Advice needed

[NHalan]

My wife scheduled a "Happy Spring" party for tonight. I'm up in NH and the people coming are "churchy", so no one besides me is interested in UConn. She said I can have the game on TV with no sound, but I have to refrain from being my usual berserk self. Plus, I have to play the host and be social and make non-March Madness conversation. Right now she's furiously cleaning the house while I"m pretending to pay bills and my Saturday business work.

How do I survive this, beside making turkey sandwiches with ketchup?

 

[JMick]

Eat your turkey & ketchup sandwiches, then pick up a bunch of laxatives. Destroy your toilet, tell your wife you aren't feeling well and wouldn't want to be blowing up the toilet with guests there. Watch the game on your phone while on the can all night.

 

[Dabutlerdidit]

hey now, there are some "churchy" folk that are "interested in UConn" ... w/ that being said, i'd probably be pretty anti-social during the game

 

[geohusky]

The best way is not to schedule anything in March

 

[Eskapeesto]

 

[8893]

You walk to the mantle, get the jar with your balls in it, open it and reclaim them from her. Then you watch the game how you damn well please.

"Happy Spring" = Watching UConn in the NCAA tourney for you.

We all celebrate in our own ways. This is your way and she and your guests should understand that.

 

[Jaker]

sounds like grounds for divorce

 

[sammydabiz]

Go get your man card, and say:
"woman, at 7:45 UConn will be playing on the tube, and one does not mute the Huskies in March. I don't make the rules, I just live by them!........Besides it's not even Spring yet"







....then go find a nice comforter, because you might be sleeping on the couch. But if UConn beats Kansas, it'll be be worth it.

 

[Jaker]

My wife tried to pull that Shiite once, once only.

 

[UCweCONN]

Your wife must be a Michigan State grad. Mute the Huskies?? Your 'churchy' guests will understand and appreciate blasphemy and why it cannot be allowed.

 

[FfldCntyFan]

Out of curiosity, how is it possible to have a happy spring without watching UConn basketball with no restrictions?

 

[Scot-e]

Get one of those hats that lets you drink beer from a straw-
Wear mirrored sun glasses inside.
Pace the room like a caged tiger.

Sound will come on in about 10-15 minutes.

 

[Waquoit]

The OP doesn't need advice, he knows what he needs to do. The game starts at 7:45, plenty of time to get some big-boy pants.

 

[NHalan]

I think I will put my foot down!! However, right now she wants me to take to her to an art show for a couple hours, so maybe later...

 

[Chin Diesel]

First off tell that woman spring ain't for two more days. If necessary grab a calendar and have her point to the day on the calendar where spring is listed.

Finally your in New Hampshire. Don't you shovel driveways and make snowmen in March?

 

[August_West]

 

[8893]

Shut up and eat the Mojo sandwich, you commie!

 

[FfldCntyFan]

 

[intlzncster]

My wife scheduled a "Happy Spring" party for tonight. I'm up in NH and the people coming are "churchy", so no one besides me is interested in UConn. She said I can have the game on TV with no sound, but I have to refrain from being my usual berserk self. Plus, I have to play the host and be social and make non-March Madness conversation. Right now she's furiously cleaning the house while I"m pretending to pay bills and my Saturday business work.

How do I survive this, beside making turkey sandwiches with ketchup?

KO is churchy too. Be a missionary. Convert them. We'll take all the help we can get....and whatever gods want to get behind us, I'm down.

 

[JMick]

KO is churchy too. Be a missionary. Convert them. We'll take all the help we can get....and whatever gods want to get behind us, I'm down.

"Have you heard of our Lord and Savior Jim Calhoun and his Disciple Kevin Ollie?"

 

[FfldCntyFan]

My wife scheduled a "Happy Spring" party for tonight.

If your liquor cabinet is well stocked, yeah, not a bad idea.

I'm up in NH and the people coming are "churchy", so no one besides me is interested in UConn.

If this is true, why the F%&K did you invite them?

She said I can have the game on TV with no sound, but I have to refrain from being my usual berserk self.

You need to find a way to get your pants back.

Plus, I have to play the host and be social and make non-March Madness conversation.

It is March. You don't have to do any of that.

Right now she's furiously cleaning the house while I"m pretending to pay bills and my Saturday business work.

That's the fiorst reasonable thing ypou've posted.

How do I survive this, beside making turkey sandwiches with ketchup?

Drive to a department store, purchase a few packages of men's underwear (normally I'd recommend boxers but briefs would likely be an easier transition fro what you currently are wearing. The 'trap door' in front allows you to urinate while still standing (I'm not sure if you can grasp that concept). While you are at the store buy a few pairs of men's pants (those are the ones that zip up in the front) and when you get home tell your wife that you will no longer wear the skirts she's been dressing you in.

 

[c29328]

I had similar with a wedding. I went to the wedding, chewed out the groom for being an idiot, gave him my check, and stalked off to the bar to watch the game. I'll attend his next one.

 

[intlzncster]

First off tell that woman spring ain't for two more days. If necessary grab a calendar and have her point to the day on the calendar where spring is listed.

Finally your in New Hampshire. Don't you shovel driveways and make snowmen in March?

This is sharp. Only problem is women aren't known for their logic when they want something.

 

[storrsroars]

I'd use this opportunity to boost mojo. Be the bartender and make all the guests your special house michelada recipe - 1/2 cup of Rolling Rock, 1/2 cup ketchup, garnished with a turkey foot. Get all the guests invested. Either they'll drink up and increase the mojo or they'll be disgusted and leave, so you can watch the game in peace.

 

[August_West]

I'd use this opportunity to boost mojo. Be the bartender and make all the guests your special house michelada recipe - 1/2 cup of Rolling Rock, 1/2 cup ketchup, garnished with a turkey foot. Get all the guests invested. Either they'll drink up and increase the mojo or they'll be disgusted and leave, so you can watch the game in peace.

Shot of ketchup , rock chaser. YES!!!