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- Oct 17, 2011
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I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but during the 4th Quarter of tonight's game the NCAA announced that it had placed Gabby W, mistress of prestidigitation, under investigation. It turns out that what we thought we saw of her early-season performance we did not, in fact, see. This is unsurprising, given that A:, she isn't tall enough, and B:, she can't shoot. Well, EVERYBODY knows those things. It has been reported that she has relied upon the illegal use of performance-enhancing mirrors to create a false illusion of brilliance. Predictably, the NCAA has strict rules that forbid this practice. Sanctions certain to follow...stay tuned.