Tipping and Restaurant Etiquette Thread

[WhereistheDove?]

I hate that we have to tip here; I love the European model at restaurants.

Still, since we live in the US: 20% unless the server really sucks.

Usually my friends and I split it evenly; when we're out grabbing drinks, we take turns picking up tabs. Anything else is barbarism.

Agree with everything here. And I try to keep enough cash in my wallet specifically to pay for tip. I know that’s generally greatly appreciated.

 

[Lefty2one]

Depends on the friends were out with. I have a few friends who do very well and like to splurge at restaurants. We were at a nice sushi place in NYC earlier this year with one couple and the tab was $450 pre-tip. $320 of it was their food/drinks. Needless to say, I'm not splitting that.

For normal meals out, where the tab is between $80-$120 for two couples, I'll split it. I pick up the tab if it's a reasonable meal and friends are visiting from a good distance (a flight or a 3+ hour drive).

I hate tipping with a passion (the workers deserve to be paid by the owner, not by patrons) but tip very well. I usually calculate to 20% and then round up even more. The one trend I can't stand is bagel/coffee shop/food places that don't have table service asking for tips on the tablet checkout systems. Seriously? You're pouring my coffee and handing me a muffin from the display case; I'm not adding 20% on to my tab for that.

That is my rule: it has to be table service to get a tip.

 

[RichZ]

• Did you ever notice that when women go out together, they always sit there and break down what everyone had and how much they each owe, but guys either go with one pays everything, or the even split.
• Do women use that total recall thing about paying for lunches with each other the way they do when arguing, or instigating an argument on the spur of the moment with guys? "Deborah, don't you remember that time we stopped for lunch on August 2nd, or maybe it was the 9th, in 1992, and I had left my change purse in the car, so I was short 37 cents on the bill, and you covered for me? So I'll leave the tip today, then we'll be even."
• One time 6 of us (wife, daughter's immediate family and me) were on vacation in California and experienced one of the most attentive and efficient waiters ever. Young guy, maybe early 20s. My son-in-law picked up the check, but I insisted on leaving the tip. I typically tip heavy when the service is good, and in this case, it was memorably so, and I was in a good mood, so I went a bit exorbitant. I think I left the kid a 50 on a $125 check. He comes back and says we must have made a mistake on the tip. I took the check, looked at it, and said, oh, you're right, sorry about that, and added another 20 before I gave it back to him. Kid came over to hold the door for us on our way out, and kept thanking us to the point of embarrassment. That was like 15 years ago. I don't often tip real heavy any more, because I judge all wait staff by that kid.
• Recently had an experience that left me confused about the tip. Service was efficient, friendly and courteous. Probably in the 25% tip range. But the food was, uhm... not good. Pretty horrible, actually. Neither of us finished our meal. Waitress asked if we wanted it boxed up to take home. No. No, we didn't. I really wanted to tell her she should get a job in a better restaurant, because she was too good for this place, and the lousy food was probably hurting her tips. But my wife wouldn't let me.
• Neither my wife nor myself drink, which typically makes checks imbalanced when we go out with relatives or friends but we usually split the check more-or-less evenly. I make up for it by ordering more food than anyone else.<G>

 

[HuskyHawk]

Agree with @rich1122 when it is just me and a friend watching UConn and grabbing bar food and beers it’s never an issue.

The splitting is sometimes a challenge. My wife and I don’t order the super expensive entrees, or appetizers, desert, or coffee after. And won’t be ordering expensive cocktails. Most times we can just split, but when people order multiple appetizers for the table that she and I can’t eat or don’t like, that’s annoying. Some people just do “dinner out” differently than others. We typically want the entree and to get out quickly.

Another etiquette question is about noise. I’m hearing impaired and even with my hearing aids set to noise reduction mode I can barely carry on a conversation in most restaurants (often I can’t at all). In recent years even the nicer places are loud as hell. Everyone is yelling. I really just don’t even like eating out anymore. I’d rather take it home or make something nice at home.

 

[RichZ]

Another etiquette question is about noise. I’m hearing impaired and even with my hearing aids set to noise reduction mode I can barely carry on a conversation in most restaurants (often I can’t at all). In recent years even the nicer places are loud as hell. Everyone is yelling. I really just don’t even like eating out anymore. I’d rather take it home or make something nice at home.

