OT: I'm sorry I just need to vent

[ctchamps]

The loss of the baby is a tragedy. If you and your girlfriend struggle with the loss seek help as people have suggested.

You discuss your ex because so much bad has happened to you in such a short time but her treatment of you is on her and not on you. Don't begin to think that there is something wrong with you based on these two events. You, your girlfriend and her daughter can come closer together after this tragedy. Hopefully that happens and hopefully the three of you have a long period of future happiness.

Prayers for the three of you.

 

[ctchamps]

You are in the right place to post this and let me tell you why. I never posted anything about it, but about a year and a half I lost my Daughter to SUDEP aka Sudden unexpected death in Epilepsy, she was 28 years old. I had little support from home wife was away traveling for work so I felt all a lone. That's when I spent a lot of time in here reading and liking post trying to keep my mind off why she was here with me one day and gone the next. It help me get through my pain and that's why this is the right place.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss as well. Losing a child is the worse thing in the world by far. It's threads like this that should remind us of the real losses in life.

 

[FfldCntyFan]

Blue Blood, my condolences.

About fourteen months before my son was born (he turned 21 five months ago) my then wife had a miscarriage about ten weeks into the pregnancy. That was one of the saddest events of my life and we grieved at a level beyond anything I could have imagined prior to that. As difficult as it may have been for me, it was infinitely worse for my wife for a number of reasons, not the least being that we had been married for roughly ten months when we found out she was pregnant and that pregnancy was something she wanted beyond anything from shortly before the wedding. As bad as the miscarriage itself was, adding insult to injury so to speak was the procedure (suction D & C) she had to endure the following morning.

I feel for you man but as bad as it may be for you, what she is going through is worse. Be there for here. Be strong, caring, comforting, understanding and anything else you need to be for her.

Life deals some devastating blows. What you have with her, that little girl, you parent's and true friends is what will get you through this.

 

[jleves]

I'm going to have a somewhat different take on this to some extent (although the end thoughts are about the same). Let's start with the bad: losing an unborn child is horrible. One of my very best friends went through this several times before finally having a healthy boy. It's really tough and the means to finalize the pregnancy takes a serious toll. We have raised money and walked with them for an organization called Forever Footprints. I'm sure there is something like this on your side of the country. Hopefully participating in something like this will make you closer when the event can drive you apart.

So you have had one really bad thing happen, but as I see it, you have had 3 great things happen. 1) You have gotten away from someone who for some reason didn't want to be with you for some period of time - so much so, she wanted a divorce. The suggestion of infidelity seems pretty reasonable considering she later wanted to get back together. You decided to drive through the night almost crashing twice for a reason - you probably suspected the situation and wanted confirmation (tell me this didn't go through your mind continually on your drive). 2) You found a woman who loves you enough to not only move in with you, but introduce her daughter to you and 3) you have a young girl who wants you to take on the role of being her dad (or at least step dad, but it sounds like sperm donor dad is out of the picture, so she wants you to be her dad figure). That is amazing!

On top of all that, you have a new house with no baggage in it.

Although you and your new girlfriend have had a tough break, overall, it sounds like you are pretty blessed with the gifts you have been receiving. Focus on those things.

And as many others have suggested, remove all contact with the ex. You have a bigger role to fill and like spoiled milk, that will never get better. Time to step up Daddy.

 

[ConnHuskBask]

Sorry about your loss, but by the sounds of it, it seems you have a great current girlfriend and a new daughter that loves you a lot.

A good buddy of mine's wife had a miscarraige about a year ago and a couple weeks ago they welcomed a new baby boy to the world. Hopefully you'll experience that too.

As crazy as the Boneyard can be, I think there are a lot of solid guys and gals on here that will be thinking and hoping for the best of you.

 

[socal613ws]

Feels like something out of a movie. Just hope everything works out for the best. I knew someone who left their house too to move in with a girl and after he sold the house, she told him that they need to seperate. Women will change their minds from day to the other ( I Know from experience). I've lost friends and relationships because of it, but I still don't regret anything.

 

[Hoophound]

The saying, "everything happens for a reason" is truly profound. I am sure that you will find the reason if you are open to it.

It sounds to me like you have someone to be a dad to right now, and probably some learning from it to do as well.

However, I think it is important to ask, how do you feel about the new girlfriend and instant fatherhood? Are you in love with her or just happy to have someone?

How do you feel about the ex? Do you still lover her and do you think retrospectively that she left you because you were inconsiderate or unavailable?

I guess what I'm saying is, I hope you are really in love with the one you choose or for the good of all, don't choose one and keep looking. You don't owe the ex a second chance and you don't owe the gf the rest of your life because she miscarried. Choose happiness.

 

[UCweCONN]

I have been in your ex's situation and realized that I'd made a mistake so I wouldn't be so judgmental of her. Sometimes life can be overwhelming and the easiest thing to do is to run away from commitment and everything and that's probably what she did. I did have a "Wedding Singer" moment when I read that part of your story.

