OT: I'm sorry I just need to vent | The Boneyard

OT: I'm sorry I just need to vent

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I'm sorry Boneyarders this is going to be a long post and has absolutely nothing to do with UConn basketball but I just need to share my story with some people who I don't know. I don't post on here often but I take great joy out of the nonsensical arguments that frequent these boards.

I got married in July of 2015 to my girlfriend of 6 years. We had a normal relationship with its ups and downs but I loved my wife very deeply. After about 8 months of marriage she got a great job offer at Duke medical center. I hate Duke as much as anyone else on this yard but this was the type of offer you cannot turn down. A month or so later she moved down I planned to follow a few months later once I had sold our house up here and cleared up all of our affairs in Connecticut. Shortly after making my third trip down with the last of our remaining things and having the house recently sold she informed me she did not want me to move down there. She said she was happier on her own and would be keeping 2 of our 3 dogs. She told me this over the phone on a Monday evening after talking about the final planning items for a cruise we had planned with both sets of parents. I drove down in the middle of the night that night and went off the road twice due to exhaustion. Luckily I was able to correct my vehicle both times and nothing bad happened. I realize this was dumb but she sprung this on me out the blue and I was not right emotionally. After speaking with her I made two additional trips to North Carolina to try and change her mind neither worked. We filed for a non-adversairial divorce shortly after that.

A couple months later I was at a former roommates wedding from my time at UConn. The wedding was wonderful and I found myself quite intoxicated by its end. I decided to message a woman who I had known through a few different networking events with a fairly nonsensical message that essentially said I was into her and thought we had potential. After ridiculing me for the message for a couple of days she agreed to go out with me. At least for me the chemistry was instant we had talked several times at different events over the past couple of years so there was no feeling out period, everything seemed to flow great and after months of being devastated I finally started to feel happy again. I met her daughter a few weeks after we started dating and that seemed to click very well also.(There is no father or anything in the picture but her story is longer than mine so I'll leave those details out.) After only a couple months of dating we started talking about moving in together. I had been living with my parents since selling my previous home and she lived with her dad due to other circumstances so that coupled with her daughter made finding alone time somewhat difficult.

I hate renting so I decided to buy another home closer to where she was so her daughter would not have to change schools. After missing out on a couple homes I found one that I loved and put in an offer that assured me that I would get it.

About a week after finding out my offer had been accepted my new girlfriend informed me that she was late. A week later we confirmed that she was indeed pregnant. I was thrilled I've wanted to be a dad for a long time and even though we'd been dating only a short while when it happened it just felt right.

A couple weeks later I closed on the house and have been working to get it ready for move in for the last couple of weeks. This brings me to last week when we finally got to hear the babies heart beat for the first time. It was strong and all the blood test came back positive we had made it through the risky first trimester and everything looked great. This past weekend she took her daughter to Vermont and my father and I drove down to North Carolina to get my stuff out of storage locker where it had been since the other house sold.

After picking up the key from my ex I went to the storage locker to load the truck.(It was actually an old handicap bus that my dad purchased for reasons unknown) While at the storage unit my ex texted me saying she still loved me and wanted me back. She said she had been lost for some time but finally felt like she found herself and missed us. I told her that while I was thrilled she was doing well again our time was over and I wished her nothing but the best in the future.

After getting back from North Carolina I worked on the house all of Monday to try to prep it for a move in this coming weekend. After leaving the house for the night I called my girlfriend only to have her daughter pick up as they were still driving home from Vermont. Her daughter said she had something important to ask me, then proceeded to ask if I would like to be her step-dad. I was thrilled and said yes. Everything was finally falling into place we were going to be a happy family.

Today my girlfriend went to the doctors because she experienced very bad cramping and some bleeding which is not normal this far along. At about 1 today I found our baby was dead and had to be removed from my girlfriend fully formed head, fingers, toes, and all.

I apologize for posting this I know it is not the proper place but this is the only forum I belong to where I can post something anonymously and I'm devastated and this was the outlet I needed right now. For anyone who read all the way through I appreciate you taking the time. Any advice from anyone whose gone through anything similar would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for what I'm sure are numerous grammatical errors. Thank you.
 
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That is heavy on so many levels. Stay strong and hold your girl close. These things can do long term mental damage. Love and support..

Your ex wife. Change your number. She will burn you over and over...

