OT: Recently lost my dad

[Tonyf629]

I really can't say why I feel compelled to post this. I would like to share that I lost my father after a quick five month battle with brain cancer early last month. He was in his mid fifties and we had just been starting to get close. He worked most of the time while I was growing up and getting through college. We really started getting to know each other when I would come home on weekend visits from law school in 2010. It was when I graduated from law school in 2013, that we started watching UConn games together. I grew up a huge UConn mbb fan and I think he sort of indulged me. This was a man who never followed sports and just worked his but off. It cracked me up because he got so into it that he bought us AAC tournament tickets two years in a row. These were good seats that netted us four games in one sitting. I'll never forget him screaming and jumping when Ryan Boatright hit a three to beat Cincy on 3/14/15. It was like he had been a UConn fan his whole life. We then saw a few games here and there. I wish we saw more.

I think i'm sharing this because we all are here for news about a team we care about. We all have different connection to the team, the university, and the game. For me, it entertains me and gives me pride. It has sort of transformed now that he's gone. It's a passion of mine that now also connects me to someone I love and miss. I hope this isn't too much information for the board. Maybe it will inspire someone to take their kids to a game or spend some time with their dad. I hope it does.

I know this sounds like a guy who isn't handling it well. I really am doing fine. My attitude is appreciating what I had and not harboring negative feelings about what we could've had. It would be selfish to wish he was still here in that condition. I have my first child coming and she's due August 2nd. Have no doubts that i'll be taking her to games and thinking of that great times I had with my father. I now have her birth and life in the big east to look forward to.

 

[TheChamps990411]

Im very sorry about your father and congratulations on your daughter. I never got to spend time with my father so feel fortunate and treasure the memories you were able to make with him and make new ones with your daughter. Best wishes go out to you and your little one.

 

[NC_Uconn_Fan]

I lost my dad 5 1/2 years ago, it's tough and still is. We started watching Uconn games together in 1988-1989 and watched the mens program rise and win 3 championships. He was also a huge fan of the womens program, I never really could get into them like he did. He died 4 months before our 4th championship. Sorry for your loss.

 

[Fishy]

There's never a good time to lose a parent, especially one so young , and you with a baby on the way in less than a month. You two should have 30 more years together - my father died around the time my daughter was born and every time the baby did something new for the first year or two, I still instinctively reached for the phone to call him. It gets better, of course, but time takes time and the milestones are a touch bittersweet for a while.

You sound like you have it as well-sorted as you can under the circumstances. I wish you luck over the next month and congratulations on the new arrival to your family.

(But damn the luck...your dad waiting until the AAC era to get into UConn basketball? Good god, the universe can be a bastard sometimes.)

 

[ConnHuskBask]

Really sorry to hear that. Brought a smile to face thinking of your old man jumping up after the Boatright shot. I know I did too. Glad you shared the story.

Congratulations on the baby on the way too.

 

[David 76]

Sorry to hear about your loss. Be gentle with.yourself. You are in for a bumpy ride. But it gets better. It is good you are remembering the positives.
I am always so glad my relationship with my father improved before he died. Like you, I treasure those good times.

 

[EdgewoodNHV]

I lost my mother six years ago, i was 34 and consider myself lucky to have spent the time I did with her. I sometimes read this quote from a random redditor about grief and loss and it makes me feel a little less alone sometimes. It's one of the most beautiful mediations on grief I've read, from here:

Good luck to you on your journey. It gets easier, eventually. But it never stops hurting. At least not after six years.

It bums me out that there's a lot of stuff I never got to say to my mother. She had a stroke very suddenly and I never spoke to her again. It sucks to never get that closure. But we never get enough time with the people we love.

 

[jibsey]

It’s good that you had those great sports moments with him to remember. I remember my father taking me to see Mantle and Maris in the Stadium. It’s stuff that never leaves you. I have a friend going through the same terrible disease that your father had and I’m having a tough time dealing with it myself. I wish they could make progress with that cancer as they have with others. Sorry for your loss.

 

[Engineer90]

Been there and it is tough. My father died from cancer at 54. I was in the fall semester of my junior year at UConn. It was finals week and I was sleeping at my girlfriend's dorm (now wife). I knew he was in bad shape but I didn't think it was THAT close. My sister called campus police who came to my wife's dorm room to give me the bad news. It was well after midnight and I drove across the state on eerily quiet roads, alone, with nothing but my own thoughts.

