Best thing I've read in the past few days... courtesy of theuconnblog | The Boneyard

Best thing I've read in the past few days... courtesy of theuconnblog

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UConnSwag11

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If I’m UConn I’m filing that application today, and it reads something like this:
Yo ACC bitches. Congratulations! You have successfully taken all the teams we hate the most and formed some sort of Anti-UConn Legion of Douche. And while we’d love nothing more than to fart on all y’all faces, we really don’t have a choice but to kiss your ass and ask to be part of your stupid conference.
Now we really shouldn’t have to get on our knees and beg here, even though I know the thought of that is giving Coach K and Jim Boeheim simultaneous boners right now. You just let Pitt and Syracuse in, which in swag terms, is like letting Fat Joe and Paul Wall (respectively) into your 50/50 club. We’re at least Rick Ross (Arggggggghhhaaa) in this analogy.
So you want to improve the quality of football in the ACC? Then why not let in the defending Tostidos Fiesta Bowl runner-ups? And have you seen Johnny Mac’s trick shot video? It’s right up there with guy getting hit by ice cream truck. Plus it’d be great to show Randy "Billy Zane’s character from Titanic" Edsall that revenge is a dish best served cold, and we’re about to give him a whole motherfudging bowl of gazpacho.
What’s that? THIS season? Has that started already? We were too busy recruiting Andre "hide yo’ point guards, hide yo’ centers, and hide your small forwards cuz he rapin’ errryyybudddyyy out here" Drummond for our National Title defense to notice.

Oh yeah, maybe you saw our little run last March? You know, when Duke and UNC and all your other golden boys were shitting the bed…remember that? If your secret agenda here (and we can only assume this is the case) is to create a basketball conference that is equivalent to a Dick Vitale wet dream, you absolutely need our service.
And, not that you care, but we also pretty much own women’s college basketball. And soon Pat Summit isn’t going to know the difference between a full-court press and a panini press, at which time the NCAA will just give us the trophy at the start of every season, and save everyone the trouble of having to sit through five months of women’s basketball. Zing.
So, in closing, as much as we’d like to go all Braveheart on your ass, we’ve seen the movie and Mel Gibson gets beheaded at the end. Let’s get this clusterfuck going and I can promise we’ll make some average-looking football babies, but a whole bunch of sexy-as- basketball babies.
 

jrazz12

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hahahaha. this is great. the classic sign-off though that this is missing should be, "....Unless of course the Big Ten comes calling"
 
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Outstanding! A few giggles and snickers to ease the numbness I otherwise feel about this mess.
 
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Some pretty clever lines. Summit line is in very poor taste imho. Other than that, a good way to lighten the mood in here.
 

UConnSwag11

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ugh this censoring thing changed some of it up lol you can also just go to the site and read the unedited version :cool: "if your secret agenda here (and we can only assume this is the case) is to create a basketball conference that is equivalent to a Dick Vitale wet dream, you absolutely need our service." ahaha
 

intlzncster

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This was gold:

What’s that? THIS season? Has that started already? We were too busy recruiting Andre "hide yo’ point guards, hide yo’ centers, and hide your small forwards cuz he rapin’ errryyybudddyyy out here" Drummond for our National Title defense to notice.

Here's the direct link.

Love what Andrew Porter (the blog writer) had to say about this comment:

This is on the front page because it is the best comment in the history of the blog. Period. It's from brand-new user TheSwagMachine, who knows how to make one hell of an entrance. Welcome aboard sir. (The original comment appeared on this post.)
 

sammydabiz

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I may have a sicker sense of humor than most here but I accidentally spat my drink up when I read the Summit full court press/panini line....classic, horrible but classic!
 

UcannUconn

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Classic! Absolutely classic! *slowly claps*
 
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Post of the year. This board may be new, but I have yet to read a better one. This is instant classic.
 

MTHusky

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Some pretty clever lines. Summit line is in very poor taste imho. Other than that, a good way to lighten the mood in here.

Agreed
 

UConnSwag11

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Oh yeah, maybe you saw our little run last March? You know, when Duke and UNC and all your other golden boys were Sh!ttin' the bed…remember that?
 

EricLA

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I may have a sicker sense of humor than most here but I accidentally spat my drink up when I read the Summit full court press/panini line....classic, horrible but classic!
i agree. black humor. shortly after her announcement, there was a thread about possibly re-starting the UCONN-tennessee series and someone on the women's board posted. "Well, couldn't we just tell her it had already been re-started? she'd never know the difference. What? too soon?!"

i thought that was pretty funny too.
 
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Honestly, on the heels of Sheen's roast last night, that Pat Summit joke was pretty tame.
 
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This was gold:

What’s that? THIS season? Has that started already? We were too busy recruiting Andre "hide yo’ point guards, hide yo’ centers, and hide your small forwards cuz he rapin’ errryyybudddyyy out here" Drummond for our National Title defense to notice.

Here's the direct link.

Love what Andrew Porter (the blog writer) had to say about this comment:

This is on the front page because it is the best comment in the history of the blog. Period. It's from brand-new user TheSwagMachine, who knows how to make one hell of an entrance. Welcome aboard sir. (The original comment appeared on this post.)

hilararious. a definite +1
 

intlzncster

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i agree. black humor. shortly after her announcement, there was a thread about possibly re-starting the UCONN-tennessee series and someone on the women's board posted. "Well, couldn't we just tell her it had already been re-started? she'd never know the difference. What? too soon?!"
.

LOL! I'm guessing that didn't go down too well over there. But it is indeed funny. Let's face it, a whole lot of the best comedy is offensive. That's kinda the point. It's the whole Court Jester being the only one able to roast the King situation
 
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