OT: Paying It Forward

[Hans Sprungfeld]

That’s even more weird. So you buy them something they may not want?

Untold millions will receive something they may not want when they gather on Christmas morning.

 

[Hans Sprungfeld]

So here is a little story about paying it forward:

An older gentleman, at the order board at the drive through. Impatient woman in the car behind him leans on the horn, to hurry him along.

He is a little annoyed at her rudeness, but at the pay window, he offers to pay for her order, as well as his own.

As she gets to the pay window, she is informed that he payed. She gives a friendly toot on the horn to him, and waves, cheerfully.

He waves back.

When he gets to the pick up window, he picks up her order as well as his, after all, he does have the receipt.

As he drives away, he takes great comfort in having rewarded her rude impatience with the gift to her of one more spin through the drive through.

Post/handle

 

[CL82]

One time when my kids were very young a woman in her late 50s early 60s walked over to my table complemented my kids on their behavior and offered them each a quarter. She didn’t look like she was a person of means and my kids were young and I was still grooming them about not to take things from strangers, so I think there for the compliment but told her the quarters were not necessary. She said it gives me pleasure to do it, is it OK? And I said of course and thanked her and wish her a Merry Christmas which she returned.

I haven’t thought about that in years.

 

[Dove]

One time when my kids were very young a woman in her late 50s early 60s walked over to my table complemented my kids on their behavior and offered them each a quarter. She didn’t look like she was a person of means and my kids were young and I was still grooming them about not to take things from strangers, so I think there for the compliment but told her the quarters were not necessary. She said it gives me pleasure to do it, is it OK? And I said of course and thanked her and wish her a Merry Christmas which she returned.

I haven’t thought about that in years.

Yeah, a dollar would have been a lot nicer of her.

 

[CL82]

Yeah, a dollar would have been a lot nicer of her.

It was a while ago and I suspect that she may have had limited funds.

 

[husky429]

It was a while ago and I suspect that she may have had limited funds.

A quarter for her probably meant more than a 20 from someone else

 

[freshler40]

Four of us, three being former Vets. were having breakfast in Bloomfield. During our chat, some of which was about VA health care, a guy and his wife apparently overheard the discussion. Upon our check-out the cashier said our breakfast was paid for. We were in a happy shock for most of the day. Wow what a nice thing.

On occasion, we have played it back by adding a fixed some to the CC like $10 or 20 in a random way or point out to the cashier the party behind us to be gifted. It's a great feeling to do this, a real high! Life is good, make it better!

 

[husky429]

I popped into this thread and told my fiance about it. She used to work at a Starbucks during her undergrad at UNC (don't worry I claim her degree is fake to this day).

Her response "pay it forward s*** was awful. Everyone ended up paying about the same amount anyways and it was super confusing for everyone working. False sense of positivity. It makes people feel good even though they mostly don't lose money, and just pisses off everyone working."

I think I picked a winner I can see why she did well in law school lol

Her best story is about the prostitute who came in every morning after work and got a latte with TWENTY pumps of espresso. Twenty.

 

[8893]

Her response "pay it forward s*** was awful. Everyone ended up paying about the same amount anyways and it was super confusing for everyone working. False sense of positivity. It makes people feel good even though they mostly don't lose money, and just pisses off everyone working."

I can understand why it could be confusing for employees in that situation if it continues for a few cars after the first one, but I don’t understand why she considers it a false sense of positivity. If it makes people feel good, it makes them feel good. What’s false about that? Plenty of people in this thread can attest to that, and it seemed very genuine to me.

 

[CL82]

I can understand why it could be confusing for employees in that situation if it continues for a few cars after the first one, but I don’t understand why she considers it a false sense of positivity. If it makes people feel good, it makes them feel good. What’s false about that? Plenty of people in this thread can attest to that, and it seemed very genuine to me.

I’m guessing it is because economically it is a net nothing for most people. Essentially, the only person who has an economic cost is the first person to buy the coffee for the person behind them and the only people person who benefits are the @Waquoits of the world who take the coffee and walk away without buying for the person behind them, likely muttering “suckers.”

