In broadcasting school, we had an exercise where we constantly had to listen to recordings of our monologues. We never realized how many times we say "um" or "like," etc. until we go back and actually listen. Others hear it, but we often don't hear it ourselves.
Perhaps you'd benefit from this exercise going back and re-reading your posts on this subject over the years. You might realize how it comes across to others around you. No matter how you spin it, there is a bit of underlying arrogance when it comes to wanting independence. There's really no other way around that. But even if your intentions are as you say, and I have no reason to suggest you're lying, understand the frequency and tone in which you say these things over and over provide for a very annoying experience to those you're conversing with. It becomes like nails on a chalkboard after a while.