As people have already said, the grief always subsides with time. But there will be times over the coming years when you really wish he was there. They are rough but all you can do is your best to and try to squeeze as much enjoyment out of your precious days here on earth. Now I am in my 50s and I can tell you that I still wish he was here, more than 30 years later. Certain things still bring me to the brink of tears. We found out he had cancer the summer before my freshman year. The treatments were brutal but he quickly went into remission. Then it came back just as quickly the summer before my junior year. He told me the only reason he was going to do the treatments again was so he could see me graduate. It still hurts to write that and I can't speak those words without losing it.

Like myself, you will find yourself missing him a lot and wishing he could be there for your kids. It sucks. But as much of a void as that is, do your best to be aware of how much you are enjoying those moments with your kids. For when those days are done, you will miss them as much or more. Enjoy the hell out of every concert, game, graduation and so on. I wish you peace and many happy days in the future.

 

[Letsgohuskies11]

Sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing.

 

[TRest]

Sorry for your loss. One of the best things about becoming a father, I have found, is seeing glimpses of your own parents in your kids.

 

[superjohn]

Thanks for sharing some memories of your dad with us and sorry for your loss. It's tough but like everything it gets better with time. Health and happiness to your child on the way.

 

[CL82]

I'm very sorry for loss. I lost my dad a few years ago and still miss him quite a bit. Like you and your father, we were both UConn fans. I've posted about it before but my dad would clip our articles and mail them to me with his commentary. I really enjoyed those letters. Anyway, thanks for tell us about your father. It was an excuse to think about my dad.

I wish you all the best with your daughter. I think you never really understand your capacity to love until you have kids.

 

[RichZ]

Sorry for your loss. My dad passed in his fifties, and we too, became very close in his last years. At the time, I worked on the road, and whenever possible (several times a week) I would arrange my travels for the day in such a way that allowed me to spend lunch with him. Usually played a couple hands of cribbage instead of eating anything. Then on weekends, we would build furniture together in his cellar workshop. I know it was an ordeal getting down there for him (He'd lost a leg to diabetes a few years earlier, and lived on the 2nd floor), but he really looked forward to those work sessions. I still have most of the tables and cabinets we made. We were in the workshop when he suffered a cerebral Hemorrhage. That was almost 50 years ago now, and I still think about him most every day. Mostly, I'm still glad we got to spend so much time together in those last few years/

 

[superjohn]

Three years ago, the last thing my dad said before he passed away was how excited he was to be with his dad again...

I remember I was alone with my dad as a child when we got the phone call from my uncle that my grandpa died. My dad began punching the walls and was inconsolable. He loved his father but they had some verbal fights and there were some things left unsaid.

He truly never dealt with his own dad's death and it stuck with him for much of his life...He was an emotional mess at other people's funerals and he feared death thinking there was nothing after it all ended...and here he was at the very end when his own death was inevitable and he was completely at peace with it saying he had no regrets and he was looking forward to seeing his dad...My mom said he turned into his dad in the weeks leading up to his death and she could even kind of physically see his dad in my dad at the very end. It all made me have a different perspective on life, love, and loss.

Now I'm crying...

 

[UConnMike04]

I really can't say why I feel compelled to post this. I would like to share that I lost my father after a quick five month battle with brain cancer early last month. He was in his mid fifties and we had just been starting to get close. He worked most of the time while I was growing up and getting through college. We really started getting to know each other when I would come home on weekend visits from law school in 2010. It was when I graduated from law school in 2013, that we started watching UConn games together. I grew up a huge UConn mbb fan and I think he sort of indulged me. This was a man who never followed sports and just worked his but off. It cracked me up because he got so into it that he bought us AAC tournament tickets two years in a row. These were good seats that netted us four games in one sitting. I'll never forget him screaming and jumping when Ryan Boatright hit a three to beat Cincy on 3/14/15. It was like he had been a UConn fan his whole life. We then saw a few games here and there. I wish we saw more.

I think i'm sharing this because we all are here for news about a team we care about. We all have different connection to the team, the university, and the game. For me, it entertains me and gives me pride. It has sort of transformed now that he's gone. It's a passion of mine that now also connects me to someone I love and miss. I hope this isn't too much information for the board. Maybe it will inspire someone to take their kids to a game or spend some time with their dad. I hope it does.

