Parents ruining kids sports: Ban parents from games? | The Boneyard

Parents ruining kids sports: Ban parents from games?

I've told the story a few times over the years, but I was coaching a young travel soccer team maybe like U-11 or U-10 and there was parent of the other team screaming his head off at our kids calling them out by their numbers yelling at them at they ran by. I called over the lead ref and the other coach and told them to cool the guy out. The (adult) ref said, I hear it but it's not my job to deal with it (debatable) the other coach has to deal with it. The other coach was apologetic but said he can't deal with the guy. The ref said "if you want the forfeit, I'll give it to you right now." The opposing coach said he wouldn't object to it (even though it would result in $500 fine that had to be paid by the coach, not the club.) I said I'll go over at the half and talk to him and we'll see where it goes.

At the half, he was, well more or less what you'd expect; a tiny guy who looked like he spent too much time in the gym. I walked over to him introduced myself and said "Feel free to cheer as much you want for your guys, but you can't be calling out my (ten year old) players." He glared at me puffed out his chest and said "I'd like to see you try and stop me." I looked back at him and calmly said "Well let me tell you what's going to happen. Your coach, the ref and I have already talked about it and if I hear one word from you, I'll ask for a forfeit. As you know you signed a fan behavior pledge as a condition of your son being allowed to play in the league. So when your team forfeits because of your behavior, your son will lose the ability to play in the league. So next Sunday morning you will get to look your son in the eye and explain to him that he doesn't get to play soccer because his dad can't behave himself [...pause...] but I'm sure that's not going happen and we can finish up our game. You have a good day now." They was a smattering of applause from the other team's parents, which kind of bugged me since no one was stepping in if things had gone south.

The other coach and ref came up to me and I shrugged and said we'll see. The guy went and sat in his car for the rest of the game. We won and after game and our post game talk (at the end of every game, I'd always have the boys circle up and take the time to point out something every kid did well, every game win or lose. I just liked to end the day on a high note.) I'm walking back to the car with my wife and kids and I see this guy in the parking lot all red faced and angry and staring at me. He'd had to wait like 20 minutes after the game for me. I'm thinking 'well that's not good' so I say to wife "Honey take the kids back to car I want to talk with that guy a sec." I walk over to his family and say to his son "Hey 22 great game today, you were a tough match up for us. You're a very good player, I look forward to playing you guys in another game." I look at the Dad and extend my hand and say "hey thanks for your help today." At this point he is livid, his wife looks terrified, but in a pre-covid world it was pretty automatic to shake an extended hand. He did. I said "you folks enjoy the rest of the weekend" and walked away thinking 'Please don't hit me in the back of head...' When I got to our car my wife looks at me and says "how'd it go? I said "no problem."

That was probably the worst I've seen, at least from a parent.
 
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Iowa State had a player (two I think, sisters) on the team whos father was losing his mind in the stands during the tournament. Joens or something? ESPN, in there moronicness (not a word, I made it up,) kept showing him jumping up and down and stomping his feet. He eventually left I think. Someone in the game thread said, during the girls High School Years, if he was allowed to attend the games, he had to sit next to the principal in the stands. The Iowa Coach didn't even recruit the girls because of it (so I heard.)

Really sad and embarrassing for the players (one of which is extremely talented.)
 
Similar story - end of season travel soccer tourney. I'm reffing an u-9 girls game at 7:45 am. Grass is dewy. Players are small and slipping. Lots of slipping and one dad wanted a tripping call for ALL of them. He was sporting an XXL cup of Dunkin', all fired up. It reached a point where I did a very long and loud whistle to stop the game at a throw-in, calmly walked over to coaches, called them together and explained if that parent doesn't stop the abusive behavior, whoever's team he belongs will need to explain that if it doesn't stop, he will be dismissed from the facility for the remainder of the tourney. One coach then said, not sure he'll be a problem anymore, as the asst ref had sidestepped down the line and quietly talked to him. Turns out, the asst ref explained to the dad that if he continued, he would be ejected and my favorite "this isn't the World Cup, they are 8, it's slippery out here." Of course, the dad said "you can't do that", and the asst ref (my hub) said, you are correct, but she (me) will ask your coach to remove you from the facility and the game will not restart until you leave. The dad didn't say anything negative after that. And this is why to this day, I disagree with any travel teams below the u-11/12 age grouping, just my view.

