Referee Baiting by a Head Coach

[Mr. French]

I admit, I get way too into the game when I'm coaching and usually complain a lot ... I think I'm a bit of Hurley in that regard, I'm so into it I can't stop myself from freaking out about a terrible, important call.

But I've gotten better in the last few years because I realize, at least at the HS level (where I'm not a "respected" legendary coach like a Calhoun or others who ride the refs) it's probably making it worse rather than better.

But most of it is a natural reaction to poor calls that affect my team, so there's only so much "holding back" in me, lol.

 

[CL82]

It's not "baiting" the refs so much as it is "working" the refs. At the college basketball level, it's is a conversation. Calhoun commented on pretty much all the questionable calls early and often, but quietly. That puts him in a position to question a call loudly, if necessary. It is something you learn over time. Calhoun tells a story of how early on he'd question every bad call loudly and vehemently. One time a ref, I don't remember which anymore, walks up to him and says "C'mon Jimmy you are up by 20 and we're doing a good job." Calhoun learned to be more tactical after that. That's something Ollie didn't get. He'd either be disengaged or pouty the bulk of the time. The paper push was an entertaining move but it was absolutely at the wrong time. The great ones really understand the timing. It is an art form and it gives them an edge.

I have a lot stories about coaching (as we all do) and I have shared a few here over the years. The biggest point I'd make is if you are a middle aged man (or woman) and you find yourself yelling at a middle school aged ref, you are wrong even if you are right. Like another poster said above, if a ref is missing things or making over a mistake, you call him over during a dead period and you mention it to him. If it is really bad, talk to the other coach first and then both do it, but do it calmly. It is a teaching moment. Most kids do not have the tools yet to interact with an animated overly forceful adult.

One story I think I've told here is about a select soccer (probably U-15) with adult refs. It was important game in the standings (1 vs. 2). The guy I coached with was an excellent coach and one of the nicest guys generally. As was pointed out, the local league hires the refs and in this particular game it showed. They were making abysmal calls and non-calls right from the start. As a coach or a player you don't mind bad reffing so much so long as it is consistently bad both ways. This wasn't. My buddy made a "call if both ways" argument ("if it is 'x' there then it has to be 'x' here too') and the ref says "That's it coach if I hear one more word out of you, you're gone!" My buddy just looks at me and I said "Yeah, Jim, I've got it" and take over the vocal coaching of the game. The next play the ref decides to make a point and let's a kid get a pass way behind the defense and I mean literally 10 yards behind them. The kid drills a hot shot toward the left corner and my keeper dives and slaps it out. "I yell out "Nice Roberto, nice work! If you can stop them when they are that far offsides you can stop anything." The kids on the bench who saw the interaction between the other coach and the ref look up at me with a "Oh coach you are going to get tossed" look on their faces and I said to them with a smile "What? He's my player, I can say anything I want to him."

 

[husky429]

Speaking from personal experience working games, I wouldn't say it influences me to get "make up" calls, but occasionally, it will get me to make sure that I'm not really missing what the coach claims we aren't calling. I've found that more times than not, if you actually address the coach in a professional manner and honestly explain that you may have missed it, or don't have the same vantage point as he/she, the technical can be avoided by talking the coach down a bit. Some don't want to hear any part of it, and that's when the T's start flying.

And for those that love to complain about how bad the officials are, I'd encourage you to seek out your local officiating board and sign up. The travel middle school and high school level game moves at a very high pace, and the officials never have the same vantage point as you do up in the stands. Standing on the court, and not having the luxury of instant replay, makes it a lot harder than you would think. Yes, there are definitely some officials who lack the training and get in over their head, but constant berating from ignorant parents doesn't help fix the problem. The statistics will show you that the average age of officials (all sports) is about 42 (was 20 in 1976 for comparison). If parents/coaches keep running off the younger, newer officials because they don't want to deal with their crap for $20-$30 a game, there won't be any officials left to cover all of the games. Then what? A game without officials is just a scrimmage...

Sorry for the rant, I take this stuff personal.

Parents and coaches are pretty cruel to referees. I don't envy your job but thank you for it. People forget that's it's basically impossible to be objective when you're watching your team or kid play. I've scouted more games than I can count with parents and coaches going absolutely ballistic on referees, and can't help but think that I thought that game was called pretty fairly despite the tenor in the room.

