I get it. It's not simple and is different for every kid. Auburn is $34 out of state (so is South Carolina). Assume maybe $8k merit and that's $26. Room and board is $17 (I'll even say $20 for that sorority) so 26+20=46. Providence doesn't give much merit, so let's take Fairfield, it's relatively cheaper anyway at $59k for tuition but room and board is $22k. Merit might be about $14k, so $45+22= 67. That's still a $20k a year gap. Even a high quality midwestern school like Purdue is $44 a year out of state with no merit aid.
Most of those big state schools are better than a school like Fairfield, or Sacred Heart, have a vastly more robust alumni network, and are in a region with more job growth. Factor in the cost advantage and that kids and their parents are focusing on STEM and Business rather than liberal arts, and it's a real competitive advantage that is hard to ignore. Worcester Polytechnic is $75k. How do you choose that over Purdue as an engineering student? WPI is ranked #64 for undergrad engineering and Purdue is #8. Georgia Tech is an insane deal as well.
To your point, it's highly individualized. My kid wanted an urban environment. She hated UConn and UNH. Wouldn't even apply. I didn't even take her to Amherst. She also had no idea what she wanted to study, if you do know, that's an advantage. Northeastern was the most expensive option for her (and highest rated) but with Co-op helping to direct her towards a field of study it was a good choice. But loads of her high school classmates at a Catholic HS in metro Boston went to big southern public schools. For many it wasn't money, but warmth, football, Greek life and college fun that appealed.