OT: Step on in my plan for world domination is complete

[beakumhawks]

My bid for world domination hinges on my becoming part man, part machine. A mecha-beakum, if you will. Step one was completed this week with the installation of my mechanical pancreas

Thing is pretty sweet. It's the closest thing there is on the market to an artificial pancreas. Step two of my plan involves getting laser beam eyes, while step 3 is missiles shooting out of my fingertips. Sadly, research is lacking on steps two and three, but I am not giving up hope.

Once I achieve world domination I will need overlords to keep the minions in line. I already have Fishy pegged as my East Coast Overlord, as he's a pretty evil bastage, but the Dakotas are open if there are any takers.

 

[jibsey]

Does this work with your real pancreas?

 

[beakumhawks]

My real pancreas is deadzo and produces no insulin.

 

[jibsey]

My real pancreas is deadzo and produces no insulin.

I wish you all of the best with this. No more insulin shots?

 

[beakumhawks]

I wish you all of the best with this. No more insulin shots?

Insulin shots are a thing of the past. I have a Basil rate that flows through continuously, just like a real pancrease, and when I eat I tell the machine how many carbs I am eating and it calculates the amount of insulin to deliver. The cool thing about this machine is that I also have an attachment to my body that continuously monitors my blood glucose levels and will alert me when my readings are too high or too low. This is the most advanced insulin pump on the market, and needless to say it is something you get when you have met your health insurance deductible.

 

[Fishy]

So how does that work?

I assume the thing with the screen stays on the outside and they cram the littler thing into any available orifice?

Can you play Angry Birds on it?

 

[beakumhawks]

No angry birds. It attaches to my belly area via a tubing, and the insulin is kept in the pump. I will need to change the tubing and the injection area every three days, and refill the insulin in the pump.

The above pic shows the pump on the side with the CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitoring) attached to the left of the belly button. You can't see the tubing running from the meter going into the body on that picture.

This pic shows the pump attached to the body.

 

[ibleedhuskyblue]

You have a beautiful midsection Beakum

 

[CL82]

You have a beautiful midsection Beakum

I was like wait Beakum is a chick and a vaguely hot one? It was an uncomfortable moment.

 

[8893]

I was like wait Beakum is a chick and a vaguely hot one? It was an uncomfortable moment.

Two different chicks in the pics, I believe.

Beak, which one is you?

 

[Kitaman]

I still don't get it. Do you wear it 24/7? Is it comfortable and easy to remove? Wife has diabetes with insulin, and this is the first I'm seeing this contraption.

 

[CL82]

Two different chicks in the pics, I believe.

Beak, which one is you?

Wait Beakum is vaguely hot twins?

 

[8893]

My wife doesn't have diabetes, nor do I, but if these things lead to that kind of waistline I might pick one up for each of us for Christmas.

 

[beakumhawks]

I still don't get it. Do you wear it 24/7? Is it comfortable and easy to remove? Wife has diabetes with insulin, and this is the first I'm seeing this contraption.

Yes, you wear it 24/7, although you can suspend the pump and remove it for things like taking a shower/bath or certain intimate activities. You should have your wife ask her endocrinologist about it. Control is shown to be much higher for those on the pump.

 

[beakumhawks]

btw, the pics were taken from the metronics website, you morans.

 

[8893]

you morans.

I think you're confusing us with someone else.

 

[jibsey]

pretty amazing technology.

 

[prankster]

I don't have an insulin problem that I am aware of, but it sounds like it could be a useful device for me, anyway.

As an adjunct to my important lifestyle choices, do you think I could get it to monitor and maintain my blood alcohol content, for example?

 

[CL82]

btw, the pics were taken from the metronics website, you morans.

Wait Beakum has a website with vaguely hot twins on it?

 

[jibsey]

I would be willing to discuss my insulin needs with the girl in the picture over a couple of drinks even though 2/3 of her picture is missing. I've mentally filled in the rest.

 

[Kitaman]

I would be willing to discuss my insulin needs with the girl in the picture over a couple of drinks even though 2/3 of her picture is missing. I've mentally filled in the rest.

Couple of drinks? You mean get smashed.

 

[jibsey]

killjoy.

 

[Uconnrick]

Looks like "Fishy's Mom has got it going on!"

 

[TheRogers]

btw, the pics were taken from the metronics website, you morans.

Maybe you could do a little bit more due diligence with this device. I mean, sure they claim it works when she's wearing jeans. What happens if she's only wearing lingerie? Can you report back your findings?

Kidding aside, I hope this does wonders for you.

 

[Deepster]

Pancreas? Yeah, right.

I bet that is one of those weiner pumps for when you're stuck with a wet noodle in your shorts.