Day Columnist takes on High School girls

[meyers7]

Sort of a strange take, IMO. A girl is not going to be eliminaTed as a recruit for missing 20 minutes of one game to attend a major life event. You, like DiMauro, appear to lack understanding how huge an event a first formal is to a 16 year old girl.

DiMauro is a dope, btw. He would have been at home with those Puritans that forced women to wear scarlet letters.

Jr Prom is NOT a major life event. And anyone who thinks it is, is part of the problem.

 

[meyers7]

I got no dog in this race. But I loved this quote:

Maybe this is why I frequently refer to the words of writer Anne Lamott, who wrote rather famously once that society is "deteriorating faster than I can lower my standards."

Yea, I really liked that line. I may have to use it.

 

[CTrefugee]

Okay I might not even disagree with DiMauro but it still seems wrong. 4 high schoolers left a quarterfinal game at halftime to go get ready for their junior prom later in the evening. Apparently they could have finished the game and still made it but they chose to leave. I think they probably should have stayed but these high school girls didn't. And no matter what I think I think it's so wrong to devote a column in the biggest paper and while he didn't name names it was being discussed in the local bar and the names were being discussed. And fwiw I had a much better time at my junior prom than my senior prom fwiw. So am I wrong to think he's right but doesn't belong in local paper?

When they choose the junior prom over the state quarterfinals

Bewildered would be one way to describe my reaction upon reading the game story in The Day recounting Stonington High School's season ending loss to Lauralton Hall in last Friday's state girls' lacros...

www.theday.com

Nothing to discuss here. These girls were wrong and should be given a life lesson and suspended from the team. Doing otherwise is destructive for those girls and a poor example for other teens.

 

[Magy Cannon]

Nothing to discuss here. These girls were wrong and should be given a life lesson and suspended from the team. Doing otherwise is destructive for those girls and a poor example for other teens.

Completely agree.

 

[Beemer]

I'm not minimizing the importance of prom to a 16 year old girl, having been one a long time ago.

However I think Del Mauro makes excellent points about commitment & priorities. I agree that the coach should have told those girls- if you come with us you stay with us for the entire match or you don't come at all. You choose and you live with that choice. Instead I think he tried to weasel his way out of the dilemma by trying to let them have it both ways, probably to avoid parental wrath.

Finally, I'd love to know what their teammates truly think about those 4 girls basically bailing on them. If I were them I'd be angry & upset.

 

[LwrcasefaN]

Jr Prom is NOT a major life event. And anyone who thinks it is, is part of the problem.

Neither is a basketball game. It's not.

 

[boontonbomber]

As someone who coached at the HS level for over 30 years I've had Wrestlers miss the Conference or Regional or State Tournaments to go skiing with friends NOT FAMILY for the weekend! One kid broke his leg skiing!
I also coached Girl's Field Hockey.
At our preseason meeting with parents invited we discussed all aspects of the program and the upcoming season. And commitments made if broken would be frowned on! Even though wrestling is an individual sport it is also a team sport, the individuals create the final score!
In the 1988 State Class L finals we were favored to be in the chase for the State Championship and in the Semi's my 145 lost on 3 stalling points to a kid he beat during the season and went home with his Mother in a huff not staying to Wrestle in the consolations! Then my 185 seriously hurt his knee also in the Semi's but he hung with the team. When it came time for the 185 consolation 5th/6th match the other Wrestler was also hurt and was not there so my injured 185 still in his uniform limped on the mat to get 5th place points + forfeit points! If my 145 had stayed and Wrestled in the consolations he would have come back to take third (he was the best in his weight class and had already beaten the Wrestlers ahead of him in the conso's) giving us enough points to beat the eventual wining school by a point to win the State Championship!
I'm old fashion and believe in commitments made are kept!
I think in this instance the girls who left at 1/2 time would have been better off to not show up at all!
It changes the tenor of the game if they play the first 1/2 then leave, patterns have been set with the girls there then the remaining girls have to reboot during the 2nd 1/2! One other idea is the girls that left could have gone home right after the game with their parents not waiting for the school bus!

I'm old-fashioned, too, Coach. I'm very well aware of the success that you had with your wrestling teams, and I expect that the commitment that you expected from your wrestlers was one of the reasons for your success. I had expectations from my high school athletes, and some very hard lessons were learned at times. In the long run, the commitment learned by your wrestlers will be important to them throughout their lives. In this situation, the lacrosse coach missed a valuable teaching moment, and the players, not him, are the ones who missed out. Re your situation in 1988, I wonder if your 145, at some point, regretted what he did. If he did, what a hard lesson to learn, and it would be something that would stay with him for a long time.

