I'm tired | Page 3 | The Boneyard

I'm tired

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Blueberries said:
I've been lurking for several years and just posting over the last few weeks, so I don't get much say..... but I think you're super nice and insightful and make this board what it is, so I thank you for being here and doing what you do!
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Please take heart. You have made a big difference.
For example the compassionate way the departure of AEH and others was handled on this board is because of respectful culture you set up.
It seems to us that the gratitude of their families greatly outweighs the inevitable negativity of some posters.
 
Dear Nan- keep in mind the following Anne Frank quote: “Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart”- I had this on my wall when I taught and it was important as a reminder frequently!
Thank you for all your efforts to make the boneyard a bright spot for so many.
 
VillageHusky said:
The UConn Women’s Basketball program is a remarkable success by any standard of measure. It has defined excellence in sports, not just women’s college athletics, to a degree seen rarely if ever. The women (and man) who have made this program what it has been over the past 33 years are compelling and worthy of celebration not only collectively but in most instances individually. They have brought great credit and pride to a state often ignored in the world of sport and otherwise. This past 10 year period has seen heights reached never before in college women’s basketball and only once before in men’s college basketball, 10 straight Final Fours and 6 NCAA championships.

Although many in the press and public outside Connecticut have marveled at the success and values of this program, the Boneyard has served as an outlet and forum for those of us who wish to discuss, savor and celebrate the team beyond watching the games and reading the occasional article. We have found kindred spirits here as well as humor, appreciation and camaraderie. The moderators have worked long and hard to make that so. It would be truly a shame and a statement on our times and expectations if the Boneyard would be allowed to spiral downward into a snark zone full of criticism and free of any standards during a time when the team being discussed is 15-0, ranked no. 1, and has had a record of 385-15 over the last 10+ seasons.

I would add that, at least for me, last season was possibly the most enjoyable of any of the past recent season because the team performed so above beyond my wildest expectations and achieved such performances so appealingly and with such grace. The fact the season ended with a loss in overtime did not fill me with grief or make me thin I overlooked some signs of vulnerability during the preceding games but rather left me with a smile of wonder and gratitude for the season that had just ended.

Of course, you (Nan) should do what you need to do for yourself and your state of mind. Please just take this as my way of saying thank you to you and your fellow moderators for all your work and effort in making this space the place where fans and appreciators of this program and women’s college basketball in general could come to discuss and appreciate the games and the marvelous players and coaches in what has largely been a civil and celebratory fashion.
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Well said Village Husky! I completely agree about last season- it was my favorite, and I too was filled with wonder and gratitude despite the loss- it is too bad that everything seems to be about winning that last game- the process getting there is really valuable as well. On game days I’m filled with a glow of anticipation and my day is just brighter. How wonderful is that?
 
Nan,

Would like to say that I'm surprised by your OP but I'm not, considering the tenor of this board most days and how truly exhausting moderating can be.

I've been a part of various incarnations of this board since the 1990's, primarily lurking. We have a truly EXCEPTIONAL group of moderators here and it infuriates me that any one of them has been so emotionally drained by their moderating here that they have reached the quitting point. I've moderated a baseball board for 15 years or so know the feeling, unfortunately.

Here's my input to posters, FWIW -

1. This is a privately run message board. You, as the poster, aren't DUE anything. Owners' rules, period. You aren't even due an explanation. If you GET an explanation from a mod, consider that a gift - NOT the opening salvo in a debate. If that seems arbitrary, you don't set the rules.

2. Exercising tact and diplomacy in your posts really is beneficial for you, personally. There's an old saying, "You get more flies with honey than vinegar." Since both your off-line personal and professional life will benefit, consider it good practice to do it here.

3. Participate as if you are having an in-person discussion with your dearest loved ones. If you wouldn't say it to them, don't say it here. If you WOULD be nasty, snarky and confrontational with your dearest loved ones, I'll point out that, contrary to the Hallmark cards, love is neither eternal nor infinite. Nasty, snarky, confrontational (and abusive, dare I say) can eventually wear out the deepest devotion.

