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- Aug 26, 2011
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Jurrassic World/Dominion/Planet
This movie is a colostomy bag of fun. The good news is my 5 year old liked it enough but there are long stretches with no scary roaring dinosaurs so he got bored and needed to go potty. Such is life. Plot summary below for if you go with a child and want to take a nap.
SPOILER!
Chris Pratt and Ron Howard's daughter live an idyllic existence in a cabin in Montana and some English girl who was probably important in the previous film but I forgot about. Some big Dinosaur company that has all the dinos living in the Italian wilderness because evidently her mom gave birth to her parthenogenically, she's sort of like Jesus. Also Dinosaurs are everywhere now and are a nuisance.
Laura Dern is now a scientist scoping out evil corporate farms and discovers cat sized genetically engineered grasshoppers who are going to eat all of our food destroying civilization.
Meanwhile Blue has somehow also given birth to Dinosaur Jesus and Jesus and the English Girl are the key to everything. So a bunch or rednecks kidnap Dino Jesus and the English Girl and take them to Malta.
Laura Dern and Sam go to the Big Dinosaur Company who is run by Tim Cook. Chris Pratt and Ron Howard's daughter travel to Mos Eisley/Malta to rescue Dino Jesus and the English Girl. This doesn't go well rawrrrrrrr scary dinosaurs, laser pointer an motor cycles. Chris Pratt and Ron Howard's daughter team up with a former smuggler cum reformed do gooder former Air Force Pilot Yas Queen who flies a WWII era cargo plane full of rubber dog . She can fly a plane in high heels and doesn't need a co pilot!
Also all Chris Pratt needs to do is hold up his hands and dinosaurs stop dead in their tracks.
Fast forward, Jeff Goldblum TED Talk. Everyone ends up in Italy at the evil dino corp campus. Rawr!!!!!!!!! Giant Grasshoppers on Fire! Tim Cook dies. Chinese genetics guy who is in like every Jurrassic movie saves planet with Genes from Dino Jesus and English Girl. Dinos running with wild horses and nature is in harmony. The end.
This movie is a colostomy bag of fun. The good news is my 5 year old liked it enough but there are long stretches with no scary roaring dinosaurs so he got bored and needed to go potty. Such is life. Plot summary below for if you go with a child and want to take a nap.
SPOILER!
Chris Pratt and Ron Howard's daughter live an idyllic existence in a cabin in Montana and some English girl who was probably important in the previous film but I forgot about. Some big Dinosaur company that has all the dinos living in the Italian wilderness because evidently her mom gave birth to her parthenogenically, she's sort of like Jesus. Also Dinosaurs are everywhere now and are a nuisance.
Laura Dern is now a scientist scoping out evil corporate farms and discovers cat sized genetically engineered grasshoppers who are going to eat all of our food destroying civilization.
Meanwhile Blue has somehow also given birth to Dinosaur Jesus and Jesus and the English Girl are the key to everything. So a bunch or rednecks kidnap Dino Jesus and the English Girl and take them to Malta.
Laura Dern and Sam go to the Big Dinosaur Company who is run by Tim Cook. Chris Pratt and Ron Howard's daughter travel to Mos Eisley/Malta to rescue Dino Jesus and the English Girl. This doesn't go well rawrrrrrrr scary dinosaurs, laser pointer an motor cycles. Chris Pratt and Ron Howard's daughter team up with a former smuggler cum reformed do gooder former Air Force Pilot Yas Queen who flies a WWII era cargo plane full of rubber dog . She can fly a plane in high heels and doesn't need a co pilot!
Also all Chris Pratt needs to do is hold up his hands and dinosaurs stop dead in their tracks.
Fast forward, Jeff Goldblum TED Talk. Everyone ends up in Italy at the evil dino corp campus. Rawr!!!!!!!!! Giant Grasshoppers on Fire! Tim Cook dies. Chinese genetics guy who is in like every Jurrassic movie saves planet with Genes from Dino Jesus and English Girl. Dinos running with wild horses and nature is in harmony. The end.