Boneyard Off Season Dad Jokes

[Dogdeacon]

Can someone help an aging Dad on the programmer milk joke and the above on Fortnite (esp the latter, i really want to torture my sons with this but not getting could get in the way

A programmer got a call from his wife and she said, "While you're out, buy some milk."

That was 5 years ago -- he still hasn't come home.

Can someone come to my desk and explain this to me while I make small talk and pretend to understand what he is saying & fixing?

 

[8893]

Can someone help an aging Dad on the programmer milk joke and the above on Fortnite (esp the latter, i really want to torture my sons with this but not getting could get in the way

A fortnight = 14 nights, or two weeks.

 

[lonsharkin51]

Why does a melon get married in a church?

Because it can't elope.

 

[lonsharkin51]

Why do elephants paint their toenails pink?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? No?

See, it works.

 

[JCSuperstar]

A programmer got a call from his wife and she said, "While you're out, buy some milk."

That was 5 years ago -- he still hasn't come home.

During the execution of a 'while' loop, you perform the action as long as the condition is true, so as long as the programmer is out, he is going to keep buying milk. She would need to say "While you are out and you haven't bought milk yet, buy some milk" to break the loop.

 

[Dogdeacon]

During the execution of a 'while' loop, you perform the action as long as the condition is true, so as long as the programmer is out, he is going to keep buying milk. She would need to say "While you are out and you haven't bought milk yet, buy some milk" to break the loop.

Ok thanks and I'm acquitting myself for not understanding that one.
Seems that for any non-programmer to get that the punch line might need to be either:
A. He is still buying milk or
B. Currently he's got 2,000 gallons and he's still at Cumby's waiting for the next truck

In conclusion, the only jokes worse than Dad jokes are Dad programmer jokes, luckily natural selection has limited the numbers on the latter.

 

[JCSuperstar]

Ok thanks and I'm acquitting myself for not understanding that one.
Seems that for any non-programmer to get that the punch line might need to be either:
A. He is still buying milk or
B. Currently he's got 2,000 gallons and he's still at Cumby's waiting for the next truck

In conclusion, the only jokes worse than Dad jokes are Dad programmer jokes, luckily natural selection has limited the numbers on the latter.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25

 

[Waquoit]

A couple is walking through the mall and a woman says, "Hello sir, would you care to respond to a survey?"
"Sure"
"OK, you have two choices. A, spend the next 5 years with your wife..."
"B!"

 

[Mano]

I bought a terrible thesaurus today.

Spoiler

It was terrible.

 

[Battasbaby]

A fish swims into a wall, says dam.

 

[storrsroars]

Watch out for those trees over there.

They look shady.

 

[storrsroars]

Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans.

 

[storrsroars]

Waitress clearing a half-eaten plate: "You wanna box for that?"

Dad: "No, but I'll wrestle you for it."

 

[storrsroars]

Son: "It's freezing in here!"

Dad: "Go sit in the corner. Over there it's 90 degrees."

 

[CL82]

Son: How can I get rich Dad?
Dad: Be like the guy who invented Mentos?
Son: The guy who invented Mentos?
Dad: Yeah, he made a mint.

 

[jayteeman]

Dad-1 proudly says to Dad-2: "I just became a grandfather last night!!!"
Dad-2: "well I guess that means you'll be sleeping with the grandmother now"

 

[CTMike]

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25

There are only 10 types of people in this world- those that understand binary, and those that don’t.

 

[willie99]

what's the difference between a dog and a fox?


three or more drinks

 

[TerryBoyz]

Dad-kids, we are not eating Jolly green giants Veggies any more!
Kids- why?
Dad- he stands on the corn and peas

 

[CTMike]

 

[Dove]

what's the difference between a dog and a fox?


three or more drinks

Good one, dad!!!

 

[Guapo]

I thought I saw an eye doctor in Alaska.

But, it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

 

[Dove]

I was gonna make beef burgundy but I couldn't find a cow that was a wino.

 

[geordi]

The wives of three Indians were pregnant. The first Indian was so proud that he shot an antelope and brought his wife a genuine antelope hide robe. The second was so proud that he shot a buffalo and brought his wife a genuine buffalo hide robe. The third was immensely proud because his wife was twice as big and both other women put together; so he sent to Africa for a genuine hippopotamus hide robe. In time, all three women delivered. The first one had a boy. The second also had a boy. The third woman had twin boys and either one of the twins was twice as big as both of the other babies put together. Just goes to show that (wait for it):
The son of the squaw of the hide of the hippopotamus equals the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

 

[temery]

My dad left us when I was 2.

Well that's not funny at all.