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Message: [QUOTE="husky429, post: 3593162, member: 6696"] You should have gotten booted from the game for kicking the chair. I guarantee my AD would have suspended me as well. Your wife has no reason to say a thing on the sidelines and likely should have been kicked out instead of given a T. To be honest, the incompetence of the referees likely played in your favor there. They were intimidated. Despite this being your version of the events, it still sounds pretty concerning to me. I'm not attempting to pass any personal judgment. I am sure you're a good guy and a good coach. I firmly believe that sports reveals your inner-most character and force us to recognize some of the worst parts of ourselves. It has for me. It would probably behoove you to do some personal reflection on how you treat people--referees are people after all. 1) You are setting a terrible personal example for the kids in your care when you lose your cool. I would CERTAINLY rather you swear in front of my kid than kick and chair and berate other adults. I would stop using that as some kind of moral bellwether. 2) A referee cannot change if they are not very talented to begin with, as you admit. It doesn't sound like anyone was trying to make you lose--they just suck. Girls' games tend to have pretty terrible referees everywhere. 3) You can get the exact same message across without screaming like a madman. You can even be loud to get a message to a ref without kicking a chair in front of a bunch of kids. 4) Very few refs--likely few or none you see--are consciously throwing a game. 5) I would all but guarantee your version of getting screwed over by refs is biased. Everyone thinks they're getting jobbed, including myself. This is coming from someone who has had plenty of idiotic moments himself. MORE than plenty. I just don't think trying to rationalize your lack of control with "defending the kids" is doing anyone except yourself any favors. More of a philosophical rant here, apologies. Coaches need to do a better job across the board. We stick to the old ways of doing things instead of coaching to meet the needs of the kids. Everything from Xs and Os, to how we teach skills, or interact with referees. I am consistently disappointed in this profession. Basketball needs a CULTURE change, and badly. I use two strategies to help me mellow out. I don't expect it will be good for anyone else, just food for thought: - During my post-game write-ups I include a section on my interactions with refs. How could I have done it differently, or was it right? Did hollering at him/her affect the game? - My captains have a 100% license from me to tell me to cool off. We have a phrase for it. I tell them straight up at the beginning of the year "I am a hot head, and I know it's not good for the team. You can tell me any time to stop, and I will not say another word to you or a ref. No repercussions. Full stop." They used it on 2 occasions last year. Edit: I cannot reiterate enough that I 1) used to be BAD on the sidelines, 2) still am not perfect. I have had parents fight on the sidelines, thrown clipboards myself, had a player attack an opposing team's parent, etc. etc. etc. And I now believe that all of that was because of the culture I helped to create. In the past 2 years I have had 0 techs myself, 0 from players, and relatively few incidences with parents. Basketball is a top-down sport and it starts with the coach. [/QUOTE]

Verification: First name of men's bb coach