4. For those posters liking to 'mix it up' on any particular thread, try to keep in mind there are those posters that simply enjoy the team and root for them. They aren't interested in having to validate their fandom by engaging in a debate with you. There are many shades of fandom and they are all fine.

5. If you truly feel too constrained by how things operate here, there are other more...free form, shall we say...boards that might be a better fit. Or if you can't find a true fit elsewhere, start your own board.

Stepping down from my soapbox.
 
HuskyNan said:
I'm tired of being yelled at by people because they want to be nasty to others and I've asked them not to be. I'm tired of the cheap shots, condescension, and anger. I'm tired of trying to mediate between two factions with opposite opinions - half who think I'm trying to make a "sterile" environment and the other half who are irate that people might see things on the team that need fixing. I'm tired of seeing my Inbox full of angry PMs from people who think they have a right to set the other guy straight in their own words, rules be damned.

I guess I've become a dinosaur, expecting that most are basically nice people who want a civil environment to discuss a team or game we all love. I'm saddened for the vast, silent majority that have been silenced by angry or condescending voices. I know you're out there. I'm sorry I can't help you.

I work full time. I have a family and friends to enjoy yet I spend a lot of time trying to keep people from arguing on an Internet web site. Nothing I say matters, so I yield. Go ahead, call each other names, humiliate each other, tell us how you disdain the little people with the bad temper - go ahead. If that's what you want, why should I keep fighting?
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You probably didn't mean to but you've drawn out a lot of the "lurkers" with this thread. Nice job. Now if only we could get them to post more often on regular threads, maybe we could drown out some of the negativity around here.

Keep your head up. I would say it gets better, but.... you know better than that. If it really is too much and really not worth it, always remember you and your family should come first. A lot of times in life we have the choice to be happy or miserable.
 
meyers7 said:
You probably didn't mean to but you've drawn out a lot of the "lurkers" with this thread. Nice job. Now if only we could get them to post more often on regular threads, maybe we could drown out some of the negativity around here.

Keep your head up. I would say it gets better, but.... you know better than that. If it really is too much and really not worth it, always remember you and your family should come first. A lot of times in life we have the choice to be happy or miserable.
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Meyers- your a respected poster here( at least IMHO) but is there really so much negativity? I personally don't post a lot in game threads since I usually watch games in person or on DVr.

You know how crazy the games threads are on other boards that actually lose games!!?!! It's kinda laughable. This board is candy land bingo compared to normal programs that don't make the final four every year.
 
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Nan,

You do a great service for the world by standing up for civility. We all come into the world as little savages, and it’s only through the education that we learn to be civilized. Unfortunately, the constant efforts of shining lights like yourself are still required to remind us all to play nicely.

I really enjoy checking this site everyday and send you lots of love and appreciation for making it so great.
 
JustinesGuy said:
Meyers- your a respected poster here( at least IMHO) but is there really so much negativity? I personally don't post a lot in game threads since I usually watch games in person or on DVr.

You know how crazy the games threads are on other boards that actually lose games!!?!! It's kinda laughable. This board is candy land bingo compared to normal programs that don't make the final four every year.
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Ummm, negativity in the doom and gloom manner. This team sucks or this player sucks or my favorite player isn't being used right so Geno sucks. Negativity like that, while yea, being undefeated, #1, great recruits coming in, etc.

Yea, I don't do game threads. Occasionally I will read through them the next day, but not usually. Most of the stupidity seems to come out in them. Besides, due to mojo purposes, I cannot watch the game live anyway. I have to record it and watch it later. (you guys are welcome :cool:).
 
meyers7 said:
Ummm, negativity in the doom and gloom manner. This team sucks or this player sucks or my favorite player isn't being used right so Geno sucks. Negativity like that, while yea, being undefeated, #1, great recruits coming in, etc.

