OT: A familiar story from EDD

[JordyG]

JordyG, as the father of a mentally disabled person, allow me to thank you for your service. It is an extremely difficult job, that can be most rewarding and frustrating at the same time. Shame on your boss for playing politics in that environment.

Thanks. As I said though, the true onus was on me for allowing it to affect my work and the relationship I had with so many.

I worked all those years with the most difficult of populations: Those who were dual diagnosed, the most violent, and self abusive. Many were remanded by the courts, and as a consequence were not, nor most likely would ever be placed into the community. They ran the spectrum from profound to borderline, male and female. For years I worked on units where both male and female, sexually active and sexually unaware, passive and violent, non-verbal and verbal, were on the same floor, in the same rooms. Frankly, I saw and dealt with behaviors and physical afflictions some people can only imagine seeing, and trust me, I saw just about all of them.

As my age gravitated toward 60 it became impossible to physically handle guys who where transitioning into the DC where I worked. They were gradually getting younger and larger, some as big as 6'5". I started out in terrific physical condition. I was small, but I had arms and legs like tree trunks. By the age of 60 I lived on past reputation and a commanding tone of voice. I knew that wasn't going to continue. When politics played its hand my mantra became 25 and out. The last 6 years were agony, but I'm here and thriving.

 

[dogged1]

Thanks. As I said though, the true onus was on me for allowing it to affect my work and the relationship I had with so many.

I worked all those years with the most difficult of populations: Those who were dual diagnosed, the most violent, and self abusive. Many were remanded by the courts, and as a consequence were not, nor most likely would ever be placed into the community. They ran the spectrum from profound to borderline, male and female. For years I worked on units where both male and female, sexually active and sexually unaware, passive and violent, non-verbal and verbal, were on the same floor, in the same rooms. Frankly, I saw and dealt with behaviors and physical afflictions some people can only imagine seeing, and trust me, I saw just about all of them.

As my age gravitated toward 60 it became impossible to physically handle guys who where transitioning into the DC where I worked. They were gradually getting younger and larger, some as big as 6'5". I started out in terrific physical condition. I was small, but I had arms and legs like tree trunks. By the age of 60 I lived on past reputation and a commanding tone of voice. I knew that wasn't going to continue. When politics played its hand my mantra became 25 and out. The last 6 years were agony, but I'm here and thriving.

Perspective is everything, while my sons problems, MR and autism are debilitating, he is relatively speaking, a social person. I could see myself working with a community of similarly disabled people. I could not imagine a career in the range that you worked in. Amazing.

 

[JordyG]

Perspective is everything, while my sons problems, MR and autism are debilitating, he is relatively speaking, a social person. I could see myself working with a community of similarly disabled people. I could not imagine a career in the range that you worked in. Amazing.

Indeed your sons problems are debilitating. Yet all of us are disabled in some manner. It always depends on the support systems surrounding us. You're a lucky man. You have a healthy, active, wonderful son. He's a lucky man. He has a caring, giving parent(s) who don't view his issues as an affliction but an avenue. It won't always be a boulevard of green lights, but all of you will get there.

 

[Bronx23]

JordyG, I want to commend you on your life's work, and as importantly realizing how your anger and frustrations with what happened wasn't good for you. While obviously it took you awhile to come to that understanding and maybe even reluctant acceptance, you now have.
From someone who worked in the field of those with disabilities (and yes we all have them in some form or another), you worked with an extremely difficult population that at least then and there, not only wasn't fair to you, also wasn't fair to the clients with how they were grouped. You have my admiration!
Dogged1 your life raising a child with his disabilities presents many additional challenges than are faced by every caring, loving parent. It also provides a joy and hopefulness when you see what that child not only accomplishes, but brings to your family. As said before much of it is in ones perspective. From the little you've said here, you've done and are doing what every parent strives for regarding their children. Kudo's!!!
I worked from graduate school on with disabled people and their families in a wide variety of settings and with those from minimal handicaps to those extremely profound. Other than my family, it was the joy of my life. I have many memories of my work and specific individuals but one that stands out, I will try and describe. In my second post graduate position, I was hired to provide the full range of social work services to the residents of an apartment building of disabled and aged people.All of these people lived in their own apartments with whatever support services they were entitled to or able to receive. The woman who was hired as my secretary lived in the building and was in a motorized wheelchair with only limited use of one hand, the result of polio as a child. She had already raised a few of her own, healthy, adult children and now except for an aide a few times a week who would help with bathing and other personal care, she somehow did everything herself. Not only did she do it, she did it with a smile and joy on her face, almost all the time. So within the first few days of my arrival there. We had a small office, which I needed to use whenever I needed private space to meet with any of the clients. There was a large room outside of it that was a community room where people gathered regularly and we would have large group meetings or parties in. So they came to install a portable telephone which had to be put on a desk in a corner of the room and a three pronged jack had to be plugged into the jack attached to the wall there. The first time she went to move it, and get it hooked up , she wheeled herself over pushed the old fashioned rotary table style phone onto her lap, motored over to the spot and pushed the phone onto that desk and tried repeatedly tried to fit the prongs into their slots,so the phone would be operative. It took her 15-20 minutes and I quietly watched, not offering help, because she didn't ask for help and I knew how independent she was. At some point later on, in private, I asked her if it was worth all that time and serious effort to do what she did. Her answer taught be so very much. She said if I don't struggle to do that or anything, I wouldn't have been able to raise three kids in my physical condition nor live alone now nor a thousand other things, which those of us not physically impaired do almost naturally in seconds or minutes. It's what led to and gave her her independence and life. The tough side of it for her is as she aged the energy she had to expend for so many things more exhausted her as she aged and maybe sometimes led to illnesses and health problems, but that was her life and her choices. I saw and see seemingly fully healthy people who for whatever reason and their own limitations accomplish and strive for so very little. Hmmm! Perspective is so, so important!
There are many other people and situations with totally different set of life circumstances and issues I had the great fortune of working with. I remind myself of it periodically, when I'm faced with my own personal struggles and issues.
Every one of us, can improve and do better at facing, coping, changing our own struggles, difficulties and issues . But also we need to learn to be able to SAVOR, those special moments, when we accomplish something meaningful. As if you are eating a dish of food you love and don't want to end, chew, smell and taste every last bite. Then go on to the next obstacle.
Thanks JordyG and dogged1 for reminding me!
All of this holds for something as relatively inconsequential as the U Conn Wbb program, which most if not all of us, love and admire! Each coach, player, parent or fan hopefully can get something from each other.
Bronx23

