I remember a time when I was about 7 or so - I had the flu. I am Asian and where I come from, when you get the flu, the common remedy is to rub "Dragon Oil" (which is sort of like Vick's Vapor Rub) on your chest and back, and using a spoon, make quick scraping strokes all over your body. I suppose the concept is to create internal heat or something (I don't know), but I can attest that it really works - but it was painful as hell with the spoon part. Anyway, using the spoon caused 1-2 inch marks not unlike the pictures related to the AP story. When I went to school, one of the teachers noticed some of the marks as far up as my neck and sent me to the nurse, which I later found out was due to concern of potential child abuse. I took my shirt off for the nurse and she asked me what happened. I was too embarrassed or unable to explain, so I said I fell off my bike. The nurse let me return to my class.
When I returned home that afternoon, there was a social worker at our house. She was trying to talk to my mom, who spoke no English, so she proceeded to ask me and each of my brothers and sisters whether we had ever been physically abused. We all shook our heads emphatically, "no, ma'am, never!" Shortly after the social worker left, my mom asked one of us to go to the woods and pick out a switch (I never knew it was called a switch until now), which she used on a few of us
. Afterwards, I would say that my buttocks and legs looked pretty much exactly like the pictures related to the AP story. I recall the worker explaining to my older brother that we could be taken away from the home and placed into foster care or some other care. I distinctly remember that I was scared like I've never been before with the thought of being away from my family. I remember thinking that if I they decide to take my away, I would run away - back then I had always heard California would be a good place to go. Thankfully, that never materialized, and I was happy to go back to my mom's loving periodic switch
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Now, I am the father of three and basically I've learned to not go with my initial instincts of screaming and then hitting (how I was punished), but to think through how to best handle a discipline situation. Thankfully, I was able to do so because the Lord gave us a girl first, so hitting was not an option for me (though I grew up with it happening to sisters) and I was therefore forced to do something other than my instinct - I still do scream a lot though and am trying to work on that
. Having said that, I do/did spank my two youngest - boys . Although what my mom did went too far, I feel that there are some situations that call for some form of physical punishment. For me, when that happens, it is a situational, thought out, controlled, rational and purposeful action and fully communicated to my child (and of course these situations are rare and nothing nearly as physically severe as what I endured). I understand that its a slippery slope because physical punishment is most often the first recourse and is done with anger, violence and without purpose and is taken too far. I know that oftentimes it is not discipline, but abuse. But taking it away in the absolute is also a slippery slope. For example, would a coach making a player run extra sprints for breaking team rules be considered unacceptable punishment? I would guess that many would say that is acceptable - but isn't that a form of physical punishment?
Lastly, let's not forget that there are a lot more non-physical ways to traumatize/screw up a child. Psychological abuse is equally if not more damaging to a child. Anyway, I really have tried to stay out of this as much as I can, because I put it up there with topics like the death penalty, abortion, religion, etc, etc. Its easy to have the "my way is the right way, the only way, the best way" mindset. I am certainly guilty of that also. But for me, I respectfully disagree that the only and best way to raise a child is with absolutely zero physical punishment. There is just a difference of opinion on this topic, just like there would be on the aforementioned list.
P.S. I read that in the US, 70% of Asian families currently use physical discipline, a number has has steadily declined as more parents are becoming aware of laws on child abuse. I think for Asians outside the US, despite many locales passing child abuse laws, that number is still over 85% (includes South Koreans, Chinese and Vietnamese). I suspect that in immigrant populations, the percentage is also exceedingly high. I don't think that this populace is that effed up...nor the sample size small (insert joke about small asian sample size here)
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Anyway, I've used up six month's allotment of words and smiley faces in one post, so I am done for a while. And please excuse the writing, English is my second language. Best to you all. GO HUSKIES!!