That was a rough story. My first child was conceived right away so I thought it would be easy to have another. It took 8 years with a similar miscarriage in between and fertility doctors etc. Life isn't easy, unfortunately. I'm hoping the pendulum swings in the other direction and brings you happier times.

 

[joober jones]

I'm sorry Boneyarders this is going to be a long post and has absolutely nothing to do with UConn basketball but I just need to share my story with some people who I don't know. I don't post on here often but I take great joy out of the nonsensical arguments that frequent these boards.

I got married in July of 2015 to my girlfriend of 6 years. We had a normal relationship with its ups and downs but I loved my wife very deeply. After about 8 months of marriage she got a great job offer at Duke medical center. I hate Duke as much as anyone else on this yard but this was the type of offer you cannot turn down. A month or so later she moved down I planned to follow a few months later once I had sold our house up here and cleared up all of our affairs in Connecticut. Shortly after making my third trip down with the last of our remaining things and having the house recently sold she informed me she did not want me to move down there. She said she was happier on her own and would be keeping 2 of our 3 dogs. She told me this over the phone on a Monday evening after talking about the final planning items for a cruise we had planned with both sets of parents. I drove down in the middle of the night that night and went off the road twice due to exhaustion. Luckily I was able to correct my vehicle both times and nothing bad happened. I realize this was dumb but she sprung this on me out the blue and I was not right emotionally. After speaking with her I made two additional trips to North Carolina to try and change her mind neither worked. We filed for a non-adversairial divorce shortly after that.

A couple months later I was at a former roommates wedding from my time at UConn. The wedding was wonderful and I found myself quite intoxicated by its end. I decided to message a woman who I had known through a few different networking events with a fairly nonsensical message that essentially said I was into her and thought we had potential. After ridiculing me for the message for a couple of days she agreed to go out with me. At least for me the chemistry was instant we had talked several times at different events over the past couple of years so there was no feeling out period, everything seemed to flow great and after months of being devastated I finally started to feel happy again. I met her daughter a few weeks after we started dating and that seemed to click very well also.(There is no father or anything in the picture but her story is longer than mine so I'll leave those details out.) After only a couple months of dating we started talking about moving in together. I had been living with my parents since selling my previous home and she lived with her dad due to other circumstances so that coupled with her daughter made finding alone time somewhat difficult.

I hate renting so I decided to buy another home closer to where she was so her daughter would not have to change schools. After missing out on a couple homes I found one that I loved and put in an offer that assured me that I would get it.

About a week after finding out my offer had been accepted my new girlfriend informed me that she was late. A week later we confirmed that she was indeed pregnant. I was thrilled I've wanted to be a dad for a long time and even though we'd been dating only a short while when it happened it just felt right.

A couple weeks later I closed on the house and have been working to get it ready for move in for the last couple of weeks. This brings me to last week when we finally got to hear the babies heart beat for the first time. It was strong and all the blood test came back positive we had made it through the risky first trimester and everything looked great. This past weekend she took her daughter to Vermont and my father and I drove down to North Carolina to get my stuff out of storage locker where it had been since the other house sold.

After picking up the key from my ex I went to the storage locker to load the truck.(It was actually an old handicap bus that my dad purchased for reasons unknown) While at the storage unit my ex texted me saying she still loved me and wanted me back. She said she had been lost for some time but finally felt like she found herself and missed us. I told her that while I was thrilled she was doing well again our time was over and I wished her nothing but the best in the future.

After getting back from North Carolina I worked on the house all of Monday to try to prep it for a move in this coming weekend. After leaving the house for the night I called my girlfriend only to have her daughter pick up as they were still driving home from Vermont. Her daughter said she had something important to ask me, then proceeded to ask if I would like to be her step-dad. I was thrilled and said yes. Everything was finally falling into place we were going to be a happy family.

Today my girlfriend went to the doctors because she experienced very bad cramping and some bleeding which is not normal this far along. At about 1 today I found our baby was dead and had to be removed from my girlfriend fully formed head, fingers, toes, and all.

I apologize for posting this I know it is not the proper place but this is the only forum I belong to where I can post something anonymously and I'm devastated and this was the outlet I needed right now. For anyone who read all the way through I appreciate you taking the time. Any advice from anyone whose gone through anything similar would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for what I'm sure are numerous grammatical errors. Thank you.

My heart goes out to you and I can't even begin to say how sorry I feel for you right now. I lost my first child when I was 19 years old - he died very shortly after birth and I never got to hold him. I wish I had something better to say, but just know we care about you and if you need to talk to someone who's been through it before, you can PM me any time.

 

[Kitaman]

Dude what a story. Not necessarily sad but still tragic. First spending 6 years with a woman you love to suddenly end, compounded then by meeting and loving another woman only to lose a child in the process. Your girlfriend lost a child and her daughter a sibling, so their is a lot of mourning going on.

I'm not a therapist or counselor, but it would seem right for you to take a break, get away for a while (alone) and reflect and then regroup and get 'yourself' together.

