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OT: Useful aphorisms

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pap49cba

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APHORISM:A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES
A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH

Read till the end or YOU may MISS something!!!azad::::

1.
The nicest thing about the future is . . .
that it always starts tomorrow.

2.Money will buy a fine dog . . .
but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3.If you don't have a sense of humor . . .
you probably don't have any sense at all.

4.Seat belts are not as confining . . .
as wheelchairs.

5.A good time to keep your mouth shut is . . .
when you're in deep water.

6.How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of
the dark . .
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7.Business conventions are important . . .
because they demonstrate how many people a company can
operate without.

8.Why is it that at class reunions . . .
you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9.Scratch a cat (or dog) . . .
and you will have a permanent job.

10.No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy
(or girl) . . .
who wants to buy a car.

11.There are no new sins . . .
the old ones just get more publicity.

12.There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong
number at 4 a.m. . .
like, it could be the right number.

13.No one ever says "It's only a game" . . .
when their team is winning.

14.I've reached the age where . . .
'happy hour' is a nap.

15.Be careful about reading the fine print . . .
there's no way you're going to like it.

16.The trouble with bucket seats is that . . .
not everybody has the same size bucket.

17.Do you realize that, in about 40 years . . .
we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
(And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18.Money can't buy happiness . . .
but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than
in a Yugo.

19.After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . .
you're probably dead.

20.Always be yourself because the people that matter don't
mind . . .
and the ones that mind don't matter.

21.Life isn't tied with a bow . . .
but it's still a gift.

REMEMBER....
POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS
SHOULD
BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE
SAME REASON"
 

ChicagoGG

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ROFLMAO! Thank you for a great (and long) laugh.
 

Jim

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22. The only thing you learn when you open your mouth to speak...
is how little you know.

23 Pain...is good!
It reminds you that you are still alive.
 
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APHORISM:A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES
A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH

Read till the end or YOU may MISS something!!!azad::::

1.
The nicest thing about the future is . . .
that it always starts tomorrow.

2.Money will buy a fine dog . . .
but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3.If you don't have a sense of humor . . .
you probably don't have any sense at all.

4.Seat belts are not as confining . . .
as wheelchairs.

5.A good time to keep your mouth shut is . . .
when you're in deep water.

6.How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of
the dark . .
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7.Business conventions are important . . .
because they demonstrate how many people a company can
operate without.

8.Why is it that at class reunions . . .
you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9.Scratch a cat (or dog) . . .
and you will have a permanent job.

10.No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy
(or girl) . . .
who wants to buy a car.

11.There are no new sins . . .
the old ones just get more publicity.

12.There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong
number at 4 a.m. . .
like, it could be the right number.

13.No one ever says "It's only a game" . . .
when their team is winning.

14.I've reached the age where . . .
'happy hour' is a nap.

15.Be careful about reading the fine print . . .
there's no way you're going to like it.

16.The trouble with bucket seats is that . . .
not everybody has the same size bucket.

17.Do you realize that, in about 40 years . . .
we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
(And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18.Money can't buy happiness . . .
but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than
in a Yugo.

19.After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . .
you're probably dead.

20.Always be yourself because the people that matter don't
mind . . .
and the ones that mind don't matter.

21.Life isn't tied with a bow . . .
but it's still a gift.

REMEMBER....
POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS
SHOULD
BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE
SAME REASON"
 

Zorro

Nuestro Zorro Amigo
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Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
 

Zorro

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The nice thing about the past is that it's past.
 
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Many are called...
but you can't make them drink.

A penny saved ...
gathers no moss.

With age comes wisdom...
but sometimes age comes alone - (Oscar Wilde)

I would have made it shorter...
but I didn't have the time - (a simpler version about a letter/paper from/by Blaise Pascal )
 
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Wishing I knew the source of many of these. Please help me if you can. Thank you!
 

RadyLady

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phil sampieri said:
tis better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

amen
 

pinotbear

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The race may not always go to the swift, nor the battle to the strong .. but, that's the way to bet!

and, perhaps my favorite..

everybody wants to go to heaven, but, nobody wants to die.
 

pinotbear

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I heard it as "you can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think!", and as "you can lead a whore to Vasser, but you can't make her think", which, if you know some German, is funny.
 
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I heard it as "you can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think!", and as "you can lead a whore to Vasser, but you can't make her think", which, if you know some German, is funny.
you may be reich ;-)
 
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If you think you know everything......you're as smart as you'll ever be.
 

Aluminny69

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img-thing
 

Aluminny69

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Aphorisms For Our Time














Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning to others.

Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
 
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Wishing I knew the source of many of these. Please help me if you can. Thank you!

You will find a lot of these, plus tons more in a similar vain, in the books compiled and edited by Jon Winokur. The best of these is "The Portable Curmudgeon" published in 1992. The book and several sequels are available at Amazon. All of the quotations are credited. Great bathroom material!
 
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Wow, thanks for info. Great references and I'm sure others will like this as well...............:)
 
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