Buying your parents/in-laws’ house

[Dream Jobbed 2.0]

Does anyone have experience with this? Does it get messy? Is it smoother? Worth the closing cost savings?

My wife and I are looking to upsize while her parents are downsizing. Their house ticks all of our boxes and our jokes about moving in have become more serious.

They impulsively bought a condo in Ft Myers in January (completely screwing us on childcare but that’s a thread for another day).

While in FL they realized they enjoyed having a small living space and hated worrying about their pipes/driveway/sidewalks etc during CT winters.

I think it’s a good idea/great house and saves the battle we're sure to have in this crazy sellers market trying to get something.

My wife is not super into the ideal of moving into “the house she grew up in” but truth be told it’s been remodeled 3 times since she moved out and it’s an entirely different house.

Thoughts?

 

[the Q]

For those wondering, the house is in South Windsor. The in-laws want to get an apartment in Ellington for 3/4 the year. We’re selling our house in Manchester (hopefully making $$$$).

The feral sister lives in Bloomfield and has repeatedly boasted how they want to live there forever so their kids can experience diversity. That would seem to eliminate them from wanting to live in SW.

Our budget is ~$350 but could go up to ~$400. Houses like this one our going for ~$430. I could be doubling my salary this summer too.

Also for those wondering, I serviced and kept the Subaru.

Financially, I’ve you. This is just doing all the right things.

Just make sure your wife is cool with it and you should be good to go.

 

[nomar]

Envious. $500K gets you a McShack here in Fairfield county.

$500k gets you a McStudio here in NYC!

 

[nomar]

My brother once moved into an apartment where there was a deck collapse that killed a dozen people, all it means is you have a sturdy deck now.

Chicago, right?

 

[Deepster]

My brother once moved into an apartment where there was a deck collapse that killed a dozen people, all it means is you have a sturdy deck now.

Is that a little different? An accident versus a murder/suicide? I don’t know. To me I’d buy both.

 

[Improviser]

Is that a little different? An accident versus a murder/suicide? I don’t know. To me I’d buy both.

If I knew there was a deck collapse, I would want an inspection before buying, unless one was already done, and certified by the town. Even then, I might not trust the competence of the town's inspector, and would still get one.

On the murder-suicide, the murderer is dead, so I would not be deterred except maybe if I thought it could later be a deterrent for a buyer. If I contemplated living there for 5,10, or more years, I would not worry about it.

 

[BigErnMcCracken]

$500k gets you a McStudio here in NYC!

If you like sunshine and want a yard I can put you in this gem out here.

2004 N Short Ave, Compton, CA 90221 - 2 beds/1 bath

(CRMLS) 2 beds, 1 bath, 696 sq. ft. house located at 2004 N Short Ave, Compton, CA 90221 sold for $456,000 on May 11, 2021. MLS# DW21037325. Property has 2 bedrooms / 1 bath (title shows 3 bedrooms / 1 bat...

www.redfin.com

 

[Watchdog]

Also need to consider the ancillary effects on the rest or the family dynamic. Wife is youngest of 3 girls. Middle sister already has her forever house (half a million dollar McMansion In Tolland). They’re best friends. Would be happy for us.

Older sister is a complete loose cannon. We avoid her/ her husband and feral children at all costs. They’re still in their “starter” home and I could foresee huge issues from them. They don’t outwardly have any interest in the house but I could see them coming out of the woodworks. Especially my brother in law. He is constantly seeking my wife’s parent’s approval while being a total ass to the rest of the family. Will say we’re using them and cutting them out of $10,000s of dollars.

It would be easy to say don't worry about the sister you don't like and her husband, but that can come back to haunt you. Be open and get things in writing or at some point in the future there could be family and legal problems.

My parternal grandmother handled something similar many years ago. She had three kids and when she decided to divest herself of the family farm she wanted each of her kids to receive a third of the value but didn't want to split it into three parcels and complicate the whole process.

Her solution was to first establish a value for the land and then ask my Dad to pay 1/3 of the value to my aunt and 1/3 to my uncle and my Dad would get his 1/3 for "free".

All was good until about 25 years later when my Dad received an unsolicited offer for the land and my uncle sued him to get some of that money even though he was fairly compensated and my Dad had paid taxes on the land and maintained it all those years on his own. My Dad won the case but it cost him and my uncle unnecessary legal fees.

