Buying your parents/in-laws’ house

[Dream Jobbed 2.0]

Does anyone have experience with this? Does it get messy? Is it smoother? Worth the closing cost savings?

My wife and I are looking to upsize while her parents are downsizing. Their house ticks all of our boxes and our jokes about moving in have become more serious.

They impulsively bought a condo in Ft Myers in January (completely screwing us on childcare but that’s a thread for another day).

While in FL they realized they enjoyed having a small living space and hated worrying about their pipes/driveway/sidewalks etc during CT winters.

I think it’s a good idea/great house and saves the battle we're sure to have in this crazy sellers market trying to get something.

My wife is not super into the ideal of moving into “the house she grew up in” but truth be told it’s been remodeled 3 times since she moved out and it’s an entirely different house.

Thoughts?

 

[XLCenterFan]

The NYC refugees that looked at our house in NJ seemed to want space....and a pool. My kitchen is not huge and there were some comments about that ...even though the kitchen is prob the size of some NYC studios. Lol

Yes, now they do. My argument was that before the pandemic, people were looking for smaller homes and ways to spend less on home/rents. That would then cause the traditional suburban home to be worth less...simple supply/demand. The pandemic has upended my prediction - who knows for how long. Maybe forever.

 

[Dove]

Also need to consider the ancillary effects on the rest or the family dynamic. Wife is youngest of 3 girls. Middle sister already has her forever house (half a million dollar McMansion In Tolland). They’re best friends. Would be happy for us.

Older sister is a complete loose cannon. We avoid her/ her husband and feral children at all costs. They’re still in their “starter” home and I could foresee huge issues from them. They don’t outwardly have any interest in the house but I could see them coming out of the woodworks. Especially my brother in law. He is constantly seeking my wife’s parent’s approval while being a total ass to the rest of the family. Will say we’re using them and cutting them out of $10,000s of dollars.

Can't come back from this (see bold text above) if you and your wife buy the house. This is a big decision for your wife.

So many people see their parents as potential cash cows.

 

[the Q]

Can't come back from this if you and your wife buy the house. This is a big decision for your wife.

So many people see their parents as potential cash cows.

On the other hand the parents save the time, money, and effort doing some of the updates to match the unrealistic expectations of the housing market. And they know that the house is in good hands. People get emotional about that type of stuff.

 

[Dogdeacon]

On the other hand the parents save the time, money, and effort doing some of the updates to match the unrealistic expectations of the housing market. And they know that the house is in good hands. People get emotional about that type of stuff.

That doesn't fly, you only spend $ on things that'll increase the price - it is not a zero sum game. So you can't argue that they saved 10K on upgrades UNLESS you also agree that inter-family purposes the actual price is higher and the other kids get some sort of credit towards their inheritance. Psycho of course.

In reality if the parents sell internally then the $ they didn't spend are irrelevant AND the discount vs full market price (likely with improvements) is all that's talked about or secretly stewed over.

 

[Deepster]

I had been saying this for years and then corona came. My opinion was that all suburban and exurban neighborhoods/areas are simply full of homes that are far too big, an on lots too big, for what the majority of people will want or be able to afford in the future. The idea that you need half an acre, or a 3,000 square foot home, doesn't mesh with what trends are forecasting that people want (again, pre-pandemic), myself included. I had predicted that suburban homes would decrease in value, especially at the higher end (larger homes), over time. I had considered shorting the homebuilders index, or stocks like Toll Brothers, or even lumber indexes. Glad I didn't, because corona happened, and there was a deluge of urban residents fleeing cities for homes and areas similar to what I just mentioned. I still think society is moving towards much smaller homes and places to live, it's just been greatly disrupted by the pandemic, and homes have actually increased in value, and may continue to do so for years to come.

What's the point here? You don't need it, they're decreasing, you want it now, they're increasing but they're going to decrease in the future....unless they end up increasing?

 

[BigErnMcCracken]

What's the point here? You don't need it, they're decreasing, you want it now, they're increasing but they're going to decrease in the future....unless they end up increasing?

What about the Manson house in Beverly Hills before it was torn down? I'm not a ghosts and goblins guy but I'm not sure I could have lived there.

 

[HuskyHawk]

61 Scarborough St.

I used to drive down that street every day on my commute to work from Simsbury. Definitely some nice houses on Scarborough. And yes @Deepster it's in Hartford. That little bridge on Albany Ave. just past Scarborough is one of the more stark demarcation lines you're going to see.

 

[HuskyHawk]

For those wondering, the house is in South Windsor. The in-laws want to get an apartment in Ellington for 3/4 the year. We’re selling our house in Manchester (hopefully making $$$$).