There is a message in what you have and are experiencing, try and find out what it is. Your appear to be 'young' and not tied down, meaning you can chart your course again. Life is too farkin short, happiness and peace is paramount.

I will say whatever you decide to do next, try and not let it be emotionally driven, hence the getting away. You have 3 women (including the daughter) who want you to be with them. Whatever you decide to do, grab it by the horns and don't turn back.

Good luck and stay strong!

 

[jrazz12]

I'm sorry Boneyarders this is going to be a long post and has absolutely nothing to do with UConn basketball but I just need to share my story with some people who I don't know. I don't post on here often but I take great joy out of the nonsensical arguments that frequent these boards.

I got married in July of 2015 to my girlfriend of 6 years. We had a normal relationship with its ups and downs but I loved my wife very deeply. After about 8 months of marriage she got a great job offer at Duke medical center. I hate Duke as much as anyone else on this yard but this was the type of offer you cannot turn down. A month or so later she moved down I planned to follow a few months later once I had sold our house up here and cleared up all of our affairs in Connecticut. Shortly after making my third trip down with the last of our remaining things and having the house recently sold she informed me she did not want me to move down there. She said she was happier on her own and would be keeping 2 of our 3 dogs. She told me this over the phone on a Monday evening after talking about the final planning items for a cruise we had planned with both sets of parents. I drove down in the middle of the night that night and went off the road twice due to exhaustion. Luckily I was able to correct my vehicle both times and nothing bad happened. I realize this was dumb but she sprung this on me out the blue and I was not right emotionally. After speaking with her I made two additional trips to North Carolina to try and change her mind neither worked. We filed for a non-adversairial divorce shortly after that.

A couple months later I was at a former roommates wedding from my time at UConn. The wedding was wonderful and I found myself quite intoxicated by its end. I decided to message a woman who I had known through a few different networking events with a fairly nonsensical message that essentially said I was into her and thought we had potential. After ridiculing me for the message for a couple of days she agreed to go out with me. At least for me the chemistry was instant we had talked several times at different events over the past couple of years so there was no feeling out period, everything seemed to flow great and after months of being devastated I finally started to feel happy again. I met her daughter a few weeks after we started dating and that seemed to click very well also.(There is no father or anything in the picture but her story is longer than mine so I'll leave those details out.) After only a couple months of dating we started talking about moving in together. I had been living with my parents since selling my previous home and she lived with her dad due to other circumstances so that coupled with her daughter made finding alone time somewhat difficult.

I hate renting so I decided to buy another home closer to where she was so her daughter would not have to change schools. After missing out on a couple homes I found one that I loved and put in an offer that assured me that I would get it.

About a week after finding out my offer had been accepted my new girlfriend informed me that she was late. A week later we confirmed that she was indeed pregnant. I was thrilled I've wanted to be a dad for a long time and even though we'd been dating only a short while when it happened it just felt right.

A couple weeks later I closed on the house and have been working to get it ready for move in for the last couple of weeks. This brings me to last week when we finally got to hear the babies heart beat for the first time. It was strong and all the blood test came back positive we had made it through the risky first trimester and everything looked great. This past weekend she took her daughter to Vermont and my father and I drove down to North Carolina to get my stuff out of storage locker where it had been since the other house sold.

After picking up the key from my ex I went to the storage locker to load the truck.(It was actually an old handicap bus that my dad purchased for reasons unknown) While at the storage unit my ex texted me saying she still loved me and wanted me back. She said she had been lost for some time but finally felt like she found herself and missed us. I told her that while I was thrilled she was doing well again our time was over and I wished her nothing but the best in the future.

After getting back from North Carolina I worked on the house all of Monday to try to prep it for a move in this coming weekend. After leaving the house for the night I called my girlfriend only to have her daughter pick up as they were still driving home from Vermont. Her daughter said she had something important to ask me, then proceeded to ask if I would like to be her step-dad. I was thrilled and said yes. Everything was finally falling into place we were going to be a happy family.

Today my girlfriend went to the doctors because she experienced very bad cramping and some bleeding which is not normal this far along. At about 1 today I found our baby was dead and had to be removed from my girlfriend fully formed head, fingers, toes, and all.

I apologize for posting this I know it is not the proper place but this is the only forum I belong to where I can post something anonymously and I'm devastated and this was the outlet I needed right now. For anyone who read all the way through I appreciate you taking the time. Any advice from anyone whose gone through anything similar would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for what I'm sure are numerous grammatical errors. Thank you.

A lot of good advice already in this thread. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing and hopefully that helps with the healing. I am the same way in that writing things out helps me to get my mind right and express things I normally couldn't.