 

[husky429]

I think along with developing a better offensive philosophy, learning to work the refs properly will be the next step in Hurley's development as a head coach. People on here like to talk about it all being tactical or whatever (and sometimes it is), but it's pretty apparent at time he's out of control. It will come with age and experience at this level. Calhoun had to learn too, just like everyone

 

[M.S.G.]

I feel like this is a safe space so I can share my G.O.A.T. referee tale.

2 years ago I coached varsity girls' hoops, tragically terrible program that I took over. Progress was there, but we shot TWENTY FOUR PERCENT from the field for the season. I legitimately needed everything to go my way to win. Traps, pressure, rebounding, and of course.. Officiating.

Potentially the worst board I've ever seen, it's a lopsided conference where the big schools just destroy the small schools and it's been that way for years - so all the quality referees are on the boys' games, and the girls get the bottom of the barrel.

My wife won 3 state championships in high school, partly because of who she played with (former UConn women's star). She's a gem, but she's perhaps wound a bit tight. When I coached boys hoops she would be all over the referees and well, there's TONS of people there so you could hardly hear her. Girls basketball is a different animal, you can hear a pin drop most nights. My wife gained/earned/was saddled with a bit of a reputation, this was relayed to me by my AD (gigantic douchenozzle, but this isn't about him). I was basically like, this is by and far the worst collection of officials I've seen in my 15 year career - I am not going to sit there and watch these unqualified refs over their head screwing me night in and night out. He said, this is your first year here, sit and take it. Not good enough for me. I've won EVERYWHERE I've gone, not like my name or reputation precedes me or anything but I think I've been around the block enough to know what I'm talking about.

He warned me again, and said something to the effect of, she really needs to watch herself...

Fast forward a week or so. We're playing a pretty evenly matched game, and I'm getting screwed over by this absolute imbecile. Female referee, she was just a disaster. I've been told by a STATE TOURNAMENT OFFICIAL that she shouldn't even be doing middle school JV games. Yet here she is again! Had her like 5x that season. We fall behind to start the 3rd quarter, terrible call right in front of my wife. She stands up and says, "Why don't you just HAND them the game!"

BOOM. The referee gave my wife a technical in the stands.

To this day I've yet to get a definitive account as to whether you can even do that.

The woman crosses over the court to the table to get it in the book and I UNLOAD on her, I never curse. That's something I take pride in. Never curse in front of the kids, never at referees, that's my line. I say a few things like, "you are a disgrace to the game of basketball!" and "this is the most shameful thing I've ever seen in my life, you should be ashamed of yourself!" Boom, T's me. I turn around and kicked a chair as hard as I could, and her partner held her back from T'ing me again.

My girls came all the way back, one possession game in the 4th quarter and just couldn't get over the hump.

The opposing team's AD called our superintendent and said I should be fired. I had kind of reached my breaking point and was going to resign at the end of the season anyway. The superintendent wanted me suspended for the rest of the season, the AD actually had my back once he found out who the referee involved was. Suffice to say, I finished out the season and resigned. Just not the right place for me. I'm coaching boys' basketball again and only got one technical last year and we played in our conference championship game.

The end.

I want to add, that was one of two technicals that I got that season. It wasn't like I was getting a T every game. I probably deserved a few. I think that is an important part of the narrative, 2 T's in 20 games.

Felt good typing that all out, I know I'm a bit of a hothead, but I just have no patience for mediocrity. The kids are the ones who don't deserve to be screwed over. Trust me I've gotten many lectures about my behavior, and I maintain that the kids deserve better from the officials and it's my job to fight for them and defend them at all costs.

/Rant Over

 

[Mr. French]

I feel like this is a safe space so I can share my G.O.A.T. referee tale.

2 years ago I coached varsity girls' hoops, tragically terrible program that I took over. Progress was there, but we shot TWENTY FOUR PERCENT from the field for the season. I legitimately needed everything to go my way to win. Traps, pressure, rebounding, and of course.. Officiating.

Potentially the worst board I've ever seen, it's a lopsided conference where the big schools just destroy the small schools and it's been that way for years - so all the quality referees are on the boys' games, and the girls get the bottom of the barrel.

My wife won 3 state championships in high school, partly because of who she played with (former UConn women's star). She's a gem, but she's perhaps wound a bit tight. When I coached boys hoops she would be all over the referees and well, there's TONS of people there so you could hardly hear her. Girls basketball is a different animal, you can hear a pin drop most nights. My wife gained/earned/was saddled with a bit of a reputation, this was relayed to me by my AD (gigantic douchenozzle, but this isn't about him). I was basically like, this is by and far the worst collection of officials I've seen in my 15 year career - I am not going to sit there and watch these unqualified refs over their head screwing me night in and night out. He said, this is your first year here, sit and take it. Not good enough for me. I've won EVERYWHERE I've gone, not like my name or reputation precedes me or anything but I think I've been around the block enough to know what I'm talking about.

