OT: how to not blow my life savings on my wedding

[8893]

Then I shouldn't mention the Cohibas I smuggled back

I'm assuming there is no proof of those anymore.

 

[CTMike]

riverhouse ain't budget

Had my reception there, can confirm.

We had a hell of a party though.

 

[HooperScooper]

1) The wedding dress is the biggest waste of money there is. I know, you have little to no say here, but the dress can cost thousands, she wears it for half a day, then you pay a couple hundred bucks to "preserve" it in a box that gets shoved in your attic forever. The more she wants to spend on a dress, the more trouble you're in for a big tab on the entire day.

Can't agree with this enough. Unfortunately it's one of those things for a wedding that the guy really has no input on. If your fiance is practical, then great. But it's never going to work if you tell her how much to spend on the dress. Unfortunately my wife had to go to NYC to some fancy boutique that someone told her about to buy her dress. I don't remember how much it was but it was in the multiple thousands of dollars. Wore it for about 8 hours the day of our wedding and then boxed up and has never seen the light of day since. And we have 2 boys so there will be no daughter to wear it to her wedding. I'm sure the dress was great and all the women loved it at the time but after a couple months do you think anyone remembers how great the dress was? Something nice but not overly expensive will do.

 

[CTMike]

My buddy just spent all of $50 on his wedding band. If you aren't going to skimp on hers (you shouldn't)... who cares if the one on your finger is gold or platinum or whatever.

 

[Waquoit]

I just went to a DIY wedding that was catered by Bear's. Rave reviews, except for the smoked turkey. I found the key to a budget, yet nice and memorable DIY wedding is for the bride to have loving and hard working sisters.

 

[August_West]

I'm assuming there is no proof of those anymore.

18 years ago?

I don't have a humidor in my man cave like you

But I do have a couple Cubans sourced a bit later hanging around. My dads one vice, he doesn't smoke em often. And he won't tell me how he gets them!

 

[August_West]

I just went to a DIY wedding that was catered by Bear's. Rave reviews, except for the smoked turkey. I found the key to a budget, yet nice and memorable DIY wedding is for the bride to have loving and hard working sisters.

Duh. It's turkey.

I would leave a wedding reception where turkey was served.

 

[Robertelamin]

Was for us... Cheapest by far of the places we looked (Harkness, different Wineries, Branford House, Water's Edge, Elizabeth Park, Maneely's, Anthony's, etc.) They were incredibly accommodating. Again, we did a Sunday brunch so that was a huge part of it, but they easily beat the other places. We had to have them show us the # in writing because we did not believe them.

I went to my buddys wedding at Anthony's. Real nice place but I would advise not having it in the middle of summer. The groom was just pouring sweat.

 

[8893]

18 years ago?

I don't have a humidor in my man cave like you

But I do have a couple Cubans sourced a bit later hanging around. My dads one vice, he doesn't smoke em often. And he won't tell me how he gets them!

Ha! My wife gave me a humidor for a birthday or something decades ago and it's sitting empty and dry in a storage box somewhere. I don't think I ever unpacked it after we moved almost 14 years ago.

I got a few Cubans on our honeymoon in Costa Rica and I've had them on a few other occasions. I honestly don't like them as much as I like Arturo Fuentes. Most have been too "heady" for me and make me dizzy. I used to smoke cigars on occasion but it's been a couple years now--probably the last time I was at the Owl Shop. I can't even handle a full one anymore, so I stick to the Fuente Hemingway Short Story. Perfect size.

 

[8893]

I went to my buddys wedding at Anthony's. Real nice place but I would advise not having it in the middle of summer. The groom was just pouring sweat.

Same exact experience here. Except I was also pouring sweat. The only relief came when the sky opened up with a torrential downpour.

 

[Dream Jobbed 2.0]

I gotta say. Having a daughter who is getting older by the minute I like what I'm seeing here. The brides father not expected to pay anymore? Didn't know that. Sign me up now. I win on both fronts. My father in law paid every dime of our wedding which possibly could've have been spent on a decent yacht , ( which I'd prefer!) but now we can break that mold and tradition starting now and I'm off the hook! I didn't expect to get good news out of this thread but I feel great.

I'm archiving this thread for ideas for my daughter when it's time. Good stuff

I'm marrying the youngest of 3 daughters. The wedding fund is pretty dried up at this point. However, the completely remodel the first floor of the house, build a new 3 season porch, and level the backyard fund is going strong .

We're getting married at the Society Room in Hartford. Beautiful and fairly cheap venue, we're looking at about 28k. Two older sisters, one did destination and the other did backyard BBQ. Her parents aren't hurting for dough at all but we're getting the same/ less money for the wedding than they did. Le sigh.

