OT: A Little Perspective

[NotADimeBack]

Sorry for your loss

 

[jdb50]

Very sorry Stair. One of the tragedy's of suicide is the transfer of the pain to those left behind and how people that seem to be OK or say they are fine, really aren't. And now nothing can be done to fix things.

 

[Stainmaster]

Thank you all for your kind words (especially @Tenspro2002, whom I owe an apology or two for the incivility of the past month or so). This is a great website for many reasons, but especially when its humanity shines through in times like these. Behind the screennames and avatars, we're all people who may need a little bit of support at times. I'm happiest discussing our usual lighter topics, but I'm comforted to know that this is a community where we can all find a shoulder (or in this case, multiple pages worth of shoulders) to lean on when we need it.

 

[dennismenace]

Commend you for sharing this Stairmaster. You are not alone. My life took dramatic changes for the better when the words "I need help" came into my vocabulary. We are humans. It is more than OK to say "I need help". Keeping you in thoughts and prayers. Hope you keep sharing your grief with trusted persons in your life as well as on the BY. We are all learning and healing.

 

[mauconnfan]

Thank you all for your kind words (especially @Tenspro2002, whom I owe an apology or two for the incivility of the past month or so). This is a great website for many reasons, but especially when its humanity shines through in times like these. Behind the screennames and avatars, we're all people who may need a little bit of support at times. I'm happiest discussing our usual lighter topics, but I'm comforted to know that this is a community where we can all find a shoulder (or in this case, multiple pages worth of shoulders) to lean on when we need it.

Funny thing is I doubt Tenspro2002 needs an apology although it is respectful you did that. If we're going to throw out random opinions of the team/players we all better have thick cyber-skin. I mean the passion one day brings you to the reality of the next day right?

 

[ctchamps]

One of the first friends I ever made committed suicide on Monday. He had just turned 20 a couple of months ago. We drifted apart over the years and hadn't spoken since middle school, but I found myself strangely affected when I learned of his death today. It brought back an overwhelming flood of memories from ages 2 to 6, when he was a huge part of my life. When we later reunited in our fifth grade homeroom, I didn't think for a second that his life would be over in ten years. Nobody did -- he was an aspiring filmmaker/comedian who was renowned throughout all of the communities he was a part of for his quick wit and unmistakable deadpan. I scrolled through his Twitter feed today and, inappropriately enough, couldn't help but laugh at how hilarious his last jokes were.

So why am I spilling my guts here? Because I had a realization today. We bicker a lot here -- KO this, conference realignment that, Brimah this, assistant coaches that. I myself spend far, far too much time being much more confrontational and argumentative than I should be. Maybe due to my young age and relative immaturity to the rest of the board, this realization came to me much later than it did to the rest of you. But none of this matters in the long run: none of it. An online forum for discussing sports is a luxury that we all can live without. No matter what blowup happens in the chat following a loss or which ridiculous fights over personnel issues run on for dozens of pages, when we power down our computers we have a whole world outside of the Boneyard to give us meaning: our work (/education), our families, our friends, our talents. But you can't take your loved ones for granted the same way. Say the Boneyard were to go down for a night. Great, you spend an hour and forty-five minutes shouting at the TV and the next two hours either celebrating or complaining with your buddies, or your Uncle Joe, or whomever instead of posting here. There's no adequate alternative like that when it's a parent, child, or other person who's close to you that goes away.

I don't want pity or well-wishes -- those go to the family and those who really were close with him. I also understand that I've burned a few bridges here and thus I don't expect a sympathetic response from a good number of people. I guess all I'm asking is, whether it's your son or daughter, father or mother, romantic partner or friend...tell someone you love them tonight. That you're grateful for their presence in your life, and that you're there for them. You don't know what people bottle up inside themselves, or what power your words can wield.

Thanks for giving me a space to share this. I apologize if anyone finds it overly preachy or self-righteous.

Such wonderful depth in such a young person. It will serve you well.

I don't suggest you suddenly remove your passions (positive or negative) based on this astute realization about what matters the most. Nor should you feel guilty if they surface. What you might consider doing is learning to control the emotions you recognize as counterproductive.

It's easy to cave in to our base emotions. And at times it is necessary to release them. But like shooting foul shots, or dribbling, or any aspect to physical development, emotions can be refined to minimize negativity and maximize both ours and other peoples happiness.