The irony was my Dad had been working with his attorney on how best to share some of the proceeds with his brother and sister but after the suit my uncle got nothing.

 

[superjohn]

Chicago, right?

Yes.

 

[Watchdog]

If you like sunshine and want a yard I can put you in this gem out here.

2004 N Short Ave, Compton, CA 90221 - 2 beds/1 bath

(CRMLS) 2 beds, 1 bath, 696 sq. ft. house located at 2004 N Short Ave, Compton, CA 90221 sold for $456,000 on May 11, 2021. MLS# DW21037325. Property has 2 bedrooms / 1 bath (title shows 3 bedrooms / 1 bat...

www.redfin.com

Wow, only $696 per square foot in sunny SoCal? Move right in too............

 

[Kolumbo]

Houses won't be the great investments they used to be. Here's an option.

A woman built a tiny house village after moving into a 204-square foot home post-divorce to save for retirement (msn.com)

 

[Dogdeacon]

I say absolutely no, don't buy your wife's 'grew up there' home. The sibling rivalry bs from the tough family makes it iffy. But more importantly I think when people return to their same hometown and house, there is reason to regress and fall back into what one was like then, even if there is no trauma there is simply a tendency to act more like a child.
And you and your wife are trying to start a new family, blending in experiences from both your pasts. Trying to do so in her old house will suddenly make her family's traditions, habits and customs much more important.

Bottom line its hard enough to be married, yes finances can complicate greatly but if you have a partnership you can work that out. This is throwing her entire family & childhood into the marriage pot and stirring, unnecessary.

 

[HuskyFich]

If anyone wants to sell their house to me and would consider doing it on terms (I'll pay you a fixed $ monthly with interest over time), DM me.

(LOL, might as well try)

 

[XLCenterFan]

Houses won't be the great investments they used to be. Here's an option.

A woman built a tiny house village after moving into a 204-square foot home post-divorce to save for retirement (msn.com)

I had been saying this for years and then corona came. My opinion was that all suburban and exurban neighborhoods/areas are simply full of homes that are far too big, an on lots too big, for what the majority of people will want or be able to afford in the future. The idea that you need half an acre, or a 3,000 square foot home, doesn't mesh with what trends are forecasting that people want (again, pre-pandemic), myself included. I had predicted that suburban homes would decrease in value, especially at the higher end (larger homes), over time. I had considered shorting the homebuilders index, or stocks like Toll Brothers, or even lumber indexes. Glad I didn't, because corona happened, and there was a deluge of urban residents fleeing cities for homes and areas similar to what I just mentioned. I still think society is moving towards much smaller homes and places to live, it's just been greatly disrupted by the pandemic, and homes have actually increased in value, and may continue to do so for years to come.

 

[the Q]

I had been saying this for years and then corona came. My opinion was that all suburban and exurban neighborhoods/areas are simply full of homes that are far too big, an on lots too big, for what the majority of people will want or be able to afford in the future. The idea that you need half an acre, or a 3,000 square foot home, doesn't mesh with what trends are forecasting that people want, myself included. I had predicted that suburban homes would decrease in value, especially at the higher end (larger homes), over time. I had considered shorting the homebuilders index, or stocks like Toll Brothers, or even lumber indexes. Glad I didn't, because corona happened, and there was a deluge of urban residents fleeing cities for homes and areas similar to what I just mentioned. I still think society is moving towards much smaller homes and places to live, it's just been greatly disrupted by the pandemic, and homes have actually increased in value, and may continue to do so for years to come.

Honestly I’d be looking at my parents house except for 2 factors:

1) it’s in the crumbling foundation zone; and

2) the yard is just too damn big (and on a brutal hill which cannot use a riding mower) that I have no interest in handling

 

[NJHusky]

I had been saying this for years and then corona came. My opinion was that all suburban and exurban neighborhoods/areas are simply full of homes that are far too big, an on lots too big, for what the majority of people will want or be able to afford in the future. The idea that you need half an acre, or a 3,000 square foot home, doesn't mesh with what trends are forecasting that people want, myself included. I had predicted that suburban homes would decrease in value, especially at the higher end (larger homes), over time. I had considered shorting the homebuilders index, or stocks like Toll Brothers, or even lumber indexes. Glad I didn't, because corona happened, and there was a deluge of urban residents fleeing cities for homes and areas similar to what I just mentioned. I still think society is moving towards much smaller homes and places to live, it's just been greatly disrupted by the pandemic, and homes have actually increased in value, and may continue to do so for years to come.