 

[8893]

I’m guessing it is because economically it is a net nothing for most people. Essentially, the only person who has an economic cost is the first person to buy the coffee for the person behind them and the only people person who benefits are the @Waquoits of the world who take the coffee and walk away without buying for the person behind them, likely muttering “suckers.”

I think reducing it to an economic cost misses the point: those on the receiving end feel good. Whether they pay it forward immediately or not, the net result seems to be a multiplication of acts of kindness.

Things like holding a door for someone or expressing extra patience with people when things don’t go your way don’t “cost” anything, but they seem to have a ripple effect of taking the edge off people, if nothing else. I think that’s a positive and don’t see what’s false about it, as long it’s a genuine gesture.

 

[CL82]

I think reducing it to an economic cost misses the point: those on the receiving end feel good. Whether they pay it forward immediately or not, the net result seems to be a multiplication of acts of kindness.

Things like holding a door for someone or expressing extra patience with people when things don’t go your way don’t “cost” anything, but they seem to have a ripple effect of taking the edge off people, if nothing else. I think that’s a positive and don’t see what’s false about it, as long it’s a genuine gesture.

I was just speculating on her thought process.

I’m a lifetime advocate of the small kindness theory for the reasons you articulated. Especially things like holding the door for someone, letting someone with a fussy child go ahead of you and line, letting cars in, etc. It “costs” you nothing but a few seconds it makes the world a little more pleasant.

For what it’s worth, I’m also a big advocate for civility, tiny things like greeting people you pass in close proximity, or standing when a woman arrives or leaves a table. I like a civil world and it is amazing how contagious it is.

 

[wheelerdog]

This is a truly bizarre collection of humans ...

 

[uconnfan68]

I was just speculating on her thought process.

I’m a lifetime advocate of the small kindness theory for the reasons you articulated. Especially things like holding the door for someone, letting someone with a fussy child go ahead of you and line, letting cars in, etc. It “costs” you nothing but a few seconds it makes the world a little more pleasant.

For what it’s worth, I’m also a big advocate for civility, tiny things like greeting people you pass in close proximity, or standing when a woman arrives or leaves a table. I like a civil world and it is amazing how contagious it is.

No wonder you left the Leach Field.

 

[CL82]

No wonder you left the Leach Field.

Lol never joined. I bailed when it was still the cesspool. What started out as legitimate and interesting debate devolved into a bunch of toddlers calling each other names. Not particularly interesting.

Ironically, I think the name the leaching field came from my suggestion in the big PM group that used to run parallel to the old cesspool.

 

[mussels]

Dear Players and Coaches:

As this challenging year draws to a close, first off - thanks for all you have done to return UConn Basketball to its rightful place in the sports world. Second, please take note of this thread, and you can see that the Boneyard has now found half a dozen ways to second guess, and even outright criticize...... Buying someone a cup of coffee.

So in the the new year, if the harsh unforgiving glare of the Boneyard spotlight happens to shine your way, you can't take it personally - its just who we are.

Wishing you a deep run in March,
Your casual fans at the Boneyard

 

[HuskyHawk]

I popped into this thread and told my fiance about it. She used to work at a Starbucks during her undergrad at UNC (don't worry I claim her degree is fake to this day).

Her response "pay it forward s*** was awful. Everyone ended up paying about the same amount anyways and it was super confusing for everyone working. False sense of positivity. It makes people feel good even though they mostly don't lose money, and just pisses off everyone working."

I think I picked a winner I can see why she did well in law school lol

Her best story is about the prostitute who came in every morning after work and got a latte with TWENTY pumps of espresso. Twenty.

This is more or less what I was thinking. What a giant PITA for no actual gift to anybody who needs it. Just donate some money to a worthy cause. Or gift a Dunkin’ gift card to a homeless person or something. Not trying to be a scrooge, it just does feel a bit like people wanting to pat themselves on the back.

 

[8893]

This is more or less what I was thinking. What a giant PITA for no actual gift to anybody who needs it. Just donate some money to a worthy cause. Or gift a Dunkin’ gift card to a homeless person or something. Not trying to be a scrooge, it just does feel a bit like people wanting to pat themselves on the back.

I’ve never done it or been the recipient in the context of this thread, but I think the disconnect for those who don’t “get it” is that it not meant to be an act of charity or to supplant charitable donations to the needy.

