OT: how to not blow my life savings on my wedding | Page 3 | The Boneyard

OT: how to not blow my life savings on my wedding

boog204 said:
Riverhouse in Haddam and they were absolutely fantastic. Great food, awesome people, it's beautiful there, and they were so accommodating and fair.
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riverhouse ain't budget
 
My inputs in to wedding were as follows:
1. Open bar
2. Somewhere in the food line will be scallops wrapped in bacon
3. Groom's cake is red velvet with a golf themed top.

Everything else I just nodded and agreed to do.
 
I got married in October. I don´t know if it is an American thing or maybe I just got lucky, but my wife told me specifically do not spend a lot of money on a ring when you propose. She is practical like that. So if you want to save money, make sure your future wife is practical IMO. We just had a simple wedding (mom, dad, brother, best friend) in a small church. We left Bogota and got our things in a smaller town. Cities are expensive, so avoid those for tuxes, etc. Also, the reception was just at her fathers hotel (which is amazing) in the countryside so that saved a lot of money. Also, My sister had her wedding reception under a summer sunset on the beach, that will save money.

IMO I think it is easy to not spend a lot of money on a wedding, especially if both people are naturally practical.
 
Travelman32 said:
I got married in October. I don´t know if it is an American thing or maybe I just got lucky, but my wife told me specifically do not spend a lot of money on a ring when you propose.
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I was not told this, nor do I believe it to be true for most. My wife is practical and didn't want me breaking the bank on a ring, but the ring matters in my experience--especially since, ideally, it's forever.

Doesn't need be (and shouldn't be) gaudy, but shouldn't look or necessarily be "practical" either. IMO it's not a place to skimp; nor is the Honeymoon.
 
8893 said:
I was not told this, nor do I believe it to be true for most. My wife is practical and didn't want me breaking the bank on a ring, but the ring matters in my experience--especially since, ideally, it's forever.

Doesn't need be (and shouldn't be) gaudy, but shouldn't look or necessarily be "practical" either. IMO it's not a place to cut; nor is the Honeymoon.
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A woman saying " I don't need a good ring" is one of those tests they like to administer that we like to talk about @8893 no different than when they are sick and say "honey don't let me stop you, you can still go out with your friends tonight"

Spring for a good ring . It's worth it just in the headaches saved down the road
 
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August_West said:
A woman saying " I don't need a good ring" is one of those tests they like to administer that we like to talk about @8893

Spring for a good ring . It's worth it just in the headaches saved down the road
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Hearing her friends and family say that I "hit it out of the park" with the ring went a looooong way, and still does 20+ years later.

Didn't go crazy though. Got a beautiful antique platinum setting from a great estate/antique store in New Haven and basically commissioned the owner, who has many connections in the diamond trade, for the stones I wanted. He nailed it.
 
August_West said:
riverhouse ain't budget
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Was for us... Cheapest by far of the places we looked (Harkness, different Wineries, Branford House, Water's Edge, Elizabeth Park, Maneely's, Anthony's, etc.) They were incredibly accommodating. Again, we did a Sunday brunch so that was a huge part of it, but they easily beat the other places. We had to have them show us the # in writing because we did not believe them.
 
August_West said:
A woman saying " I don't need a good ring" is one of those tests they like to administer that we like to talk about @8893 no different than when they are sick and say "honey don't let me stop you, you can still go out with your friends tonight"

Spring for a good ring . It's worth it just in the headaches saved down the road
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Like one of these rings?

Arbys-Tenders-and-Onion-Rings-007.jpg
 
boog204 said:
Was for us... Cheapest by far of the places we looked (Harkness, different Wineries, Branford House, Water's Edge, Elizabeth Park, Maneely's, Anthony's, etc.) They were incredibly accommodating. Again, we did a Sunday brunch so that was a huge part of it, but they easily beat the other places. We had to have them show us the # in writing because we did not believe them.
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That's cool. I've been to a few there and they were great , great place but these were Saturday evening June and September weddings. They weren't as much as say saybrook point but they weren't crazy affordable either. The place does a great job so it's good to know they can be worked with.
 
