OT: National Tell a Joke Day

[Bama fan]

In these uncertain times, a good joke helps. Do you have any favorites you can share? One of my all time favorites: A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Why the long face?" I am sure you guys can do better.

 

[Checkmate 2.0]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

no idea......no eye deer

 

[Bezzz]

I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.

 

[Sifaka]

René Descartes walks into a bar.
The barman asks, "Would you like a glass of wine, Monsieur?"
Descartes answers, "I think not."
And he disappears in a puff of smoke.


What do you call a steer with no legs?


Ground beef.

 

[Steelerone]

Man walks into a bar carrying a battery.
Bartender leans over and says "Don't try to start anything in here."

 

[Steelerone]

An Atom walks into a bar and ask for a dry martini.
The bartender leans over and asks, "Are you positive?"

 

[bluedevil]

Did you hear about the Peanut who got beat up in a bar? He was a salted.

 

[Bigboote]

An Atom walks into a bar and ask for a dry martini.
The bartender leans over and asks, "Are you positive?"

Don't trust anything an atom says. They make up everything.

 

[Bigboote]

A young woman is walking down the street and looks down to see a frog. He says, "Kiss me and I'll turn into a physicist!" She had just been shoe shopping, so she took the shoes out of the box and put the frog into it.

She gets home and says to her roommate, "You wouldn't believe what happened to me."

She puts the box on the table, opens it up, and the frog says, "Kiss me and I'l turn into a physicist!"

Her roommate asks, "Well aren't you going to kiss him?"

The woman says, "Are you kidding? A talking frog is worth way more than a physicist."

 

[eebmg]

A young woman is walking down the street and looks down to see a frog. He says, "Kiss me and I'll turn into a physicist!" She had just been shoe shopping, so she took the shoes out of the box and put the frog into it.

She gets home and says to her roommate, "You wouldn't believe what happened to me."

She puts the box on the table, opens it up, and the frog says, "Kiss me and I'l turn into a physicist!"

Her roommate asks, "Well aren't you going to kiss him?"

The woman says, "Are you kidding? A talking frog is worth way more than a physicist."

I see a theme.

 

[Golden Husky]

How can you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome?

Pull down their genes.

 

[Monte]

When is a door, not a door?

When it's ajar.

 

[ctfjr]

Why don't ants get the corona virus?

They have antibodies

 

[FeloniousMonk]

I’m reading this really good book on anti-gravity.

I can’t put it down.

 

[Woof 101]

Why did the chicken cross the court? The ref was calling fowls...

A very tall young lady was always asked do you play basketball? The reply, do you play miniature golf? ...

Duke students have trouble spelling “Krzyzewski.” UNC students have trouble spelling “Smith.”

What do you call a missed dunk? Alley whoops! ...

 

[eastmill]

Charles Dickens walks into a bar.
He says," Bartender get me a martini."
Bartender asked,"Olive or twist?"

 

[mbr33ct]

It was so cold today I saw a chicken walking with a capon.

 

[Steelerone]

Don't trust anything an atom says. They make up everything.

I used to date an Atom but it didn't last. She was always negative.

 

[CL82]

Don't trust anything an atom says. They make up everything.

You really need to to keep an ion them.

 

[boontonbomber]

Jesus comes upon a crowd preparing to stone a harlot. He says, " Let you who hath no sin cast the first stone." One by one they drop their stones, except for one woman, who rushes up and stones the harlot. Jesus: " Damn it Mom, sometimes you really piss me off!"

 

[chrissaran]

This is a riddle not a joke.

A cowboy rides into town on Friday
He stays three days
Then he rides out of town on Friday
How did he do it?

 

[Zanzman]

Horses name was friday

 

[eebmg]

Good thing it ended yesterday. Trend was going down.

 

[Zanzman]

So was the quality of jokes

 

[Steelerone]

Eve: Do you love me?

Adam: There will never be another.

 

[Steelerone]

Did you hear about he woman who was dating a man with a wooden leg. She broke it off.

 

[Mdoggie]

What’s Orange and sad and thrives on laurels of days long gone? Lol

 

[Steelerone]

You really need to to keep an ion them.

Are you positive about that?

 

[CL82]

Are you positive about that?

Absolutely, I get a charge out of it.

 

[Checkmate 2.0]

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen .........I lean