OT: Things Other Parents Let Their Kids Get Away With.....

[Excalibur]

Ah, here's an interesting conundrum. My 18-month-old has the attention span you'd expect when we're out at restaurants.

Would you, a patron, prefer that I:
A) force her to stay in the high chair and whine for 40 minutes?
B) let her down to run around and say hi to everyone?

Those are my choices. Apparently someone is going to be annoyed either way. (FWIW, I always choose B.)

For that reason, we rarely ate at any place where you don't look up to order until the youngest was 3 and responded to threats to sit still and behave. I was super-sensitive about disturbing other diners and didn't care for carrying a crying kid out of the restaurant while my food gets cold.

 

[Excalibur]

A bit of a tangent, but also have to love hearing from soon to be parents on how they will react to their kids' behavior. General guidelines? Sure, you can have a plan. But, please be prepared to deviate often from your plans.

I dismiss any non-parent's "plan" for their future kids' behavior. They have no idea what's coming . . .

 

[Husky25]

I dismiss any non-parent's "plan" for their future kids' behavior. They have no idea what's coming . . .

Other than my wife's, I learned long ago to dismiss pretty much anyone's "plan" for my children.

 

[Austin316]

As a 3 year old, I'm sure you you were tuned into the intricacies and nuance of "naturally observing people and the ability to react to certain things."

If my choices are for him to wail and scream and bother the entirety of the given restaurant's patrons or for him to watch Bubble Guppies off YouTube at a reasonable volume, I choose the latter every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Your job is to pay attention to your food, your company, and chew with your mouth closed.

I would be lying if I was to say my 3 year old isn’t going to watch YouTube as a distraction. But once he gets to 7-12 I wanna be able to have a conversation and have observe reality in front of him. Hopefully, he won’t be watching Bubble Guppies by then, but who knows.

 

[CL82]

As a 3 year old, I'm sure you you were tuned into the intricacies and nuance of "naturally observing people and the ability to react to certain things."

Actually, they all are. That's how they learn social cues and behavior standards.

FWIW, I read an interesting article the other day which says that people who were into Pokemon as young kids actually have a huge section of their brain dedicated to Pokemon. It fires and lights up the same way that family recognition does. Electronics/games/social media immersion at a young age is literally rewriting kids brains.

If my choices are for him to wail and scream and bother the entirety of the given restaurant's patrons or for him to watch Bubble Guppies off YouTube at a reasonable volume, I choose the latter every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Um, a third choice is to actually parent the kid by setting up reasonable expectations for behavior.

That said, you get to raise your kids however you want (within accepted social standards, obviously) and if I have offended you in any way, I apologize.

 

[ConnHuskBask]

As a 3 year old, I'm sure you you were tuned into the intricacies and nuance of "naturally observing people and the ability to react to certain things."

If my choices are for him to wail and scream and bother the entirety of the given restaurant's patrons or for him to watch Bubble Guppies off YouTube at a reasonable volume, I choose the latter every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Your job is to pay attention to your food, your company, and chew with your mouth closed.

You're an jerk if you let you kid play cell phone games or watch videos with the volume on in public-particularly at a restaurant.

 

[Rocktheworld]

Kids using tablets and phones as a distraction kinda annoys me. Missing out on naturally observing people and the ability to react to certain things at a young age, to me, is crucial to their brain development.

There is something to be said about pretend play with a stick and a ball vs a tablet with a screen doing all your imagination for you

 

[CL82]

Ah, here's an interesting conundrum. My 18-month-old has the attention span you'd expect when we're out at restaurants.

Would you, a patron, prefer that I:
A) force her to stay in the high chair and whine for 40 minutes?
B) let her down to run around and say hi to everyone?

Those are my choices. Apparently someone is going to be annoyed either way. (FWIW, I always choose B.)

Fact. I tried to stay away from dining in during my 1st child because did this. Now she is 3 and I don't care. At church I let her walk down the pews and talk with people. It's either that or tell her to sit and cry and disrupt mass. I don't want everyone in church looking at me.

I always choose B!!!

See I see a theme here, which is that your choices are to let your kids do whatever they want or be embarrassed by their tantrums. Respectfully that's just inaccurate. You certainly can take the third option which is to actually parent them. I've walked out of a restaurant or church with my child and explain to them the consequences of their behavior. At a very young age that may be as simple as recognizing whateever they are feeling but explaining that other people want to eat without hearing them or telling them that I would like to be inside listening to mass and being outside because they aren't behaving makes me sad but I will wait with them as long they need. Usually if you ask if they are ready to go back, they'll say yes.

