spread, hot and cold and a dessert table.

We only wanted a simple cake, her dress was less than $1000, found a local photog, no video (better for everybody), our church married us for a nominal fee, but we made a donation to get the church choir to perform during the ceremony.

Std limo ride to/fro, but the big splurge was a hospitality suite at the hotel blocked out for out of town guests for the after party. We stocked that bar ourselves and preordered some sandwices and snacks from the hotel.

By choice, the biggest ticket was the honeymoon, it cost about as much as the rest of they event.

 

[August_West]

I gotta say. Having a daughter who is getting older by the minute I like what I'm seeing here. The brides father not expected to pay anymore? Didn't know that. Sign me up now. I win on both fronts. My father in law paid every dime of our wedding which possibly could've have been spent on a decent yacht , ( which I'd prefer!) but now we can break that mold and tradition starting now and I'm off the hook! I didn't expect to get good news out of this thread but I feel great.

I'm archiving this thread for ideas for my daughter when it's time. Good stuff

 

[SubbaBub]

I gotta say. Having a daughter who is getting older by the minute I like what I'm seeing here. The brides father not expected to pay anymore? Didn't know that. Sign me up now. I win on both fronts. My father in law paid every dime of our wedding which possibly could've have been spent on a decent yacht , ( which I'd prefer!) but now we can break that mold and tradition starting now and I'm off the hook! I didn't expect to get good news out of this thread but I feel great.

We got married in our 30's so we had our own money, but the parents insisted on paying for some things like the rehearsal dinner and her dress. We let them to avoid a fight, but they got off cheap by traditional standards.

Lesson: don't let her get married until she has her own money. Less likely to end up with a loser, also.

 

[Drumguy]

No champagne, find a venue you can supply the beer/alcohol and do a bbq.

 

[superjohn]

The only thing you should be concerned with is contracting Kevin Pittsnogle as your fashion coordinator.

 

[8893]

We got married in our 30's so we had our own money, but the parents insisted on paying for some things like the rehearsal dinner and her dress. We let them to avoid a fight, but they got off cheap by traditional standards.

Lesson: don't let her get married until she has her own money. Less likely to end up with a loser, also.

Same for us in our late 20's. Her father paid for the band and got off very easy because I got a bargain; my parents paid for the rehearsal dinner, which we had at a restaurant where we used to work and also got a bargain. Also had that place book a favorite local musician later that same night and almost everyone else who was in town for the wedding came and joined us, so they did a banging business to boot and everyone had almost as much as fun as the wedding night itself.

 

[tzznandrew]

8893 is totally right. It is your wedding. Forget everyone else's desires as much as you can. Neither of our families' had money, and we were the most successful in our family, so it fell entirely on our young and not particularly wealthy selves to pay. That helped keep costs down. My wife is also awesome and not interested in all the frills. That helped. But once we started doing what we wanted, all sorts of things came down in price. We had cupcakes, candy table, photobooth, no smashing, no bouquet tossing, few formal dance things--mother son, father daughter and nothing else because we wanted people to have fun. I brewed a keg for our wedding, and a friend of ours brewed a second, so there was some real uniqueness. My parents wanted certain things, and we just flat out rejected the guests and people we were uninterested in. We did a few things we were ambivalent about--but pretended we didn't want to do them for negotiation purposes.

I come back to this to post again because the day was awesome. The people I loved best all in one room partying. And then a more exclusive group partying later. It was genuinely the most fun day I had. Been married 7 years this year, but had been with my wife for over five years before. Wouldn't change a thing.

 

[boog204]

Lots of good stuff above... Knowing people really helps. A friend who used to be our band photographer did our photos for a great, great rate. Another musician friend was our DJ for a great, great rate. We had a budding college film student/videographer do an engagement photo video for free so he could gain experience. Our local liquor store gave us an incredible rate on small "favors" for the guests.

My wife had a gorgeous dress that she found on clearance at a whole in the wall dress place. We didn't do this (wish we had), but I have friends and a sister who have done their flowers (if your fiance HAS to have pro flowers) through Stop and Shop and they were gorgeous and very fair.

To throw another venue idea, and no idea where you are, but we did the Riverhouse in Haddam and they were absolutely fantastic. Great food, awesome people, it's beautiful there, and they were so accommodating and fair.

 

[UConnTrumbull]

Thanks all for the advice. Not enough time to message all of you. Here's where I stand:
Fiance's father owns a catering company so that is a big help...assuming he covers that cost.
Trying to budget for no more than $10k.
We both make around $50k right now.
Currently looking for venues that won't break the bank.

 

[August_West]

We got married in our 30's so we had our own money, but the parents insisted on paying for some things like the rehearsal dinner and her dress. We let them to avoid a fight, but they got off cheap by traditional standards.

Lesson: don't let her get married until she has her own money. Less likely to end up with a loser, also.