As I understand the concept, it is intended as a simple act of kindness. Nothing more, nothing less.

Hanging expectations on it defeats the purpose.

 

[husky429]

I’ve never done it or been the recipient in the context of this thread, but I think the disconnect for those who don’t “get it” is that it not meant to be an act of charity or to supplant charitable donations to the needy.

As I understand the concept, it is intended as a simple act of kindness. Nothing more, nothing less.

Hanging expectations on it defeats the purpose.

I think of it less as charity and more as just a way to connect with your community. It's rare to have that these days.

 

[Waquoit]

... the only people person who benefits are the @Waquoits of the world who take the coffee and walk away without buying for the person behind them, likely muttering “suckers.”

Projection Alert!

 

[CL82]

Projection Alert!

Lol, whoops guess I touched a nerve. So, just curious, did you buy a coffee for the people behind you or did you just take the coffee and run?

 

[8893]

Lol, whoops guess I touched a nerve. So, just curious, did you buy a coffee for the people behind you or did you just take the coffee and run?

Now I've done this before but I never had it done for me.

 

[CL82]

TL;DR:
He took the bagel and ran.

 

[8893]

View attachment 72102

TL;DR:
He took the bagel and ran.

Again, the point is not immediate reciprocity to someone else.

It’s just karma.

He apparently made some deposits in the karma box at some points prior, and now it has come back around to him. That’s it. And it made him happy for a moment, as his prior acts presumably did for others.

Sounds like it’s the people who think they need to make an immediate and equal gesture to the person behind them are the ones gumming up the works for the people working the drive-throughs.

 

[CL82]

Again, the point is not immediate reciprocity to someone else.

It’s just karma.

He apparently made some deposits in the karma box at some points prior, and now it has come back around to him. That’s it. And it made him happy for a moment, as his prior acts presumably did for others.

Sounds like it’s the people who think they need to make an immediate and equal gesture to the person behind them are the ones gumming up the works for the people working the drive-throughs.

Not sure why you are white knighting for him, as I’m sure he’s fine on his own, but I thought his whole “projection“ comment was mildly funny, since he admitted to taking the bagel and running a few posts earlier.

 

[Watchdog]

A few years ago we were driving our son to a baseball tournament up in Tulsa. We were approaching a toll and there was a big merge right before the toll and traffic was stop and go. This guy in a huge truck, stereotypical looking vehicle, pulls out and cuts me off nearly causing an accident. I am really mad and we are all talking about what a jerk the guy was but I didn’t lay on the horn or anything since we were totally boxed in and I didn’t want the guy jumping out with a gun or anything (hey, it’s rural Oklahoma so it would not have been a surprise). We get up to the toll and are informed that he paid the toll for us. I guess our snap judgement was wrong.

Wrong in more ways than one.

 

[Watchdog]

I’m guessing it is because economically it is a net nothing for most people. Essentially, the only person who has an economic cost is the first person to buy the coffee for the person behind them and the only people person who benefits are the @Waquoits of the world who take the coffee and walk away without buying for the person behind them, likely muttering “suckers.”

Or muttering, "why didn't I order the special?"

 

[Waquoit]

Not sure why you are white knighting for him, as I’m sure he’s fine on his own, but I thought his whole “projection“ comment was mildly funny, since he admitted to taking the bagel and running a few posts earlier.

Why did you ask the question when the answer was already posted? I say bad faith by you.

 

[CL82]

Why did you ask the question when the answer was already posted? I say bad faith by you.

To gently point out that when you said “Projection Alert” you were trying to deflect from the fact that had already said you took the coffee and ran.

I guess I understand it. You were being cheap and you were embarrassed about admitting it. Really, at this point you, should just own it and laugh it off. You seemed proud of it initially.

 

[Waquoit]

To gently point out that when you said “Projection Alert” you were trying to deflect from the fact that had already said you took the coffee and ran.

I guess I understand it. You were being cheap and you were embarrassed about admitting it. Really, at this point you, should just own it and laugh it off. You seemed proud of it initially.

You were repeating snark already written and responded to in a feel good thread for what? To bust balls? You clearly have no understanding of the concept "Pay It Forward." You have it mistaken with the middle position of "The Human Centipede."