My brother has severely impaired hearing, and has to turn his hearing aids off in restaurant type settings. We were recently seated at a table in a family function with my sister-in-law's brother-in-law, who is in his 80s and in early stage dementia. Hard to tell, because he was always a loud, obnoxious a to start with. He started screaming at my brother for ignoring him, and wouldn't stop. My brother just kept saying "I can't hear anything you're saying," and the guy just kept screaming louder. Very uncomfortable situation.

 

[8893]

What’s more involved?

Basically, bigger orders, or lots of stuff on the side, etc.

At pizza places I generally go a buck a box.

 

[8893]

• Neither my wife nor myself drink, which typically makes checks imbalanced when we go out with relatives or friends but we usually split the check more-or-less evenly. I make up for it by ordering more food than anyone else.<G>

As I noted when I first started this topic in the other thread, we are definitely cognizant of an imbalance like booze vs. no booze and we always make up for it. I'm talking about people comparing prices of entrees, and even adding comments like "If I knew we were splitting, I would have gotten something different." I'm done with that.

 

[ConnHuskBask]

With buddies it's almost entirely 50/50. If I feel like I had a couple more beers or something, I'll offer to cover the tip but people usually decline. Same thing if someone else offers to cover the tip if they had a few more, I'll decline.

It all comes out in the wash folks.

 

[storrsroars]

Basically, bigger orders, or lots of stuff on the side, etc.

At pizza places I generally go a buck a box.

I'm conflicted on takeout as I know about the operations of a number of places where the person packing the order often doesn't see a dime of any tips.

If I see who's packing my order, for instance at a standup takeout place with few tables and an open kitchen, I'll leave something explicitly for that person. Otherwise it may go right into the cashier's or owner's pocket. As someone who's been in the foodservice biz for awhile, trust me it happens more than you think.

Even on deliveries of big orders, say 10 pizzas, a lot of places have an honor system where if the driver gets anything over $10, the balance goes into a staff kitty to be split at end of the night. You know when a driver comes back in with, "Can you believe how cheap those creeps were only tipping $10 on a $180 order!", that that guy is simply ripping off the rest of the staff 99x of 100 as he pocketed more than $10.

Yes, I'm cynical. Comes from experience.

But when you get great service, acknowledge it, even if it's just words. Best customer service person I met this year was a tattooed woman with purple hair at a Pennzoil oil change place. If I still owned my cafe, I'd hire her in a second and told her that after she refused a tip.

 

[superjohn]

Depends on the friends were out with. I have a few friends who do very well and like to splurge at restaurants. We were at a nice sushi place in NYC earlier this year with one couple and the tab was $450 pre-tip. $320 of it was their food/drinks. Needless to say, I'm not splitting that.

For normal meals out, where the tab is between $80-$120 for two couples, I'll split it. I pick up the tab if it's a reasonable meal and friends are visiting from a good distance (a flight or a 3+ hour drive).

I hate tipping with a passion (the workers deserve to be paid by the owner, not by patrons) but tip very well. I usually calculate to 20% and then round up even more. The one trend I can't stand is bagel/coffee shop/food places that don't have table service asking for tips on the tablet checkout systems. Seriously? You're pouring my coffee and handing me a muffin from the display case; I'm not adding 20% on to my tab for that.

That is my rule: it has to be table service to get a tip.

You realize the added cost will be on the customer whether you tip or if waitstaff is given a living wage and there is no tipping, right? Restaurants have to make money somehow.

 

[tzznandrew]

You realize the added cost will be on the customer whether you tip or if waitstaff is given a living wage and there is no tipping, right? Restaurants have to make money somehow.

Right, but in a world with tipping the waitstaff is subject to the whims of the clientele.

I'd rather a cheeseburger cost $17 dollars flat than be listed at $13.50 without tax in it. It's a better consumer experience, IMO, and better for the waitstaff since they'll get a living wage and still probably have that $17 rounded up to $20 more often than not.

 

[whaler11]

Restaurants need the servers to upsell you. That’s why it will never happen at scale.

 

[superjohn]

Right, but in a world with tipping the waitstaff is subject to the whims of the clientele.

