OT: Step on in my plan for world domination is complete | The Boneyard

OT: Step on in my plan for world domination is complete

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beakumhawks

beakumhawks

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My bid for world domination hinges on my becoming part man, part machine. A mecha-beakum, if you will. Step one was completed this week with the installation of my mechanical pancreas

minimed-introduce-prod.png


Thing is pretty sweet. It's the closest thing there is on the market to an artificial pancreas. Step two of my plan involves getting laser beam eyes, while step 3 is missiles shooting out of my fingertips. Sadly, research is lacking on steps two and three, but I am not giving up hope.

Once I achieve world domination I will need overlords to keep the minions in line. I already have Fishy pegged as my East Coast Overlord, as he's a pretty evil bastage, but the Dakotas are open if there are any takers.
 
jibsey said:
I wish you all of the best with this. No more insulin shots?
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Insulin shots are a thing of the past. I have a Basil rate that flows through continuously, just like a real pancrease, and when I eat I tell the machine how many carbs I am eating and it calculates the amount of insulin to deliver. The cool thing about this machine is that I also have an attachment to my body that continuously monitors my blood glucose levels and will alert me when my readings are too high or too low. This is the most advanced insulin pump on the market, and needless to say it is something you get when you have met your health insurance deductible.
 
So how does that work?

I assume the thing with the screen stays on the outside and they cram the littler thing into any available orifice?

Can you play Angry Birds on it?
 
.-.
No angry birds. It attaches to my belly area via a tubing, and the insulin is kept in the pump. I will need to change the tubing and the injection area every three days, and refill the insulin in the pump.

cgm-gluc-monitor.png


The above pic shows the pump on the side with the CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitoring) attached to the left of the belly button. You can't see the tubing running from the meter going into the body on that picture.

infusion-design.jpg

This pic shows the pump attached to the body.
 
CL82 said:
I was like wait Beakum is a chick and a vaguely hot one? It was an uncomfortable moment.
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Two different chicks in the pics, I believe.

Beak, which one is you?
 
I still don't get it. Do you wear it 24/7? Is it comfortable and easy to remove? Wife has diabetes with insulin, and this is the first I'm seeing this contraption.
 
.-.
My wife doesn't have diabetes, nor do I, but if these things lead to that kind of waistline I might pick one up for each of us for Christmas.
 
Kitaman said:
I still don't get it. Do you wear it 24/7? Is it comfortable and easy to remove? Wife has diabetes with insulin, and this is the first I'm seeing this contraption.
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Yes, you wear it 24/7, although you can suspend the pump and remove it for things like taking a shower/bath or certain intimate activities. You should have your wife ask her endocrinologist about it. Control is shown to be much higher for those on the pump.
 
I don't have an insulin problem that I am aware of, but it sounds like it could be a useful device for me, anyway.

As an adjunct to my important lifestyle choices, do you think I could get it to monitor and maintain my blood alcohol content, for example?
 
.-.
beakumhawks said:
btw, the pics were taken from the metronics website, you morans.
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Wait Beakum has a website with vaguely hot twins on it?
 
I would be willing to discuss my insulin needs with the girl in the picture over a couple of drinks even though 2/3 of her picture is missing. I've mentally filled in the rest.
 
jibsey said:
I would be willing to discuss my insulin needs with the girl in the picture over a couple of drinks even though 2/3 of her picture is missing. I've mentally filled in the rest.
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Couple of drinks? You mean get smashed.

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Looks like "Fishy's Mom has got it going on!"
636827.jpg
 
beakumhawks said:
btw, the pics were taken from the metronics website, you morans.
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Maybe you could do a little bit more due diligence with this device. I mean, sure they claim it works when she's wearing jeans. What happens if she's only wearing lingerie? Can you report back your findings?

Kidding aside, I hope this does wonders for you.
 
.-.
Pancreas? Yeah, right.

I bet that is one of those weiner pumps for when you're stuck with a wet noodle in your shorts.
 
beakumhawks said:
btw, the pics were taken from the metronics website, you morans.
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It looks like a butt plug in that pic.

Edit: I see it's not. So it's the bag of insulin goes in your ass then?
 
Step two of world domination is to pull the beeper out of your ass and go back to step one and fix the typo in your post title. This way, us "morans" don't bust your chops anymore.

My old cellmate recently got this for his high blood pressure


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Good luck with it. What a great alternative.
 
Deepster said:
Pancreas? Yeah, right. I bet that is one of those weiner pumps for when you're stuck with a wet noodle in your shorts.
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Beakum doesn't need a wiener pump. He pops a halfie every time Wiggins takes it to the rim.
 
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