Boneyard Off Season Dad Jokes

[temery]

Yeah, this is going to be a mistake. Feel free to use the spoiler button.

Go!

 

[Kemba'sYogurt]

Why don't skeletons go trick-or-treating? Because they have no body to go with.

 

[Mano]

A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe film.

Gladiator?

No, I really miss her.

 

[stickyrice]

How do you unlock a toilet?

With a doo-key

 

[Chuck]

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

I love the Progressive "become your parents" commercials. Defense DOES win championships. This one starts with a typical dad joke.

 

[B1GEast]

 

[Ewekon]

Have you heard the joke about the jump rope?

Aww skip it.

 

[Dogdeacon]

Why did the restaurant on the moon close?

Bad atmosphere

 

[Dove]

Aren't these supposed to be dad jokes?

 

[temery]

Aren't these supposed to be dad jokes?

I don't get it.

 

[Dogdeacon]

I don't get it.

He's Dove, and Dove's Dad joke is pretending to be confused as to why the Dad jokes don't each have a Dad as the subject of the joke (i.e. A dad & a mushroom walk into a bar, the mushroom is refused service, the dad says to the bartender; "C'mon he's a fun guy")

 

[Mano]

What do you call a blind deer?

*shrugs*
No idear.

 

[temery]

 

[UConnStats]

A son asks his dad "can I have a book mark?"

The father bursts into tears and says "10 years old and he still doesn't know that my name is Tom!"

 

[RoderickSpode]

I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused. Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

 

[Chin Diesel]

 

[Chin Diesel]

 

[FlakeyFoont]

What did Buddha say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.

 

[StepbackCity]

Enough of that rippity rap, hippity hop bs.

 

[Bezzz]

I was addicted to the hokey pokey...but I turned myself around.

 

[UConn Dan]

So there was this man whose name was Juan and he got shipped off to war when he was young. When he came back from the war he felt rather sad and despondent so he decided to fulfill a dream of his and become a professional clam fisher. Well every morning he would go out fishing and in the afternoon he would sell them at his clam shop. Over time his business became more and more popular, so Juan decided to hire this otter that would go out and catch clams for him. One day Juan got a call from an old business partner of his, saying how he wanted to become partners again, but he would have to ditch the otter. To which Juan replied, "sorry, you can't have Juan without the otter."

 

[RoderickSpode]

What did Buddha say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.

The vendor gave him his hot dog, and Buddha handed his money over.

A few seconds went by, and Buddha asked for his change.

The vendor replied, “Change comes only from within”

 

[Bezzz]

 

[mauconnfan]

Aren't these supposed to be dad jokes?

Well I'm a dad so here goes:

If a dove is the "bird of peace" then what's the bird of "true love"?

The swallow of course

 

[CL82]

Reporter: Doctor what can you tell me about the boy who swallowed a dollar?
Doctor: There's no change yet.