But again, (within societal norms) everyone gets to raise their kids any way they choose. I'm just calling BS that the only two choices are let them do what they want or let them have a public tantrum. There's a whole world of options.

That said, outside of this thread, I would never comment it.

 

[Husky25]

...Um, a third choice is to actually parent the kid by setting up reasonable expectations for behavior...

What makes you think that is not what happens outside of your (not you in particular. The "Royal" you.) eye-shot outside of a restaurant?

A restaurant is not a public park. It is not my back yard. It is not a Learning center in the traditional definition. It is a place to enjoy a prepared meal and part of that enjoyment is not having to excessively bother other patrons.

Heck, even at a grocery store, the kids can get down and move around on their own.

Many restaurants we take our children to, whether a pizza parlor, diner, or other, put down paper place mats with word searches, jumbles, and connect-the-dot puzzles. I see very little difference whether it is on paper or on a screen.

 

[Guapo]

....that you'd absolutely crack your kid upside the head for doing.

I will do one OT thread a week about how other people are worsterer than you and allow freedom to vent until UConn actually gets a spring signee.

I'd love to see basketball related posts but we are getting nothing so far this off-season.

Choosing to go to Syracuse.

 

[Rocktheworld]

As a 3 year old, I'm sure you you were tuned into the intricacies and nuance of "naturally observing people and the ability to react to certain things."

If my choices are for him to wail and scream and bother the entirety of the given restaurant's patrons or for him to watch Bubble Guppies off YouTube at a reasonable volume, I choose the latter every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Your job is to pay attention to your food, your company, and chew with your mouth closed.

This is a perfect post for this thread

 

[Rocktheworld]

Why do people take infants and toddlers to restaurants and expect them to act like adults?

You have a kid, you’re done with a social life for at least 2 years. I thought that’s just what parents expect.

 

[CL82]

What makes you think that is not what happens outside of your (not you in particular. The "Royal" you.) eye-shot outside of a restaurant?

A restaurant is not a public park. It is not my back yard. It is not a Learning center in the traditional definition. It is a place to enjoy a prepared meal and part of that enjoyment is not having to excessively bother other patrons.

Heck, even at a grocery store, the kids can get down and move around on their own.

Many restaurants we take our children to, whether a pizza parlor, diner, or other, put down paper place mats with word searches, jumbles, and connect-the-dot puzzles. I see very little difference whether it is on paper or on a screen.

I have no idea. I was just responding to what you wrote, namely that your choices are let the kid do what he or she wants or let him or her have a tantrum. There are other choices.

That said, I'm out. I don't feel comfortable talking about other people's parenting approaches as it rarely ends well.

 

[Guapo]

I have no idea. I was just responding to what you wrote, namely that your choices are let the kid do what he or she wants or let him or her have a tantrum. There are other choices.

That said I'm out. I don't feel comfortable talking about other people's parenting approaches as it rarely ends well.

I agree.

Unless that parenting includes letting your child go to Syracuse.

In that case, there should be intense, public shameing

 

[Husky25]

Why do people take infants and toddlers to restaurants and expect them to act like adults?

You have a kid, you’re done with a social life for at least 2 years. I thought that’s just what parents expect.

Ask the people who don't have infants and toddlers why they "expect them to act like adults." Heck, I've witnessed my fair share of adults who can't act their age, let alone their IQ at restaurants.

 

[Tenspro2002]

Why do people take infants and toddlers to restaurants and expect them to act like adults?

You have a kid, you’re done with a social life for at least 2 years. I thought that’s just what parents expect.

Hell no. As an infant, mine was quiet and content to sit in the stroller and people-watch, or play with a toy, or let one of us hold her. She was super well-behaved and we didn't skip a beat in terms of going to restaurants, coffee shops, whatever. I hate that defeatist attitude of having a kid means you have to be a hermit. You never know until you try it with your kid.

We're having a second in the fall. Will this one be just as well-behaved as a baby? Who knows. But we're not going to pre-suppose failure and not give ourselves the chance to continue having a life. (Of course, our toddler may have other ideas.)

 

[Husky25]

I have no idea. I was just responding to what you wrote, namely that your choices are let the kid do what he or she wants or let him or her have a tantrum. There are other choices.

That said, I'm out. I don't feel comfortable talking about other people's parenting approaches as it rarely ends well.

Those weren't the choices. At least not the options from which he would choose.

 

[Tenspro2002]

See I see a theme here, which is that your choices are to let your kids do whatever they want or be embarrassed by their tantrums. Respectfully that's just inaccurate. You certainly can take the third option which is to actually parent them. I've walked out of a restaurant or church with my child and explain to them the consequences of their behavior. At a very young age that may be as simple as recognizing whateever they are feeling but explaining that other people want to eat without hearing them or telling them that I would like to be inside listening to mass and being outside because they aren't behaving makes me sad but I will wait with them as long they need. Usually if you ask if they are ready to go back, they'll say yes.