And honestly, it's so damn clichè but the everything happens for a reason mantra exists for a reason, as painful as some of the happenings are. I'm really sorry for you and the loss of a child in your circumstances. I can't even imagine putting myself in your shoes right now. The only thing I will say by way of advice is make sure you keep open and honest communication with the girlfriend about the whole thing. Hopefully it brings you both closer together in the long run and you can continue to build a life together. Stay strong for yourself, and your new family, and use whatever outlets you can to work through your feelings. We're here for you, Uconn fam forever

 

[willie99]

makes us appreciate what's really important in life

condolences, wishing the best for you going forward

 

[Deepster]

There was a study done by two Harvard professors, following a number of students over the course of their life and looking for the keys to happiness. An article with more details is linked below. I've read a number of other accounts of this study over the years and the main finding basically says this. Everyone has a moment (or moments) in their life where they have a cross to bear. Loss of a child. Failed business. Failed marriage. Serious medical condition. Everyone has something. The key to long term happiness is how you deal with those moments and your attitude in trudging onward. If you choose to let them encompass you? Things like depression, substance abuse and suicide can creep in and it often results in a miserable existence and potentially an early death. Or, you can learn from them, choose to make tomorrow a better day that today was and walk on with your head up. Good luck.

What Harvard’s Grant Study Reveals about Happiness and Life

 

[UConNation]

I'm sorry Boneyarders this is going to be a long post and has absolutely nothing to do with UConn basketball but I just need to share my story with some people who I don't know. I don't post on here often but I take great joy out of the nonsensical arguments that frequent these boards.

I got married in July of 2015 to my girlfriend of 6 years. We had a normal relationship with its ups and downs but I loved my wife very deeply. After about 8 months of marriage she got a great job offer at Duke medical center. I hate Duke as much as anyone else on this yard but this was the type of offer you cannot turn down. A month or so later she moved down I planned to follow a few months later once I had sold our house up here and cleared up all of our affairs in Connecticut. Shortly after making my third trip down with the last of our remaining things and having the house recently sold she informed me she did not want me to move down there. She said she was happier on her own and would be keeping 2 of our 3 dogs. She told me this over the phone on a Monday evening after talking about the final planning items for a cruise we had planned with both sets of parents. I drove down in the middle of the night that night and went off the road twice due to exhaustion. Luckily I was able to correct my vehicle both times and nothing bad happened. I realize this was dumb but she sprung this on me out the blue and I was not right emotionally. After speaking with her I made two additional trips to North Carolina to try and change her mind neither worked. We filed for a non-adversairial divorce shortly after that.

A couple months later I was at a former roommates wedding from my time at UConn. The wedding was wonderful and I found myself quite intoxicated by its end. I decided to message a woman who I had known through a few different networking events with a fairly nonsensical message that essentially said I was into her and thought we had potential. After ridiculing me for the message for a couple of days she agreed to go out with me. At least for me the chemistry was instant we had talked several times at different events over the past couple of years so there was no feeling out period, everything seemed to flow great and after months of being devastated I finally started to feel happy again. I met her daughter a few weeks after we started dating and that seemed to click very well also.(There is no father or anything in the picture but her story is longer than mine so I'll leave those details out.) After only a couple months of dating we started talking about moving in together. I had been living with my parents since selling my previous home and she lived with her dad due to other circumstances so that coupled with her daughter made finding alone time somewhat difficult.

I hate renting so I decided to buy another home closer to where she was so her daughter would not have to change schools. After missing out on a couple homes I found one that I loved and put in an offer that assured me that I would get it.

About a week after finding out my offer had been accepted my new girlfriend informed me that she was late. A week later we confirmed that she was indeed pregnant. I was thrilled I've wanted to be a dad for a long time and even though we'd been dating only a short while when it happened it just felt right.

A couple weeks later I closed on the house and have been working to get it ready for move in for the last couple of weeks. This brings me to last week when we finally got to hear the babies heart beat for the first time. It was strong and all the blood test came back positive we had made it through the risky first trimester and everything looked great. This past weekend she took her daughter to Vermont and my father and I drove down to North Carolina to get my stuff out of storage locker where it had been since the other house sold.

After picking up the key from my ex I went to the storage locker to load the truck.(It was actually an old handicap bus that my dad purchased for reasons unknown) While at the storage unit my ex texted me saying she still loved me and wanted me back. She said she had been lost for some time but finally felt like she found herself and missed us. I told her that while I was thrilled she was doing well again our time was over and I wished her nothing but the best in the future.

After getting back from North Carolina I worked on the house all of Monday to try to prep it for a move in this coming weekend. After leaving the house for the night I called my girlfriend only to have her daughter pick up as they were still driving home from Vermont. Her daughter said she had something important to ask me, then proceeded to ask if I would like to be her step-dad. I was thrilled and said yes. Everything was finally falling into place we were going to be a happy family.

Today my girlfriend went to the doctors because she experienced very bad cramping and some bleeding which is not normal this far along. At about 1 today I found our baby was dead and had to be removed from my girlfriend fully formed head, fingers, toes, and all.

I apologize for posting this I know it is not the proper place but this is the only forum I belong to where I can post something anonymously and I'm devastated and this was the outlet I needed right now. For anyone who read all the way through I appreciate you taking the time. Any advice from anyone whose gone through anything similar would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for what I'm sure are numerous grammatical errors. Thank you.