I'd rather a cheeseburger cost $17 dollars flat than be listed at $13.50 without tax in it. It's a better consumer experience, IMO, and better for the waitstaff since they'll get a living wage and still probably have that $17 rounded up to $20 more often than not.

I don't care either way, the people I know who work in the service industry prefer tipping to having a cheap salary/living wage. I'm sure it's different in cities than small towns/burbs...

 

[mauconnfan]

Always generous, my wife thinks over actually but I bartended a long time growing up and get it. And depending on the situation, the place we're having dinner with others etc etc we pick up tabs so do many of our friends. I myself have a very solid group of friends who enjoy the mau who comes to golf, have fun and a few so I now get rides so many many times I pick up tabs after golf. (or pick up golf like I had co-workers from NJ come up to RI I picked up golf recently for 4 liked them to come visit my spot). But we have so many friends who are similar to us it all ends up a wash but when there is one or 2 of the others type we all figure out each others spend because that's what they like to do, I honestly hate that.

Oh and bar cart girls, I tip them very well but of course that kind of depends too LOL. By the way I do bring my own most every course as do friends but we also do not let the bar cart girl go by without spending feel like we do owe that to her and the course too.

 

[cohenzone]

Sort of apropos, a few years ago my son and his family had just moved to the Syracuse area when we went up to visit them. We went to a local restaurant, six of us including my son’s two kids. I was going to pay the bill and asked for the check. The server said there wasn’t one because some people at another table picked up our tab. My son knew nobody in the area at the time. I told tge server that I would leave the tip and he said that was already taken care of. The people who paid the bill had left already so I asked the server if he knew why they’d paid. He said they liked the looks of our family. Unfortunately we haven’t run into them again.

On the OP, we usually split bills unless it’s a special occasion treating one or the other of us or one couple’s bill is substantially more. We have some friends who have more alcoholic drinks than we do and once in a while some who drink none at all. That’s usually where bigger differences occur in the bill and splitting is really not cool.

 

[8893]

I'm conflicted on takeout as I know about the operations of a number of places where the person packing the order often doesn't see a dime of any tips.

I'm mostly talking about places with high school or college kids handling the takeout, with decorated tip jars, etc., and where I go often and know that they are getting the money. I do tip a few owners (barber, falafel guy) but I know it and they know it and they treat me really well and usually undercharge me.

ETA: Had an interesting situation a few months ago when we placed a big carryout order from Taino Smokehouse for a going away dinner for one of my daughters. Mrs. 8893 placed the order around 2:00 and asked for 5:45 pickup. I get there at 5:45 on the nose and the girl at the register looks horrified when I tell her the name for our order, and she reports that they had just thrown it out after it sat for a few hours and they were unable to reach us. Apparently the person working that afternoon was a trainee who had been left alone, and he neglected to note that the order was to be picked up almost four hours later.

As you might imagine, I was none too happy. While I stepped aside to report the news to Mrs. 8893, I observed the girl go back and report it to the manager, who immediately came over to me and apologized. She said she had already told the kitchen to remake our entire order immediately and it would be ready in ten minutes, and that she was knocking 50% off the bill, which was a pretty sizable bill. While I was waiting, the girl manning the register gave me a cider on the house, too. I put a $20 in the tip jar for that takeout, and I've been back to eat there with another large party since to reward them with more busines. I'll be a fan for life with that kind of service.

 

[David 76]

Usually it all works out easy.
The hard part for me is what to tip for bad service (not blood on the plate bad). No matter how rude or screwy the service, I have a hard time tipping any less than 15%, even though I don't think they deserve it.

 

[Husker Husky]

My 2 cents:

Regarding RichZ's first point - "

• Did you ever notice that when women go out together, they always sit there and break down what everyone had and how much they each owe, but guys either go with one pays everything, or the even split." I have a funny story going back to the cash days. I was at a table with 3 or 4 women and made the same point, including the point that they will purse dive for pennies to come up with the exact amount (inc tip) and that in general, men will get 1 bill and all throw $20's on the table. The women all started to crucify me, when the female waitress who was standing within earshot bent over and said. He's 100% right!