The NYC refugees that looked at our house in NJ seemed to want space....and a pool. My kitchen is not huge and there were some comments about that ...even though the kitchen is prob the size of some NYC studios. Lol

 

[XLCenterFan]

The NYC refugees that looked at our house in NJ seemed to want space....and a pool. My kitchen is not huge and there were some comments about that ...even though the kitchen is prob the size of some NYC studios. Lol

Yes, now they do. My argument was that before the pandemic, people were looking for smaller homes and ways to spend less on home/rents. That would then cause the traditional suburban home to be worth less...simple supply/demand. The pandemic has upended my prediction - who knows for how long. Maybe forever.

 

[Dove]

Also need to consider the ancillary effects on the rest or the family dynamic. Wife is youngest of 3 girls. Middle sister already has her forever house (half a million dollar McMansion In Tolland). They’re best friends. Would be happy for us.

Older sister is a complete loose cannon. We avoid her/ her husband and feral children at all costs. They’re still in their “starter” home and I could foresee huge issues from them. They don’t outwardly have any interest in the house but I could see them coming out of the woodworks. Especially my brother in law. He is constantly seeking my wife’s parent’s approval while being a total ass to the rest of the family. Will say we’re using them and cutting them out of $10,000s of dollars.

Can't come back from this (see bold text above) if you and your wife buy the house. This is a big decision for your wife.

So many people see their parents as potential cash cows.

 

[the Q]

Can't come back from this if you and your wife buy the house. This is a big decision for your wife.

So many people see their parents as potential cash cows.

On the other hand the parents save the time, money, and effort doing some of the updates to match the unrealistic expectations of the housing market. And they know that the house is in good hands. People get emotional about that type of stuff.

 

[Dogdeacon]

On the other hand the parents save the time, money, and effort doing some of the updates to match the unrealistic expectations of the housing market. And they know that the house is in good hands. People get emotional about that type of stuff.

That doesn't fly, you only spend $ on things that'll increase the price - it is not a zero sum game. So you can't argue that they saved 10K on upgrades UNLESS you also agree that inter-family purposes the actual price is higher and the other kids get some sort of credit towards their inheritance. Psycho of course.

In reality if the parents sell internally then the $ they didn't spend are irrelevant AND the discount vs full market price (likely with improvements) is all that's talked about or secretly stewed over.

 

[Deepster]

I had been saying this for years and then corona came. My opinion was that all suburban and exurban neighborhoods/areas are simply full of homes that are far too big, an on lots too big, for what the majority of people will want or be able to afford in the future. The idea that you need half an acre, or a 3,000 square foot home, doesn't mesh with what trends are forecasting that people want (again, pre-pandemic), myself included. I had predicted that suburban homes would decrease in value, especially at the higher end (larger homes), over time. I had considered shorting the homebuilders index, or stocks like Toll Brothers, or even lumber indexes. Glad I didn't, because corona happened, and there was a deluge of urban residents fleeing cities for homes and areas similar to what I just mentioned. I still think society is moving towards much smaller homes and places to live, it's just been greatly disrupted by the pandemic, and homes have actually increased in value, and may continue to do so for years to come.

What's the point here? You don't need it, they're decreasing, you want it now, they're increasing but they're going to decrease in the future....unless they end up increasing?

 

[BigErnMcCracken]

What's the point here? You don't need it, they're decreasing, you want it now, they're increasing but they're going to decrease in the future....unless they end up increasing?

What about the Manson house in Beverly Hills before it was torn down? I'm not a ghosts and goblins guy but I'm not sure I could have lived there.

 

[HuskyHawk]

61 Scarborough St.

I used to drive down that street every day on my commute to work from Simsbury. Definitely some nice houses on Scarborough. And yes @Deepster it's in Hartford. That little bridge on Albany Ave. just past Scarborough is one of the more stark demarcation lines you're going to see.