Planning our wedding now (engaged for 11 months, wedding in 4).

The pressure from family can be immense. I'm the first grandchild to get married on one side that's all fairly local to where we live. As much as you say "I can tell my grandma that we're eloping and there won't be a wedding", you might not be able to. I can be a selfish guy, but there are things that I'm not capable of and I'm cognizant of that.

If we financially couldn't have afforded a "usual" wedding ($20k+ in the Northeast at a "wedding venue"), it would get easier to say no, but we're not quite in that position. We got a contribution from family of what we anticipated would be 50% of costs but will probably end up being closer to 33%.

And part of us wants to throw a killer party with great food for our guests. That's part of the reason we chose a venue which we know will end up being expensive for our number of guests.

We're saving money where we can:
  • Her dress was cheap (couple hundred, not thousands)
  • We're being tight with guest list as much as we can (100) without being exclusive (Aunts, Uncles, cousins in plus longterm significant others, some friends/acquaintances out, most "family friends" of parents out except for a few from the family that contributed)
  • I work in the beer industry and will be getting free or wholesale beer + wine.
  • Essentially cheapest local DJ with good reviews from the venue
  • Ceremony brief and no frills on site at the venue
  • Flowers can be a huge expense and we're not skilled enough to arrange our own, but we're keeping it simple and fortunately that's on theme.
  • Simple wedding ring bands. Alternative metal and on sale.
  • Getting a friend to officiate after getting an online ministry.
  • Cake surprisingly not that expensive through our caterer.
  • Save the dates + invitations were found on a decent deal and envelopes printed ourselves.
We're spending a lot where we want:
  • The food is going to be killer (Best reputation catering company in the state we're getting married in, tons of customization, this will end up being $150 a head with beverage, staffing, taxes and fees included, but not venue cost)
  • We like the venue a lot. There will be baby goats on the property at time of the wedding and a nice view.
We're spending more than we want where we are forced:
  • Our venue choice forces some vendors on us for things like table/chair/lights rentals. This was a con with the venue choice, but the venue offered enough positives that we are sucking this one up
  • God I hope it doesn't rain so we don't need a rain tent.
If we knew someone with a large enough property to do the wedding on for substantially cheaper, we would have gone that route. But we and our family are city folk unfortunately.
100 people, $30k.
 
There is SO much I like about the Boneyard in this thread, and I hope OP and others find it equally edutaining.

Here's a bit of my (mostly) DIY wedding:

We were not religiously observant beyond needing a rabbi and knowing none would be available on the Sabbath, so we got married on a Friday afternoon, with only immediate family, single attendants and a nearby couple with whom we were friendly acquaintances because we needed a second non-related Jewish witness and one canceled out on short notice. The ceremony was at a deconsecrated church that was filled with surrealist art created by my mother-in-law's friend who offered his place because it fulfilled a dream he'd once had. My parents paid for a rehearsal dinner-sized meal at a local restaurant, and then we younguns went home and got to work.

A tent and dance floor had earlier been erected in our FRONT yard, which was the only large enough non-treed space available; this compromise idea required some selling on my part because we lived the main drag. Still, the house sat behind a sizeable hedge along the county road that led into the single traffic light village where we lived. After dinner, we had a small army of friends arrive to set up and decorate tables until wee hours in the morning.

Earlier, we had prepared and stored food at the local B&B where my wife was manager and coordinated catering. The food was transported to our home in kitchen wastebasket-sized bags ("flexible plastic containers"), and the Inn provided staff fpr the next day. Another of my mother-in-law's friends gifted us with her bayman husband's clams and his services shucking them. That alone made for a very memorable time for a number of friends who had never had it so plentiful and so fresh. We got an appropriate amount of beer, and some wine; again, I successfully sold my wife on the notion that it'd be OK not to have an open bar ("for the grown-ups"), because her mother was in AA, and I knew that my parents and their friends were of a generation of Jews who did not drink except mildly at occasions like this.

We even rented a school bus from friends whose family owned the business in order to transport CT guests from the Port Jefferson Ferry to our village on Great South Bay. Again, if it wasn't "good enough," then those people wouldn't come. In that way, it was kind of like a destination wedding, because it required 'adventurous' parents' friends to take a chance on what the kids could put together. Those who came loved it.

