OT - The Lecture: A Little Summer Boneyard Humor

[cttxus]

A Man Was Stopped by Police Around 2am
The officer asked where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late".

The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replied, "That would be my wife.

Here's hoping that your weekend is law and lecture free!

 

[Carl Spackler]

Those that have lived it, know the lecture all too well, because it always comes right after the hopes of getting some tail are dashed. Too funny. Thanks for the laugh.

 

[Confident Carl]

Okay lazy hazy days of summer, I give it a try....


A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."

The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the UCONN game and you'll see. Whenever UCONN scores, my dog does flips."

UCONN keeps scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.

"Wow! What happens when UCONN scores a touchdown?"

The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 4 years."

tada!

 

[KennyD]

 

[Nostical]

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy, pick out a box of tampons, and proceed to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?”
“I’m eight”, says the boy.
“Do you know what these are used for?”
“Not exactly', replies the boy, 'but they aren't for me.
"So they're for your Mother?"
"No', replies the boy, 'They're for my little brother. He's only four but on TV they said if you use these things you’ll be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of that."

 

[John]

one of my favorites

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."