Ps.. if your insurance covers it. Go talk to someone.
 

nomar

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I'm sorry Boneyarders this is going to be a long post and has absolutely nothing to do with UConn basketball but I just need to share my story with some people who I don't know. I don't post on here often but I take great joy out of the nonsensical arguments that frequent these boards.

I got married in July of 2015 to my girlfriend of 6 years. We had a normal relationship with its ups and downs but I loved my wife very deeply. After about 8 months of marriage she got a great job offer at Duke medical center. I hate Duke as much as anyone else on this yard but this was the type of offer you cannot turn down. A month or so later she moved down I planned to follow a few months later once I had sold our house up here and cleared up all of our affairs in Connecticut. Shortly after making my third trip down with the last of our remaining things and having the house recently sold she informed me she did not want me to move down there. She said she was happier on her own and would be keeping 2 of our 3 dogs. She told me this over the phone on a Monday evening after talking about the final planning items for a cruise we had planned with both sets of parents. I drove down in the middle of the night that night and went off the road twice due to exhaustion. Luckily I was able to correct my vehicle both times and nothing bad happened. I realize this was dumb but she sprung this on me out the blue and I was not right emotionally. After speaking with her I made two additional trips to North Carolina to try and change her mind neither worked. We filed for a non-adversairial divorce shortly after that.

A couple months later I was at a former roommates wedding from my time at UConn. The wedding was wonderful and I found myself quite intoxicated by its end. I decided to message a woman who I had known through a few different networking events with a fairly nonsensical message that essentially said I was into her and thought we had potential. After ridiculing me for the message for a couple of days she agreed to go out with me. At least for me the chemistry was instant we had talked several times at different events over the past couple of years so there was no feeling out period, everything seemed to flow great and after months of being devastated I finally started to feel happy again. I met her daughter a few weeks after we started dating and that seemed to click very well also.(There is no father or anything in the picture but her story is longer than mine so I'll leave those details out.) After only a couple months of dating we started talking about moving in together. I had been living with my parents since selling my previous home and she lived with her dad due to other circumstances so that coupled with her daughter made finding alone time somewhat difficult.

I hate renting so I decided to buy another home closer to where she was so her daughter would not have to change schools. After missing out on a couple homes I found one that I loved and put in an offer that assured me that I would get it.

About a week after finding out my offer had been accepted my new girlfriend informed me that she was late. A week later we confirmed that she was indeed pregnant. I was thrilled I've wanted to be a dad for a long time and even though we'd been dating only a short while when it happened it just felt right.

A couple weeks later I closed on the house and have been working to get it ready for move in for the last couple of weeks. This brings me to last week when we finally got to hear the babies heart beat for the first time. It was strong and all the blood test came back positive we had made it through the risky first trimester and everything looked great. This past weekend she took her daughter to Vermont and my father and I drove down to North Carolina to get my stuff out of storage locker where it had been since the other house sold.

After picking up the key from my ex I went to the storage locker to load the truck.(It was actually an old handicap bus that my dad purchased for reasons unknown) While at the storage unit my ex texted me saying she still loved me and wanted me back. She said she had been lost for some time but finally felt like she found herself and missed us. I told her that while I was thrilled she was doing well again our time was over and I wished her nothing but the best in the future.

After getting back from North Carolina I worked on the house all of Monday to try to prep it for a move in this coming weekend. After leaving the house for the night I called my girlfriend only to have her daughter pick up as they were still driving home from Vermont. Her daughter said she had something important to ask me, then proceeded to ask if I would like to be her step-dad. I was thrilled and said yes. Everything was finally falling into place we were going to be a happy family.

Today my girlfriend went to the doctors because she experienced very bad cramping and some bleeding which is not normal this far along. At about 1 today I found our baby was dead and had to be removed from my girlfriend fully formed head, fingers, toes, and all.

I apologize for posting this I know it is not the proper place but this is the only forum I belong to where I can post something anonymously and I'm devastated and this was the outlet I needed right now. For anyone who read all the way through I appreciate you taking the time. Any advice from anyone whose gone through anything similar would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for what I'm sure are numerous grammatical errors. Thank you.

Be strong man. You have your girlfriend and your (unofficially for now) other child and you will all help each other get through this.

I'm fortunate enough to not have this happen but I know multiple people who have dealt with this, including a cousin whose wife lost twins about 8 months into the pregnancy (about a year after my cousin's dad dropped at 60 from an aneurysm). They now have two healthy children.
 