BB, first and foremost, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a child is one of the most devastating things we can go through as men and women. Unfortunately, I can say that my wife and I experienced this during the fall. Similar to your situation, my wife was in the second trimester and we had already heard the heartbeat. We even knew the gender and were picking out names.

The only advice I can give you is that everyone grieves in their own way. I, like you, felt better when I spoke with other people about it. Even people that I wasn't all that close to. Your girlfriend may grieve differently, but it was helpful to talk about it for both my wife and I.

I can PROMISE you that it will get better. You are in an awesome spot with a woman and daughter that love you very much. It sounds like you're fairly young and I'd encourage you to talk to your girlfriend about whether or not you want to try again in the future. Maybe not right away, but at some point. My wife and I are pregnant again with another little boy. We're taking every precaution this time (changing her diet, not trying to over exert herself physically, etc) and so far things are going well (17.5 weeks right now). I only tell you this because I want to share with you that you shouldn't lose hope for being a (biological) father (you're already a father to a young girl who needs and loves you!!!).

Last thing - my wife found that as she became comfortable talking to people about it, that she actually had several friends that had been through this too and just never wanted to talk about it; there was comfort for her in knowing that she wasn't alone; that it wasn't her fault; that she didn't do anything wrong. Brother, I'm not a therapist, but I do know the power of talking to people that have gone through this. Please feel free to PM if you want to talk. And again, remember that neither you or your girlfriend did anything wrong. This isn't your fault, and things will get better. I know I'm a stranger, but let me know if I can help at all.

 

[Palatine]

Very sorry for your pain. This is life. Horrible and beautiful. Sweet and awful. There is strength in you, in all of us, find it and use it to support you wife and your loved ones. And there will be wonderful times again. All you can do is your best.

 

[ctchamps]

One more thing. It's noble to offer support and I commend my fellow Boneyarders for demonstrating our compassion on this issue. But sometimes support has the opposite affect. Frequently when we are in the midst of a tragedy we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and hearing others telling us things will work out has the unintentional consequence of putting an additional burden on an already burdensome situation. We begin to think that others can succeed while we can't and that creates a vicious cycle starting with we believe we're failures.

It's important that @Blue Blood, his girlfriend and his girl friends daughter at least consider counseling to help them through these difficult times. There are people who have not been able to get past their difficulties, and although therapy isn't always successful, I believe many more people could get better outcomes than just going alone or seeking advice from friends or strangers.

Venting is great and it helps. But its possible to become depressed when these type of things happen. It might be proactive to seek professional advice before a full blown depression takes affect.

 

[Milo65]

Sending you positive thoughts. You handled a bad situation well. Telling your ex to walk and wishing nothing but the best is mature and being a man. Now you must be a rock for your girlfriend and child. I know you are grieving too, and it's ok to have your moments, but you also must be there for your girlfriend. In situations like this, I try not to give advice, since giving advice to emotional women can come back to bite you. Just listen and comfort, that's all you can do and know that you will never get over this, but over time you will come to accept it. You have opportunities ahead of you to build a wonderful life together which may or may not include having another child. Either way, it's all good.

 

[CL82]

@Blue Blood, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. It is stunning how much love we feel for an unborn child and I can't imagine the depth of your sorrow and that of your girlfriend and step-daughter. Please know that I will pray for you and your family and you will certainly be in my thoughts.

The rest of my post will mirror those that came before it but they are good points that worth repeating:

Don't hesitate to post again on this if you feel it is appropriate and helpful. This is typically an entertaining and often frustrating community, but it is a community. Please know that we grieve with you.

There is no way to make this loss less devastating, but do seek counseling if you, your girlfriend or your step-daughter are struggling with it. Minimally, it is an opportunity to do what you've done here, talk about the loss. Like you, I find that helpful.

Finally, try to remember the all the good that is your life. Finding a woman that you want to spend your life with is never something to be taken for granted. Leaning on each other during tragedy is every bit as important a part of it as enjoying the good times. How wonderful for you that step-daughter has reached out to you and wants you to be such a meaningful part of her life. Try to keep the love that you share with the two of them in your mind when things get tough.

If it is helpful to you, feel free to PM me. Again you have my very deepest condolences.

 

[EBonz30]

I'm sorry Boneyarders this is going to be a long post and has absolutely nothing to do with UConn basketball but I just need to share my story with some people who I don't know. I don't post on here often but I take great joy out of the nonsensical arguments that frequent these boards.

I got married in July of 2015 to my girlfriend of 6 years. We had a normal relationship with its ups and downs but I loved my wife very deeply. After about 8 months of marriage she got a great job offer at Duke medical center. I hate Duke as much as anyone else on this yard but this was the type of offer you cannot turn down. A month or so later she moved down I planned to follow a few months later once I had sold our house up here and cleared up all of our affairs in Connecticut. Shortly after making my third trip down with the last of our remaining things and having the house recently sold she informed me she did not want me to move down there. She said she was happier on her own and would be keeping 2 of our 3 dogs. She told me this over the phone on a Monday evening after talking about the final planning items for a cruise we had planned with both sets of parents. I drove down in the middle of the night that night and went off the road twice due to exhaustion. Luckily I was able to correct my vehicle both times and nothing bad happened. I realize this was dumb but she sprung this on me out the blue and I was not right emotionally. After speaking with her I made two additional trips to North Carolina to try and change her mind neither worked. We filed for a non-adversairial divorce shortly after that.