Fast forward to today - started coaching u-10 rec soccer after a 24 year hiatus (woo hoo, grandkids!) and the changes are interesting. Parents now encamp along the field at practice, which is a bit unnerving to me, as they never did that years ago. Times have changed, perhaps it's a safety thing, and I'll get used to it. No chatter from them during practice, however my hub (trying valiantly to avoid getting into coaching again, haha) saw a parent from opposing team throw down his water bottle and loudly complain numerous times when his son/team didn't do something "right" during our game yesterday, or when the ref didn't make calls he thought should have been made. Glad I didn't see/hear it and glad it's not one of my parents.
 
Been that way forever. I subbed umpiring in a pinch over 30 years ago and tossed a parent who was terrible. His wife wanted to hide.

one of my sons played in an inter-town basketball league in middle school. This game we were at home. Some parents from the visitors were relentless, but really directed at the refs, but still should’ve. shut up. (one of refs was bad, as he was as a LL ump). Anyway, he warned the crowd. When they didn’t stop he called a T. They kept it up and in high comedy, called 20 straight Ts. Our best foul shooter made 16 of 20. In fairness, the other coach asked the dumb parents to be quiet. Parents living through their kids.
 
When Iplayed little league baseball there was a guy who sponsored one of the local teams , and got his business name on the uniforms. He was a big , loud kinda guy, but all went well enough for a few years. Then his son "made" the team and the old man became intolerable. The umps tried everything and had to start ejecting him from the park. I always felt bad for the son, who knew he was not a great ballplayer. But his dad threw a fit every time the kid was at the plate. He eventually dropped his sponsorship and the town was relieved !
 
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Urshurak said:
Iowa State had a player (two I think, sisters) on the team whos father was losing his mind in the stands during the tournament. Joens or something? ESPN, in there moronicness (not a word, I made it up,) kept showing him jumping up and down and stomping his feet. He eventually left I think. Someone in the game thread said, during the girls High School Years, if he was allowed to attend the games, he had to sit next to the principal in the stands. The Iowa Coach didn't even recruit the girls because of it (so I heard.)

Really sad and embarrassing for the players (one of which is extremely talented.)
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I recall seeing that fellow near the end of the game, both in the seats and walking down a ramp, l believe. Very “animated” to say the least.
 
A friend of mine coached little league baseball for over 30 years, and I helped him out for a few years when my son was on the team. He was a terrific coach, fair, enthusiastic, and all about making it fun while still teaching them how to play the game the right way.

Here is a true story that we retell and laugh about often.

The parents of one of his players were divorced. The kid was playing outfield, but they were convinced he should be playing shortstop. One evening after a game, they came over from completely different directions, meeting at the same time in front of my friend to give him a double barrel earful about why their kid should be playing shortstop instead of outfield.

After they were done criticizing my friend and his obvious inability to judge baseball talent, they then headed off in polar opposite directions to their respective cars.

I told my friend that while they likely fight over almost everything, there were two things they could actually agree on - their son should be the shortstop, and my friend was a lousy coach! The coach was their unifying factor! Their north star.

I doubt they ever reunited as a couple but if they did, I`m saying it was the coach who brought them back together!
 
My dad coached Little League Football and Baseball for many years. Of the two, most of the problems were in football. Some of it the parents, some of it the leadership of the league. He finally quit, tired of all the nonsense, and this was in the late 60s mid 70s.
 
When I go to my grandchildren’s games which I love to do, I go to a remote place to watch so as not to hear some parents.Two years ago the league asked me to chart the parents who acted poorly , with first a warning and then they would be asked to leave. It seemed to work mostly.
 
Over the Rutgers years we had a number of parents that were "known". 3 different approaches, I won't name the "problem" one

1 - Tamora Young's mother, Angela, was a presence at almost all the games. She was one of the most supportive parents I have ever seen. Always bragging on her daughter, but with high behavior standards and never critical of coaching.

2 - Another mother, in the same era - sat and criticized every move by the coaching staff. Her daughter, who truly was one of the stars of the team, was never treated correctly, according to her. Sadly, after her successful college career, the daughter gave up basketball entirely, which we wouldn't have known but there was a pro coach we exchanged greetings with (in the Mohegan Sun of all places) who, when he heard we were Rutgers folks, told us a very sad story, which I also won't share.

3 - Michelle Campbell's father was, well, loud. Not profane, not unpleasant, just loud. A "show" on the sidelines. Known everywhere. She had a sister that played at Minnesota and maybe a 3rd - in any case, he was the same with that daughter as well.

I have heard about the issues of parents at the younger levels, but my point: "it takes all kinds".
 