He warned me again, and said something to the effect of, she really needs to watch herself...

Fast forward a week or so. We're playing a pretty evenly matched game, and I'm getting screwed over by this absolute imbecile. Female referee, she was just a disaster. I've been told by a STATE TOURNAMENT OFFICIAL that she shouldn't even be doing middle school JV games. Yet here she is again! Had her like 5x that season. We fall behind to start the 3rd quarter, terrible call right in front of my wife. She stands up and says, "Why don't you just HAND them the game!"

BOOM. The referee gave my wife a technical in the stands.

To this day I've yet to get a definitive account as to whether you can even do that.

The woman crosses over the court to the table to get it in the book and I UNLOAD on her, I never curse. That's something I take pride in. Never curse in front of the kids, never at referees, that's my line. I say a few things like, "you are a disgrace to the game of basketball!" and "this is the most shameful thing I've ever seen in my life, you should be ashamed of yourself!" Boom, T's me. I turn around and kicked a chair as hard as I could, and her partner held her back from T'ing me again.

My girls came all the way back, one possession game in the 4th quarter and just couldn't get over the hump.

The opposing team's AD called our superintendent and said I should be fired. I had kind of reached my breaking point and was going to resign at the end of the season anyway. The superintendent wanted me suspended for the rest of the season, the AD actually had my back once he found out who the referee involved was. Suffice to say, I finished out the season and resigned. Just not the right place for me. I'm coaching boys' basketball again and only got one technical last year and we played in our conference championship game.

The end.

I want to add, that was one of two technicals that I got that season. It wasn't like I was getting a T every game. I probably deserved a few. I think that is an important part of the narrative, 2 T's in 20 games.

Felt good typing that all out, I know I'm a bit of a hothead, but I just have no patience for mediocrity. The kids are the ones who don't deserve to be screwed over. Trust me I've gotten many lectures about my behavior, and I maintain that the kids deserve better from the officials and it's my job to fight for them and defend them at all costs.

/Rant Over

Wow, other than the wife and a few other smaller details, I could have probably written that, especially the part about having a douchenozzle as an AD and the last few paragraphs - I got hotheaded and had some moments with refs, but most liked me overall even if they knew I was going to pee and moan.

When there are refs that are doing vitally important Varsity games in the best league in the area, and they aren't qualified to do 6th graders' games, it gets tough to hold your tongue.

Loved that you got that off your chest, lol.

 

[the Q]

I feel like this is a safe space so I can share my G.O.A.T. referee tale.

2 years ago I coached varsity girls' hoops, tragically terrible program that I took over. Progress was there, but we shot TWENTY FOUR PERCENT from the field for the season. I legitimately needed everything to go my way to win. Traps, pressure, rebounding, and of course.. Officiating.

Potentially the worst board I've ever seen, it's a lopsided conference where the big schools just destroy the small schools and it's been that way for years - so all the quality referees are on the boys' games, and the girls get the bottom of the barrel.

My wife won 3 state championships in high school, partly because of who she played with (former UConn women's star). She's a gem, but she's perhaps wound a bit tight. When I coached boys hoops she would be all over the referees and well, there's TONS of people there so you could hardly hear her. Girls basketball is a different animal, you can hear a pin drop most nights. My wife gained/earned/was saddled with a bit of a reputation, this was relayed to me by my AD (gigantic douchenozzle, but this isn't about him). I was basically like, this is by and far the worst collection of officials I've seen in my 15 year career - I am not going to sit there and watch these unqualified refs over their head screwing me night in and night out. He said, this is your first year here, sit and take it. Not good enough for me. I've won EVERYWHERE I've gone, not like my name or reputation precedes me or anything but I think I've been around the block enough to know what I'm talking about.

He warned me again, and said something to the effect of, she really needs to watch herself...

Fast forward a week or so. We're playing a pretty evenly matched game, and I'm getting screwed over by this absolute imbecile. Female referee, she was just a disaster. I've been told by a STATE TOURNAMENT OFFICIAL that she shouldn't even be doing middle school JV games. Yet here she is again! Had her like 5x that season. We fall behind to start the 3rd quarter, terrible call right in front of my wife. She stands up and says, "Why don't you just HAND them the game!"

