Think you are equivocating a bit too much. Specific to the violation for the dead period. There is no excuse for not one but two UCONN WBB coaches to be evaluating not one, not two but three different prospects during a dead period.
Funny you used that one. We got in trouble at the college I coached at for doing precisely that - We provided butter and cream cheese with the allowed bagels. We were not aware that was a violation. The NCAA has thousands of rules, some even dumber, and it is almost not possible to violate one. I had parents of a kid I had coached in High School see me in public and stopped to say hi. I was accused of improper recruiting even though I had coached all their kids and they were friends of mine for over 20 years! I didn't even know they had a kid who was being recruited at the time.
I doubt there are any perfect people here but I'm sure there are many misinformed ones. Bagels with Jelly & Cream cheese has not been an issue since 2014 when the NCAA started allowing "unlimited" snacks. Your other examples are equally absurd. Not saying hello to a prospective SA, especially ones you coached previously would be extremely rude. The NCAA allows you to say hello-just don't talk about recruiting. I'm not sure why someone would want to talk to a college coach while taking their spouse out to dinner but this is yet another absurd example. If you are still determined to irate your own spouse in this way the same rule applies-just don't talk about recruiting...while you are bothering that coach trying to finish his meal... probably with his or her own spouse. What makes the rules "almost not possible to violate one" is if you don't know the rules in the first place.
The NCAA rule book is hundreds of pages of picayune detail and all programs regulary self report such minor infraction. NO BIG DEAL IMHO.
I do know the bagel thing was used by the incoming head of the NCAA as something dumb (it was). I'm sure there have been some other changes since I retired in 2013. To say things that happened to me are absurd yes they were. Some people get a kick out of trying to make a big deal when they see things they perceive as violations which were not (observers usually have no idea what is being said at chance meetings for example). My point is that with the thousands of rules like most of the ones self reported it can be fairly easy to miss one honestly. I sat through a couple of those training sessions - not fun.