But again, (within societal norms) everyone gets to raise their kids any way they choose. I'm just calling BS that the only two choices are let them do what they want or let them have a public tantrum. There's a whole world of options.

That said, outside of this thread, I would never comment it.

I agree with this to an extent, and it depends on the age of the kid.

My 18-month old doesn't understand that when we're in a restaurant, we're supposed to sit there for an hour and wait patiently for our food. I can't explain it to her and demand that she sit quietly if she's getting fidgety.

When she gets to be 4-5 years old, I will absolutely expect that she can sit quietly somewhere for an hour and not kowtow to her wishes to get up and play.

But you can't expect a 1-year-old to have the capacity to understand restaurant decorum.

 

[CL82]

Ask the people who don't have infants and toddlers why they "expect them to act like adults." Heck, I've witnessed my fair share of adults who can't act their age, let alone their IQ at restaurants.

Infants are infants. You feed them ahead of time and try to time it so that they'll sleep. If not and it means I have take my kid while my wife eats and vice versa, I'm fine with that. It goes with being a parent. Toddlers are a different story. You can set expectations for their behavior.

By the way, like many on the board, I've lived through this already, so I have an understanding of what can and can't be done.

 

[CL82]

I agree with this to an extent, and it depends on the age of the kid.

My 18-month old doesn't understand that when we're in a restaurant, we're supposed to sit there for an hour and wait patiently for our food. I can't explain it to her and demand that she sit quietly if she's getting fidgety.

When she gets to be 4-5 years old, I will absolutely expect that she can sit quietly somewhere for an hour and not kowtow to her wishes to get up and play.

But you can't expect a 1-year-old to have the capacity to understand restaurant decorum.

Yep. So you have to choose places that have faster service or bring food for them to eat during the wait. FWIW once kids have language skills, they are pretty receptive to clear standards.

 

[Husky25]

Hell no. As an infant, mine was quiet and content to sit in the stroller and people-watch, or play with a toy, or let one of us hold her. She was super well-behaved and we didn't skip a beat in terms of going to restaurants, coffee shops, whatever. I hate that defeatist attitude of having a kid means you have to be a hermit. You never know until you try it with your kid.

We're having a second in the fall. Will this one be just as well-behaved as a baby? Who knows. But we're not going to pre-suppose failure and not give ourselves the chance to continue having a life. (Of course, our toddler may have other ideas.)

We took a trip to Minnesota for a graduation when my oldest was 9 months old. I was armed with candy bars and ear plugs for whoever around us had a problem. On the first leg headed to Chicago, a man in a suit sat directly in front of my wife. The three of us joked around a little prior to takeoff, but his demeanor was, shall I say, annoyed at the very least. Upon touchdown at ORD, he got up to get his overhead bag and remarked that he honestly forgot a baby was sitting behind him.

 

[Austin316]

There is something to be said about pretend play with a stick and a ball vs a tablet with a screen doing all your imagination for you

Amen. Wiffleball was the highlight of my childhood.

 

[uconnbill]

Ah, here's an interesting conundrum. My 18-month-old has the attention span you'd expect when we're out at restaurants.

Would you, a patron, prefer that I:
A) force her to stay in the high chair and whine for 40 minutes?
B) let her down to run around and say hi to everyone?

Those are my choices. Apparently someone is going to be annoyed either way. (FWIW, I always choose B.)

I would appreciate it if a child was acting up to take them to the bathroom or outside to calm them down.
I know this is not perfect but at a nice restaurant that I am paying a decent amount I would like to be able to hear my wife, family and friends

 

[Husky25]

Infants are infants. You feed them ahead of time and try to time it so that they'll sleep. If not and it means I have take my kid while my wife eats and vice versa, I'm fine with that. It goes with being a parent. Toddlers are a different story. You can set expectations for their behavior.

By the way, like many on the board, I've lived through this already, so I have an understanding of what can and can't be done.

How old are your kids? Did you have the tools that are available to us? That is exactly what a tablet is to me. A tool. No different than a coloring book, Transformer, a baggie of Cheerios, or something like that when I was a kid.

 

[Tenspro2002]

I would appreciate it if a child was acting up to take them to the bathroom or outside to calm them down.
I know this is not perfect but at a nice restaurant that I am paying a decent amount I would like to be able to hear my wife, family and friends

Or I could let her walk around and generally be pleasant to other customers.