I know this sounds like a guy who isn't handling it well. I really am doing fine. My attitude is appreciating what I had and not harboring negative feelings about what we could've had. It would be selfish to wish he was still here in that condition. I have my first child coming and she's due August 2nd. Have no doubts that i'll be taking her to games and thinking of that great times I had with my father. I now have her birth and life in the big east to look forward to.

My condolences and prayers are with you, your family and your father. While my father is alive, he’s been ill for the past few months (complications from a stem cell transplant), and isn’t looking good. There are times that I wonder if he’s better off passing, which I feel horrible about thinking but can’t help it if he’s not going to get back to what he was. Like I said, I can’t relate to this point about losing a parent - but I can relate about the suffering and the all encompassing aspect of the unfortunate process. Keep in mind the positive memories and focus on the new family you are about to have. Prayers again are with you!

 

[Tonyf629]

I didn't know what kind of reaction to expect. Thank you all very much for the kind words and support. Thank you to those who have shared their stories too. These stories were amazing and really built me up as they show that others have dealt with the same life event. I can relate to so many of them. We're all apart of this strange life cycle that can be pretty painful. I just turned 31 and have my whole life ahead of me. I'lll do my best to be a good father myself and make him proud.

I really thought about showing support for the Big East move with a season tickets purchase over the weekend. I quickly realized I was kidding myself because i'm about to be very busy this fall. I'll get there some day.

I will feel a little better when we fill that last 2019 scholly with a decent big. Even better when we land an exciting player for 2020.

 

[mauconnfan]

Very sorry for your loss and the timing makes it more difficult. As any healing time is the key although it never ever goes away. Lost my dad in '92 at 68 he was a horse just retired a year prior after 48 years working for General Motors and deserved to do so much more after what he did for us as a family. He's still in my dreams and thoughts to this day I was lucky to have him. From seeing the Mick at the Stadium, Wes B at the Field House to bringing him to a Pitt game at the HCC about a month before he became too ill the memories I have live on and they will for you. Like you I have a soon to be 24 year old who he never got to meet and they would've been best friends he would've loved my son and my son would've loved him. But the pictures and stories to tell are wonderful, my son knows him well. You will have the same with your daughter as she gets older. Until then best wishes and a healthy birth to her that's a great day coming for you!

 

[UC313]

UConn hoops has always been the tie that binds my old man and I. My folks got divorced 6 months before i got married. It was, and continues to be, a tough stretch for me. Ive started my own family while that same dynamic completely changed around me. One thing that i can always count on is talking UConn hoops with my old man. We talk like a couple drunken old sailors about it. Ive made it a point to attend as many games with him and my son as i can knowing damn well it wont last forever.

Youve come to find out that its not always the big things that hold us together but a lot of little things. I started from birth with my son so he (and I) didnt have to wait the 10-12 years it took the old man and I find our love for UConn hoops. Game days are special for me and i know the memories will remain long after my old man passes.

Pass that pride along to you daughter. Remember the good times and talks with your old man. Go dogs!

 

[Madmannsucks]

My man...I am glad you have some great memories of your dad. stories you will be able to share with your children. God Bless.

 

[Hurleyman216]

My father also passed away from cancer (way too young). I will say the hardest part for me is when I have to think about my kids never knowing one of their grandfathers. That still makes me lose it every time I think about it. Birthday parties, family get togethers and holidays are tough for awhile, but eventually you’ll feel your new “normal”. It’s never the same, you always feel that there’s something missing which there is. I try to keep my father’s memory alive by telling old stories and showing my daughter pictures of him even though she’ll never have the pleasure of meeting him. Good luck with the arrival of your baby. Your life is about to change (mostly) for the better.

 

[Moose1979]

I lost my Dad 6 years ago and one of my best memories with him was when my two teenage daughters and I took him to the Duke v UConn women's game at the XL Center. He'd been to many men's games but never a women's game. We had fairly good seats, but we did have to walk up those steep steps and it took him a little while. He walked up to our seats, sat down, looked around while he was catching his breath and very matter of factly turned to me and said: "I feel like I'm at a KD Lang concert." I almost spit out my beer.