Advice needed

[Jaker]

Because they are "churchy", am I too assume that there will be no alcohol involved?? Or are they your typical closet drinking bible thumpers??

 

[storrsroars]

Shot of ketchup , rock chaser. YES!!!

Shut up and eat the mojo sandwich, commie.

But thanks for the "like".

 

[80shusky]

Sit on the couch in all UConn gear with a giant foam finger. About 3 minutes before tip, piss in your pants. Full on. Smile.
Your welcome.

 

[gtcam]

My wife scheduled a "Happy Spring" party for tonight. I'm up in NH and the people coming are "churchy", so no one besides me is interested in UConn. She said I can have the game on TV with no sound, but I have to refrain from being my usual berserk self. Plus, I have to play the host and be social and make non-March Madness conversation. Right now she's furiously cleaning the house while I"m pretending to pay bills and my Saturday business work.

How do I survive this, beside making turkey sandwiches with ketchup?

I HOPE THIS IS A JOKE, if not, I hate being mean, you are a joke
UConn is playing #1 in the NCAA tournament and your wife is telling you what is the expectation
My wife would be lucky if she would even see me.

 

[NHalan]

Finally back from the art show. My wife is letting me watch Yale/Duke, as long as I do party prep during time outs, etc. Now, where did I put my apron...

 

[CL82]

SHUT UP AND EAT THE MOJO SANDWICH COMMIE!!!

(but well played.)

 

[FfldCntyFan]

Shot of ketchup , rock chaser. YES!!!

 

[jminziii]

My wife tried to pull that Shiite once, once only.

I think OP is interested in options that don't end in divorce.

 

[NHalan]

There is no hard liquor, but plenty of wine. So, one strategy is fill up the wine glasses fast & furious from 6-7:30. By 7:45 the guests might not care where I am or what I'm doing. Oops, TV break, time to dust...

 

[CL82]

So I was at a church dinner last week honoring some do gooders or something...wasn't paying attention. There was no UConn game on. It was not sports related. Yet, I went off on some Little East pretender who had the temerity to claim compare his motely collection of has beens and never weres to the actually Big East. I probably did a good ten minutes on it. In the end he slunk away beaten and confused. Yeah we have to become Presbyterians or Buddhists or something now but I did not shirk the call of duty.

Go to the drawer where your wife keeps your balls, slip them back on and let her know how it's going to be. By the way if you engage your whole group and invite them to watch with you, you'll have a room full of bible thumpers doing the U C O N N cheer by half way through the 1st quarter.

Oh and you better hope that no bullsh!t calls go against us otherwise when you react appropriately, you will see a whole lot of this face:

 

[jminziii]

In case all the responses from people who are divorced or trapped in loveless marriages aren't helpful, I'd say DVR it, put your cell in another room, and kick the guests out after dessert.

 

[FfldCntyFan]

So I was at a church dinner last week honoring some do gooders or something...wasn't paying attention. There was no UConn game on. It was not sports related. Yet, I went off on some Little East pretender who had the temerity to claim compare his motely collection of has beens and never weres to the actually Big East. I probably did a good ten minutes on it. In the end he slunk away beaten and confused. Yeah we have to become Presbyterians or Buddhists or something now but I did not shirk the call of duty.

Go to the drawer where your wife keeps your balls, slip them back on and let her know how it's going to be. By the way if you engage your whole group and invite them to watch with you, you'll have a room full of bible thumpers doing the U C O N N cheer by half way through the 1st quarter.

Oh and you better hope that no bullsh!t calls go against us otherwise when you react appropriately, you will see a whole lot of this face:

View attachment 12662

82,

A - Good job defending the true Big East (which now is merely a thing of legend).
B - Like there's a chance no bullsh!t calls will go against us.

 

[August_West]

In case all the responses from people who are divorced or trapped in loveless marriages aren't helpful, I'd say DVR it, put your cell in another room, and kick the guests out after dessert.