BOOM. The referee gave my wife a technical in the stands.

To this day I've yet to get a definitive account as to whether you can even do that.

The woman crosses over the court to the table to get it in the book and I UNLOAD on her, I never curse. That's something I take pride in. Never curse in front of the kids, never at referees, that's my line. I say a few things like, "you are a disgrace to the game of basketball!" and "this is the most shameful thing I've ever seen in my life, you should be ashamed of yourself!" Boom, T's me. I turn around and kicked a chair as hard as I could, and her partner held her back from T'ing me again.

My girls came all the way back, one possession game in the 4th quarter and just couldn't get over the hump.

The opposing team's AD called our superintendent and said I should be fired. I had kind of reached my breaking point and was going to resign at the end of the season anyway. The superintendent wanted me suspended for the rest of the season, the AD actually had my back once he found out who the referee involved was. Suffice to say, I finished out the season and resigned. Just not the right place for me. I'm coaching boys' basketball again and only got one technical last year and we played in our conference championship game.

The end.

I want to add, that was one of two technicals that I got that season. It wasn't like I was getting a T every game. I probably deserved a few. I think that is an important part of the narrative, 2 T's in 20 games.

Felt good typing that all out, I know I'm a bit of a hothead, but I just have no patience for mediocrity. The kids are the ones who don't deserve to be screwed over. Trust me I've gotten many lectures about my behavior, and I maintain that the kids deserve better from the officials and it's my job to fight for them and defend them at all costs.

/Rant Over

You deserved your technical. And her partner should’ve T’d you up from kicking the chair.

But I don’t doubt the aspects you mention about the officials in question. On most boards scheduling is very political.

 

[RollBlobXU]

Something to look forward to with joining the NBE is 1x a year FS1 mic's up the coaches for the entire game. It's cool at first then annoying, especially when your team is getting crushed. I couldn't find the full game, but the highlights give some idea of the banter you hear from the coaches. It follows them into the huddles and halftime. McDermott definitely worked the refs harder, he also surprisingly called more sets, which I always assumed Creighton's offense was just run a little motion and hoist up a 3 10-15 seconds into the shot clock. Apparently there's a method to madness.

 

[mauconnfan]

Wow, other than the wife and a few other smaller details, I could have probably written that, especially the part about having a douchenozzle as an AD and the last few paragraphs - I got hotheaded and had some moments with refs, but most liked me overall even if they knew I was going to pee and moan.

When there are refs that are doing vitally important Varsity games in the best league in the area, and they aren't qualified to do 6th graders' games, it gets tough to hold your tongue.

Loved that you got that off your chest, lol.

I rec’d a T in the stands up in Troy NY in one of my sons AAU games years ago. The parents in my group were very proud of me because we were playing the Troy/Albany based team who did nothing wrong ever on both sides of the ball LOL......like Mr French I’m the type who doesn’t hold much back when change is necessary. I know that’s probably not how I am here but believe me...

 

[uchuskies2009]

I feel like this is a safe space so I can share my G.O.A.T. referee tale.

2 years ago I coached varsity girls' hoops, tragically terrible program that I took over. Progress was there, but we shot TWENTY FOUR PERCENT from the field for the season. I legitimately needed everything to go my way to win. Traps, pressure, rebounding, and of course.. Officiating.

Potentially the worst board I've ever seen, it's a lopsided conference where the big schools just destroy the small schools and it's been that way for years - so all the quality referees are on the boys' games, and the girls get the bottom of the barrel.

My wife won 3 state championships in high school, partly because of who she played with (former UConn women's star). She's a gem, but she's perhaps wound a bit tight. When I coached boys hoops she would be all over the referees and well, there's TONS of people there so you could hardly hear her. Girls basketball is a different animal, you can hear a pin drop most nights. My wife gained/earned/was saddled with a bit of a reputation, this was relayed to me by my AD (gigantic douchenozzle, but this isn't about him). I was basically like, this is by and far the worst collection of officials I've seen in my 15 year career - I am not going to sit there and watch these unqualified refs over their head screwing me night in and night out. He said, this is your first year here, sit and take it. Not good enough for me. I've won EVERYWHERE I've gone, not like my name or reputation precedes me or anything but I think I've been around the block enough to know what I'm talking about.

He warned me again, and said something to the effect of, she really needs to watch herself...