The feral sister lives in Bloomfield and has repeatedly boasted how they want to live there forever so their kids can experience diversity. That would seem to eliminate them from wanting to live in SW.

Our budget is ~$350 but could go up to ~$400. Houses like this one our going for ~$430. I could be doubling my salary this summer too.

Also for those wondering, I serviced and kept the Subaru.

You will save a lot, and save her parents a lot, on realtor commission costs. 6% of 400k is $24,000. So it's an obvious smart move financially, for all involved. Just make sure your wife is really ok with it and isn't going along with it just because it's such an clearly practical thing to do.

The other consideration that could be a pro or con, is the neighbors. Does your wife still know them? Any old couples that watched her grow up and wouldn't mind solving your childcare issues to some extent? Any families she never liked? Ex boyfriends? The neighborhood is more important than the house in my opinion.

 

[husky429]

For those wondering, the house is in South Windsor. The in-laws want to get an apartment in Ellington for 3/4 the year. We’re selling our house in Manchester (hopefully making $$$$).

The feral sister lives in Bloomfield and has repeatedly boasted how they want to live there forever so their kids can experience diversity. That would seem to eliminate them from wanting to live in SW.

Our budget is ~$350 but could go up to ~$400. Houses like this one our going for ~$430. I could be doubling my salary this summer too.

Also for those wondering, I serviced and kept the Subaru.

FWIW South Windsor schools are fantastic. Tons of course options. Worked there as a long-term sub my first year out of college because some guy got fired for reading dirty poetry to his class, lol.

 

[Dream Jobbed 2.0]

FWIW South Windsor schools are fantastic. Tons of course options. Worked there as a long-term sub my first year out of college because some guy got fired for reading dirty poetry to his class, lol.

You will save a lot, and save her parents a lot, on realtor commission costs. 6% of 400k is $24,000. So it's an obvious smart move financially, for all involved. Just make sure your wife is really ok with it and isn't going along with it just because it's such an clearly practical thing to do.

The other consideration that could be a pro or con, is the neighbors. Does your wife still know them? Any old couples that watched her grow up and wouldn't mind solving your childcare issues to some extent? Any families she never liked? Ex boyfriends? The neighborhood is more important than the house in my opinion.

Good point. The most neighborhood has flipped over from people her parents age (60s) to people our age (30s). Not a lot of people are left. All immediate neighbors are totally new.

 

[HuskyHawk]

Good point. The most neighborhood has flipped over from people her parents age (60s) to people our age (30s). Not a lot of people are left. All immediate neighbors are totally new.

That's great for the kids then. We looked for cozy coupes and red wagons in driveways and similar signs of little kids when we bought our house.

 

[Dream Jobbed 2.0]

FWIW South Windsor schools are fantastic. Tons of course options. Worked there as a long-term sub my first year out of college because some guy got fired for reading dirty poetry to his class, lol.

In that case you play a small part in a story that will be told in SW for generations and generations lol

 

[husky429]

In that case you play a small part in a story that will be told in SW for generations and generations lol

I hope the kids in that class at least remember the 22-year-old teaching their AP Lit class and pretending like he had any idea what he was talking about. I was still living with my mom, lol.

My teaching strategy to this day is to make things up, say it with confidence, and 99% of the time the kids will believe me.

 

[John]

I hope the kids in that class at least remember the 22-year-old teaching their AP Lit class and pretending like he had any idea what he was talking about. I was still living with my mom, lol.

My teaching strategy to this day is to make things up, say it with confidence, and 99% of the time the kids will believe me.

Life Strategies 101.

 

[Improviser]

I hope the kids in that class at least remember the 22-year-old teaching their AP Lit class and pretending like he had any idea what he was talking about. I was still living with my mom, lol.

My teaching strategy to this day is to make things up, say it with confidence, and 99% of the time the kids will believe me.

Unfortunately, this works on adults too.

People believe what supports their preconceived notions or what sounds like something they like to hear and want to believe.

 

[HuskyHawk]

Yes, now they do. My argument was that before the pandemic, people were looking for smaller homes and ways to spend less on home/rents. That would then cause the traditional suburban home to be worth less...simple supply/demand. The pandemic has upended my prediction - who knows for how long. Maybe forever.

I think that was a myth really. There was a little of that, because the largest generation in history hit retirement age. But the surveys showed there was no actual shift of people of child bearing age into urban centers, they still preferred the suburbs. Also, while the pandemic sped up WFH, it was already happening across many industries. We had been tracking that trend. 5G is going to bring fast internet to more rural areas.

