OT: The Thermodynamics of Hell

[NCorBust]

While doing some PC housekeeping I came across an e-mail sent to me by a friend. Perhaps many of you have read it. It is well worth a second read. I wonder what this student is doing today. This is excellent!

The Thermodynamics of Hell

The following is an actual exam question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

“First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore; no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that most souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell...will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, .then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell...freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year, “...that it will be a COLD DAY IN HELL before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having that event take place, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.”

**This student received the only “A.”

 

[Wonkster]

.
Damn you! It was tough as Hell reading that tiny text font, you know.
.

 

[NCorBust]

.
Damn you! It was tough as Hell reading that tiny text font, you know.
.

When a pasted the text it came out multiple fonts and sizes. This is the best I could do for the same font and size. Sorry!

 

[NCorBust]

.
Damn you! It was tough as Hell reading that tiny text font, you know.
.

Are you sure it isn't your beady little eyes?

 

[Kibitzer]

I enjoyed that essay that has made the rounds often. Here's another (for our Navy veterans.

The USS Constitution ("Old Ironsides") as a combat vessel carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e., fresh water distillers).

However, let it be noted that according to her log, "On July 27, 1798, the USS Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum."

Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping." Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 64,300 gallons of rum.

Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there 12 November. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of rum.

On 18 November, she set sail for England. In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and scuttled 12 English merchantmen, salvaging only the rum on board each.

By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland. Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.

The USS Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February, 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whisky and 38,600 gallons of stagnant water.

 

[Kibitzer]

Something missing from the OP. There was something in there about Teresa sleeping with the author (a cold day in hell) and screaming "Oh my God!" several times during their tryst.

 

[Icebear]

Voila. It is adjusted.


While doing some PC housekeeping I came across an e-mail sent to me by a friend. Perhaps many of you have read it. It is well worth a second read. I wonder what this student is doing today. This is excellent!

The Thermodynamics of Hell

The following is an actual exam question given on a University
of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so
“profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,
which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law,
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or
some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

“First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it
will not leave. Therefore; no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are
entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world
today.

Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can project that most souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates
as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay
the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are
added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
...enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell
...will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
...then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
...freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman
year, “...that it will be a COLD DAY IN HELL before I sleep with you,”
and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having that
event take place, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and will not freeze.”

**This student received the only “A.”

 

[Icebear]

The alternate ending.

So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a Divine Being, which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, “Oh, My God.”


Plus Snopes LINK

 

[UCinsider]

According to snopes.com, this is just another long-running email hoax. The original article was written in 1920 by Paul Darwin Foote for a publication in the Taylor Instrument Co. as a work of humor. There was no school or student involvement.

 

[UConnChapette]

According to snopes.com, this is just another long-running email hoax. The original article was written in 1920 by Paul Darwin Foote for a publication in the Taylor Instrument Co. as a work of humor. There was no school or student involvement.

Oh man! There really IS one in every group, isnt't there? Thanks for ruining all the fun for me

 

[wire chief]

[/quote]

According to snopes.com, this is just another long-running email hoax. The original article was written in 1920 by Paul Darwin Foote for a publication in the Taylor Instrument Co. as a work of humor. There was no school or student involvement.

Yup, it's like the upperclassman's informing the naive frosh about the Psych final that just asks, Why", and the only student to get an "A" answered, "Why Not?". I was just awestruck.

 

[BooRadley]

This might help with your understanding of Hell.....

Heaven is where the Police are British, the Chefs are French, the Mechanics are German, the Lovers are Italian, and it’s all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the Chefs are British, the Mechanics are French, the Lovers are Swiss, the Police are German, and it’s all organized by the Italians.


Your Ol' Pal Boo

 

[Icebear]

Yup, it's like the upperclassman's informing the naive frosh about the Psych final that just asks, Why", and the only student to get an "A" answered, "Why Not?". I was just awestruck.

I thought that was the philosophy final. Hmmmm.

 

[pinotbear]

This might help with your understanding of Hell.....

Heaven is where the Police are British, the Chefs are French, the Mechanics are German, the Lovers are Italian, and it’s all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the Chefs are British, the Mechanics are French, the Lovers are Swiss, the Police are German, and it’s all organized by the Italians.


Your Ol' Pal Boo

Ve may not be very schmart, but, ve are THOROUGH!

 

[Kibitzer]

This might help with your understanding of Hell.....

Heaven is where the Police are British, the Chefs are French, the Mechanics are German, the Lovers are Italian, and it’s all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the Chefs are British, the Mechanics are French, the Lovers are Swiss, the Police are German, and it’s all organized by the Italians.


Your Ol' Pal Boo

A variation of this (I keep it handy since Mrs. Kibitzer is Canadian):

A bit beyond a century ago, Canada became a country, so they aimed to have British government, American efficiency, and French culture.

But they misfired and wound up with French government, British efficiency, and American culture.

 

[Olde Coach]

I thought that was the philosophy final. Hmmmm.

Best comment on arriving in Hell:

In George Barnard Shaw's wonderful play "Man and Superman", there is a lengthy debate on whether it is preferable (after death) to go to Heaven or to Hell. The main conclusion is that Heaven is "boring"; and Hell, while uncomfortable, is more exciting.

When the heroine of the play dies and finds herself wandering in a void, she meets a stranger, and asks: "Where am I?"

The man responds: "Why, you are in Hell, madam."

She responds: "I, in Hell. That's impossible!"

And the man says: "Oh, I assure you ma'am. You are in Hell. Many of the 'finest' people come here."

To which she replies, clearly agitated: "DAMN. And I could have been so much wickeder!"

 

[uconnfan68]

I enjoyed that essay that has made the rounds often. Here's another (for our Navy veterans.

The USS Constitution ("Old Ironsides") as a combat vessel carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e., fresh water distillers).

However, let it be noted that according to her log, "On July 27, 1798, the USS Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum."

Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping." Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 64,300 gallons of rum.

Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there 12 November. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of rum.

On 18 November, she set sail for England. In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and scuttled 12 English merchantmen, salvaging only the rum on board each.

By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland. Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.

The USS Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February, 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whisky and 38,600 gallons of stagnant water.

I firmly believe the part about the spirits and bad water, but having toured the ship, I can't believe 475 men were aboard.

 

[cohenzone]

According to Mark Twain in his "Letters From the Earth" if after-life in heaven (Christian heaven is what he was writing about) was as people imagined it, angels floating on clouds, playing harps,etc, he wondered why anyone would want to go to such an eternally boring, asexual place. I think the apparently asexual part is what intrigued him. Of course he lived in Nook(ie) Farm, so what else would he think.

I"ve wondered, not knowing the Koran, if all those heavenly virgins the jihadists are dying for are meant to remain virgins eternally. Maybe they do other kinky stuff.

 

[HuskyNan]

This might help with your understanding of Hell.....

Heaven is where the Police are British, the Chefs are French, the Mechanics are German, the Lovers are Italian, and it’s all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the Chefs are British, the Mechanics are French, the Lovers are Swiss, the Police are German, and it’s all organized by the Italians.

"You know the world is going to Hell when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest basketball player is Chinese, and Germany doesn't want to go to war."

-Charles Barkley, about 10 years ago (similar quote is attributed to Chris Rock)