We were straight old school.my parents paid for rehearsal dinner and honeymoon her parents paid for wedding and reception

 

[August_West]

Riverhouse in Haddam and they were absolutely fantastic. Great food, awesome people, it's beautiful there, and they were so accommodating and fair.

riverhouse ain't budget

 

[Waquoit]

Fourth, passive aggress the heck out of her to encourage her to keep costs as low as possible, while still ultimately letting her do what she wants to do. This will prepare you for marriage.

This is great advice. Because everyone loves a passive aggressive partner.

 

[Chin Diesel]

My inputs in to wedding were as follows:
1. Open bar
2. Somewhere in the food line will be scallops wrapped in bacon
3. Groom's cake is red velvet with a golf themed top.

Everything else I just nodded and agreed to do.

 

[Travelman6]

I got married in October. I don´t know if it is an American thing or maybe I just got lucky, but my wife told me specifically do not spend a lot of money on a ring when you propose. She is practical like that. So if you want to save money, make sure your future wife is practical IMO. We just had a simple wedding (mom, dad, brother, best friend) in a small church. We left Bogota and got our things in a smaller town. Cities are expensive, so avoid those for tuxes, etc. Also, the reception was just at her fathers hotel (which is amazing) in the countryside so that saved a lot of money. Also, My sister had her wedding reception under a summer sunset on the beach, that will save money.

IMO I think it is easy to not spend a lot of money on a wedding, especially if both people are naturally practical.

 

[8893]

I got married in October. I don´t know if it is an American thing or maybe I just got lucky, but my wife told me specifically do not spend a lot of money on a ring when you propose.

I was not told this, nor do I believe it to be true for most. My wife is practical and didn't want me breaking the bank on a ring, but the ring matters in my experience--especially since, ideally, it's forever.

Doesn't need be (and shouldn't be) gaudy, but shouldn't look or necessarily be "practical" either. IMO it's not a place to skimp; nor is the Honeymoon.

 

[August_West]

I was not told this, nor do I believe it to be true for most. My wife is practical and didn't want me breaking the bank on a ring, but the ring matters in my experience--especially since, ideally, it's forever.

Doesn't need be (and shouldn't be) gaudy, but shouldn't look or necessarily be "practical" either. IMO it's not a place to cut; nor is the Honeymoon.

A woman saying " I don't need a good ring" is one of those tests they like to administer that we like to talk about @8893 no different than when they are sick and say "honey don't let me stop you, you can still go out with your friends tonight"

Spring for a good ring . It's worth it just in the headaches saved down the road

 

[8893]

A woman saying " I don't need a good ring" is one of those tests they like to administer that we like to talk about @8893

Spring for a good ring . It's worth it just in the headaches saved down the road

Hearing her friends and family say that I "hit it out of the park" with the ring went a looooong way, and still does 20+ years later.

Didn't go crazy though. Got a beautiful antique platinum setting from a great estate/antique store in New Haven and basically commissioned the owner, who has many connections in the diamond trade, for the stones I wanted. He nailed it.

 

[boog204]

riverhouse ain't budget

Was for us... Cheapest by far of the places we looked (Harkness, different Wineries, Branford House, Water's Edge, Elizabeth Park, Maneely's, Anthony's, etc.) They were incredibly accommodating. Again, we did a Sunday brunch so that was a huge part of it, but they easily beat the other places. We had to have them show us the # in writing because we did not believe them.

 

[Robertelamin]

A woman saying " I don't need a good ring" is one of those tests they like to administer that we like to talk about @8893 no different than when they are sick and say "honey don't let me stop you, you can still go out with your friends tonight"

Spring for a good ring . It's worth it just in the headaches saved down the road

Like one of these rings?

 

[August_West]

Was for us... Cheapest by far of the places we looked (Harkness, different Wineries, Branford House, Water's Edge, Elizabeth Park, Maneely's, Anthony's, etc.) They were incredibly accommodating. Again, we did a Sunday brunch so that was a huge part of it, but they easily beat the other places. We had to have them show us the # in writing because we did not believe them.

That's cool. I've been to a few there and they were great , great place but these were Saturday evening June and September weddings. They weren't as much as say saybrook point but they weren't crazy affordable either. The place does a great job so it's good to know they can be worked with.

 

[auror]

Planning our wedding now (engaged for 11 months, wedding in 4).

The pressure from family can be immense. I'm the first grandchild to get married on one side that's all fairly local to where we live. As much as you say "I can tell my grandma that we're eloping and there won't be a wedding", you might not be able to. I can be a selfish guy, but there are things that I'm not capable of and I'm cognizant of that.

If we financially couldn't have afforded a "usual" wedding ($20k+ in the Northeast at a "wedding venue"), it would get easier to say no, but we're not quite in that position. We got a contribution from family of what we anticipated would be 50% of costs but will probably end up being closer to 33%.

And part of us wants to throw a killer party with great food for our guests. That's part of the reason we chose a venue which we know will end up being expensive for our number of guests.

