Fleud going deep and philosophical and well done. The boneyard is a crazy place and not for the meek.
Thanks. I'm stubbornly offering advice but I know it won't always be received kindly.
For the most part I "love" people for whom they are warts and all and that includes the motley members of The Boneyard. It's not much different than I "love" most of the UConn men's bb players, even with their flawed games and/or behaviors. None of us are perfect and that certainly includes me.
I'm retired. I play leisure tennis twice a week with a bunch of retired guys. All of us are quite accomplished in what we did in life and all of us pretty much have left our type A personality in the distance. We play twice a week. When I first joined the group we just told each other the time and place we'd meet for the next gathering. It was seriously flawed. For one thing people weren't always there to get the information. For another there was always the need to make last minute changes. Still another was the numbers in the group varied and we often needed multiple locations.
And most every week the guys would get frustrated and angry with one another because of the resulting problems and/or the arguments that took place all of which ate into playing time. So I suggested that we get each others phone numbers and, for those of us who had emails, communicate using these methods if and when there were changes.
You'd think I took away their driving privileges the way they treated that common sensical approach to the problem. It was at least two years before the suggestions were implemented and, of course, since the time they were implemented things are running much more smoothly. I know that it's difficult for any of us to change bad habits. And I've met resistance to suggestions I've made many times in my life. I have to say I wasn't prepared for the backlash that I, the "young old" whipper snapper, received daring to suggest something to a bunch of grown men.
And even though I'm measured about relating this story now, I wasn't as centered about the issue initially. But that was my problem. Certainly I had justification since we'd waste, on average, twenty minutes every time arguing about the arrangements. But on balance this group of guys offered a lot of things that I appreciated, and those things, when I factored them, far outweighed this stubborn behavior.
So the solution for me was to get over this particular "flaw" on their part rather than clinging to the attempt to help them change. Once I recognized they were either unable to change or not ready to change, wasn't it foolish of me to continue to resent this? It's wasted emotional baggage. But I'm human. Certainly I've come to recognize my own "silliness" over this issue.
So what are my current options. Should I be angry at myself or punish myself for staying needlessly upset with them for as long as I stayed upset? Should I decide never to offer advice again? Or should I try to not to get so negatively involved when the next drama of this nature appears in my life? This post tells you my decision. I'll still get involved and hope people will at least give my suggestions some consideration. But if they chose to ignore it or belittle it I will try my hardest to minimize any negative impacts those actions will have on me. And I'll offer this advice to anyone else hoping they can accomplish this as well. And be happy if they can do it quicker and better than I can do it.