The big bucks were spent on the band, a notable swing music combo that, again, my mother-in-law knew from many years ago doing publicity for the earliest Newport Jazz Festivals. One of her friends reprised her big band singing days on a few tunes, and wife & I did a duet of Cole Porter's "You're the Top."

I recall writing an unsurpassed number of $80-120 checks throughout, and I think things added up to just under $4500. The band cost $800. Considering that had a steady weekly gig at Jimmy Ryan's and included recording artists & writers of note, it was a generous courtesy discount.

We were divorced 8 years later, but on that day "a good time was had by all."
 
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Robertelamin said:
Like one of these rings?

Arbys-Tenders-and-Onion-Rings-007.jpg
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I wish . I had to spring for a fairly decent one. Compounded by the fact that when we got to Cozumel on our honeymoon she wanted it wrapped with 2 more stones and band. Luckily in Cozumel it cost me less than 1/2 of what it would've in the states to have that mess welded together.
 
August_West said:
I wish . I had to spring for a fairly decent one. Compounded by the fact that when we got to Cozumel on our honeymoon she wanted it wrapped with 2 more stones and band. Luckily in Cozumel it cost me less than 1/2 of what it would've in the states to have that mess welded together.
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Get ready to pay some past-due border taxes on that baby now.
 
Deepster said:
1) The wedding dress is the biggest waste of money there is. I know, you have little to no say here, but the dress can cost thousands, she wears it for half a day, then you pay a couple hundred bucks to "preserve" it in a box that gets shoved in your attic forever. The more she wants to spend on a dress, the more trouble you're in for a big tab on the entire day.
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Can't agree with this enough. Unfortunately it's one of those things for a wedding that the guy really has no input on. If your fiance is practical, then great. But it's never going to work if you tell her how much to spend on the dress. Unfortunately my wife had to go to NYC to some fancy boutique that someone told her about to buy her dress. I don't remember how much it was but it was in the multiple thousands of dollars. Wore it for about 8 hours the day of our wedding and then boxed up and has never seen the light of day since. And we have 2 boys so there will be no daughter to wear it to her wedding. I'm sure the dress was great and all the women loved it at the time but after a couple months do you think anyone remembers how great the dress was? Something nice but not overly expensive will do.
 
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My buddy just spent all of $50 on his wedding band. If you aren't going to skimp on hers (you shouldn't)... who cares if the one on your finger is gold or platinum or whatever.
 
8893 said:
I'm assuming there is no proof of those anymore.
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18 years ago?

I don't have a humidor in my man cave like you :-)

But I do have a couple Cubans sourced a bit later hanging around. My dads one vice, he doesn't smoke em often. And he won't tell me how he gets them!
 
Waquoit said:
I just went to a DIY wedding that was catered by Bear's. Rave reviews, except for the smoked turkey. I found the key to a budget, yet nice and memorable DIY wedding is for the bride to have loving and hard working sisters.
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Duh. It's turkey.

I would leave a wedding reception where turkey was served.
 
boog204 said:
Was for us... Cheapest by far of the places we looked (Harkness, different Wineries, Branford House, Water's Edge, Elizabeth Park, Maneely's, Anthony's, etc.) They were incredibly accommodating. Again, we did a Sunday brunch so that was a huge part of it, but they easily beat the other places. We had to have them show us the # in writing because we did not believe them.
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I went to my buddys wedding at Anthony's. Real nice place but I would advise not having it in the middle of summer. The groom was just pouring sweat.
 
August_West said:
18 years ago?

I don't have a humidor in my man cave like you :)

But I do have a couple Cubans sourced a bit later hanging around. My dads one vice, he doesn't smoke em often. And he won't tell me how he gets them!
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Ha! My wife gave me a humidor for a birthday or something decades ago and it's sitting empty and dry in a storage box somewhere. I don't think I ever unpacked it after we moved almost 14 years ago.