Yea, I don't do game threads. Occasionally I will read through them the next day, but not usually. Most of the stupidity seems to come out in them. Besides, due to mojo purposes, I cannot watch the game live anyway. I have to record it and watch it later. (you guys are welcome :cool:).
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Good call. I always welcome your insights.
 
I hope you don't give up and I will take your feelings into consideration when I post.
 
Lots of support and appreciation for censorship. Respectfully, I dissent...while I'm still able to do so.
 
Nan, I used to help moderate a board for firefighters. I feel your pain. I agree with others who have pointed out that a lot of responses are from those who don't necessarily post much but enjoy the board. They appreciate what you and the other moderators do and what this board adds to being a Huskies fan. I am a fairly recent participant in this board, this being the third season that I have been here. For some reason, this year just feels different to me and I have found it less pleasurable to visit here. Sometimes it amazes me how people can be so wrapped up in this team and what the players and coaches do or don't do. Sure, I am a fan of the team and I enjoy the games, but my day and my life isn't ruined if they don't play well or, horror of horrors, they lose a game.
 
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Golden Husky said:
Lots of support and appreciation for censorship. Respectfully, I dissent...while I'm still able to do so.
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A few points, if I may.

1. We're applying the same standards we have for a long time with only some occasional evolutions of emphasis. This mod team has been in place for 15 years or so. We aren't going to change because of a clamor among some people, based on current events, for tighter or looser control of the board.

2. From the point of view of board moderation, negative views are just as welcome here, if not as popular, as positive ones. They can spur good discussion, of which there's a lot on the board in case people haven't noticed. Personally, I don't even have the perception of rampant current negativity that some posters are expressing. More like a shrug at critical posts as long as they and the responses to them are civil and in accordance with board rules.

3. On that score, I don't see rampant incivility either. We aren't taking more or less disciplinary action than usual (see point 1). There's the usual range and frequency of conduct issues and we're using the usual tools to deal with them.

4. If people think there's a new incivility, I'd like to discuss issues and personalities from years past when some classic board villains were around. It's quite a saga. Maybe another time. The war of positoids versus negatoids has been going on for a long, long time. It's like Korea. Peace has never been declared.

5. Nan's situation is her situation. Biff and I don't see the incoming she takes and can't stand in her personal shoes. We're cooperative colleagues and will continue to support and inform each other's efforts.
 
VAMike23 said:
Nan once imparted a bit of wisdom to me here, in the heat of some hand-to-hand combat I was engaged in with another unruly poster. Of course he said I was unruly. We were both right. Anyway, it went something like this:
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I have never seen you act aggressively to other posters. When I first joined the forum, I was shocked by the negative reactions that my posts engendered. I probably would have never come back if it hadn't been for you, Nan, a poster named speedoo (who no longer posts), wire chief, and DaddyChoc. The mods have done an excellent job of maintaining a civil environment, but the support of other posters cannot be understated.

Nan, I appreciate all you do here. Thanks for all your (mostly) thankless work.
 
I came to the BY several years ago from another sports board that has now all but died due to a hate-spew mentality. The BY has never, during the period since, come within a country mile of the nastiness of that other board. But what I learned in coming here was that there is a culture that requires some restraint and diplomacy. I have come to like that culture, and I’m grateful for the moderators who assist it.

The solution, as many have suggested, is to warn rude members once, then ban or suspend them if they can’t or won’t get the message.
And before someone gets their dander up about “censorship,” I’d suggest they do their homework as to what the term means. The owners of this board can edit or erase any message they want for any reason they want. End of discussion.
 
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I do not post often - lurk almost daily. And I lurk on a few other boards much less frequently. But I do have an idea for solving this problem. Take 10% of the offending posters and send them to the Tennessee board. You will increase the civility of both boards by a large margin. And just in case you are wondering... my tongue is in my cheek.
 
Bliss said:
It's good to vent.
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Yes, yes it is.