We're saving money where we can:

• Her dress was cheap (couple hundred, not thousands)
• We're being tight with guest list as much as we can (100) without being exclusive (Aunts, Uncles, cousins in plus longterm significant others, some friends/acquaintances out, most "family friends" of parents out except for a few from the family that contributed)
• I work in the beer industry and will be getting free or wholesale beer + wine.
• Essentially cheapest local DJ with good reviews from the venue
• Ceremony brief and no frills on site at the venue
• Flowers can be a huge expense and we're not skilled enough to arrange our own, but we're keeping it simple and fortunately that's on theme.
• Simple wedding ring bands. Alternative metal and on sale.
• Getting a friend to officiate after getting an online ministry.
• Cake surprisingly not that expensive through our caterer.
• Save the dates + invitations were found on a decent deal and envelopes printed ourselves.

We're spending a lot where we want:

• The food is going to be killer (Best reputation catering company in the state we're getting married in, tons of customization, this will end up being $150 a head with beverage, staffing, taxes and fees included, but not venue cost)
• We like the venue a lot. There will be baby goats on the property at time of the wedding and a nice view.

We're spending more than we want where we are forced:

• Our venue choice forces some vendors on us for things like table/chair/lights rentals. This was a con with the venue choice, but the venue offered enough positives that we are sucking this one up
• God I hope it doesn't rain so we don't need a rain tent.

If we knew someone with a large enough property to do the wedding on for substantially cheaper, we would have gone that route. But we and our family are city folk unfortunately.
100 people, $30k.

 

[Hans Sprungfeld]

There is SO much I like about the Boneyard in this thread, and I hope OP and others find it equally edutaining.

Here's a bit of my (mostly) DIY wedding:

We were not religiously observant beyond needing a rabbi and knowing none would be available on the Sabbath, so we got married on a Friday afternoon, with only immediate family, single attendants and a nearby couple with whom we were friendly acquaintances because we needed a second non-related Jewish witness and one canceled out on short notice. The ceremony was at a deconsecrated church that was filled with surrealist art created by my mother-in-law's friend who offered his place because it fulfilled a dream he'd once had. My parents paid for a rehearsal dinner-sized meal at a local restaurant, and then we younguns went home and got to work.

A tent and dance floor had earlier been erected in our FRONT yard, which was the only large enough non-treed space available; this compromise idea required some selling on my part because we lived the main drag. Still, the house sat behind a sizeable hedge along the county road that led into the single traffic light village where we lived. After dinner, we had a small army of friends arrive to set up and decorate tables until wee hours in the morning.

Earlier, we had prepared and stored food at the local B&B where my wife was manager and coordinated catering. The food was transported to our home in kitchen wastebasket-sized bags ("flexible plastic containers"), and the Inn provided staff fpr the next day. Another of my mother-in-law's friends gifted us with her bayman husband's clams and his services shucking them. That alone made for a very memorable time for a number of friends who had never had it so plentiful and so fresh. We got an appropriate amount of beer, and some wine; again, I successfully sold my wife on the notion that it'd be OK not to have an open bar ("for the grown-ups"), because her mother was in AA, and I knew that my parents and their friends were of a generation of Jews who did not drink except mildly at occasions like this.

We even rented a school bus from friends whose family owned the business in order to transport CT guests from the Port Jefferson Ferry to our village on Great South Bay. Again, if it wasn't "good enough," then those people wouldn't come. In that way, it was kind of like a destination wedding, because it required 'adventurous' parents' friends to take a chance on what the kids could put together. Those who came loved it.

The big bucks were spent on the band, a notable swing music combo that, again, my mother-in-law knew from many years ago doing publicity for the earliest Newport Jazz Festivals. One of her friends reprised her big band singing days on a few tunes, and wife & I did a duet of Cole Porter's "You're the Top."

I recall writing an unsurpassed number of $80-120 checks throughout, and I think things added up to just under $4500. The band cost $800. Considering that had a steady weekly gig at Jimmy Ryan's and included recording artists & writers of note, it was a generous courtesy discount.

We were divorced 8 years later, but on that day "a good time was had by all."

 

[August_West]

Like one of these rings?

I wish . I had to spring for a fairly decent one. Compounded by the fact that when we got to Cozumel on our honeymoon she wanted it wrapped with 2 more stones and band. Luckily in Cozumel it cost me less than 1/2 of what it would've in the states to have that mess welded together.

 

[8893]

I wish . I had to spring for a fairly decent one. Compounded by the fact that when we got to Cozumel on our honeymoon she wanted it wrapped with 2 more stones and band. Luckily in Cozumel it cost me less than 1/2 of what it would've in the states to have that mess welded together.

Get ready to pay some past-due border taxes on that baby now.

 

[August_West]

Get ready to pay some past-due border taxes on that baby now.

Then I shouldn't mention the Cohibas I smuggled back