OT: Hey, lawyers

[HuskyNan]

'Splain something to me. Suppose an attorney sends a bill for 5 minutes of his time at $600 per hour and that 5 minutes includes copying a document and mailing it to the client (which the secretary is going to do, anyway). The bills I see are on tenths of hours so 5 minutes would = .1 hours or $60. Anywho, the lawyer is making $60 bucks for 5 minutes time which is pretty nice money. My question is this - why is it important to bill the client 26 cents for the photocopy and 45 cents for the stamp? This is one of life's great mysteries to me.

 

[Capt Tuttle]

'Splain something to me. Suppose an attorney sends a bill for 5 minutes of his time at $600 per hour and that 5 minutes includes copying a document and mailing it to the client (which the secretary is going to do, anyway). The bills I see are on tenths of hours so 5 minutes would = .1 hours or $60. Anywho, the lawyer is making $60 bucks for 5 minutes time which is pretty nice money. My question is this - why is it important to bill the client 26 cents for the photocopy and 45 cents for the stamp? This is one of life's great mysteries to me.

Same reason the hospital bills for the asprin. Of course, the attorney doesnt mark up the stamp.

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[CTyankee]

Lawyers have bean counters running things, also.

 

[Icebear]

Because as any good lawyers knows you can expense out the photocopy and stamp as business expenses. Just kidding.

 

[Vowelguy]

'Splain something to me. Suppose an attorney sends a bill for 5 minutes of his time at $600 per hour and that 5 minutes includes copying a document and mailing it to the client (which the secretary is going to do, anyway). The bills I see are on tenths of hours so 5 minutes would = .1 hours or $60. Anywho, the lawyer is making $60 bucks for 5 minutes time which is pretty nice money. My question is this - why is it important to bill the client 26 cents for the photocopy and 45 cents for the stamp? This is one of life's great mysteries to me.

But the envelope and ink were free!!

 

[Bestiarius]

Because the next client requires 10,000 pages of photocopying. That's $2,600. It also demonstrates that he did something for you that partially justifies the hourly charge. He probably keys an account number into the photo machine that automatically tallies the number of copies you'll be billed for, so there is no extra work to bill you, just more money in the pocket.

 

[meyers7]

"First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

 

[Zorro]

This house, where once a lawyer dwelt, is now a smith's. Alas!
How rapidly the iron age succeeds the age of brass.
Erskine

 

[MilfordHusky]

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

 

[easttexastrash]

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

You can eat a catfish?

 

[Aluminny69]

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

A: One's a scum-sucking, bottom-feeding scavenger, and the other is a fish....

 

[pinotbear]

"First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

Henry V ?

 

[Zorro]

VI, actually, but who's counting.

 

[Aluminny69]

VI, actually, but who's counting.

I'm Henery the VIII I am.....

Second verse, same as the first...

 

[cohenzone]

Henry V ?

"First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

Of course, you realize the context of that often ill-used quote is that lawyers were seen as a force standing in the way of evil intentions.

However, as a lawyer who can take a joke, but can't afford a stamp, I understand that the root of all evil is the relentless and merciless malificence of the postal service. Our Congress seems to well understand this problem, since apparently the first thing they would do is kill all of the postal workers. Gotta love our Congress for properly putting the massacre of the postal service well ahead of tort reform and thus opening the way for attorneys to prosper as well as for the potential for them to reduce the overhead cost of postage charged back to the long-suffering client. Or would private mail services charge more? Hmm.

 

[grizz36]

Of course, you realize the context of that often ill-used quote is that lawyers were seen as a force standing in the way of evil intentions.

However, as a lawyer who can take a joke, but can't afford a stamp, I understand that the root of all evil is the relentless and merciless malificence of the postal service. Our Congress seems to well understand this problem, since apparently the first thing they would do is kill all of the postal workers. Gotta love our Congress for properly putting the massacre of the postal service well ahead of tort reform and thus opening the way for attorneys to prosper as well as for the potential for them to reduce the overhead cost of postage charged back to the long-suffering client. Or would private mail services charge more? Hmm.

Truly spoken like a lawyer!

 

[Capt Tuttle]

A: One's a scum-sucking, bottom-feeding scavenger, and the other is a fish....

If you are not driving a Pinto and there is no aesbestos in your kid's school, thank a lawyer.


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[Icebear]

VI, actually, but who's counting.

He learned it from his Dad.

 

[pinotbear]

"I was hiding in Honduras, I'm a desperate man,
Send lawyers, guns, and money, the has hit the fan!"

 

[RegisteredUconn]

This house, where once a lawyer dwelt, is now a smith's. Alas!
How rapidly the iron age succeeds the age of brass.
Erskine

So this guy is visiting a coastal city on business. His day finishes early and he strolls around the wharf district where he enters an antiques shop.

"See anything you like?" the proprietor asks after letting the man look around.

"How much is that brass rat?" asks the businessman.

"Do you just want the rat or do you want the rat and the story?" asks the proprietor.

"What's the difference?" asks the businessman.

"The rat is $25 but the rat and the story is $500," said the proprietor.

"Just the rat, thank you," said the businessman.

Returning to his hotel, the businessman sees a real rat trailing behind him. Soon a second rat joins the first (completely unrelated to this story but not completely unlike a second verse being the same as the first as told in a different post).

blah...blah...blah...and the businessman is sprinting toward the end of the wharf with all the rats in the city chasing him. The guy reaches the water, leaps as high as he can, wraps one arm around a light pole and flings the brass rat as far as he can into the water. The rats jump into the water, swim around the spot where the brass icon disappeared until they all drown. The businessman trudges back to the antiques shop.

"I see you've returned for the story," smiles the proprietor knowingly.

"Actually," said the businessman, "I was wondering if you had any brass lawyers."

 

[meyers7]

Of course, you realize the context of that often ill-used quote is that lawyers were seen as a force standing in the way of evil intentions.

Common misconception. Even back then. Never met a lawyer with good intentions. Even the one's I have employed. They are at best a necessary evil.

 

[gars44]

'Splain something to me. Suppose an attorney sends a bill for 5 minutes of his time at $600 per hour and that 5 minutes includes copying a document and mailing it to the client (which the secretary is going to do, anyway). The bills I see are on tenths of hours so 5 minutes would = .1 hours or $60. Anywho, the lawyer is making $60 bucks for 5 minutes time which is pretty nice money. My question is this - why is it important to bill the client 26 cents for the photocopy and 45 cents for the stamp? This is one of life's great mysteries to me.

Nan, first, you're getting cheated out of a minute because you should be getting 6 minutes for .1. Secondly, no one's billing $600/hr today, and if they are, they're going to be pretty surprised if you pay it without complaining and cutting it way down. Nothing ventured nothing gained I guess. Third, why are you picking on lawyers? Are you making this all up?

 

[JimGunther]

Hey, I'm hardly a fan of lawyers and the hyper-litigious environment we live in today.....but...I had to pay $90. just to have a plumber look at my boiler last week. $60. seems reasonable if you got the info you needed. ('specially if s/he bills his time at $600./ per.)

All lawyers suck until you need one....then....you want the meanest and smartest one in the world.

 

[Icebear]

Lawyers and plumbers are really similar occupations. There are times when each is paid to wade through someone else's crap.

 

[Joe6cats]

"The business of the law is to make business for lawyers."
- Dickens

I once asked a lawyer who did a title search for me some years previously, to send me a copy of his report. I got my copy, along with a $400 bill for what was clearly a minor chore for a secretary. Learning experience, that.