I’d apologize for spewing but I’m not really sorry so I apologize if anyone felt this was directed at them and hope no one feels they shouldn’t post any more. I do appreciate everyone’s support and am thrilled to see new friends posting. Meyers is spot on - please post more. Your views and thoughts are just as valid as anyone else’s. Use the Report function to let us know if you get attacked. (see the Learning the Boneyard thread tacked to the top of the board).

Everyone’s warm thoughts are wonderful. Everyone should have their own four page thread every once in a while. I feel like Queen for the Day. Thank you all.

So, game threads - they seem to be the major bone of contention. There’s a game tomorrow and I’m going to review it more carefully than I have. Participants, please continue what you’re currently doing but be aware if a post disappears, you may want to begin rephrasing things. If things are unmanageable, we’ll make game threads Chat Room only.

I’m not going to keep making announcements - you don’t like reading them and I hate writing them so let’s move on. The rules are posted at the top of the board and will be updated as needed.

Again, many thanks and keep posting.
 
Remember, Nan, you can always call in Captain Rex Kramer!
Man, this scene is still one of the best!! LOL!

 
Nan I'm relatively new to contributing to the BY but have visited the BY plus other WBB boards for a long time. The BY is far and away the most informative and cordial of the boards I've visited. That is because of the quality of the moderators such as yourself. Please accept my thanks for the time and effort you put into keeping all of us on the high road. Your efforts are reflected every day in the quality of the discourse.
 
I feel the same. I view myself as a visitor on this board. I am a BU fan first and foremost. However, I love WBB in general and love talking about it. This board is the best of all the other teams boards BU included. I do feel some people are super bias and can see past their own UConn fan smoke. However, I am on your board and expect it. Just like if on any other board you know some fans only follow that team are very bias and aren't going to be able to engage in educated convos about the sport and other teams. I do love this board because of the wide variety of topics yall talk about and how knowledgeable most of you all are on the sports past, present, and current future.

Some of the issue is outsiders. Like me being a BU fan I talk and watch anything to do with BU or Big12. So why does a UT fan have the right to just go and dog me for MY OPINION on another board that they are guest on? I try to only state facts and talk about what is factual and not be biased. Yet in another discussion I was told "Why are you even on here? You know nothing about UT and you should not be commenting? You have no reason to be in this convo." When all I said was the same thing everyone else on here has said.

I hope I have not offended anyone and if I ever do let me know because it was never my intent! I enjoy this board for the information, banter, and sharing the love for this sport. I do think some of the moderators should watch people closely because I have seen some nasty things said. A lot coming from fans that are visitors on this board. The BU board had to kick some people off because they just came on and bashed our coach. The only post they made were very negative and derogative. That's when it takes the fun from boards like these. I understand you may not be a fan of the school or coach, but why go on their board just to be a jerk? I will not come on here and bash Geno, if I didn't like him, because that is just rude. (I like him) Same if I went to the UT, ND, SC boards. I just don't get it. Banter can be fun, but others take it too far.

Sorry for grammatical errors, don't have time to proof read! :)
 
mag 7 said:
I do not post often - lurk almost daily. And I lurk on a few other boards much less frequently. But I do have an idea for solving this problem. Take 10% of the offending posters and send them to the Tennessee board. You will increase the civility of both boards by a large margin. And just in case you are wondering... my tongue is in my cheek.
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Tongue in cheek or not - this is an awesome idea.
 
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Nan as a person that believes that rules should be followed I think that you and the other Mods do a very demanding job surprisingly well, considering the amount of traffic on the BY. I hope that you decide to stay because you always seem to be able to settle things down if they do get out of hand. I admit that I've even may have violated a rule or two while posting, and for that I truly apologize.
 
OldAlum said:
Sorry, but the title of this thread had me thinking of "Blazing Saddles" and Madeline Kahn! :p
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Which was kind of a takeoff from Barbara Stanwick in “Christmas in Connecticut”.
 
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