I'm with you on that. The show-case (mid-season) tournaments can give a little perspective, as can some inspired match-ups here and there.
Charlie let us know about one a few weeks back when Manasquan (NJ) went to Long Island. The link to the tape gave me an insight into Lutheran players like Celeste Taylor (#40 Prospects Nation, Class of 2019).
Sometimes there's a good league (Shore Conference in NJ) that has some good match-ups. I have a friend who went to Sachem East game to see Sachem's Danielle Cosgrove (remember her?) go against Ward Melville's Lauren Hansen (#34, Class of 2019). Cosgrove played well, but does not have a very good supporting cast, while Hansen -- a sophomore who missed last year due to injury -- was all over the place, leading WM's floor attack, playing solid defense and lights-out shooting. Coach Bill thinks her star is rising and Danielle (Class of 2018, of course) is still improving.
New Jersey's St. Rose -- always a solid Shore team -- went to Ohio to play Lakota West, which is led by Abby Prohaska, the ND commit. Low-scoring game with Prohaska doing a bit of everything, which seems to be her forte.
But your point holds and is one reason why I look for specific games or just the state tournament to see equitable match-ups.