 

[Puppy Love]

Nothing to discuss here. These girls were wrong and should be given a life lesson and suspended from the team. Doing otherwise is destructive for those girls and a poor example for other teens.

They had permission. The coach gave them permission. The team gave them permission. I don’t see how you think suspending them is the right thing to do.

 

[meyers7]

Neither is a basketball game. It's not.

What does that have to do with what we are talking about????

 

[meyers7]

They had permission. The coach gave them permission. The team gave them permission. I don’t see how you think suspending them is the right thing to do.

Agreed, while the players were obviously wrong, it's really on the coach for allowing it.

 

[LwrcasefaN]

What does that have to do with what we are talking about????

I seriously need to explain that to you? But, others are part of the problem? Come on.

 

[KnightBridgeAZ]

KnightBridgeAZ- - I don't think the coach was in favor of the situation as after the game he was asked by reporters about it he made a big point of saying NO COMMENT!

Just to be clear - I didn't say he was. What I said was: "If their coaches were "ok" with it, its all good. If they weren't, its their issue to deal with".

If I was the coach, I would have allowed them to go to the prom. However, they would not have been allowed to play that day at all, and perhaps not later in the playoffs in the event the team advanced, which they didn't.

It is about priorities. Everyone has their own. My wife's old boss when she worked in the church was very, very strict about students attending confirmation classes and events, not so much for "God" reasons, but for the simple fact that he wanted the students to demonstrate the ability to make a commitment (and to bond with the other folks in the class). If you could not make that commitment, you were not included in the confirmation class.

 

[stamfordhusky]

Nothing to discuss here. These girls were wrong and should be given a life lesson and suspended from the team. Doing otherwise is destructive for those girls and a poor example for other teens.

Agree 100%, as do my three daughters who were all serious varsity athletes.

 

[tchalla1]

You guys have obviously never been teenaged girls going her first formal event. A guy would go home, take a shower, get dressed and go. A girl has to shower, yes, then she has to get her hair done up, usually a fancy hairdo that takes forever to get right, apply just the right amount of makeup, get dressed, fuss with shoes and jewelry, and have Mom take a couple dozen pictures. I am not exaggerating. A girl’s first formal is a Big Deal.

DiMauro fails to understand human emotions, especially those of a teenaged girl.

I agree--this is a personal choice, I'm sure a difficult one but junior prom is a huge HS experience. No one has the right to decide for these young women what is most important in their lives...

 

[boontonbomber]

I agree--this is a personal choice, I'm sure a difficult one but junior prom is a huge HS experience. No one has the right to decide for these young women what is most important in their lives...

So basically any situation that the players deem more important than the game, it's OK for them to ditch the game?

 

[meyers7]

I seriously need to explain that to you? But, others are part of the problem? Come on.

Yes, yes you do. Because you are making no sense. We are talking about a Jr Prom and a girls lacrosse state playoff game. what does that have to do with a basketball game??????

 

[snowkot]

Nothing new here for DiMauro - he's remains a common troll, spewing clickbait to provoke a reaction, negative or positive who cares?, to raise his social media footprint. It works, of course.

This should have remained a private discussion between the girls, their coach, their teammates, their families and friends. Full stop.

All the noise from outside, especially by the toxic lugnut "writing" for "The Day" just serves to artificially inflame. Agree or disagree - irrelevant. We don't know them, except as they appear in the post. There's an entire life story in play here. Decisions are not made in a vacuum.

For me, against a backdrop of social media cascades causing real and sometimes extremely serious emotional damage, especially among kids of that age and younger, that column is appalling. It is disgusting. And it's existence reflects poorly on the editorial staff of "The Day."

 

[LwrcasefaN]

Yes, yes you do. Because you are making no sense. We are talking about a Jr Prom and a girls lacrosse state playoff game. what does that have to do with a basketball game??????

OK...I see the problem. To get my point across...I should have said...neither is a lacrosse game. Now what?

 

[LwrcasefaN]

So basically any situation that the players deem more important than the game, it's OK for them to ditch the game?