 

[Travelman6]

Set a budget. Let your fiancé pick out her dress, the bridesmaids dresses and the flowers. Don't let her have any other input. She'll blow the budget in a heartbeat.

Way to generalize. My wife is better with money than most people, for instance.

 

[HuskyHawk]

That's all it is.
I really don't think any guy ever gives a crap about a wedding other than making sure their wife is satisfied with it. It's entirely for the women.

Nah, it's a party. Invite your friends, enjoy it. The wedding day goes very fast. There are aspects of it that are Bride driven, certainly. Here's my one piece of advice. If your friends aren't there, and don't mesh with her friends, and the whole thing isn't essentially a blast for everyone...then I wonder why you are marrying this person? I'd be curious what a poll of the divorced and still married shows about that.

I don't have advice for doing it cheap, we spent at lot. But it was pretty memorable for all involved.

 

[HuskyHawk]

Thanks all for the advice. Not enough time to message all of you. Here's where I stand:
Fiance's father owns a catering company so that is a big help...assuming he covers that cost.
Trying to budget for no more than $10k.
We both make around $50k right now.
Currently looking for venues that won't break the bank.

I splurged on a big venue, because we could (both 35, working, and making more than you two, back in 2001). But the most fun wedding I ever attended was in a place that looked kind of like a barn on the inside. Buddy's wife's dream wedding location her whole life (on CT coast) burned down and they had to find a place on like a month's notice. The place let them buy their own booze, and they had a friend bartend (saved huge $$). I picked up a keg of Sam Adams. They had a DJ and an open microphone, so we had the father of the bride singing songs with the groom and it was honestly, one of the best parties I've ever been to.

 

[Travelman6]

but the ring matters .....especially since, ideally, it's forever.
.

No, a ring does not matter. It is just an object that Debeers, etc. have tons of locked away in some storage, gotten off of cheap African labor, sadly. They have tons of great catch phrases and ad campaigns to make people think they are great but technically the ring itself it not worth much as supply far outpaces demand even if debeers tries to artificially decrease supply by pretending they do not have a lot. They have warehouses of these things.

My wife meant what she said. She did not want something expensive, she thinks it is super silly to spend so much money, especially on something that could be lost or worse, stolen, as in Bogota people tend to target anyone with any kind of sign of wealth, like a big ¨rock¨.

the vacation? that matters a hell of a lot more. We took a quick one right after the wedding to Medellin. We took a real honey moon a few months later and actually, we will take another honey moon (honeymoon 2.0, don´t care!!) in June. Travel is more important than any kind of ring for both of us.

 

[Mots010]

Spent 8k for a wedding in downtown Golden Colorado in 2011. My wife's parents are basically broke, and i'm the youngest of 4, so there wasn't much coming from that end. One area you can save a lot of money is looking for atypical venues, that may not normally hold weddings. Think VFW halls, state parks etc. Some of these have very cheap fees and no preferred vendors etc.

Bring on friends/sisters/family to help in the game-day planning and execution so you don't have to hire a wedding planner. Absolutely have someone take on the game day organization, as you won't have time to worry about when cocktail hour ends, where the officiant is, are the tables setup etc.

Try to create some home made decorations for tables instead of by expensive flower arrangements. My wife's family used to own a small winter wheat farm in eastern Colorado and we picked wheat from there to use as centerpieces. We still have the the same one on our dining room table to this day.

Stick to beer/wine and buy it all yourself through a place like Costco, then hire an acquaintance or two to be bartenders (friends of friends looking for a few bucks). Mixed drinks and cocktails increase the amount of stuff you need to buy, and just gets people drunker than they need to be.

Limit guest list to 70 or less. We had 65 and we probably could have cut it down to 50 looking back on it. You'll look back on your guest list in 5 years and you probably will barely talk to at least a handful of guests you invited.

 

[8893]

No, a ring does not matter. It is just an object that Debeers, etc. have tons of locked away in some storage, gotten off of cheap African labor, sadly. They have tons of great catch phrases and ad campaigns to make people think they are great but technically the ring itself it not worth much as supply far outpaces demand even if debeers tries to artificially decrease supply by pretending they do not have a lot. They have warehouses of these things.

My wife meant what she said. She did not want something expensive, she thinks it is super silly to spend so much money, especially on something that could be lost or worse, stolen, as in Bogota people tend to target anyone with any kind of sign of wealth, like a big ¨rock¨.

the vacation? that matters a hell of a lot more. We took a quick one right after the wedding to Medellin. We took a real honey moon a few months later and actually, we will take another honey moon (honeymoon 2.0, don´t care!!) in June. Travel is more important than any kind of ring for both of us.

I said it mattered for most and I stand by that. Sounds like you made the right call for you but I was advising against it as general advice because it has not been my experience based on my observation of my wife and many others.

