Coinbase requires a cell phone, I'm the last adult on earth w/o a cell phone
Uphold was super easy to sign up for, but had issues linking my bank account, and wouldn't let me add a credit card for some reason.
So 3rd time's a charm ... signed up with Robinhood. Linked the same bank account that uphold had issues with, and purchased a share of ETH and a few shares of LTC. Unfortunately they don't allow purchases of XRP. I'll retry with Uphold later to see if I can get some XRP.
Thanks for the help guys!