storrsroars
Exiled in Pittsburgh
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2012
- Messages
- 20,680
- Reaction Score
- 43,396
With all apologies to MM's original and understanding the full risks of tempting fate by rewriting a sacred screed, I believe it's time for a 2022 update to reinvigorate the mojo gods.
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Time to put down Candy Crush and get down to MSG tonight before 9:30.
Tickets are selling for $150. You have $150 worth of Marvel NFTs in the cloud only one click away on your overpriced Chinese-sourced Apple 13. What in the world are you saving the $150 for? If you're still not ready to commit to spending $150 to see this game, you're probably the type of person who needs to be told that you won't be able to get floor seats for MonstaX for $150. Not going to happen, son.
The constant crying stops now. "Gaffney can't play point guard, waaah!" "Sanogo gets into too much foul trouble, waaah!" Let me get your pacifier, you big crybaby. You're so sad because Whaley isn't tough enough for you and Martin isn't good enough for you and RJ's beard isn't dreamy enough for you? Next you'll be telling me that Jackson is too long for you (guess what: you're right).
You think you're so, so special and you deserve only Wooster St. pizza, Treehouse limited release cans and lululemon joggers, well you're going to have to prove it tomorrow at 9:30pm at 7th Avenue and 33rd Street. The question you should be asking is "Am I good enough for this team," and the answer is actually "No." Life isn't some FanDuel fantasy where you make rain as every parlay pays out, and every stock pick offers above-market returns, and Charli D'Amelio thinks your story about the time you shared boneless wings with Christian Foxen at the Chick-Fil-A in Mohegan Sun makes you the most interesting man she ever desperately wanted to make a TikTok with. Life is a struggle. You get out there and fight for what you get. No one is going to give it to you.
I don't want to hear any of your excuses.
"My wife will kill me if I skip my daughter's recital and go into the city for the game." Who is telling your wife? Not any true UConn fan. They don't even know your wife (except probably Spackler if he's still lurking).
"I just cannot spare the time away from my family." Hate to be the one to break it to you, skippy, but your family just isn't that important. Remember that time you did that Words With Friends all-night marathon and the world erupted into chaos? Me neither. Plus you're probably more likely to get divorced when your wife learns that you routinely humor a guy named Deepster on a website called the "boneyard" than when they find out you enjoyed a basketball game instead of having dinner with the wife and kids. Besides, sneaking peeks at game chat while your spouse is praying for you to finish already isn't exactly being "faithful".
"But my UConn family, I have other plans for tonight." Did Garry McGhee have other plans when Kemba broke his ankles? Did Cincinnati have other plans when Jalen Adams sunk that 62-footer? Did Kimani Young have other plans before Hurley got T'd out of the Nova game? Other plans, pffft. You being in the right place at the right time is what matters. And that's at MSG tonight.
I'll tell you this: the game isn't too far for the group of 8 or 9 Butler fans walking down 6th Avenue this morning with wheely-bags in tow, surprised that they needed a second hotel night, looking around awestruck like they'd never seen a dirty dog cart or a Muslim taxi driver before. If those corn-fed hicks could leave the safety of their prairie hovels, drive their rusted F-150s across the wastelands of Ohio and Pennsylvania, and still spend two nights in an overpriced New York City hotel splattered with who knows whose DNA for their team, the least you can do is get off your lazy behind and catch a damned train. Seton Hall fans will. Unless, of course, you're admitting that you're only a casual fan. And that's OK, there are other things you can be involved in other than rooting for the Huskies. Like bingeing Judge Judy on Amazon, or being glued to the Big Texan live feed months after the rest of us moved on, or playing Legend of Zelda, which is the only place you can pretend to be a wolf instead of the sheep you are. If that's the way you want to go out, be my guest. True Husky Blue fans will be at The Garden tonight, rooting their heads off for the good guys.
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Time to put down Candy Crush and get down to MSG tonight before 9:30.
Tickets are selling for $150. You have $150 worth of Marvel NFTs in the cloud only one click away on your overpriced Chinese-sourced Apple 13. What in the world are you saving the $150 for? If you're still not ready to commit to spending $150 to see this game, you're probably the type of person who needs to be told that you won't be able to get floor seats for MonstaX for $150. Not going to happen, son.
The constant crying stops now. "Gaffney can't play point guard, waaah!" "Sanogo gets into too much foul trouble, waaah!" Let me get your pacifier, you big crybaby. You're so sad because Whaley isn't tough enough for you and Martin isn't good enough for you and RJ's beard isn't dreamy enough for you? Next you'll be telling me that Jackson is too long for you (guess what: you're right).
You think you're so, so special and you deserve only Wooster St. pizza, Treehouse limited release cans and lululemon joggers, well you're going to have to prove it tomorrow at 9:30pm at 7th Avenue and 33rd Street. The question you should be asking is "Am I good enough for this team," and the answer is actually "No." Life isn't some FanDuel fantasy where you make rain as every parlay pays out, and every stock pick offers above-market returns, and Charli D'Amelio thinks your story about the time you shared boneless wings with Christian Foxen at the Chick-Fil-A in Mohegan Sun makes you the most interesting man she ever desperately wanted to make a TikTok with. Life is a struggle. You get out there and fight for what you get. No one is going to give it to you.
I don't want to hear any of your excuses.
"My wife will kill me if I skip my daughter's recital and go into the city for the game." Who is telling your wife? Not any true UConn fan. They don't even know your wife (except probably Spackler if he's still lurking).
"I just cannot spare the time away from my family." Hate to be the one to break it to you, skippy, but your family just isn't that important. Remember that time you did that Words With Friends all-night marathon and the world erupted into chaos? Me neither. Plus you're probably more likely to get divorced when your wife learns that you routinely humor a guy named Deepster on a website called the "boneyard" than when they find out you enjoyed a basketball game instead of having dinner with the wife and kids. Besides, sneaking peeks at game chat while your spouse is praying for you to finish already isn't exactly being "faithful".
"But my UConn family, I have other plans for tonight." Did Garry McGhee have other plans when Kemba broke his ankles? Did Cincinnati have other plans when Jalen Adams sunk that 62-footer? Did Kimani Young have other plans before Hurley got T'd out of the Nova game? Other plans, pffft. You being in the right place at the right time is what matters. And that's at MSG tonight.
I'll tell you this: the game isn't too far for the group of 8 or 9 Butler fans walking down 6th Avenue this morning with wheely-bags in tow, surprised that they needed a second hotel night, looking around awestruck like they'd never seen a dirty dog cart or a Muslim taxi driver before. If those corn-fed hicks could leave the safety of their prairie hovels, drive their rusted F-150s across the wastelands of Ohio and Pennsylvania, and still spend two nights in an overpriced New York City hotel splattered with who knows whose DNA for their team, the least you can do is get off your lazy behind and catch a damned train. Seton Hall fans will. Unless, of course, you're admitting that you're only a casual fan. And that's OK, there are other things you can be involved in other than rooting for the Huskies. Like bingeing Judge Judy on Amazon, or being glued to the Big Texan live feed months after the rest of us moved on, or playing Legend of Zelda, which is the only place you can pretend to be a wolf instead of the sheep you are. If that's the way you want to go out, be my guest. True Husky Blue fans will be at The Garden tonight, rooting their heads off for the good guys.