A couple months later I was at a former roommates wedding from my time at UConn. The wedding was wonderful and I found myself quite intoxicated by its end. I decided to message a woman who I had known through a few different networking events with a fairly nonsensical message that essentially said I was into her and thought we had potential. After ridiculing me for the message for a couple of days she agreed to go out with me. At least for me the chemistry was instant we had talked several times at different events over the past couple of years so there was no feeling out period, everything seemed to flow great and after months of being devastated I finally started to feel happy again. I met her daughter a few weeks after we started dating and that seemed to click very well also.(There is no father or anything in the picture but her story is longer than mine so I'll leave those details out.) After only a couple months of dating we started talking about moving in together. I had been living with my parents since selling my previous home and she lived with her dad due to other circumstances so that coupled with her daughter made finding alone time somewhat difficult.

I hate renting so I decided to buy another home closer to where she was so her daughter would not have to change schools. After missing out on a couple homes I found one that I loved and put in an offer that assured me that I would get it.

About a week after finding out my offer had been accepted my new girlfriend informed me that she was late. A week later we confirmed that she was indeed pregnant. I was thrilled I've wanted to be a dad for a long time and even though we'd been dating only a short while when it happened it just felt right.

A couple weeks later I closed on the house and have been working to get it ready for move in for the last couple of weeks. This brings me to last week when we finally got to hear the babies heart beat for the first time. It was strong and all the blood test came back positive we had made it through the risky first trimester and everything looked great. This past weekend she took her daughter to Vermont and my father and I drove down to North Carolina to get my stuff out of storage locker where it had been since the other house sold.

After picking up the key from my ex I went to the storage locker to load the truck.(It was actually an old handicap bus that my dad purchased for reasons unknown) While at the storage unit my ex texted me saying she still loved me and wanted me back. She said she had been lost for some time but finally felt like she found herself and missed us. I told her that while I was thrilled she was doing well again our time was over and I wished her nothing but the best in the future.

After getting back from North Carolina I worked on the house all of Monday to try to prep it for a move in this coming weekend. After leaving the house for the night I called my girlfriend only to have her daughter pick up as they were still driving home from Vermont. Her daughter said she had something important to ask me, then proceeded to ask if I would like to be her step-dad. I was thrilled and said yes. Everything was finally falling into place we were going to be a happy family.

Today my girlfriend went to the doctors because she experienced very bad cramping and some bleeding which is not normal this far along. At about 1 today I found our baby was dead and had to be removed from my girlfriend fully formed head, fingers, toes, and all.

I apologize for posting this I know it is not the proper place but this is the only forum I belong to where I can post something anonymously and I'm devastated and this was the outlet I needed right now. For anyone who read all the way through I appreciate you taking the time. Any advice from anyone whose gone through anything similar would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for what I'm sure are numerous grammatical errors. Thank you.

Stay strong, it happen to me about 18 months ago (wife miscarriage) and now I have a beautiful son that is seven months old.

Everything will workout as long as you keep doing the right thing and your a good person.

My wife had a miscarriage the day before my parents from North Carolina came and stayed with me for a week at my house. My wife is not a big fan of my mom, nor am I, all reasons well deserved. I flipped out on my mother while she was there, it seem to bring my wife and I closer together.

Found it is really important to stay positive for your wife or girlfriend and the rest of the family.

Time heals all wounds.

 

[August_West]

OP you are a good man who went through a real crappy situation with your ex (she sounds like a spineless, gutless who tried to "better deal" you and failed - many women and I hate perpetuating stereotypes - are famous for this play and the stories of women better dealing a guy only to have the better deal fail and realize their mistake and come back on their knees is all too familiar a tale. Way more than it should be) , but in the cliche "everything happens for a reason" it totally sounds like YOU got a better deal once you got the ex out of your life. Despite the devastating setback of yesterday (and Im so sorry and realize how tough it is) that you ended up with a better person, a better family and a better situation. Yesterday was just one of those bad "life" things, but you are still on the better path. Know this. Im sure you do.


Oh and I dont think you are this person, because you sound like a better guy than me by a mile, but if you are a petty vindictive person like me and want to feel better for a brief moment, call the ex in North Carolina. Tell youve been thinking about her and you need to see her. Tell her she needs to drive to CT to talk about something immediately. Then never show up to the meeting spot. When she calls after reaching CT wondering where you are, laugh at her say " you" and hang up.

And THEN never talk to her again.

 

[Marty Jackson]

First, good job telling your ex to go pound sand.

Second, I swear, I expected a love potion confession about half way through there.

Third, you're in a good spot. It's a heartbreaking spot at this very moment, but it's still a good spot. You will get through.

