Not sure why working to motivate players in a collaborative way means you are giving up control. While coaching styles are different, so are some players and what works best for one may not work for others. If you can motivate you have the ability to manage their performance.
Uhhhh , motivation needed ? At this skill level ? At this level of competition ?
I am the father of 2 daughters, 1 of which was highly recruited from her freshman year of High School, who got full boat offers (in a non-athletic disciple, and BTW in a field that is significantly more misogynistic than WBB), the other was an athlete, borderline D2, played D3 in 3 sports.
I have seen all manner of bad behavior by coaches and "fans".
I have also seen this played out across an entire set of skill levels.
Geno is 100% spot on about the "new normal".
There will always exist that 1 player who needs no motivation, whose self motivated drive exceeds anything that any coach could provide.
The rest --- they are blessed with extraordinary skills --- but the environment they come from today is SOFT.
And its not the kids --- its the parents and educational environment that produces them.
Daughter #1 also teaches --- believe me, every teacher knows whose kid's parent is a lawyer before day 1 of class. The rules today, fashioned by lawsuits, are extraordinarily restrictive in what you can say or do. And she is very very selective on who she takes on as private students.
The "old schoolers" are a dying breed. And today the recruiting landscape works against them.
This has been escalating for years -- a few years back a local HS here had a coach who won a state championship - she was an excellent coach ---- and was not rehired the following year because parents didnt like who she played and how she spoke --- she was not a "yeller" per se.
I know quite a few guys who would love and are well qualified to coach HS --- none of them think its worth it today --- I mean who wants the crap.