Parents spend thousands and thousands of $’ over their child’s youth sports career trying to get a full ride to college that they have already paid for college twice doing this so don’t expect parents to ever change 🤷‍♀️
 
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Parents spend thousands and thousands of $’ over their child’s youth sports career trying to get a full ride to college that they have already paid for college twice doing so don’t expect parents to ever change 🤷‍♀️
 
I coached and/or officiated youth sports for 25+ years and finally gave it up mostly due to out of control parents. My observations with youth sports is that the loudest most profane are the parents who were not successful in their playing days.
 
This thread makes me think of the movie "Searching For Bobby Fischer" when all the parents were arguing with the officials and other parents so they got thrown out of the tournament and all the kids clapped and cheered.
 
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Add fans to parents. Certainly, not all fans or all parents, not even most, but enough where it's concerning. I'm not new to following wbb, but pretty green when it comes to these "fan" sites. I was checking some of them out last week. I signed up for Volnation and my request was rejected? Huh? It's that serious? Then I read some more posts and figured I wasn't missing anything because UCONN and SC are talked about more than their own team. I can get that here. lol I'm all for the excited fanbase, but sorry...I think a resident psychiatrist might be needed at times to talk some fans and parents off the ledge.
 
I always had a meeting with parents and players at the same time and had the kids go warm up for practice while I talked to the parents some more. One rule was no Coaching from the sidelines when their kids deere playing for me. I told them if they did that player will be sitting on the bench. Half way into the season we were down 10 and my players weren't running the press breakers right all half and we were making their defense look good and we discussed this during halftime. As we walked to the bench her father was telling her to do what I just told my team not to do. Before the third quarter started I told my player and top scorer she was sitting the rest of the game. My Captain came over and said she was on the bench saying" I hate my f...ing father!" over and over. I talked to her to calm her down and we lost the game by10. Her father came up to me in the parking lot screaming and I told him you knew the rules! I asked him if he ever played basketball or coached and the answer was no. I said why are you doing it now. He stormed off like a little baby. He didn't bring his daughter to any practices or games the rest of the year. He did watch the games but another parent or myself brought her home. We ended up winning the State Championship and won 2 more games to reach the New England Championship! We played New Hampshire in the final and it was tied with 9 seconds to go and our ball. I drew up the play for his daughter to take the last shot and it was a play that we worked on until we didn't get it wrong. She ran off 2 screens and got the ball on the baseline for a 15 footers and after the release the horn went off as the swished through the hoop. She made the shot to give us the NE Championship! Her father didn't talk to me the rest of the year but came up to me and apoligized to me for being an idiot. I told him you owe your daughter the apology not me! When I coached High School a friend asked me to coach this travel team that her daughter was on. The parents at both levels were ridiculous and it was only a few from each team. I didn't care what they said to me but I couldn't believe what these players told me what their parents said to them!
 
cbraarj said:
I always had a meeting with parents and players at the same time and had the kids go warm up for practice while I talked to the parents some more. One rule was no Coaching from the sidelines when their kids deere playing for me. I told them if they did that player will be sitting on the bench.
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Oh man. We had this times three. The hub and i were asked to take over an u-12 girls travel soccer team and we said we'd come watch them before we made any decision. We were asked as we weren't parents of any of the players. We had already coached another girls team from u-13 through high school and not sure we wanted to get involved again. Went to see the last game of the season and thought yeah, we can work with this group.

Fast forward to the first game of fall season, and most of what we were trying to implement went kapoof! We were teaching them possession and advancement, they were still doing kick and run. Finally realized that the three former coach dads were still coaching from the other sideline. Those were the voices the players were used to hearing, and the three of them drowned out my voice (female, but I could project!). Went across the field and quietly explained that since we were now coaching, the players needed to hear our direction and they really just needed to cheer and support. When I pointed out that they were giving direction that we didn't want to do anymore, the two assistants nodded and apologized. I knew these two guys for years as we "grew up" coaching in the town program. The former head coach, just stared at me, not really budging, so I reminded all 3 of them that we were asked to take over the team and coach, and the only way it would work is if the parents were parents and we were able to coach. They never coached from sidelines again.
 
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I am so thankful that growing up I never had to play “organized” sports. The only fights were kid on kid, much more civilized, besides teaching most of us that resolving without fisticuffs was the way to go. Learning excellent life lessons in conflict resolution (most of the time), even though we didn’t know it. As for coaching, I certainly had my share of parent “discussions”.
 
SJF said:
Parents spend thousands and thousands of $’ over their child’s youth sports career trying to get a full ride to college that they have already paid for college twice doing this so don’t expect parents to ever change 🤷‍♀️
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It is a situation ripe for all kinds of abuse. I can't recall the player's name but an NHL player was literally robbed of his earnings by his parents who basically told him "you just play, we'll take care of your money". That's how awful "sports parents" can be.