Regarding the European way and superjohn's - "the people I know who work in the service industry prefer tipping to having a cheap salary/living wage" is generally true. A friend is a professional waiter and makes a good living. When asked he will always say he prefers the American way. But, he's also is a social media snapper head and the next day (or sometimes even late the same night) when someone fails to tip him at a percentage that he feels is less than commensurate with his skill and effort he'll post the most vile and hate filled comments. lol

 

[HuskyHawk]

My 2 cents:

Regarding RichZ's first point - "

• Did you ever notice that when women go out together, they always sit there and break down what everyone had and how much they each owe, but guys either go with one pays everything, or the even split." I have a funny story going back to the cash days. I was at a table with 3 or 4 women and made the same point, including the point that they will purse dive for pennies to come up with the exact amount (inc tip) and that in general, men will get 1 bill and all throw $20's on the table. The women all started to crucify me, when the female waitress who was standing within earshot bent over and said. He's 100% right!

Regarding the European way and superjohn's - "the people I know who work in the service industry prefer tipping to having a cheap salary/living wage" is generally true. A friend is a professional waiter and makes a good living. When asked he will always say he prefers the American way. But, he's also is a social media snapper head and the next day (or sometimes even late the same night) when someone fails to tip him at a percentage that he feels is less than commensurate with his skill and effort he'll post the most vile and hate filled comments. lol

I think it depends. At Applebee’s I suspect the wait staff would be better off with higher wages and no tips. At a high end restaurant, I doubt it. If they pull in 20% on those expensive meals with wine they are making decent money. A single table spending $150 over an hour long meal is $30 plus actual wages. Multiply by covering about 3 tables. I’m sure the bus people get some cut but still, it’s more than they’d likely be paid in a no tipping system.

I recall a family friend’s oldest son working at Cavys in Manchester back in the 80s. He was making over $1000 a night on weekend nights. Of course you need to be very good to land those jobs.

 

[storrsroars]

I think it depends. At Applebee’s I suspect the wait staff would be better off with higher wages and no tips. At a high end restaurant, I doubt it. If they pull in 20% on those expensive meals with wine they are making decent money. A single table spending $150 over an hour long meal is $30 plus actual wages. Multiply by covering about 3 tables. I’m sure the bus people get some cut but still, it’s more than they’d likely be paid in a no tipping system.

I recall a family friend’s oldest son working at Cavys in Manchester back in the 80s. He was making over $1000 a night on weekend nights. Of course you need to be very good to land those jobs.

Depends how the restaurant implements the "living wage". Is it just doing the minimum they can or does it include benefits and profit sharing?

Here's a local place I support fully: Bar Marco.

 

[Devland]

One of the things that turned me off the most while eating out was a waitress who complained to our table about another table leaving a lousy tip. That is between her and them. Don't involve us.

 

[CL82]

With buddies it's almost entirely 50/50. If I feel like I had a couple more beers or something, I'll offer to cover the tip but people usually decline. Same thing if someone else offers to cover the tip if they had a few more, I'll decline.

It all comes out in the wash folks.

Same, but I appreciate the offer.

 

[krinklecut]

20% for normal service, 30-35% for good service. If I can afford to go out I can afford to help the overworked server making slave wages. After years in the service industry and managing in the service industry, I have no tolerance for my friends who tip poorly.

You don't like the current tipping model in the US? Don't participate in it. Order in or cook your own food. You don't get to participate in a system and screw someone out of hard earned money because you disagree with how it works.

 

[ConnHuskBask]

Same, but I appreciate the offer.

It's all about the gesture.

 

[storrsroars]

Sort of apropos, a few years ago my son and his family had just moved to the Syracuse area when we went up to visit them. We went to a local restaurant, six of us including my son’s two kids. I was going to pay the bill and asked for the check. The server said there wasn’t one because some people at another table picked up our tab. My son knew nobody in the area at the time. I told tge server that I would leave the tip and he said that was already taken care of. The people who paid the bill had left already so I asked the server if he knew why they’d paid. He said they liked the looks of our family. Unfortunately we haven’t run into them again.

On the OP, we usually split bills unless it’s a special occasion treating one or the other of us or one couple’s bill is substantially more. We have some friends who have more alcoholic drinks than we do and once in a while some who drink none at all. That’s usually where bigger differences occur in the bill and splitting is really not cool.

Were you wearing UConn gear?