The flipside is...any situation deemed less important than a game gets ditched. I think what's relevant here is that "important" is defined by individuals not some formula. There are other parts of people's lives that are more important than a game. Any game. What are those parts? It depends. This nonsense about commitment to a team is a distraction. Just because someone has a more pressing matter or event, doesn't mean they aren't committed. It means they have a conflict and a choice to make. As much as the focus is on making a sacrifice for a team...the reality is in any relationship there comes a time where both parties have to make sacrifices. It's not supposed be a master/slave relationship. You have WNBA players with contracts not starting the season because...they are playing for another team. It's a choice they made and it was there's to make. In a work environment some employees work extra hours and others leave promptly at the end of their shift. Some put off medical appointments because they feel the company will fall apart without them, some don't. Some might take off time to relax for no particular reason. Are the latter...ditching work? SO, NO...it's not ANY SITUATION. Commitment is not synonymous with complete surrender.

 

[CbbisGreat]

These young women were forced to make a choice . They made that choice based upon their priorities and the circumstances thrust upon them . I applaud them for discussing the situation with their coach and teammates and then having the courage to choose the path that was best for them.

 

[tchalla1]

So basically any situation that the players deem more important than the game, it's OK for them to ditch the game?

Certainly, if I were the coach of their lacrosse team, I would have your sentiment and feel that you put the team second and it's supposed to be team-first. HS kids have that right though-they're amateurs not pros... However, if they did choose prom over the game, I would go with the girls I had remaining and that's who would play going forward--I don't want someone playing for me if they really wanted to be at prom.

But I do see your point--my brother as a 19-year old chose to go to an event over going to the 1972 Olympic boxing trails in Las Vegas and he's regretted it for the rest of his life...
BTW, what school district has sporting events during prom? When I went to prom, nothing else was scheduled that weekend.

 

[tchalla1]

These young women were forced to make a choice . They made that choice based upon their priorities and the circumstances thrust upon them . I applaud them for discussing the situation with their coach and teammates and then having the courage to choose the path that was best for them.

Double Amen.

 

[Sargassoc]

Certainly, if I were the coach of their lacrosse team, I would have your sentiment and feel that you put the team second and it's supposed to be team-first. HS kids have that right though-they're amateurs not pros... However, if they did choose prom over the game, I would go with the girls I had remaining and that's who would play going forward--I don't want someone playing for me if they really wanted to be at prom.

But I do see your point--my brother as a 19-year old chose to go to an event over going to the 1972 Olympic boxing trails in Las Vegas and he's regretted it for the rest of his life...
BTW, what school district has sporting events during prom? When I went to prom, nothing else was scheduled that weekend.

The CIAC schedules post-season championship games, not the schools.

 

[Puppy Love]

The CIAC schedules post-season championship games, not the schools.

Exactly…and that is part of the reason DiMauro has me really irked. The teams would not know if they made playoffs until well after they had already made their prom plans. They don’t know the times, game dates and opponents until the CIAC sets them. For those saying ‘they should have gone to prom later‘, I say BS. I‘m betting some or all of the had hair and nail appointments that could not be reset. They made commitments to businesses that they would show up when they said they would. They made commitments to their dates/friends. The biggest problem in all of this is the blame and shame heaped on them because an adult decided that young women made a decision that a sports writer thought was wrong. He didn’t talk to them or try to present any balance point of view for the sake of a few media clicks. Honestly, the only commentary should have been that they were placed in a ridiculous position and that the CIAC should have not set the game on the same day as another activity at one of the schools.

On a personal note, our sons played on a competitive CIAC football team where even one extra loss would cost the team a playoff spot. One year about 6 senior starters missed half a game to take SATs and no one gave a damn. Now, before you say SATs ‘matter more’, consider that there were multiple SAT dates and they picked the one that worked for them. No one said a damn thing about these kids missing half a game. The difference is that prom is considered frivolous by some. You don‘t get to decide what someone else values.

 

[Golden Husky]

On the article, DiMauro is listed as a staff writer, not a columnist. That's a significant difference. I was a GAR (general assignment reporter) for 17 years before becoming a columnist. If you're not a columnist, an editor tells you what to cover. When I was promoted to columnist, I could choose my own topics...and use adjectives!

Whatever your title, an adage in the newsroom is "Journalist need good judgment but editors need good taste."

Where was DiMauro's editor? If the incident was worthy of review, then it was worthy of naming the "offenders." It wasn't. An editor should have taken a blue pencil to DiMauro's effort and labeled it what it is, petty.

I have four daughters, and while it's been decades since they wore pastel-colored dresses with crinolines, I can recall the prom being just about the biggest thing in their lives to that point.

Somebody needed to exercise "good taste."