 

[dogged1]

JordyG, I want to commend you on your life's work, and as importantly realizing how your anger and frustrations with what happened wasn't good for you. While obviously it took you awhile to come to that understanding and maybe even reluctant acceptance, you now have.
From someone who worked in the field of those with disabilities (and yes we all have them in some form or another), you worked with an extremely difficult population that at least then and there, not only wasn't fair to you, also wasn't fair to the clients with how they were grouped. You have my admiration!
Dogged1 your life raising a child with his disabilities presents many additional challenges than are faced by every caring, loving parent. It also provides a joy and hopefulness when you see what that child not only accomplishes, but brings to your family. As said before much of it is in ones perspective. From the little you've said here, you've done and are doing what every parent strives for regarding their children. Kudo's!!!
I worked from graduate school on with disabled people and their families in a wide variety of settings and with those from minimal handicaps to those extremely profound. Other than my family, it was the joy of my life. I have many memories of my work and specific individuals but one that stands out, I will try and describe. In my second post graduate position, I was hired to provide the full range of social work services to the residents of an apartment building of disabled and aged people.All of these people lived in their own apartments with whatever support services they were entitled to or able to receive. The woman who was hired as my secretary lived in the building and was in a motorized wheelchair with only limited use of one hand, the result of polio as a child. She had already raised a few of her own, healthy, adult children and now except for an aide a few times a week who would help with bathing and other personal care, she somehow did everything herself. Not only did she do it, she did it with a smile and joy on her face, almost all the time. So within the first few days of my arrival there. We had a small office, which I needed to use whenever I needed private space to meet with any of the clients. There was a large room outside of it that was a community room where people gathered regularly and we would have large group meetings or parties in. So they came to install a portable telephone which had to be put on a desk in a corner of the room and a three pronged jack had to be plugged into the jack attached to the wall there. The first time she went to move it, and get it hooked up , she wheeled herself over pushed the old fashioned rotary table style phone onto her lap, motored over to the spot and pushed the phone onto that desk and tried repeatedly tried to fit the prongs into their slots,so the phone would be operative. It took her 15-20 minutes and I quietly watched, not offering help, because she didn't ask for help and I knew how independent she was. At some point later on, in private, I asked her if it was worth all that time and serious effort to do what she did. Her answer taught be so very much. She said if I don't struggle to do that or anything, I wouldn't have been able to raise three kids in my physical condition nor live alone now nor a thousand other things, which those of us not physically impaired do almost naturally in seconds or minutes. It's what led to and gave her her independence and life. The tough side of it for her is as she aged the energy she had to expend for so many things more exhausted her as she aged and maybe sometimes led to illnesses and health problems, but that was her life and her choices. I saw and see seemingly fully healthy people who for whatever reason and their own limitations accomplish and strive for so very little. Hmmm! Perspective is so, so important!
There are many other people and situations with totally different set of life circumstances and issues I had the great fortune of working with. I remind myself of it periodically, when I'm faced with my own personal struggles and issues.
Every one of us, can improve and do better at facing, coping, changing our own struggles, difficulties and issues . But also we need to learn to be able to SAVOR, those special moments, when we accomplish something meaningful. As if you are eating a dish of food you love and don't want to end, chew, smell and taste every last bite. Then go on to the next obstacle.
Thanks JordyG and dogged1 for reminding me!
All of this holds for something as relatively inconsequential as the U Conn Wbb program, which most if not all of us, love and admire! Each coach, player, parent or fan hopefully can get something from each other.
Bronx23

And Kudos to you too, Bronx23. An inspiring, uplifting story. Thank You.

 

[bballnut90]

Why do you assume you know what would make her happier? She's an adult and she has clearly demonstrated that if basketball isn't making her happy she will quit and do something else.

Have you considered she's already following your advice? Yes, she could make more money overseas but she chooses not to. Instead, she stays home does the things she cares about: spending time with her family, writing books, making furniture, holding basketball camps, working with Special Olympics, etc.

Making $300k for essentially four months work and then having the rest of the year to spend however you choose sounds pretty good to me.

Exactly. How many people at 28 can make over a quarter million working 3-4 months of the year? EDD is a smart woman, and that’s more than enough to live a good life and put away a crap ton of money every year. If she saves and invests, she could easily have a couple million saved by the time she retires and be set the rest of her life. Not to mention her fame will open up other opportunities for her when she does retire (if she wants to open up her own furniture business, or run basketball camps, or write books, etc. she’ll already have a huge base to market to.)

More significantly, how many people really are passionate about their jobs? Even if it’s not what she truly loves doing, she only plays for 3-4 months out of the year and has 8-9 months to do whatever she wants or really cares about. Even if her heart isn’t fully in it, she’s one of the best talents in the world and is a huge difference maker for her team. No, she isn’t making millions like NBA stars do, but she makes more money and has more flexibility than 99.9% of people her age.