Fast forward a week or so. We're playing a pretty evenly matched game, and I'm getting screwed over by this absolute imbecile. Female referee, she was just a disaster. I've been told by a STATE TOURNAMENT OFFICIAL that she shouldn't even be doing middle school JV games. Yet here she is again! Had her like 5x that season. We fall behind to start the 3rd quarter, terrible call right in front of my wife. She stands up and says, "Why don't you just HAND them the game!"

BOOM. The referee gave my wife a technical in the stands.

To this day I've yet to get a definitive account as to whether you can even do that.

The woman crosses over the court to the table to get it in the book and I UNLOAD on her, I never curse. That's something I take pride in. Never curse in front of the kids, never at referees, that's my line. I say a few things like, "you are a disgrace to the game of basketball!" and "this is the most shameful thing I've ever seen in my life, you should be ashamed of yourself!" Boom, T's me. I turn around and kicked a chair as hard as I could, and her partner held her back from T'ing me again.

My girls came all the way back, one possession game in the 4th quarter and just couldn't get over the hump.

The opposing team's AD called our superintendent and said I should be fired. I had kind of reached my breaking point and was going to resign at the end of the season anyway. The superintendent wanted me suspended for the rest of the season, the AD actually had my back once he found out who the referee involved was. Suffice to say, I finished out the season and resigned. Just not the right place for me. I'm coaching boys' basketball again and only got one technical last year and we played in our conference championship game.

The end.

I want to add, that was one of two technicals that I got that season. It wasn't like I was getting a T every game. I probably deserved a few. I think that is an important part of the narrative, 2 T's in 20 games.

Felt good typing that all out, I know I'm a bit of a hothead, but I just have no patience for mediocrity. The kids are the ones who don't deserve to be screwed over. Trust me I've gotten many lectures about my behavior, and I maintain that the kids deserve better from the officials and it's my job to fight for them and defend them at all costs.

/Rant Over

Completely agree about the under qualified official thing (I've had partners on JV games that struggle to even get to the right place on the court, which brings the entire crew's integrity into question without a call even being made). As another poster went on to mention, scheduling can be political at times, but going back to my previous point, it's more likely that there is an issue with not having enough qualified officials to cover all the games. It happens everywhere in the country, especially in the more rural areas where you have about 50 qualified officials trying to cover a large territory. Sometimes the younger, inexperienced officials need to fill in, especially later in the year when some of the veteran officials suffer an injury or get sick.

As for the technical foul being issued to your wife in the stands, that wasn't handled properly. In the last two years, the NFHS has updated the rule book to require a pre-game conference with the officials and "site management". The officials are supposed to discuss how unruly fans will be handled. The official in your story should have gotten a school resource officer, principal, AD, etc. involved and had your wife removed from the game instead of directly interacting with them. If she intentionally delayed leaving the gym, the official (or better yet, one of her partners on the crew) should have went to you and discussed that your wife needed to leave and any further delay would result in a technical to you. Handling it this way likely would have at least avoided one of the T's to you and your team. Inexperience in that situation sounds like it cost your team a potential win (but also think about what else transpired in that game that may have led to a loss as surely you know that a game is typically not decided by one or two bad calls LOL).

I firmly believe in creating a dialogue with the coaches I work for as best that we can. Typically it promotes a better game atmosphere for both of us. During the pre-game meeting with the coaches, I will tell them that we won't respond to statements, but we will do our best to answer questions that they may have during a dead ball. Free throws and timeouts are the best opportunities for meaningful Q&A during the game. I'm not stopping the flow of the game to walk across the court and explain to the coach why I didn't call that 3 seconds after the five consecutive missed shot attempts and little Timmy never moved out of the paint. It amazes me at how many coaches (more so parents) at the lower levels don't understand that rule LOL.

 

[husky429]

I feel like this is a safe space so I can share my G.O.A.T. referee tale.

2 years ago I coached varsity girls' hoops, tragically terrible program that I took over. Progress was there, but we shot TWENTY FOUR PERCENT from the field for the season. I legitimately needed everything to go my way to win. Traps, pressure, rebounding, and of course.. Officiating.

Potentially the worst board I've ever seen, it's a lopsided conference where the big schools just destroy the small schools and it's been that way for years - so all the quality referees are on the boys' games, and the girls get the bottom of the barrel.