The difficulty for all of us is the navigation through a universe in which our particular needs are at odds with the needs of others. You can please some of the people some of the time, some of the people........

This is not an easy endeavor. Many of us insist on changing others to create an environment we can be happy with. Or we sublimate our happiness and give in to others in order to avoid conflict believing others can't or won't change. Obviously the best situation would be if everyone would compromise. Since that is unlikely to happen, the wise choice would be to know when to pick your battles and when to stop or avoid them. Good luck on your journey through life.

 

[August_West]

Sorry for your loss Stair. Very important and mature message you are sharing.

 

[dogpause]

So sorry to hear about your friend, and thanks for the reminder.

 

[TRest]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[bluestreak]

I'm sorry for your friends family and sorry you had to have an experience such as this in your young life. This will stay with you a long time but you seem to have the depth and maturity to use this in a positive way into your future.
Thanks for sharing as reminder to all of us of what is real.

 

[David 76]

Beautifully put Stair. The only value I've ever seen for death is that it reminds us of what is truly important and how limited our time is.
So we are reminded that who is correct in their prognosis for UConn basketball or Ollie's coaching skills or even our jobs, are not the most important things in life.
Thanks for the reminder and my best to you.
David

 

[CL82]

Stair, I just read your post. Let me add my condolences to those posted above. Death is always sad but the loss of a young person, and from where I'm sitting 20ish seems very young, is tough to wrap your mind around. That the loss was a suicide makes it all the harder. Try to find moments to remember him that bring a smile to your face and certainly enjoying his humor is far from inappropriate. That is his gift to those who knew him and I'm sure he'd appreciate the smiles.

I agree with your point about discussion without being disagreeable. It is important to remember that we all share a common bond in being UConn fans and though we view the world differently, we all have the same goals.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.

 

[Hankster]

One of the first friends I ever made committed suicide on Monday. He had just turned 20 a couple of months ago. We drifted apart over the years and hadn't spoken since middle school, but I found myself strangely affected when I learned of his death today. It brought back an overwhelming flood of memories from ages 2 to 6, when he was a huge part of my life. When we later reunited in our fifth grade homeroom, I didn't think for a second that his life would be over in ten years. Nobody did -- he was an aspiring filmmaker/comedian who was renowned throughout all of the communities he was a part of for his quick wit and unmistakable deadpan. I scrolled through his Twitter feed today and, inappropriately enough, couldn't help but laugh at how hilarious his last jokes were.

So why am I spilling my guts here? Because I had a realization today. We bicker a lot here -- KO this, conference realignment that, Brimah this, assistant coaches that. I myself spend far, far too much time being much more confrontational and argumentative than I should be. Maybe due to my young age and relative immaturity to the rest of the board, this realization came to me much later than it did to the rest of you. But none of this matters in the long run: none of it. An online forum for discussing sports is a luxury that we all can live without. No matter what blowup happens in the chat following a loss or which ridiculous fights over personnel issues run on for dozens of pages, when we power down our computers we have a whole world outside of the Boneyard to give us meaning: our work (/education), our families, our friends, our talents. But you can't take your loved ones for granted the same way. Say the Boneyard were to go down for a night. Great, you spend an hour and forty-five minutes shouting at the TV and the next two hours either celebrating or complaining with your buddies, or your Uncle Joe, or whomever instead of posting here. There's no adequate alternative like that when it's a parent, child, or other person who's close to you that goes away.

I don't want pity or well-wishes -- those go to the family and those who really were close with him. I also understand that I've burned a few bridges here and thus I don't expect a sympathetic response from a good number of people. I guess all I'm asking is, whether it's your son or daughter, father or mother, romantic partner or friend...tell someone you love them tonight. That you're grateful for their presence in your life, and that you're there for them. You don't know what people bottle up inside themselves, or what power your words can wield.

Thanks for giving me a space to share this. I apologize if anyone finds it overly preachy or self-righteous.

I am 64 years old Stair. Your post was powerful to me. Articulate, clear and concise. Very well written.

 

[RayIsTheGOAT]

Thanks for sharing, Stair. I happened to know the kid as well, I suspect you and I know each other.
We are all on our own in this life, yet in the same boat. Very meaningful message you posted, I think we all sometimes drift away from what truly matters.