I got a few Cubans on our honeymoon in Costa Rica and I've had them on a few other occasions. I honestly don't like them as much as I like Arturo Fuentes. Most have been too "heady" for me and make me dizzy. I used to smoke cigars on occasion but it's been a couple years now--probably the last time I was at the Owl Shop. I can't even handle a full one anymore, so I stick to the Fuente Hemingway Short Story. Perfect size.
 
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Robertelamin said:
I went to my buddys wedding at Anthony's. Real nice place but I would advise not having it in the middle of summer. The groom was just pouring sweat.
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Same exact experience here. Except I was also pouring sweat. The only relief came when the sky opened up with a torrential downpour.
 
August_West said:
I gotta say. Having a daughter who is getting older by the minute I like what I'm seeing here. The brides father not expected to pay anymore? Didn't know that. Sign me up now. I win on both fronts. My father in law paid every dime of our wedding which possibly could've have been spent on a decent yacht , ( which I'd prefer!) but now we can break that mold and tradition starting now and I'm off the hook! I didn't expect to get good news out of this thread but I feel great.

I'm archiving this thread for ideas for my daughter when it's time. Good stuff
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I'm marrying the youngest of 3 daughters. The wedding fund is pretty dried up at this point. However, the completely remodel the first floor of the house, build a new 3 season porch, and level the backyard fund is going strong :rolleyes:.

We're getting married at the Society Room in Hartford. Beautiful and fairly cheap venue, we're looking at about 28k. Two older sisters, one did destination and the other did backyard BBQ. Her parents aren't hurting for dough at all but we're getting the same/ less money for the wedding than they did. Le sigh.
 
HooperScooper said:
Set a budget. Let your fiancé pick out her dress, the bridesmaids dresses and the flowers. Don't let her have any other input. She'll blow the budget in a heartbeat.
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Way to generalize. My wife is better with money than most people, for instance.
 
August_West said:
That's all it is.
I really don't think any guy ever gives a crap about a wedding other than making sure their wife is satisfied with it. It's entirely for the women.
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Nah, it's a party. Invite your friends, enjoy it. The wedding day goes very fast. There are aspects of it that are Bride driven, certainly. Here's my one piece of advice. If your friends aren't there, and don't mesh with her friends, and the whole thing isn't essentially a blast for everyone...then I wonder why you are marrying this person? I'd be curious what a poll of the divorced and still married shows about that.

I don't have advice for doing it cheap, we spent at lot. But it was pretty memorable for all involved.
 
UConnTrumbull said:
Thanks all for the advice. Not enough time to message all of you. Here's where I stand:
Fiance's father owns a catering company so that is a big help...assuming he covers that cost.
Trying to budget for no more than $10k.
We both make around $50k right now.
Currently looking for venues that won't break the bank.
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I splurged on a big venue, because we could (both 35, working, and making more than you two, back in 2001). But the most fun wedding I ever attended was in a place that looked kind of like a barn on the inside. Buddy's wife's dream wedding location her whole life (on CT coast) burned down and they had to find a place on like a month's notice. The place let them buy their own booze, and they had a friend bartend (saved huge $$). I picked up a keg of Sam Adams. They had a DJ and an open microphone, so we had the father of the bride singing songs with the groom and it was honestly, one of the best parties I've ever been to.
 
8893 said:
but the ring matters .....especially since, ideally, it's forever.
.
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No, a ring does not matter. It is just an object that Debeers, etc. have tons of locked away in some storage, gotten off of cheap African labor, sadly. They have tons of great catch phrases and ad campaigns to make people think they are great but technically the ring itself it not worth much as supply far outpaces demand even if debeers tries to artificially decrease supply by pretending they do not have a lot. They have warehouses of these things.

My wife meant what she said. She did not want something expensive, she thinks it is super silly to spend so much money, especially on something that could be lost or worse, stolen, as in Bogota people tend to target anyone with any kind of sign of wealth, like a big ¨rock¨.

the vacation? that matters a hell of a lot more. We took a quick one right after the wedding to Medellin. We took a real honey moon a few months later and actually, we will take another honey moon (honeymoon 2.0, don´t care!!) in June. Travel is more important than any kind of ring for both of us.
 
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