My wife won 3 state championships in high school, partly because of who she played with (former UConn women's star). She's a gem, but she's perhaps wound a bit tight. When I coached boys hoops she would be all over the referees and well, there's TONS of people there so you could hardly hear her. Girls basketball is a different animal, you can hear a pin drop most nights. My wife gained/earned/was saddled with a bit of a reputation, this was relayed to me by my AD (gigantic douchenozzle, but this isn't about him). I was basically like, this is by and far the worst collection of officials I've seen in my 15 year career - I am not going to sit there and watch these unqualified refs over their head screwing me night in and night out. He said, this is your first year here, sit and take it. Not good enough for me. I've won EVERYWHERE I've gone, not like my name or reputation precedes me or anything but I think I've been around the block enough to know what I'm talking about.

He warned me again, and said something to the effect of, she really needs to watch herself...

Fast forward a week or so. We're playing a pretty evenly matched game, and I'm getting screwed over by this absolute imbecile. Female referee, she was just a disaster. I've been told by a STATE TOURNAMENT OFFICIAL that she shouldn't even be doing middle school JV games. Yet here she is again! Had her like 5x that season. We fall behind to start the 3rd quarter, terrible call right in front of my wife. She stands up and says, "Why don't you just HAND them the game!"

BOOM. The referee gave my wife a technical in the stands.

To this day I've yet to get a definitive account as to whether you can even do that.

The woman crosses over the court to the table to get it in the book and I UNLOAD on her, I never curse. That's something I take pride in. Never curse in front of the kids, never at referees, that's my line. I say a few things like, "you are a disgrace to the game of basketball!" and "this is the most shameful thing I've ever seen in my life, you should be ashamed of yourself!" Boom, T's me. I turn around and kicked a chair as hard as I could, and her partner held her back from T'ing me again.

My girls came all the way back, one possession game in the 4th quarter and just couldn't get over the hump.

The opposing team's AD called our superintendent and said I should be fired. I had kind of reached my breaking point and was going to resign at the end of the season anyway. The superintendent wanted me suspended for the rest of the season, the AD actually had my back once he found out who the referee involved was. Suffice to say, I finished out the season and resigned. Just not the right place for me. I'm coaching boys' basketball again and only got one technical last year and we played in our conference championship game.

The end.

I want to add, that was one of two technicals that I got that season. It wasn't like I was getting a T every game. I probably deserved a few. I think that is an important part of the narrative, 2 T's in 20 games.

Felt good typing that all out, I know I'm a bit of a hothead, but I just have no patience for mediocrity. The kids are the ones who don't deserve to be screwed over. Trust me I've gotten many lectures about my behavior, and I maintain that the kids deserve better from the officials and it's my job to fight for them and defend them at all costs.

/Rant Over

You should have gotten booted from the game for kicking the chair. I guarantee my AD would have suspended me as well. Your wife has no reason to say a thing on the sidelines and likely should have been kicked out instead of given a T. To be honest, the incompetence of the referees likely played in your favor there. They were intimidated. Despite this being your version of the events, it still sounds pretty concerning to me.

I'm not attempting to pass any personal judgment. I am sure you're a good guy and a good coach. I firmly believe that sports reveals your inner-most character and force us to recognize some of the worst parts of ourselves. It has for me. It would probably behoove you to do some personal reflection on how you treat people--referees are people after all.

1) You are setting a terrible personal example for the kids in your care when you lose your cool. I would CERTAINLY rather you swear in front of my kid than kick and chair and berate other adults. I would stop using that as some kind of moral bellwether.
2) A referee cannot change if they are not very talented to begin with, as you admit. It doesn't sound like anyone was trying to make you lose--they just suck. Girls' games tend to have pretty terrible referees everywhere.
3) You can get the exact same message across without screaming like a madman. You can even be loud to get a message to a ref without kicking a chair in front of a bunch of kids.
4) Very few refs--likely few or none you see--are consciously throwing a game.
5) I would all but guarantee your version of getting screwed over by refs is biased. Everyone thinks they're getting jobbed, including myself.

This is coming from someone who has had plenty of idiotic moments himself. MORE than plenty. I just don't think trying to rationalize your lack of control with "defending the kids" is doing anyone except yourself any favors.

More of a philosophical rant here, apologies. Coaches need to do a better job across the board. We stick to the old ways of doing things instead of coaching to meet the needs of the kids. Everything from Xs and Os, to how we teach skills, or interact with referees. I am consistently disappointed in this profession. Basketball needs a CULTURE change, and badly.