 

[Travelman6]

It's worth it just in the headaches saved down the road

I don´t understand what you mean. How does this save headaches?

 

[8893]

I don´t understand what you mean. How does this save headaches?

That's not my quote, it's @August_West and I'll let him explain, even though I think I understand what he means.

 

[Travelman6]

My bad, not sure why that quote was attributed to you, as I used quote and then reply. What do you think it means?

 

[auror]

Thanks all for the advice. Not enough time to message all of you. Here's where I stand:
Fiance's father owns a catering company so that is a big help...assuming he covers that cost.
Trying to budget for no more than $10k.
We both make around $50k right now.
Currently looking for venues that won't break the bank.

If he covers catering staffing, fees, rentals and food, you can do a wedding on 10k easy. That's the biggest expense.

You can find a venue that will fit 100-200 (if you need that many) for $2-$5k fairly easily, assuming you don't know anyone with a big enough yard or whatever.

Be wary of tents. gets expensive with tents.

There's always ways to get cheap alcohol if the venue allows you to bring your own and doesn't kill you in fees for doing so. Make sure to find this out (and check legality in state for caterer alcohol supply at unlicensed vs. licensed venue, my wedding is not in CT so I don't know this).

Do your best to fight flower cost battle. This can get up to several grand in a hurry if you're not careful.

You can find a DJ for less than $1k, finding a band for less than $3k can be tough unless you know somebody or have connections.

Say...
$3k venue
$1k alcohol
DJ $800
Photographer $500
Invitations $100
Wedding ring bands $200
Flowers/Decorations $2000
Misc costs, gifts, websites, etc. $500

That's about $9k

Convince her to spend $1k or less on the dress and you're good.

 

[8893]

My bad, not sure why that quote was attributed to you, as I used quote and then reply. What do you think it means?

I think it means that most women who say that they don't want a really nice ring don't really mean it.

 

[Travelman6]

I think it means that most women who say that they don't want a really nice ring don't really mean it.

Thankfully mine did . She is super straightforward and she said that from date 1, which was great because that was what I was looking for and for she she expressed that later in the first date in several ways.

 

[UConNation]

Thanks all for the advice. Not enough time to message all of you. Here's where I stand:
Fiance's father owns a catering company so that is a big help...assuming he covers that cost.
Trying to budget for no more than $10k.
We both make around $50k right now.
Currently looking for venues that won't break the bank.

If you're getting married in CT, check out The Pond House in West Hartford. Good price, nice venue (depending on total number of people - if it's a huge party, it may not work), and you get some things thrown in (cake for instance).

 

[Husky25]

My wedding was a cash drain on the outset, but cash gifts offset the cost quite a bit. When all was said and done, my wife and I ended up spending about 1/3 of our budget wedding budget (Our honeymoon was another matter).

Pragmatism is always a plus, so either at the outset or soon thereafter (I'd advise visiting a few reception venues first), sit down with your fiance' and set out at series of priorities. Then go see a number of vendors for each service. What must you absolutely have? What can you do without? She bought her own dress so I didn't pay much mind one way or the other, but she was far more focused on the Honeymoon than the ceremony and reception. That said, the NYC boutique was a non-starter to begin with. On the other hand, we could afford it, so Filene's Basement was as well. I knew the owner of a tux shop so I could get $200 rentals for $119 and get-ups for the ring bearer for free. DJ's seemed to be a dime a dozen. They all seemed to have the same music and policy on DNP lists. It's basically chemistry at that point. A big selling point for us is that he threw in the ceremony for no charge (Really. How hard is it to push play on Canon in D?).

It was going on 8 years ago but check out Anthony's Oceanview in New Haven. They charged us $100/head for a cocktail hour of great food, 4 course meal, open bar, cake, our own concierge (personal waitress for the bride and groom. I had a bottomless tumbler of Johnny Walker Black), and a tremendous view from the attached garden. Some places are cheeper, but you have to weigh what you get. For $124/head we knocked off venue, catering, booze, cake, tax & tip, compared to what another venue named in this thread would give for venue and catering, excluding T&T. Plus Anthony's staff was not H311-bent on my guests remaining seated for dinner (a big one for me). They served the placing not the person, so people were allowed to mingle.

We got married on the beach right outside the venue by a JP (former priest. We were able to have a 20 minute "Catholic" service) for a fraction of the money and time of what a church would cost, plus we didn't have to pay for limo service (Though I did arrange for a luxury motorcoach to bring my guests to and from the hotel.).

Get married on a Friday evening in lieu of Saturday.

Make your own party favors.

Make your own center pieces (or at least provide the vases).

White gold wedding bands, instead of platinum or titanium.

Forego the videographer (one of my guests set up a tripod. I've never watched the DVD. Don't even know where it is.).

Last but not least, Shop around. EVERYTHING IS NEGOTIABLE!!