Lol. you sound like a barrel of fun.

And the second beta has now entered the thread. We have a quorum.

 

[FfldCntyFan]

Lol. you sound like a barrel of fun.

And the second beta has now entered the thread. We have a quorum.

 

[FfldCntyFan]

Lol. you sound like a barrel of fun.

And the second beta has now entered the thread. We have a quorum.

I'll bet there isn't one ball between the two of them.

 

[August_West]

Finally back from the art show. My wife is letting me watch Yale/Duke, as long as I do party prep during time outs, etc. Now, where did I put my apron...

Ok now you're just trolling . Good thread premise OP. But you went too far and blew your cover.

 

[FfldCntyFan]

Ok now you're just trolling . Good thread premise OP. But you went too far and blew your cover.

 

[formerlurker]

My wife scheduled a "Happy Spring" party for tonight. I'm up in NH and the people coming are "churchy", so no one besides me is interested in UConn. She said I can have the game on TV with no sound, but I have to refrain from being my usual berserk self. Plus, I have to play the host and be social and make non-March Madness conversation. Right now she's furiously cleaning the house while I"m pretending to pay bills and my Saturday business work.

How do I survive this, beside making turkey sandwiches with ketchup?

https://www.letsgetdivorced.com/

http://www.liquormaps.com/how-to-find-a-liquor-delivery-service-near-you/

 

[sammydabiz]

It's either one of two things:

1) it's gotten too crazy, it's obviously a joke. No man has that big of a va-jay jay, especially a boneyarder, nature would not allow it.

Or

2) you have a situation similar to modern family, and your wife is Sofia Vergara, if that's the case, do what you have to do brotha

 

[raf46]

My wife scheduled a "Happy Spring" party for tonight. I'm up in NH and the people coming are "churchy", so no one besides me is interested in UConn. She said I can have the game on TV with no sound, but I have to refrain from being my usual berserk self. Plus, I have to play the host and be social and make non-March Madness conversation. Right now she's furiously cleaning the house while I"m pretending to pay bills and my Saturday business work.

How do I survive this, beside making turkey sandwiches with ketchup?

educate them to the excitment that is UCONN HOOPS !

 

[intlzncster]

Finally back from the art show. My wife is letting me watch Yale/Duke, as long as I do party prep during time outs, etc. Now, where did I put my apron...

So in other words, torture? Your wife needs to take lessons from @August_West s wife.

 

[intlzncster]

1) it's gotten too crazy, it's obviously a joke. No man has that big of a va-jay jay, especially a boneyarder, nature would not allow it.

I strongly beg to differ with that particular statement. I'm guessing you've avoided the yard after a loss this year.

 

[huskiesouth]

Want to listen to the play-by-play but not 'allowed' to sound on TV? - Put on a set of Bluetooth headphones and go to March Madness live feed on your Mac/PC. Turn up volume and you accomplish two goals, you listen to game and shut out any conversation with your wife's guests.

Want to make some noise - you're in friggin' New Hampshire which very recently gave Donnie the largest number of votes in the GOP primary. There is a high degree of probability that a good number of your wife's 'churchy' guests will be carrying a Bible with a copy of the Declaration of Independence and the US Constitution tucked into the front cover. Remind one and all of your First Amendment right of free speech and that the Preamble to the Declaration states that the Creator endowed you with the inalienable right to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness, yell your brains out and tell all that you are a God-fearing American defending the rights of all present.

 

[August_West]

It's either one of two things:

1) it's gotten too crazy, it's obviously a joke. No man has that big of a va-jay jay, especially a boneyarder, nature would not allow it.

This. Men like him exist, but if they are really like that they don't care that there is hoops tonight, and they ESPECIALLY don't post on a fan message board.

That was an easy troll outing.

 

[sammydabiz]

I strongly beg to differ with that particular statement. I'm guessing you've avoided the yard after a loss this year.

ehhh I dunno, I kinda think there's a difference between bitching and being a