Fishy

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First, good job telling your ex to go pound sand.

Second, I swear, I expected a love potion confession about half way through there.

Third, you're in a good spot. It's a heartbreaking spot at this very moment, but it's still a good spot. You will get through.

Fourth, the rule stating that nothing good comes from drunk texting has to be amended.

Fifth, the rule stating that Duke sucks will not be amended.
 

Dove

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Before I give advice...I need the details of your new girlfriend.
 

sammydabiz

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So sorry bro, only advice... Don't runaway from the hard stuff, you'll have to face it eventually. Also communication is key between you and your girl, don't lose it.

P.s. High suspicion your first wife was cheating on you wit someone at Durham. Affair ended.... Eventually she came cowling back. Kudos for turning her down promptly
 
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You are in the right place to post this and let me tell you why. I never posted anything about it, but about a year and a half I lost my Daughter to SUDEP aka Sudden unexpected death in Epilepsy, she was 28 years old. I had little support from home wife was away traveling for work so I felt all a lone. That's when I spent a lot of time in here reading and liking post trying to keep my mind off why she was here with me one day and gone the next. It help me get through my pain and that's why this is the right place.
 

shizzle787

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So sorry bro, only advice... Don't runaway from the hard stuff, you'll have to face it eventually. Also communication is key between you and your girl, don't lose it.

P.s. High suspicion your first wife was cheating on you wit someone at Durham. Affair ended.... Eventually she came cowling back. Kudos for turning her down promptly
Interesting theory. Makes sense.
 

gtcam

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From what I can see your ex found somebody else and lost that person
You went through a lot of crap, found someone else (no matter about the drunken text), you together lost something special and are still together that means a lot
Stay solid, watch the texting and my best to you - it will work
Not to beat a dead horse but anything involving Puke SUCKS
Be strong
 

huskypantz

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Agree with Sammy on the ex, may or may not be true but best to move on. Lots of red flags. My wife and I lost one potential kiddo as well, I know it's devastating. It took another 6 months but the magic happened for us. Thoughts and prayers to you and your girlfriend. It is horrible, but I believe that nature has a way of deciding the best outcome and there is always time. Make each other happy and you'll have a great life, good luck.
 

dennismenace

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Sometimes sharing things anonymously with unknown persons allows us to get things off our hearts. Good for you. That takes courage. There are times in everyone's life when the words " I need help" need to be in their vocabulary. You can and will get help if you need it and seek it. You are not alone.
 

Chin Diesel

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Reach out to a few friends and spill it all out. They'll listen and they'll be a good check on your mood. They already know what you are going through. They probably don't know how to approach you about it.

Don't let societal norms of young men needing to "toughen up" or "suck it up" drive what you need.

Stay close to your current GF. There's a good chance some days will be better than others. It's okay. Keep communication lines open.

Ex-wife is toxic especially now.

Sometimes life sucks.

Always feel free to post updates on this board. We may not be Psychiatrists or Psychologists but we'll give you something; possibly even a laugh or two.
 

tykurez

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So sorry to hear. As someone else said, reach out and talk to someone if you need it. Therapy is a wonderful thing.

Also, my wife and I had three miscarriages. Seemingly not as far along as yours but I know how painful they can be. It's important to be there for your girlfriend but also allow her to be there for you.

Congrats on becoming a step-dad and here's to hoping you much happiness in the future.
 

OkaForPrez

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I know everything happens for a reason is cliche and certainly feels inadequate given the loss of your child, but as a recent divorce who has found purpose and passion again in my life I connected with a lot of good in this post. And despite the recent tragedy much of your life is great now.

An ollieism: you can't control events, but you can control the meaning of them. Life is precious, it's a struggle, some are over before they even begin. So we should all cherish ours. The worst of it, the best of it, and everything in between. I hope you can find the strength to keep the good in focus, and be a rock for your wife and daughter.
 
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Wow. deep. good luck moving forward.

All I can say is delete AND block your exes number and delete any possible connection that could allow you to get her contact info back (like her social networking, etc.). She will only bring you down if allowed even a thread to get back into your life. It sounds as if she met someone down in NC, maybe a fast talker even and he dumped her and than she tried to get back together with you. But who knows.

Best wishes.
 

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