I think it's pretty much permanent at this point. People will go to offices, but not full time. People will go to the movies again, but they will want big houses with big TV/home theater setups. Outdoor living space has been a premium consideration and the pandemic showed why. Then you can add carbon footprint considerations. If a train beats a car, staying home beats the train by even more, especially with a big drop in business travel.

 

[Dogdeacon]

I think that was a myth really. There was a little of that, because the largest generation in history hit retirement age. But the surveys showed there was no actual shift of people of child bearing age into urban centers, they still preferred the suburbs. Also, while the pandemic sped up WFH, it was already happening across many industries. We had been tracking that trend. 5G is going to bring fast internet to more rural areas.

I think it's pretty much permanent at this point. People will go to offices, but not full time. People will go to the movies again, but they will want big houses with big TV/home theater setups. Outdoor living space has been a premium consideration and the pandemic showed why. Then you can add carbon footprint considerations. If a train beats a car, staying home beats the train by even more, especially with a big drop in business travel.

I agree, I'm 45-1hr from major city and middle class trends during pandemic are:
1. Demand > supply for suburban homes
2. Home improvements, so many anecdotally in neighborhood & town, most expanding space, offices, bigger family rooms etc
3. Used cars, more cars registered, people are NOT planning on commuting any time soon & when they do en masse traffic will be horrendous creating more WFH
4. Premium on vacation homes

I think at some point people will return to the dense areas, but it'll be similar to before with premium on live work play amenities all in close proximity and catering to demographics on young & old ends of spectrum. Families with children will prefer suburbs open spaces, bigger homes more than ever.

 

[superjohn]

I think that was a myth really. There was a little of that, because the largest generation in history hit retirement age. But the surveys showed there was no actual shift of people of child bearing age into urban centers, they still preferred the suburbs. Also, while the pandemic sped up WFH, it was already happening across many industries. We had been tracking that trend. 5G is going to bring fast internet to more rural areas.

I think it's pretty much permanent at this point. People will go to offices, but not full time. People will go to the movies again, but they will want big houses with big TV/home theater setups. Outdoor living space has been a premium consideration and the pandemic showed why. Then you can add carbon footprint considerations. If a train beats a car, staying home beats the train by even more, especially with a big drop in business travel.

Your first paragraph just isn't accurate before the pandemic, not even sure it's accurate during the pandemic.

 

[Da_Aisijimo_Gou]

People believe what supports their preconceived notions or what sounds like something they like to hear and want to believe.

Hah, never happens on the 'yard

 

[HuskyHawk]

Your first paragraph just isn't accurate before the pandemic, not even sure it's accurate during the pandemic.

This research paper is from 2018. The whole "we're all going to live in dense housing and use shared resources" was never reality, even if the Brookings institute wanted it to be. Demographic and economic trends in urban, suburban and rural communities | Pew Research Center

But we've waded off topic. @Dream Jobbed 2.0 will need to let us know the ultimate decision on this house in the suburbs.

 

[superjohn]

This research paper is from 2018. The whole "we're all going to live in dense housing and use shared resources" was never reality, even if the Brookings institute wanted it to be. Demographic and economic trends in urban, suburban and rural communities | Pew Research Center

But we've waded off topic. @Dream Jobbed 2.0 will need to let us know the ultimate decision on this house in the suburbs.

Youth movement: A generational shift in preference for urbanism | City Observatory

City Observatory - Youth movement: A generational shift in preference for urbanism

The City Observatory is a study of modern-day cities and urban development practices.

cityobservatory.org

Young People’s Love of Cities Isn’t a Passing Fad

U.S. Millennials Really Do Prefer Cities

New research suggests that younger Americans’ preference for urban living is real and not wearing off.

www.bloomberg.com

 

[Improviser]

I think that was a myth really. There was a little of that, because the largest generation in history hit retirement age. But the surveys showed there was no actual shift of people of child bearing age into urban centers, they still preferred the suburbs. Also, while the pandemic sped up WFH, it was already happening across many industries. We had been tracking that trend. 5G is going to bring fast internet to more rural areas.

I think it's pretty much permanent at this point. People will go to offices, but not full time. People will go to the movies again, but they will want big houses with big TV/home theater setups. Outdoor living space has been a premium consideration and the pandemic showed why. Then you can add carbon footprint considerations. If a train beats a car, staying home beats the train by even more, especially with a big drop in business travel.

Yes, staying home beats the train unless the worker wants and needs to get out of the house for a "stress break" provided by the commute.

Interesting point on the TV/home theater. I do not have a formal home theater setup, but when sitting on my exercise bike yesterday and viewing scenery on the Roku in front of me by clicking onto Youtube, I saw a walking tour of Grand Canyon and was it picturesque! It felt like I was walking along, and the vistas were awesome. No need to try it and aggravate my plantar fasciitis. I don't think a Roku is considered home theater, unless it is so considered to be.