Fourth, the rule stating that nothing good comes from drunk texting has to be amended.

Fifth, the rule stating that Duke sucks will not be amended.

Well said, with a Fishy-esque flair. Hallmark needs to add a new line:
Something Fishy - keeping it real through greeting cards

 

[Mr. French]

That's heavy stuff man. I'm sure you've gotten plenty of good advice in here, and I've read a bunch so far and that's true. But as with all situations of death or difficulty generally, others' words will help but won't cure.

I'll tell you, without too many details, that as a young man I've dealt with the loss of an unborn child ... Twice. Many people have dealt with it more. It's brutal, especially after the enormous excitement of the early pregnancy.

What I'll say, for advice, is if your relationship is strong, keep it strong now. This is an important time, and for her, as bad as it feels for you, it's entirely different and incredibly difficult for the woman who is carrying and then losing her child.

Be there in support and in every way possible, as hard as it may be sometimes.

You two are the only two that feel EXACTLY how you feel, but others have experienced similar things. Be strong, and you'll be ok.

Look at the silver linings that came from your previous difficulties, and remember that, as hard as it seems now.

 

[Bliss]

For the most part marriage is a leap in the dark. I would not rush into a second one and I sure as hell would not have anything to do with the first wife who obviously found her "true love" only to discover that it was just lust rather than love.

 

[UC Billy]

My heart bleeds for you and your sweetie. Hang onto the bond and love you and your lady share. The man upstairs has reasons for what he does. Maybe he needed and wanted a little angle in heaven. Many hugs for you all !!!!

I'm sorry Boneyarders this is going to be a long post and has absolutely nothing to do with UConn basketball but I just need to share my story with some people who I don't know. I don't post on here often but I take great joy out of the nonsensical arguments that frequent these boards.

I got married in July of 2015 to my girlfriend of 6 years. We had a normal relationship with its ups and downs but I loved my wife very deeply. After about 8 months of marriage she got a great job offer at Duke medical center. I hate Duke as much as anyone else on this yard but this was the type of offer you cannot turn down. A month or so later she moved down I planned to follow a few months later once I had sold our house up here and cleared up all of our affairs in Connecticut. Shortly after making my third trip down with the last of our remaining things and having the house recently sold she informed me she did not want me to move down there. She said she was happier on her own and would be keeping 2 of our 3 dogs. She told me this over the phone on a Monday evening after talking about the final planning items for a cruise we had planned with both sets of parents. I drove down in the middle of the night that night and went off the road twice due to exhaustion. Luckily I was able to correct my vehicle both times and nothing bad happened. I realize this was dumb but she sprung this on me out the blue and I was not right emotionally. After speaking with her I made two additional trips to North Carolina to try and change her mind neither worked. We filed for a non-adversairial divorce shortly after that.

A couple months later I was at a former roommates wedding from my time at UConn. The wedding was wonderful and I found myself quite intoxicated by its end. I decided to message a woman who I had known through a few different networking events with a fairly nonsensical message that essentially said I was into her and thought we had potential. After ridiculing me for the message for a couple of days she agreed to go out with me. At least for me the chemistry was instant we had talked several times at different events over the past couple of years so there was no feeling out period, everything seemed to flow great and after months of being devastated I finally started to feel happy again. I met her daughter a few weeks after we started dating and that seemed to click very well also.(There is no father or anything in the picture but her story is longer than mine so I'll leave those details out.) After only a couple months of dating we started talking about moving in together. I had been living with my parents since selling my previous home and she lived with her dad due to other circumstances so that coupled with her daughter made finding alone time somewhat difficult.

I hate renting so I decided to buy another home closer to where she was so her daughter would not have to change schools. After missing out on a couple homes I found one that I loved and put in an offer that assured me that I would get it.

About a week after finding out my offer had been accepted my new girlfriend informed me that she was late. A week later we confirmed that she was indeed pregnant. I was thrilled I've wanted to be a dad for a long time and even though we'd been dating only a short while when it happened it just felt right.

A couple weeks later I closed on the house and have been working to get it ready for move in for the last couple of weeks. This brings me to last week when we finally got to hear the babies heart beat for the first time. It was strong and all the blood test came back positive we had made it through the risky first trimester and everything looked great. This past weekend she took her daughter to Vermont and my father and I drove down to North Carolina to get my stuff out of storage locker where it had been since the other house sold.

After picking up the key from my ex I went to the storage locker to load the truck.(It was actually an old handicap bus that my dad purchased for reasons unknown) While at the storage unit my ex texted me saying she still loved me and wanted me back. She said she had been lost for some time but finally felt like she found herself and missed us. I told her that while I was thrilled she was doing well again our time was over and I wished her nothing but the best in the future.

After getting back from North Carolina I worked on the house all of Monday to try to prep it for a move in this coming weekend. After leaving the house for the night I called my girlfriend only to have her daughter pick up as they were still driving home from Vermont. Her daughter said she had something important to ask me, then proceeded to ask if I would like to be her step-dad. I was thrilled and said yes. Everything was finally falling into place we were going to be a happy family.

