UConn Football, a short play
Scene - David Benedict, Athletic Director for the UConn huskies, has just fired Randy Edsall. It is January 1st, and Benedict is sitting in a regal leather chair in a luxury smoking jacket. He dials the phone number of a well-regarded D1 Football coaching prospect to talk about his newly open Head Coaching position.
David Benedict -
"Hello potential Good D-1 coach - My name is David Benedict. I am the man who just decided that UConn will invest in UConn basketball at the expense of the future of our football program. I would like to interview you about our Head Football Coaching Position. We have not had a winning season in 10 years. We are moving haphazardly into an uncertain future as a D1 Independent. We just fired the architect of the only moderate record of success we have had in our entire D1 history. We have a very uncertain political situation around the support for our football program, which has historically been massively supported by unpopular student fees and is widely seen as an anchor around the neck of our other, successful sports programs. Our stadium is 30 minutes from campus, and our average attendance for the past 10 years is about 40% stadium capacity. Sorry, just to be clear that is our "Announced" attendance. Our actual butts in the seats fans is closer to 20% capacity. Sorry, that's at the start of the game. By the end, its usually friends and family only. A recent tradition we've implemented to save our fanbase the shame of watching the last 10 minutes or so of a 35 point blowouts. We can offer you approximate salary and coaching pool of a MAC school. We have fired each of our past 3 coaches before their initial contract is up or before each has had a full 4 recruiting classes to prove their worth as recruiters or developers of talent. Our fanbase, what is left of it after 10 years of embarrassing losses, coaching turnover, and mass exodus of political support, have very high expectations for our program and expects a quick turnaround to winning football despite a decade of evidence pointing to this being a massive rebuilding effort. Would you be interested in a quick call to discuss?"
Potential D1 Coach -
"... click."
David Benedict -
"Hello? Sir, are you still there?"
End of Scene.