Usually, when I exercise, I look at the biking tours of the Lago region in Italy with the lake and mountains in the background. In my mind, it is as if I am actually there.

On your point of the pandemic highlighting the advantages of outdoor living, I really came to appreciate my backyard as a source of walking and kicking around a kickball from one end of the yard to another. Endless possibilities for a family if they have a soccer or lacrosse net.

Hope that house works out nice for @Dream Jobbed 2.0.

 

[Dogdeacon]

Youth movement: A generational shift in preference for urbanism | City Observatory

City Observatory - Youth movement: A generational shift in preference for urbanism

The City Observatory is a study of modern-day cities and urban development practices.

cityobservatory.org

Young People’s Love of Cities Isn’t a Passing Fad

U.S. Millennials Really Do Prefer Cities

New research suggests that younger Americans’ preference for urban living is real and not wearing off.

www.bloomberg.com

I think you guys are arguing past each other.
A. Cities are still desirable especially for young people
B. Suburbs are still desirable, especially for young people with REALLY young new people
HHawk was saying the death of suburbs was oversold and that EVERYone will live in cities was a myth. He did make a mistake by asserting 'people of child bearing age' aren't shifting to cities - they are (esp mid20's to early 30s), but once these become people WITH children they mostly move out of cities & are replaced.
SuperJ saying the death of cities (which HH didn't argue) is a myth.
Truth is both still popular for different reasons as always.

 

[HuskyHawk]

Yes, staying home beats the train unless the worker wants and needs to get out of the house for a "stress break" provided by the commute.

Interesting point on the TV/home theater. I do not have a formal home theater setup, but when sitting on my exercise bike yesterday and viewing scenery on the Roku in front of me by clicking onto Youtube, I saw a walking tour of Grand Canyon and was it picturesque! It felt like I was walking along, and the vistas were awesome. No need to try it and aggravate my plantar fasciitis. I don't think a Roku is considered home theater, unless it is so considered to be.

Usually, when I exercise, I look at the biking tours of the Lago region in Italy with the lake and mountains in the background. In my mind, it is as if I am actually there.

On your point of the pandemic highlighting the advantages of outdoor living, I really came to appreciate my backyard as a source of walking and kicking around a kickball from one end of the yard to another. Endless possibilities for a family if they have a soccer or lacrosse net.

Hope that house works out nice for @Dream Jobbed 2.0.

I may need a new exercise program soon. I have been watching River Monsters on Amazon but I'm in the last season. I always found the show entertaining. It also features some exotic locations, along with a story that is so easy to follow that I don't need to actually focus on it. I'm thinking I could rewatch all the Rick Steeves travel shows perhaps.

 

[XLCenterFan]

Concerning what is being debated, since I believe one of my comments set it off. I can attest that most younger people do not want to live in the "typical suburban home and neighborhood," but most end up there eventually because of the limited options for anything else. Take me. I am 38. I bought my first home in August. Technically I am a millennial (one of the first years of that generation). Besides the fact that it took awhile to save a down payment, I could care less about homeownership...would have been content renting forever. We bought because my wife was in love with the idea.

When looking for a home to buy, we realized how mismatched the housing stock in CT suburbs is for what people (us) actually want, especially young folks. I have friends who said the same. Younger people could care less about the "white picket fence American Dream." They would forgo a typical suburban home to have more money to spend and travel (or just pay debt/cost of living). As Boomers look to sell their homes, no one wants them. People are having fewer kids. People bounce around jobs. People have more college debt. I have 2 younger brothers and neither own a home. They prefer the ability to up and move, and they harp on the fact that homeownership, as presently available, takes up too much time, money and resources - large mortgage, lawn, taxes, and everything else that comes along with it. Many of my friends as well (aged 35-40) either don't own, or if they do, they own a home they aren't in love with and constantly mentioned how CT suburban/exurban homes are simply too large. There is a big gap between what people want and what is available, and people end up just buying something - not something they really like or love.

New neighborhoods need to accommodate what people are growing to want. Walkability. Close stores and parks. Less maintenance. Less square feet. Affordability. This is what real estate was moving towards, however, the pandemic has really changed some of this. If I'm a 38 year old saying this, I can only imagine what 28 year olds are saying - but I don't know too many. Young people don't want to overspend on a place to sleep and eat. I would rather golf, beach, and travel more. Not mow a lawn, rake leaves, or do housework more. Or, worse yet - work as much as possible just to be able to afford to mow, rake, and sleep.