It is no wonder so many kids quit playing sports as soon as they see the opportunity to do so.
 
We here on the BY often think of UConn players as extensions of our children and are overly protective of them. To me it shows in how, no matter the score, so many complain about the referee's. How no matter the score, the feel UConn players rarely if ever foul while the other teams fouls are constantly overlooked by the refs. I don't know how many times I've stated that complaining about refs or blaming them for certain outcomes is ludicrous. Refs frequently if not all the time let you know early how they're going to call the game. As a player and coach you adapt to it. If you don't, that's on you. A good team overcomes any type of referee, good or bad, to win the game. There are few if any Tim Donaghy's in sport, and most if not all refs are doing the best they can under what is always, a high stress atmosphere. I know I wouldn't do it.
 
JordyG said:
We here on the BY often think of UConn players as extensions of our children and are overly protective of them. To me it shows in how, no matter the score, so many complain about the referee's. How no matter the score, the feel UConn players rarely if ever foul while the other teams fouls are constantly overlooked by the refs. I don't know how many times I've stated that complaining about refs or blaming them for certain outcomes is ludicrous. Refs frequently if not all the time let you know early how they're going to call the game. As a player and coach you adapt to it. If you don't, that's on you. A good team overcomes any type of referee, good or bad, to win the game. There are few if any Tim Donaghy's in sport, and most if not all refs are doing the best they can under what is always, a high stress atmosphere. I know I wouldn't do it.
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Yes and no. I'm a huge hockey fan and I'm a regular on a hockey message board. We don't think of the players as extensions of our families but trust me, our team never commits penalties and the refs never make calls against our opponents!
 
My sons are now 41, 38 and 34. So I stopped coaching baseball a long time ago.

However, what I hear, see and read, today's parents are no different that when I was coaching. I dealt with enough parents who were all to willing to tell me how good the child was.
 
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Assistant football coach in Germany for Army children. Kids were qualified
by age not weight and the other Army team kids were pretty big.A captain from our base bugged my buddy the head coach to put his kid in. Poor kid was all heart but so thin, 1st play he made a tackle and broke his arm.
 
I ref travel basketball.

a large problem is that the coaches do nothing to curtail this behavior acting line complete idiots on the sidelines themselves.

if it wasn’t decent money, in cash, I wouldn’t even bother at this point. I didn’t miss not having games at all during covid, just the lost money in my account lol
 
the Q said:
a large problem is that the coaches do nothing to curtail this behavior acting line complete idiots on the sidelines themselves.
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Thanks for this comment, as I now have brainstormed a bunch of things to say to parents and kids in the fall rec soccer league. Kids need to know that no matter what, coaches will praise effort. Winning is great, but be a good sport when you don't (too many 9 y/o this season going thru the elbow bump line with scowls and not saying good game, nice job!). Parents need to hear that teams are made up of all different skill levels, strengths, development ops (see there - not weaknesses), and that our job as coaches is to develop the team and oh yeah, have some fun.

As an aside, last night we had practice. It wasn't my best effort, as I had my 2nd vax on Wed, and it hit me a little that night. I still ran around with 8-9 y/o like a crazy woman, laughed, joked, cajoled, and praised them on the little things. When I was showing someone how to do a throw in at the end, the dad came up and said you coaches are doing a great job with this team. I then went to bed at 8 pm. LOL.
 
BRS24 said:
Thanks for this comment, as I now have brainstormed a bunch of things to say to parents and kids in the fall rec soccer league. Kids need to know that no matter what, coaches will praise effort. Winning is great, but be a good sport when you don't (too many 9 y/o this season going thru the elbow bump line with scowls and not saying good game, nice job!). Parents need to hear that teams are made up of all different skill levels, strengths, development ops (see there - not weaknesses), and that our job as coaches is to develop the team and oh yeah, have some fun.

As an aside, last night we had practice. It wasn't my best effort, as I had my 2nd vax on Wed, and it hit me a little that night. I still ran around with 8-9 y/o like a crazy woman, laughed, joked, cajoled, and praised them on the little things. When I was showing someone how to do a throw in at the end, the dad came up and said you coaches are doing a great job with this team. I then went to bed at 8 pm. LOL.
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yes. It’s travel basketball, not the final four.

the point of travel ball is to have fun and develop players for the high school programs

the coaches love to make it about them
 
the Q said:
yes. It’s travel basketball, not the final four.

the point of travel ball is to have fun and develop players for the high school programs

the coaches love to make it about them
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Unfortunately...it's become BUSINESS.
 
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