 

[HuskyHawk]

For those wondering, the house is in South Windsor. The in-laws want to get an apartment in Ellington for 3/4 the year. We’re selling our house in Manchester (hopefully making $$$$).

The feral sister lives in Bloomfield and has repeatedly boasted how they want to live there forever so their kids can experience diversity. That would seem to eliminate them from wanting to live in SW.

Our budget is ~$350 but could go up to ~$400. Houses like this one our going for ~$430. I could be doubling my salary this summer too.

Also for those wondering, I serviced and kept the Subaru.

You will save a lot, and save her parents a lot, on realtor commission costs. 6% of 400k is $24,000. So it's an obvious smart move financially, for all involved. Just make sure your wife is really ok with it and isn't going along with it just because it's such an clearly practical thing to do.

The other consideration that could be a pro or con, is the neighbors. Does your wife still know them? Any old couples that watched her grow up and wouldn't mind solving your childcare issues to some extent? Any families she never liked? Ex boyfriends? The neighborhood is more important than the house in my opinion.

 

[husky429]

For those wondering, the house is in South Windsor. The in-laws want to get an apartment in Ellington for 3/4 the year. We’re selling our house in Manchester (hopefully making $$$$).

The feral sister lives in Bloomfield and has repeatedly boasted how they want to live there forever so their kids can experience diversity. That would seem to eliminate them from wanting to live in SW.

Our budget is ~$350 but could go up to ~$400. Houses like this one our going for ~$430. I could be doubling my salary this summer too.

Also for those wondering, I serviced and kept the Subaru.

FWIW South Windsor schools are fantastic. Tons of course options. Worked there as a long-term sub my first year out of college because some guy got fired for reading dirty poetry to his class, lol.

 

[Dream Jobbed 2.0]

FWIW South Windsor schools are fantastic. Tons of course options. Worked there as a long-term sub my first year out of college because some guy got fired for reading dirty poetry to his class, lol.

You will save a lot, and save her parents a lot, on realtor commission costs. 6% of 400k is $24,000. So it's an obvious smart move financially, for all involved. Just make sure your wife is really ok with it and isn't going along with it just because it's such an clearly practical thing to do.

The other consideration that could be a pro or con, is the neighbors. Does your wife still know them? Any old couples that watched her grow up and wouldn't mind solving your childcare issues to some extent? Any families she never liked? Ex boyfriends? The neighborhood is more important than the house in my opinion.

Good point. The most neighborhood has flipped over from people her parents age (60s) to people our age (30s). Not a lot of people are left. All immediate neighbors are totally new.

 

[HuskyHawk]

Good point. The most neighborhood has flipped over from people her parents age (60s) to people our age (30s). Not a lot of people are left. All immediate neighbors are totally new.

That's great for the kids then. We looked for cozy coupes and red wagons in driveways and similar signs of little kids when we bought our house.

 

[Dream Jobbed 2.0]

FWIW South Windsor schools are fantastic. Tons of course options. Worked there as a long-term sub my first year out of college because some guy got fired for reading dirty poetry to his class, lol.

In that case you play a small part in a story that will be told in SW for generations and generations lol

 

[husky429]

In that case you play a small part in a story that will be told in SW for generations and generations lol

I hope the kids in that class at least remember the 22-year-old teaching their AP Lit class and pretending like he had any idea what he was talking about. I was still living with my mom, lol.

My teaching strategy to this day is to make things up, say it with confidence, and 99% of the time the kids will believe me.

 

[John]

I hope the kids in that class at least remember the 22-year-old teaching their AP Lit class and pretending like he had any idea what he was talking about. I was still living with my mom, lol.

My teaching strategy to this day is to make things up, say it with confidence, and 99% of the time the kids will believe me.

Life Strategies 101.

 

[Improviser]

I hope the kids in that class at least remember the 22-year-old teaching their AP Lit class and pretending like he had any idea what he was talking about. I was still living with my mom, lol.

My teaching strategy to this day is to make things up, say it with confidence, and 99% of the time the kids will believe me.

Unfortunately, this works on adults too.

People believe what supports their preconceived notions or what sounds like something they like to hear and want to believe.