Today my girlfriend went to the doctors because she experienced very bad cramping and some bleeding which is not normal this far along. At about 1 today I found our baby was dead and had to be removed from my girlfriend fully formed head, fingers, toes, and all.

I apologize for posting this I know it is not the proper place but this is the only forum I belong to where I can post something anonymously and I'm devastated and this was the outlet I needed right now. For anyone who read all the way through I appreciate you taking the time. Any advice from anyone whose gone through anything similar would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for what I'm sure are numerous grammatical errors. Thank you.

I'm sorry Boneyarders this is going to be a long post and has absolutely nothing to do with UConn basketball but I just need to share my story with some people who I don't know. I don't post on here often but I take great joy out of the nonsensical arguments that frequent these boards.

I got married in July of 2015 to my girlfriend of 6 years. We had a normal relationship with its ups and downs but I loved my wife very deeply. After about 8 months of marriage she got a great job offer at Duke medical center. I hate Duke as much as anyone else on this yard but this was the type of offer you cannot turn down. A month or so later she moved down I planned to follow a few months later once I had sold our house up here and cleared up all of our affairs in Connecticut. Shortly after making my third trip down with the last of our remaining things and having the house recently sold she informed me she did not want me to move down there. She said she was happier on her own and would be keeping 2 of our 3 dogs. She told me this over the phone on a Monday evening after talking about the final planning items for a cruise we had planned with both sets of parents. I drove down in the middle of the night that night and went off the road twice due to exhaustion. Luckily I was able to correct my vehicle both times and nothing bad happened. I realize this was dumb but she sprung this on me out the blue and I was not right emotionally. After speaking with her I made two additional trips to North Carolina to try and change her mind neither worked. We filed for a non-adversairial divorce shortly after that.

A couple months later I was at a former roommates wedding from my time at UConn. The wedding was wonderful and I found myself quite intoxicated by its end. I decided to message a woman who I had known through a few different networking events with a fairly nonsensical message that essentially said I was into her and thought we had potential. After ridiculing me for the message for a couple of days she agreed to go out with me. At least for me the chemistry was instant we had talked several times at different events over the past couple of years so there was no feeling out period, everything seemed to flow great and after months of being devastated I finally started to feel happy again. I met her daughter a few weeks after we started dating and that seemed to click very well also.(There is no father or anything in the picture but her story is longer than mine so I'll leave those details out.) After only a couple months of dating we started talking about moving in together. I had been living with my parents since selling my previous home and she lived with her dad due to other circumstances so that coupled with her daughter made finding alone time somewhat difficult.

I hate renting so I decided to buy another home closer to where she was so her daughter would not have to change schools. After missing out on a couple homes I found one that I loved and put in an offer that assured me that I would get it.

About a week after finding out my offer had been accepted my new girlfriend informed me that she was late. A week later we confirmed that she was indeed pregnant. I was thrilled I've wanted to be a dad for a long time and even though we'd been dating only a short while when it happened it just felt right.

A couple weeks later I closed on the house and have been working to get it ready for move in for the last couple of weeks. This brings me to last week when we finally got to hear the babies heart beat for the first time. It was strong and all the blood test came back positive we had made it through the risky first trimester and everything looked great. This past weekend she took her daughter to Vermont and my father and I drove down to North Carolina to get my stuff out of storage locker where it had been since the other house sold.

After picking up the key from my ex I went to the storage locker to load the truck.(It was actually an old handicap bus that my dad purchased for reasons unknown) While at the storage unit my ex texted me saying she still loved me and wanted me back. She said she had been lost for some time but finally felt like she found herself and missed us. I told her that while I was thrilled she was doing well again our time was over and I wished her nothing but the best in the future.

After getting back from North Carolina I worked on the house all of Monday to try to prep it for a move in this coming weekend. After leaving the house for the night I called my girlfriend only to have her daughter pick up as they were still driving home from Vermont. Her daughter said she had something important to ask me, then proceeded to ask if I would like to be her step-dad. I was thrilled and said yes. Everything was finally falling into place we were going to be a happy family.

Today my girlfriend went to the doctors because she experienced very bad cramping and some bleeding which is not normal this far along. At about 1 today I found our baby was dead and had to be removed from my girlfriend fully formed head, fingers, toes, and all.

I apologize for posting this I know it is not the proper place but this is the only forum I belong to where I can post something anonymously and I'm devastated and this was the outlet I needed right now. For anyone who read all the way through I appreciate you taking the time. Any advice from anyone whose gone through anything similar would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for what I'm sure are numerous grammatical errors. Thank you.

 

[rip7774]

My heart breaks for your current pain and for that of your woman.

Please remember: you have SO much to be thankful for: A woman that loves you and clearly a daughter that loves you. Those are two things that are huge blessings! In my times of stress, I remember stress is temporary but my family and kids love me despite all my faults and you can rest in that. Thankfulness is a cure for a lot of ills.

Be strong for her! I look forward to seeing an update in a few months with how you guys have come through this! Go Huskies!!!