I use two strategies to help me mellow out. I don't expect it will be good for anyone else, just food for thought:
- During my post-game write-ups I include a section on my interactions with refs. How could I have done it differently, or was it right? Did hollering at him/her affect the game?
- My captains have a 100% license from me to tell me to cool off. We have a phrase for it. I tell them straight up at the beginning of the year "I am a hot head, and I know it's not good for the team. You can tell me any time to stop, and I will not say another word to you or a ref. No repercussions. Full stop." They used it on 2 occasions last year.

Edit: I cannot reiterate enough that I 1) used to be BAD on the sidelines, 2) still am not perfect. I have had parents fight on the sidelines, thrown clipboards myself, had a player attack an opposing team's parent, etc. etc. etc. And I now believe that all of that was because of the culture I helped to create. In the past 2 years I have had 0 techs myself, 0 from players, and relatively few incidences with parents. Basketball is a top-down sport and it starts with the coach.

 

[the Q]

You should have gotten booted from the game for kicking the chair. I guarantee my AD would have suspended me as well. Your wife has no reason to say a thing on the sidelines and likely should have been kicked out instead of given a T. To be honest, the incompetence of the referees likely played in your favor there. They were intimidated. Despite this being your version of the events, it still sounds pretty concerning to me.

I'm not attempting to pass any personal judgment. I am sure you're a good guy and a good coach. I firmly believe that sports reveals your inner-most character and force us to recognize some of the worst parts of ourselves. It has for me. It would probably behoove you to do some personal reflection on how you treat people--referees are people after all.

1) You are setting a terrible personal example for the kids in your care when you lose your cool. I would CERTAINLY rather you swear in front of my kid than kick and chair and berate other adults. I would stop using that as some kind of moral bellwether.
2) A referee cannot change if they are not very talented to begin with, as you admit. It doesn't sound like anyone was trying to make you lose--they just suck. Girls' games tend to have pretty terrible referees everywhere.
3) You can get the exact same message across without screaming like a madman. You can even be loud to get a message to a ref without kicking a chair in front of a bunch of kids.
4) Very few refs--likely few or none you see--are consciously throwing a game.
5) I would all but guarantee your version of getting screwed over by refs is biased. Everyone thinks they're getting jobbed, including myself.

This is coming from someone who has had plenty of idiotic moments himself. MORE than plenty. I just don't think trying to rationalize your lack of control with "defending the kids" is doing anyone except yourself any favors.

More of a philosophical rant here, apologies. Coaches need to do a better job across the board. We stick to the old ways of doing things instead of coaching to meet the needs of the kids. Everything from Xs and Os, to how we teach skills, or interact with referees. I am consistently disappointed in this profession.

Everyone wants everything called on the other team and nothing called on them.

I appreciate when a kid makes a dumb foul and the coach actually tells them they screwed up rather than blame it on me.

I’ve had coaches yell at me after a kid just ran over another player trying to make a steal...because they were “just going for the ball.”

Or coaches who yell about a 7-3 foul discrepancy when the other team is sitting in a 2-3 zone and his team is playing full court trap and has 4 fouls before half court.

 

[the Q]

Completely agree about the under qualified official thing (I've had partners on JV games that struggle to even get to the right place on the court, which brings the entire crew's integrity into question without a call even being made). As another poster went on to mention, scheduling can be political at times, but going back to my previous point, it's more likely that there is an issue with not having enough qualified officials to cover all the games. It happens everywhere in the country, especially in the more rural areas where you have about 50 qualified officials trying to cover a large territory. Sometimes the younger, inexperienced officials need to fill in, especially later in the year when some of the veteran officials suffer an injury or get sick.

As for the technical foul being issued to your wife in the stands, that wasn't handled properly. In the last two years, the NFHS has updated the rule book to require a pre-game conference with the officials and "site management". The officials are supposed to discuss how unruly fans will be handled. The official in your story should have gotten a school resource officer, principal, AD, etc. involved and had your wife removed from the game instead of directly interacting with them. If she intentionally delayed leaving the gym, the official (or better yet, one of her partners on the crew) should have went to you and discussed that your wife needed to leave and any further delay would result in a technical to you. Handling it this way likely would have at least avoided one of the T's to you and your team. Inexperience in that situation sounds like it cost your team a potential win (but also think about what else transpired in that game that may have led to a loss as surely you know that a game is typically not decided by one or two bad calls LOL).

I firmly believe in creating a dialogue with the coaches I work for as best that we can. Typically it promotes a better game atmosphere for both of us. During the pre-game meeting with the coaches, I will tell them that we won't respond to statements, but we will do our best to answer questions that they may have during a dead ball. Free throws and timeouts are the best opportunities for meaningful Q&A during the game. I'm not stopping the flow of the game to walk across the court and explain to the coach why I didn't call that 3 seconds after the five consecutive missed shot attempts and little Timmy never moved out of the paint. It amazes me at how many coaches (more so parents) at the lower levels don't understand that rule LOL.

Your procedure for obnoxious, unruly fans is correct.

I actually went to talk to a coach during a game and her response:

“I’m sorry, that’s my husband.”

But the dude calmed down after that.

 

[uchuskies2009]

Everyone wants everything called on the other team and nothing called on them.

I appreciate when a kid makes a dumb foul and the coach actually tells them they screwed up rather than blame it on me.

I’ve had coaches yell at me after a kid just ran over another player trying to make a steal...because they were “just going for the ball.”

Or coaches who yell about a 7-3 foul discrepancy when the other team is sitting in a 2-3 zone and his team is playing full court trap and has 4 fouls before half court.

Funny you should mention the foul count issue. This is one of my biggest pet peeves, and actually T'd a varsity boys coach up over it this year (granted, he had been questioning nearly every call our crew made throughout the game, and had an official warning issued in the book). I gave a T to one of his kids for slamming the ball 15 feet into the air out of frustration (no brainer T). After I reported the T to the table, the coach politely asked me over to the bench to explain it, which I gladly obliged. For some reason, he didn't like the explanation that I gave, to which I told him that this was one of those "automatic" T's. As I'm walking away, since I had nothing else to add to the conversation, he proceeds to tell me that the foul count was 8-1. If the warning (which one of my partners assessed, not me) wasn't issued, I would have let it go. His team played very aggressive, but sloppy defense, so naturally, they are going to commit a ton of fouls.

 

[the Q]

Just for the record, In the nfhs rule book the following are technical worthy behaviors

- disrespectfully addressing an official
- Attempting to influence an official decision
- Profane or inappropriate language
- objecting to an officials decision by rising from the bench or making gestures

t’s should probably be called a lot more....

 

[husky429]

Funny you should mention the foul count issue. This is one of my biggest pet peeves, and actually T'd a varsity boys coach up over it this year (granted, he had been questioning nearly every call our crew made throughout the game, and had an official warning issued in the book). I gave a T to one of his kids for slamming the ball 15 feet into the air out of frustration (no brainer T). After I reported the T to the table, the coach politely asked me over to the bench to explain it, which I gladly obliged. For some reason, he didn't like the explanation that I gave, to which I told him that this was one of those "automatic" T's. As I'm walking away, since I had nothing else to add to the conversation, he proceeds to tell me that the foul count was 8-1. If the warning (which one of my partners assessed, not me) wasn't issued, I would have let it go. His team played very aggressive, but sloppy defense, so naturally, they are going to commit a ton of fouls.

I have heard the rule is if you slam the ball over your head it's an automatic tech. Is that true? Or just a guideline?

 

[the Q]

Funny you should mention the foul count issue. This is one of my biggest pet peeves, and actually T'd a varsity boys coach up over it this year (granted, he had been questioning nearly every call our crew made throughout the game, and had an official warning issued in the book). I gave a T to one of his kids for slamming the ball 15 feet into the air out of frustration (no brainer T). After I reported the T to the table, the coach politely asked me over to the bench to explain it, which I gladly obliged. For some reason, he didn't like the explanation that I gave, to which I told him that this was one of those "automatic" T's. As I'm walking away, since I had nothing else to add to the conversation, he proceeds to tell me that the foul count was 8-1. If the warning (which one of my partners assessed, not me) wasn't issued, I would have let it go. His team played very aggressive, but sloppy defense, so naturally, they are going to commit a ton of fouls.

yeah, that’s a pretty automatic t. Especially 15 feet in the air.

I had a 10 year old do it a few years ago after a travel. I was like, crap...I have to t up a 5th grader.

 

[uchuskies2009]

I have heard the rule is if you slam the ball over your head it's an automatic tech. Is that true? Or just a guideline?

It's what I would consider an unsporting act. Not only is it a direct response to a call they don't agree with, but it potentially delays the game if the ball rolls under the bleachers. It isn't specifically mentioned in the NFHS rule book, but I don't think I've ever not seen it called (unless somehow none of the officials actually saw it).

 

[pj]

This is an interesting thread. I only reffed once, filling in for a friend, and I made a bad call which ended up deciding the game, due to a momentary lapse of attention. Never wanted to ref again. Being a good ref is not easy.